(no subject)
Smokey's driving me nuts, yowling at my door. But I can't sleep with him in here, cuz he never sleeps in just one spot. He keeps waking up and stomping all over me. He literally has never been away from me once, all day, except when I went to Circle K. He follows me in the bathroom, sleeps next to me on the couch, everywhere I go, here's there, either jumping on my lap, or laying next to me. He's gotta cut the apron strings one of these days.
I've woken up with a piercing sinus headache, 4 of the last 5 days. And the pain goes from above my left eye, all the way around to exactly the same spot as my tooth was. And my gum still has a little puffiness right there. That should have been gone by now. I really think that the infection from the tooth never totally went away, and now it's gone into my left sinus. If these headaches keep up, and the nasal congestion on the left side, I'm making an appt. with the doctor next week. I can't believe I'm saying that, me with the doctor-phobia. My kids can tell you about that. They're always nagging me to see a doctor about stuff.
I can't imagine who it could have been, since these apts. are considered "affordable housing," hah. But somebody from here had a white, HUGE stretch limousine waiting when I went out the door to go to Circle K. The guy below us saw me walk out, and he goes, "D**N!!" The other guy goes, "No, she would be going out the front." Haha. He thought I was coming out for the limo. Yeah, in my Lynard Skynard tank top, and flip flops.
It was either 81 or 82, today. I live in an inferno! This is the middle of February!
I was in a better mood today. Course I wasn't around a whole lot of people, either. When I was though, I was good. I'm thinking maybe it's the fact (me bad) that I've only been taking half of my day's dose of lamictal that I've been having the rapid cycling and so agitated and impatient. I'm supposed to take 100 in the morning, and 100 at night. I've only been taking the morning dose. It's just that when I was taking the full 200, I wasn't flat, but I was just kind of bored. And boring. I wanted to try and get my creativity back. I got my irritability back, instead. I actually felt myself starting to get the antsy feeling again, so I took a quarter of a tab (50 mg). About an hour later, I realized it had gone away. I think I've learned my lesson. I hope I've learned my lesson. But I know me. I don't know if I can trust myself. I don't want to get like I was yesterday, though. I humiliated myself.
I've cried at two tv shows the last couple nights. One was about the kid who killed his family, and they told about what a terrible screwed up life he'd had, and the incredible abuse he took from his father. The hell that poor kid went through would drive anybody to the brink. What made me cry, though, was the very end. He said that he wanted to break the cycle of abuse that had come down through his family, and wanted to be a good father. He seemed like such a sweet kid. The prosecutor was this horrible lady who kept trying to say what a heartless, cold person he was, but if anybody was heartless and cold, it was her. I'm not saying what he did was ok. It was horrible, but I can honestly see how he could be pushed over the edge by the nightmare that was his life. But when he said that about breaking the cycle of abuse, that made me remember how when I was little, I'd say, "When I grow up, I'm NEVER gonna treat my kids this way! I'm gonna love them and be nice." And I did. He brought back the feelings I felt when I said that. And the feelings that I have now, knowing that the cycle was broken. I may have been a crazy mother, but they always knew I loved them. The other show was, "Napoleon Dynamite," of all things. I never saw it when it came out, but it was cute. That one brought back the memories of being the outcast, and the butt of jokes and ridicule. I knew exactly what he felt like. The ending was sweet.
I better go.
I've woken up with a piercing sinus headache, 4 of the last 5 days. And the pain goes from above my left eye, all the way around to exactly the same spot as my tooth was. And my gum still has a little puffiness right there. That should have been gone by now. I really think that the infection from the tooth never totally went away, and now it's gone into my left sinus. If these headaches keep up, and the nasal congestion on the left side, I'm making an appt. with the doctor next week. I can't believe I'm saying that, me with the doctor-phobia. My kids can tell you about that. They're always nagging me to see a doctor about stuff.
I can't imagine who it could have been, since these apts. are considered "affordable housing," hah. But somebody from here had a white, HUGE stretch limousine waiting when I went out the door to go to Circle K. The guy below us saw me walk out, and he goes, "D**N!!" The other guy goes, "No, she would be going out the front." Haha. He thought I was coming out for the limo. Yeah, in my Lynard Skynard tank top, and flip flops.
It was either 81 or 82, today. I live in an inferno! This is the middle of February!
I was in a better mood today. Course I wasn't around a whole lot of people, either. When I was though, I was good. I'm thinking maybe it's the fact (me bad) that I've only been taking half of my day's dose of lamictal that I've been having the rapid cycling and so agitated and impatient. I'm supposed to take 100 in the morning, and 100 at night. I've only been taking the morning dose. It's just that when I was taking the full 200, I wasn't flat, but I was just kind of bored. And boring. I wanted to try and get my creativity back. I got my irritability back, instead. I actually felt myself starting to get the antsy feeling again, so I took a quarter of a tab (50 mg). About an hour later, I realized it had gone away. I think I've learned my lesson. I hope I've learned my lesson. But I know me. I don't know if I can trust myself. I don't want to get like I was yesterday, though. I humiliated myself.
I've cried at two tv shows the last couple nights. One was about the kid who killed his family, and they told about what a terrible screwed up life he'd had, and the incredible abuse he took from his father. The hell that poor kid went through would drive anybody to the brink. What made me cry, though, was the very end. He said that he wanted to break the cycle of abuse that had come down through his family, and wanted to be a good father. He seemed like such a sweet kid. The prosecutor was this horrible lady who kept trying to say what a heartless, cold person he was, but if anybody was heartless and cold, it was her. I'm not saying what he did was ok. It was horrible, but I can honestly see how he could be pushed over the edge by the nightmare that was his life. But when he said that about breaking the cycle of abuse, that made me remember how when I was little, I'd say, "When I grow up, I'm NEVER gonna treat my kids this way! I'm gonna love them and be nice." And I did. He brought back the feelings I felt when I said that. And the feelings that I have now, knowing that the cycle was broken. I may have been a crazy mother, but they always knew I loved them. The other show was, "Napoleon Dynamite," of all things. I never saw it when it came out, but it was cute. That one brought back the memories of being the outcast, and the butt of jokes and ridicule. I knew exactly what he felt like. The ending was sweet.
I better go.