Day 189, Www.BushGame.Com Part Deux...
*Boss battle coming...*
You: Alright you southern-fried chicken fuckers! LET's GET IT ON!
Dick Cheney: Foolish idiot. I have harnessed the power of the all of the toxic pollution created by my administration's environmental policies! We are owned by the coal, oil, utility, and mining industries. So it's of little surprise that w'ere called the worst environmental administration in the history of the United States. No more Clean Air Act! No more Kyoto Protocals! Drilling in wildife refuges!... Over 200 environmental laws rolled back! 30 years of environmental policy trashed in one administration! All to save the energy industry a few bucks and harness the powers of toxic sludge! TOXIC CHENEY ROBEAST! ENGAGE!
*Boss owned... acquired Yellow Voltron Key.*
*A few screens and we see Scooby Doo and his posse.*
Shaggy: ZOINKS! Are you a G-G-G-GHOST!?
You: Ghost?
Velma: Haven't you noticed? Normal towns and cities everywhere are falling to pieces.
Fred: Middle America is bearing the brunt of record job losses, an economy is crisis, lack of affordable health care; and people are working harder for less money. These days your average Joe just can't live what we once thought of as the American dream...
Daphne: And all across the nation, communities like this one are becoming ghost towns. Condemned buildings, bankrupt businesses, families in which both parents work 60 hour weeks just to scrape by, with no health care and no retirement fund.
Velma: We've lost something. You can see it in the tired, glazed eyes of every person going home at the end of a hard day's work. They're getting a raw deal and they're not sure why it's so much harder for a family to make ends meet than it used to be.
Shaggy: And that's what we're just trying to figure out; what it is, or who it is, that is doing this to America.
*Inside Willy Wonka's Chocolate factory...*
You: Wow! I can't believe I'm actually in the Wonka Chocolate Factory! I loved that Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie when I was a little kid!
Oompa Loompa: Well I got news for ya kid: after Charlie took over the chocolate factory for Willy Wonka, Charlie became a total dick! CEO Charlie turned this place into a fucking sweat shop! We still make the minimum wage of $5.15 which hasn't been raised in years, and CEO Charlie cut out the bulk of our health care benefits. We Oompa Loompas need those benefits to help treat our syphilis! Every day, more of us are replaced by the cheap labor of Chinese Oompa Loompas and Indian Oompa Loompas. And there's nothing we can do about it because there are no other jobs being created! But in all fairness, a bad economy must mean that CEO Charlie isn't doing all that well either... right?
*Two Americas Portion*
Hi, I'm John Edwards. "We still live in a country where in so many ways there are two separate Americas; one for those in positions of privilege and one for everybody else. We have two health care systems; one for those who can afford the best health care money can buy, and one for everybody else - rationed out by insurance companies and HMOs. We have two public school systems; one for those who live in affluent communities and one for everybody else. We have two tax systems; one for those who have lawyers and accountants who can take care of every tax loop hole and every tax advantage that comes down the pipe and then just one for everybody else - folks who just work hard every single day and pay their taxes. We have two economies; one for all those families that have everything they need including security for their kids, their grandkids, and then one for all those families that work paycheck to paycheck. They save nothing, they go into debt, they struggle every single day to build a better life for themselves and their families." We also have 35 million Americans that every single day live in poverty.
Today in America, the average CEO earns more in one day than a worker at the same compant does in a year. In 1980, the average CEO made 41 times the amount of money than the average worker of a company.
In 1990, the average CEO made 85 times the amount of money than the average worker of a company.
In Great Britain, CEO's make only about 14 times the amount of money than the average worker.
But today, in the United States, the average CEO makes a whopping 531 times the amount of the average worker. These are also the same people that 50% of Bush's tax cuts will go to by 2010. At a time when minimum wage has stagnated at $5.15/hr and employee wages have gone up only around 1 or 2%. CEO's have enjoyed exponential growth in their salaries and record tax relief from the president's economic policies. In the meantime, two million workers lost their health insurance last year and workers who still had coverage faced skyrocketing costs and larger co-payments. 40 million Americans still have no form of health insurance. The cost of drugs has skyrocketted due to the fact that the Bush administration is in the pocket of several drug companies who donated millions to his campaign.
And despite the fact that Bush applauds himself for giving meager tax relief to the middle class, increases in health care have cost the average family hundreds of dollars, effectively canceling out any middle class tax cut. So besides faulty health care, social security, and medicare policies, why have companies and CEO's been able to take advantage of their workers? Simple answer: Because there are no jobs! Because when the job market is down, it's easier to drop benefits and wages and then overwork people who have nowhere else to go.
President Bush's Words: "My Economic security plan can be summed upin one word: "JOBS." As of March 2004, George W Bush's administration has lost 63k jobs per month. The United States currently needs to create between 150k-200k jobs per month just to keep up with population growth. As of March 2004, about 3 million jobs have disappeared since March 2001. The only president in the history of the United States that has lost more jobs during his administration was Herbert Hoover durng the Great Depression. This is a big deal. This is a big problem. The Bush administration however, points out that productivity is at an all time high, and the hiring of new workers isn't happening because the ones with jobs are doing such a good job. But what this really means is that employees are working harder and longer tahn ever before for little, extra money and fewer benefits.
Americans now work nine weeks longer per year than European workers do. Americans also work the equivalent of five weeks longer than we did in 1973--about 200 hours more each year. Worker porductivity is up because it's in the interests of companies to work one worker 60-80 hours/week rather than work two workers 30-40 hours/per week each. This is because health care costs for companies are so high, it's more cost effective to stretch one worker to the bone than hire more workers and have to pay for more health care and retirement plans. So how do we ease the burden on workers and create new jobs?
John Kerry and I have similar solutions to this problem. First we'll roll back all of Bush's tax cuts for the rich. We'll use this money to create tax incentives for companies to create new jobs and introduce health care reform to make health care available for all of all income levels. We'll also pass laws that prevent CEO's from exporting jobs and exploiting their workers and making off with exorbitant amounts of money.
*Boss battle...*
CEO Charlie: Grrrrrrrrrrrr! That does it John! I'll exploit my oompa loompas any way I want! Even if it's for hand jobs in the break room! Prepare to feel my wrath, Edwards!
John Edwards: Yeah! Thanks from saving me from the Stay-Puft Marshmellow Man! Let me come with you and help you out on your journey! *John Edwards joins*
*The next screen is filled with tons of people trying to get into the Unemployment Office in the town. Next screen we see Rosie O'Donnell.*
Rosie O'Donnell: RAAAAAHH! PRESIDENT BUSH HAS TO GO! GAYS HAVE GAINED SUPPORT IN THEIR FIGHT FOR CIVIL RIGHTS AND GEORGE W. BUSH WANTS TO CHANGE OUR CONSTITUTION TO PREVENT GAYS FROM MARRYING!!! RAAAAAAAA! JUST MAKES ME WANT TO SMASH BRAINS AND RIP GUTS! "THE ACTIONS OF THE PRESIDENT ARE THE IN MY OPINION, THE MOST VILE AND HATEFUL WORDS EVER SPOKEN BY A SITTING PRESIDENT!!!"
Kelli Carpenter: Rosie and I just got married to protest Bush's actions against our rights as Americans. It's ridiculous that in this day and age more than half the population are against the idea of two people of the same sex getting married. Why should one set of loving, consenting adults be denied a right that other such adults have and which, if exercised, will do no damage to anyone else?
Rosie O'Donnell: THAT'S RIGHT! I'M COMING WITH YOU TO KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO THAT BONEHEAD! *Rosie O'Donnell joins*
Kelli Carpenter: Look, I realize you may not be all that into Rosie O'Donnell. You may not have watcher her show or you may have thought she was annoying, but I think it's really cool how she came out of the closet and stood up for the gay community, So please, take care of her.
*Boss battle soon...*
George W. Bush: Come on John, I've got a new secret weapon to show you. It's in this church over here.
You: Hey ashcroft! Shouldn't you be fighting the war against porn somewhere or covering up naked statues with curtains? Or, are you too busy shredding copies of the Constitution and psying on people with the Patriot Act?
John Ashcroft: You go ahead George. I'll take care of this blasphemer! ALMIGHTY ASHCROFT ROBEAST! ENGAGE!
*Acquired Blue Voltron Key.*
You: YEAH! EAT A DICK ASHCROFT! I wonder what Bush is doing in that church.
*Mel Gibson whipping Jesus.*
Mel Gibson: BLOOD! BLOOD! MORE BLOOD!
Jesus: Ahh! This sucks balls!
You: Hey Mel, there's a holocaust denial rally in town; you better not miss it!
Mel Gibson: Wow really!? I'm there!
Jesus: Wow! thanks for saving me from Mel Gibson. My name's Jesus; let me help you guys out. *Jesus joined*
*Bush in AT-ST talking to masses of people.*
George W. Bush: God is on our side. We are good. They are evil. If you're not with us, you're with the terrorists. And if you don't support me, your family will be killed by terrorists just like in September 11th. 9-11, 9-11, 9-11, 9-11. Is that what you want? For your family to be killed? Is that what it's going to take? Fear! Fear! Fear! Fear! Fear the enemy. Find the enemy. Kill the enemy... and everything will be perfect. Oh yeah, and God told me he hates fags. Any questions?
Jesus: WHAT? I don't hate gay people, and I'm not on the side of you or the terrorists! Your "In the name of God" rhetoric is the same justification the terrorists used in their attack! If anything, it seems to me that you and the terrorists are more on the same side than you think. There aren't good and evil people! Good and evil is a line that's drawn down the middle of all of us. Christians, Muslims, atheists... we all have the potential to make the world a better or worse place. We all have the choice between peace or war, compromise or bloodshed, and unity or fragmentation. And fighting terror by hunting evil people down based on some abstract religious idea is ludicrous! Evil is in the hearts of all of us. Not only that, but your policies haven't stopped terrorism! By shitting on the UN, ignoring diplomatic solutions, and naming countries as an "Axis of Evil"... you're just making the world hate us more. You're just pissing off more people and inspiring them to become recruits of violent organizations! Look at the recent terrorist attacks on Spain! W'ere winning the war of blood, but not the war for hearts and minds. The sympathy that we gained from the world after 9-11 was quickly smothered by your arrogance, and inability to work with the international community! And now you're exploiting people's fear of terrorism to gain votes. Well, I'm not afraid! And I'm not on your side! And I'm voting for John Kerry because he believes in working with the international community instead of alienating it!
George W. Bush: Jesus... you're a fag, now shut up. Take a look at my latest, greatest weapon of purification! Initiate launch. *Patriot missile rises from stage*
George W. Bush: Now boarding! One way ticket to Iraq! *fires at Jesus*
Jesus: *Jesus jumps in passenger door of Patriot missile* Oh no! *Missile takes off.
*Land in Iraq. Missile has exploded.*
American Troop Male #1: Uhhhhhh! This place fucking sucks! Welcome to Iraq, motherfucker!
American Troop Male #2: Hey dude, keep an eye out for weapons of mass destruction and watch out for suicide bombers.
You: Um, I'm pretty sure there were no weapons of mass destruction.
American Troop Female #1: Hey man! President Bush wouldn't just send us over here for no reason! There has to be WMD here somewhere!
American Troop Male #1: We're just trying to protect each other and get home to our families in one piece. We just need everyone to support us right now.
You: I know... we all want this crisis to be over with soon. We all want you to come home safely and we're thankful for your services.
Private Jessica Lynch: Hey, it's really not safe to be walking around all alone here. I'm going to have to escort you around for now. *Jessica Lynch joins*
You: Ahh! This place is crazy! Too many insurgents and suicide bombers! I better take cover inside of that Sarah Michelle Gellar head!
*Fall down. Kill some guys. Meet *sighs* the Teletubbies.*
Dipsy: OH THANK YOU SO MUCH! We're the TELETUBBIES from the great country of TELETUBBY LAND!
Tinky Winky: We were taken captive by the Iraqis during the war!
Laa-Laa: Wow, you're pretty hot. Wanna have hot prisoner sex?
Po: Just below us is a secret cavern where the Iraqis are storing their weapons of mass destruction!
Laa-Laa: I overheard that they're about to luanch them any minute! We have to stop them!
*Fall some more.*
You: Oh my god! Bush was right! Saddam Hussein really did have WMD! This whole time, we were wrong!
Darth Rumsfeld: AH HA! I knew you terrorists would come back for your WMD sooner or later!
You: Darth Rumsfeld!
Darth Rumsfeld: Prepare to die terrorist scum.
*Acquired Black Voltron Key!*
*Enter Osama Bin Laden, Kim Jung II, The Hamburgler.*
Osama Bin Laden: Ha ha ha! Stupid American infidels!
You: Osama Bin Laden! Kim Jung II! ...and the Hamburgler!
Kim Jung II: That's right, this whole time we've been working with Saddam Hussein to launch a nuclear, chemical, and biological weapon strike against the United States.
You: I can't believe it! Bush was right! All of his reasons for war were justified after all!
*Enter Teletubbies*
Teletubbies: Stop right there bad guys!
You: Wow! that was close! Washington DC was nearly blown to bits!
Po: Alright guys! Fire up the WMD and let's bomb Washington!
You: What!? what the hell are you doing?! You just stopped all the terrorists! Why would you bomb the US?!
Dipsy: Look, we hate horrible fascist leaders like Saddam, Osama, Kim Jung !! and the Hamburgler; we're reallt glad to see them gone.
Tinky Winky: And after 9-11, we had a lot of sympathy for the United States. We mourned the terrible events in New York City with the rest of your country, but since then, everybody in TELETUBBY LAND thinks your country has become arrogant, vengeful, imperialistic, and disrespectful!
Po: THE WORLD HATES YOU! ...AND SO DO WE! WMD... LAUNCH! *WMD Missile revealed*
You: What? That's it? Those are Saddam's WMD? It's nothing but a hollow aluminum tube. In fact, that's one of the same aluminum tubes Saddam bought in the 80's to build standard artillery missiles. Wow, thank God. For a second I thought the United States was actually doomed. *Missile activates and soars toward destination*
You: What the hell?
Laa-Laa: Ha Ha! Foolish American! That hollow aluminum tube is actually a magical tube that combines all of the powers of a chemical, biological, and nuclear warhead! Now Washington will burn in radioactive flames!
You: Oh no! We have to get back to the US and stop the magical aluminum tube from blwowing up on the capital. We'll use our five Voltron keys to take control of Voltron and bring us back home... let's just hope we can make it on time! Let's get out of here!
*Voltron Keys summon Voltron.*
Voltron: Woltron... machine of death and destruction reporting for duty.
You: Alright Voltron! You've been one hell of an asshole so far, but now you're actually going to do some good for the world. Take us to the capital. Pronto!
*Voltron, Hulk Hogan, He-Man, and Mr. T facing off with George W. Bush in his AT-ST with his captialist swine around him.*
Hulk Hogan: President Bush, a magical aluminum tube launched fromIraw is about to strike the capital!
George W. Bush: Haw? Uh oh... um... God damnit! Colin, this is all your fault!
Colin Powell: What! Mr. President! With all due respect... FUCK YOU!
Condoleezza Rice: There isn't any time for this! Look! Here it comes!
*Missile approaching. Missile Lands. Everything is broken up and destroyed. Heroes are all bloody.*
Hulk Hogan: Uhh... oh no! We failed...
Mr. T: Is everyone alright?
He-Man: Uhhh... No. I can feel the radiation eating away at my perfect body!
Hulk Hogan: Oh no! Voltron! The black lion was completely destroyed!
Mr. T: The black lion! That's the most imporant one! The black lion makes up the head and body of Voltron!
Hulk Hogan: Relax... it looks like the weapon strike put an end to President Bush. We're not going to need Voltron anymore.
George W. Bush: Raaahhhhh! Behold the new President Bush! The radiation from the WMD has transformed me into the most powerful Robeast ever! I now have the combined power of: THE PRESIDENT! THE PIGS! AND THE WAR HAWKS!
He-Man: Uhhh... this sucks! We're way too weak to fight it and we cab't form Voltron without the black lion!
*Enter John Kerry*
Mr. T: John Kerry has come to rescue us!
John Kerry: Alright Bush! I've saud it before and I'll say it again... BRING IT ON! It's time for a change! It's time for a new America! It's time to form... KERRYTRON!
*Final Boss defeated.*
Hulk Hogan: It's over... It's finally over...
John Kerry: We've still got a big job ahead of us rebuilding the country. This whole adventure may seem silly and unrealistic, but our nation faces very serious challenged in the future. It's essential we understand the magnitude of the damage Bush has inflicted on our country: So when you vote, please remember that George W. Bush is responsible for:
