Breaking Dawn

[psubrat]

I finally finished Breaking Dawn last weekend. It took me three months to complete it. Why? Because my freaking head kept exploding, blood kept shooting out of my eyes and I could only take it in pieces parts. SoccerRef joked that he should have bought stock in Duct Tape with as much as I used it to tape my head back together.

What I liked:

• The third section of the book. Why? BECAUSE IT HAD ACTUAL PLOT! OMG. It only took Meyer a gazillion and a half pages to get there. It's too bad my brain had oozed out my ears by that point because I might have actually enjoyed it more.

Things that made my head explode and blood shoot out my eyes:

• The never ending pregnancy saga. Holy crap! IT TOOK UP TWO-THIRDS OF THE FREAKING BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! See, head exploding just thinking about it. How many times did we have to be told that the baby was detrimental to Bella's health??? No shit, Sherlock. We got it the first five hundred times. Especially after it chewed its way out. ::shudders::
• Bella. I continue to loathe her. I completely understand her wanting to keep the baby. I get that. If I were in her position, I might have done the same thing. But that's as far as my sympathies go. She's unlikable because she's whiny and clingy. I don't deal well with whiny and clingy type people.
• My head exploded further when she became a vampire and her transition was absolutely perfect. Not only did she have this shield gift, but she was also in complete control of her blood thirst. Plus she was more gorgeous and stronger and faster and better at everything than Edward...and remember, Edward (whom I actually felt sorry for in this book) is perfection personified. WHATEVER! Some say Bella's a Mary Sue, but I'm not sure I agree with that. I think if she were really Meyer, we'd LIKE her.
• Jacob. Dude. I wished so hard that Leah had taken him out back and shot him to put him AND US out of our misery. I can't believe he even considered Edward's suggestion that he impregnate Bella so she'd get rid of the baby killing her. GET A GRIP! I'm sorry, but that was just...icky.
• Jacob imprinting on Renesmee. Gross, gross, gross. ::shudders:: I thought the imprinting on a toddler was disgusting, but a baby? That was a new low even for Meyer.
• Renesmee for a name. As most of you know, I have a problem with weird baby names because I'm watching what my nephews are going through with their names. It seems it's always about the parents and what they think is unique and unusual...it's never about what the child will have to go through as a result. Yeah, I'm picky that way. It's a thing.
• Switching from Bella's point of view to Jacob's point of view was major suckage. Meyer could have skipped the whole second section with Jacob's POV by having Bella OBSERVE Jacob's actions because honestly, we gained NOTHING from that section. Did Meyer even have an editor for this book?
• As I said, I felt sorry for Edward throughout most of the book. Overall though, I thought he was poorly utilized for a main character. Why the third section wasn't written from his point of view is beyond me. Three sections, should have been three different points of view since there are three major characters. But what do I know? I'm not the one raking in millions of dollars because I tapped into a market no one else has before (other than J.K. Rowling). So I will never begrudge Meyer that. She has nothing but my respect. However, when you create characters that people can't relate to, or stand, you've missed the entire point of telling a story.
• While I appreciated the third, and mercifully, FINAL section, the confrontation with the Volturi fell flat for me. Maybe I like a little action rather than standing around talking about how they'll defend themselves if something happens. Made my eyes roll out of my head. All bluster and no follow through. Pity.

I realize a lot of my friends enjoyed this series, and I'm truly sorry that I've torn apart something you appreciate, but other than Twilight, I found nothing worthwhile reading. In fact that's a lot of hours I'll never get back again. Also, I'm no longer on Team Jacob. Nor am I on Team Edward. I'm on Team Suck.

Other than that, I do wish nothing but continued success for Stephenie Meyer.