No one mistakes me for a man anymore. I guess the longer hair. However, I now attract boys between the ages of 14 and 15. A busboy/dishwasher I work with, who is 15 years old, flirts with me. A 14 year old customer was eyeballing me as I was giving him ice cream and trying to make some kind of conversation about bands, which is fine. Why do I ( Read more... )

I'm moving to Maine for the summer. I'll be home for about two weeks. Maybe less. This might be the most bitter I have ever been in a long time. Just thinking about being in Jersey for even a second makes me sick right now. I congratulate the assholes who've turned my home into a pit of despair I never want to return to if that's what they ( Read more... )

So I've only been getting half nookie from a guy I have a crush on. We touch and do things, but we don't have sex. There are two possibilities for this. One is that there is something wrong with me and I am unfuckable and untouchable, which is depressing. The other is that he might still be a virgin. I spent the night with him and he told me ( Read more... )

Since when do I have emotions? It's actually been bothering me that it hurts me to see people have what I know I will never have. People who are able to have a connection with each other in a non-platonic manner. They don't just fuck each other and call it a day. They actually have meaningful relationships and they talk to each other. They ( Read more... )

There's a shadow just behind me ( Read more... )

Know what happens when I ask someone out... REJECTED!!!! Go me!!! This is what I get for trying anything.

Slowly I'm learning that recovery isn't necessarily about being sober, but about being happy. If I was happy, it wouldn't bother me that I wasn't drunk. If I was happy, I wouldn't need a drink. If I was happy, my life wouldn't be completely fine, but it would be better than it is now. I have always made attempts at the whole sobriety business, ( Read more... )

Here are the two things that made me completely broke...

My fourth and most recent tattoo:


( Read more... )

Last night Melanie, Reese, Sammie, and a bunch of people I met for the first time went to a club in NorthHampton to watch a funk band. The pianist and drummer were cute... minor detail. Anyway, it was a 21 and over night, which presented a problem, because I'm not 21. However, we remedied that. Reese, who is Asian, lent me her passport and she ( Read more... )

These days I have a regular, weekly appointment with the drug counselor on campus. She cornered me while I was coming out of the health center from a testing (which resulted in my favor). She said something along the lines of, "Alice, I haven't seen you in a while. Are you still interested in going to the recovery lunches? How would you feel ( Read more... )