Thoughts on John’s parenting after watching 4.19
FYI, there will be spoilers for ep 4.19 under the cut.
Well, duh!
So, seriously. What is up with the John hate people? All over people are claiming John was a bad father. Sure, I ‘ll admit that he may have done a less than stellar job on raising Sam and Dean. Was never there, raised them as warriors etc. Bad father? Perhaps. But what is about the last ep that have people hating on him. I’ve heard Jump the Shark being called character assassination on several fronts. I thought this episode was totally redeeming for John as a father.
I'm not even gonna begin discussing pros/cons of John's parenting beyond the events in 4.19. In the words of Bobby: I ain't touching that one with a ten foot pole.
Honestly, I can’t see how anyone would blame him a bad father for having that other child to begin with. Sam said it himself: sometimes the women saved are … grateful. Dean would know about that. And that he has two sons doesn’t mean he’ll have to be celibate for his last 20 years. So that can’t hardly be the problem. So... leaving that topic as well.
Let’s take it from the top: 1983, John watches his wife die horribly and is left the single parent of his two sons. He is devastated and soon finds out what hides out there in the dark, and also that some supernatural monster caused Mary’s death. He’s blinded by grief and turns it into a quest for revenge. In this state he drags his sons along for the ride, understandably so as he wouldn’t want to leave them. He becomes paranoid over the monsters out there and he wants to protect his family whatever the cost. Under these premises he trains Dean to fight along him. I’m not saying this was the best decision, and he seemed to regret it later on (late s1). Also, it becomes clear (ep 3.08) that a few years later, when his desperation and confusion had settled, he wished for Sam to be kept innocent about the horrors of the world. So obviously he had already started regretting bringing his boys into the hunting world, but wasn’t able to keep Sam normal in a hunting family. Remember John didn’t tell Sam, he found out by himself through finding his fathers journal.
Many years later his family is torn apart again with Sam’s rebellion and him leaving for college. Considering the bond we know exists between Dean and Sam Dean was probably quite broken up by Sam leaving and the harsh words said during that fight, even though he stayed like the good soldier he was trained to be. At this point it must have been obvious for John how his drill-sergeant parenting had caused a rift between him and his sons, and as family comes first for him he is most likely yet again broken by it. Shortly thereafter he learns that he has a 12 year-old son who wants him in his life, and who knows nothing about hunting. In my eyes he had three options:
He could have brought the kid away from his mother and into the hunting world, and yeah. Just no.
He could have ignored the other son, and in my eyes that would have made him a terrible father. Bringing a life into the world comes with a responsibility, and John stepped up to the plate when it was asked of him. Kudos.
Or he could have done what he did. Clean slate. He has caused another human being and he has the chance to make amends. Fix everything he regrets in how he raised Sam and Dean. He learned from his mistakes and he was a good (yet mainly absent) father to Adam.
One big mistake I can see is keeping it from his sons, or from Dean as he was the only son still in touch when John found out.
I can also see how that would have been difficult. Sam had left after disagreeing with John, how do you think Dean would have reacted to “By the way, meet Adam, your new little brother. I’m gonna right my wrongs by being a better father to him than I ever was to you. Oh and by the by, don’t tell him what we do, ’kay?”?
So, in conclusion: John unknowingly fathered a son, in itself not a heinous crime. He found out many years later, when the sons he knew had grown to be men. At this point Sam had left him and John had realized how badly he’d raised his sons. He was asked to partake in the “new“ son’s life and he did. He proved that he had learned from his mistakes and this time around he did better.
Clearly it was a shame that he took the path that he did with Sam and Dean (not for the show, but you know…), but by the time he realized, it was too late to heal his relationship with them. He did things for Adam that he never did for Dean or Sam, but also many years later. Had Adam been the same age as the boys and John had left them that Christmas to see Adam, I would have been beyond pissed. Now that would have been character assassination! As it was, I see the way he treated Adam as showing everything he wished he had done for Sam and Dean. John knew he had failed them and I feel bad for him, he was put in a very difficult situation and in confusion and fear he failed his sons, the most important people in his world.