Read This First.
At the end of the day, while I admit to being addicted to the sense of belonging and community I feel here, any attempt at blogging is primarily a chronicle of my life, because I'm so f***ed in the head that I don't even remember my own life if I don't write it down as soon as it happens. There's whole years I barely remember living through.
There is a limit to advice and suggestions and concerns before the commentary crosses into offense. I don't go in people's sites and tell them how to live their lives. I try to not offer solutions about situations because I don't know the whole story. I admit to being opinionated, and I will express my own feelings about what someone is doing or saying, but only when I can still respect the person even if we have to agree to disagree. If I can't deal with him/her, I GTFO. I tend to expect everyone else to do the same.
Seriously trying to change people's minds/lives over the internet is a waste. We are all just spectators, consumers of media. Reading my LJ is no different that watching some made-for TV movie or serial drama. Yes, I used to have pictures of myself here, so you knew I was a real person, being geniune, but we know what actors look like, too. Consumers can't directly affect the content of what they comsume unless the distributor/creator allows this. In this case, I'd have to be open to changing my mind anyway to be swayed. I think you can tell the difference between when I am waffling on an issue and ask for advice and when I'm just telling it like it is (which is most of the time, and I am too old to not be set in my ways).
I'm not really pointing to any current readers. That whole controversy is over and done with. The two people who offended me are no longer on my FList, and nearly every entry I write now is FLocked, so even if they were so inclined, the show's over. And I very much doubt that either is hanging around for an encore or a second chance. But I am writing this to state that I do not intend to go through that ever again.
I will not be judged by a mass of nameless, faceless entities, or even identified ones, and found wanting. No one is making any of you continue to read my journal, any more than I am forced to read yours. I'm there because I want to be, and if I no longer feel that way, I will be dust in the wind. I'm not going to bother trying to argue.
It is offensive and presumptuous to go on someone's own web-presence and call them out like that. I've been on the receiving end of this enough on this site that I realize that I certainly shouldn't do it to others. I like to think I keep my comments more respectful than some of the ones people have left for me here over time, but I could just be fooling myself.
It's hypocritical, too. We are all guilty of something. People aren't perfect. We all have uncharitable thoughts and behaviors that some would call sinful, even if we don't post them here. What gives anyone the right to call someone else out on the carpet as if they have never done anything wrong in life? I'm not saying people don't have the right to disagree. The world would be a boring place if people all thought the same way, and a scary place if people weren't allowed to express their differences. But there are limits.
For what it's worth, I don't hate anyone I've defriended or otherwise cut off. I don't even hate that ex-friend who put me through some of the worst stuff I've ever dealt with. I still resent the hell out of them, but I also regret that things ended the way they did. I don't let people into my life unless they mean something to me, unless I am interested in them in some way.
I'm not saying I don't have shallow relationships too, like "work-friends" and so on. But there are people who have known me for years, even people I consider friends, who don't have access to this blog, and may never. I'm sharing thoughts and events that some people will never know about.
This is a sacred trust, to me. Ripping into me in a disagreement violates that trust, and hurts me, and I don't need to feel pain that spills over into my real life when I only come here to deal with the pain real life is already inflicting on me.
Believe it or not, my life really does suck. Sure, I'm not dying of any painful illness, nor is anyone I'm close to. I'm not being physically abused on a regluar basis. I'm not homeless. I'm not incarcerated.
I could be a lot worse off, but I could be a lot better. Coming in and making light of my plight or denying me the right to complain is also disrespectful, and I find it personally offensive.
I don't believe I have ever gone to anyone else's site and told them they needed to get over themselves.
Everyone's problems are real to them, even if you envy them. I learned that long ago.
The whole walk a mile in someone's shoes thing. There's always darkness you may not be aware of.
I try to treat people as I expect to be treated. I fall short of that, but generally not online. It's too easy to stop yourself and reread something and tone it down, or at least to apologize and try to make things right.
Of couse, some people don't even bother, like you don't have to treat people on the internet like real people with feelings. But I don't view it that way. And I would think less of someone who does. And that someone is likely to find that s/he is no longer welcome in my life.
I can be forgiving to the point of "wipe your feeet here", but when I'm fed up, it's over.