(no subject)
i really need this entry. right here. im not going to sugercoat this, because it's not that sweet. i've never quite said this to anybody. and i figured hey why not my livejournal. it's not like anyone reads it anyway. so please, im not going to stray away [likeiusuallydo] and generalize this entry to the human race, even though a good majority of them are some sick pieces of work, but instead i'll specify it to a person. a person who has hurt me more than anyone in my entire life. and i mean that, no one has ever hurt me like this person has. not even my abusive father and i still have permanent bruising on my back from him. because this pain is not physical, it's much much worse. much deeper. hits just a LITTLE closer to home. i just don't understand. honestly. i really dont think i was anything short of amazing to this person. i dont think a lot of people understand what it's like to hear the words i dont miss you anymore. and all i get almost 3 months later is a sorry. a sorry oh when he said sorry, what i thought was rock bottom, really wasn't. SURPRISE. he bestowed a whole new level of shittyness on me. okay lets backtrack from that day. lets talk about how he dumped me and then started dating someone he never met? mhmmmmm. im pretty sure that did wonders for my self esteem. because now i've become one of the most self conscious people ever. and he fuckin looked like trash. i mean what can i say. i would seriously like to know. how does robb sleep at night? what did i do to disappoint you? given, the circumstances were extremely weird. but at that point the circumstances were gone, everything was clear i really was going to see you, you didn't know that though.. (surprisehah jokes on me), and if only you did. but i dont think it would have made a difference. you left me when i needed you the most. and now over 3 months later, i'm still here. completely in love with him, still so many feelings, but nothing in return. just a sorry...i guess im sorry too, to ever think i was good enough.