etc.,
I decided I need to reevaluate the way I live my life. 'Cause, this shit ain't cuttin it.
I can't run until the 23rd of February and it's driving me crazy. Track/XC has been so central to my life, and now I just have so much spare time. It's nice to chill, I know a few weeks ago I would've loved having some more time for myself, but I need some exercise. I miss being with the team. I feel so pointless and lethargic and useless, I'm not doing anything to benefit anyone, no one really needs me around. We're all floating along in our own little spheres, and every once in awhile we collide to be together, then keep rolling. There's nothing that personally satisfying going on in my sphere. Our time together is momentary.
Self-pitying whining out of the way, I basically realized I gotta do something to appreciate this time...not just spend the next month anticipating the day I can come back to running, wasting the days away. I need to appreciate the time I'm with people, even be it at school, not just sulk and dread the extra time by myself. I've got to get into something so when I'm at home after school I'm not just sitting around, feeling like I'm wasting time.
Basically, I need to occupy myself. Because not doing anything makes me feel worthless, and feeling worthless makes me feel so un-exuberant around people, and being unsocial makes me feel more worthless.
And if not that..I just need to wake the fuck up. This still matters even though I'm not running, I can't just put everything else on pause and feel shit doesn't matter, just cuz I'm not at practice. I need to be more present.
Stop sulking and live some..we can make this the best time ever if we live it up.
Ugh so the good thing about time off is I've gotten back in touch with my inner nerd..how, you say? Cowboy Bebop. So good, omg.
If I ever had a crush on an anime character, Spike Spiegal would be a first choice. Somehow that went way over my head, back in middle school. Lanky, laid back dudes ftw.
I can't run until the 23rd of February and it's driving me crazy. Track/XC has been so central to my life, and now I just have so much spare time. It's nice to chill, I know a few weeks ago I would've loved having some more time for myself, but I need some exercise. I miss being with the team. I feel so pointless and lethargic and useless, I'm not doing anything to benefit anyone, no one really needs me around. We're all floating along in our own little spheres, and every once in awhile we collide to be together, then keep rolling. There's nothing that personally satisfying going on in my sphere. Our time together is momentary.
Self-pitying whining out of the way, I basically realized I gotta do something to appreciate this time...not just spend the next month anticipating the day I can come back to running, wasting the days away. I need to appreciate the time I'm with people, even be it at school, not just sulk and dread the extra time by myself. I've got to get into something so when I'm at home after school I'm not just sitting around, feeling like I'm wasting time.
Basically, I need to occupy myself. Because not doing anything makes me feel worthless, and feeling worthless makes me feel so un-exuberant around people, and being unsocial makes me feel more worthless.
And if not that..I just need to wake the fuck up. This still matters even though I'm not running, I can't just put everything else on pause and feel shit doesn't matter, just cuz I'm not at practice. I need to be more present.
Stop sulking and live some..we can make this the best time ever if we live it up.
Ugh so the good thing about time off is I've gotten back in touch with my inner nerd..how, you say? Cowboy Bebop. So good, omg.
If I ever had a crush on an anime character, Spike Spiegal would be a first choice. Somehow that went way over my head, back in middle school. Lanky, laid back dudes ftw.