Upon rereading this, I don't like the impression it gives of my mother. True, she didn't react to the news with the immediate enthusiasm of my dad, but she has been amazing since she had a bit of time to comprehend the issue. The morning following this conversation, she wrote me a really lovely email. Here's a piece of it:
Good Morning Matt - hope you’re OK today! Had some sleepless hours but all is OK with me! ... In the bigger scheme of things this no big deal. You already know that you have our unconditional love and support!
My parents are rad. (The rest of the world, I'm not so sure about yet.)
Cisgender heterosexual male, is the full extent of it. I know man≠dress is a stumbling block for a lot of people, but listen: my gender isn't about your perception.
That said, I tried on a lot of labels on my way here, and the one that came closest to fitting is genderfluid, which I've seen defined as "having an overlap of, or indefinite lines between, gender identity." I'm comfortable with that, if you really need a special term for me.
Let me know if you have any questions. Just be careful, because if you're overly insensitive my dad may want to slug you.
Are your parents adopting, or do they know of any similarly compassionate couples who need a 31-year-old daughter? Because I desperately need ones as rad as yours.
It still saddens me that man ≠ dress in this day and age, while woman = pants has been a thing since 1911. But, I mean... how about that breeze, right? I like the flowy-flowy brushing about my legs.
I honestly haven't been able to fully enjoy it yet, since it's been too cold to wear a skirt out without leggings. I'm really looking forward to the spring though!
Oh yeah, you're in the Philadelphia area, right? So crazy - up here in Rochester, it was 55* outside, and down there, you're still digging your cars out of the snow. I say brave the snow and take a road trip to greener pastures ;)
Not sure if you are interested, but they make pretty good at-home laser hair removal devices now, if you want to prepare for Spring! I've been using a really good one I got from Costco last year, been recommending it to everyone. haha
ps- I have enjoyed these posts for the fact that it's just "yup, wearin' garments of my choice, nbd!" I know it's too much to ask of humanity, but I get so annoyed how everything's gotta be such a big deal instead of just like, being whatever about subjective crap/people's personal preferences!
A large number of men I have dated wear skirts (not just kilts) and identified as male, and straight. My husband, for one, has inherited MANY of my skirts. He also owns 3 kilts. He also owns a shirt that says "it's a KILT -- if I wore underwear, THEN it would be a skirt
( ... )
this whole socially constructed gender identity business is super confusing and it's a shame we can't just choose a day to scrap it and start all over.
looking the other day of portraits from ellis island, i was reminded of just how many eras and cultures have seen men in dresses or skirts of some kind or another and no one blinks an eye. it's difficult in our era and culture to do so. i'm glad you've found your way.
I DID get married! Just over 4 years ago. It's been great, and I anticipate that it will continue to be great.
And yeah, you're right! Modern America has a real weird/rigid concept of masculinity. At least I can recognize the bullshit and eliminate it (as much as possible, where it stands in the way of my own happiness, ha).
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Good Morning Matt - hope you’re OK today! Had some sleepless hours but all is OK with me! ... In the bigger scheme of things this no big deal. You already know that you have our unconditional love and support!
My parents are rad. (The rest of the world, I'm not so sure about yet.)
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That said, I tried on a lot of labels on my way here, and the one that came closest to fitting is genderfluid, which I've seen defined as "having an overlap of, or indefinite lines between, gender identity." I'm comfortable with that, if you really need a special term for me.
Let me know if you have any questions. Just be careful, because if you're overly insensitive my dad may want to slug you.
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But, I mean... how about that breeze, right? I like the flowy-flowy brushing about my legs.
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ps- I have enjoyed these posts for the fact that it's just "yup, wearin' garments of my choice, nbd!" I know it's too much to ask of humanity, but I get so annoyed how everything's gotta be such a big deal instead of just like, being whatever about subjective crap/people's personal preferences!
Reply
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this whole socially constructed gender identity business is super confusing and it's a shame we can't just choose a day to scrap it and start all over.
looking the other day of portraits from ellis island, i was reminded of just how many eras and cultures have seen men in dresses or skirts of some kind or another and no one blinks an eye. it's difficult in our era and culture to do so. i'm glad you've found your way.
Reply
And yeah, you're right! Modern America has a real weird/rigid concept of masculinity. At least I can recognize the bullshit and eliminate it (as much as possible, where it stands in the way of my own happiness, ha).
Reply
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