Courage! Confidence! Do they have it at Target?

[psyllisa]

I'm writing for advice on how to make the personality change requested of me in this year's performance review. For the first time in, just about forever, I actually think that the constructive criticism I received was appropriate, accurate, and -- if addressed -- would be helpful in both my personal and professional lives. I just don't know how

Comments

[verymelm]

This may be out of line, but have you thought about seeing a therapist? What you're describing sounds like a form of social anxiety and someone trained in helping people manage and/or overcome similar types of anxiety, who may have concrete suggestions and insight based on experience, might be just the thing you need.

Good luck. :) You *are* worth their time and I have no doubt that your suggestions and input have the best interests of the institution in mind. I don't know if keeping that larger picture in mind would be any help, though.

[psyllisa]

I have thought about it. I even mentioned it in the performance review. But I don't think medication is really the answer here. I've been burned, and badly, and by people that I didn't expect it from. I think what would help most would be some sound apologies from the schmucks who have burned me in the past, or seeing some signs of actual consequences, or maybe just spending longer working for people who are ethical so I can learn some trust again. Or getting a new book of etiquette? Everything I know about how people want to be treated came from what nuns expected of school children (or didn't tolerate from them), or my boss who was ex-special ops and treated us like his unit.

[psyllisa]

Actually - I've watched the pharmaceutical adds for social anxiety - and it doesn't quite ring true. I like parties. I like small intimate dinners. I like conferences. I like committees. It doesn't matter whether I know the people there or not. I always test as an extravert on the Myers-Briggs. In the drug adds, I shouldn't be able to enjoy these things.

I really only have trouble in situations where the person with whom I'm interacting presents some risk to me, or those I care about, if I fail to garner their approval. This is especially true where the acceptance criteria are "soft". I never had issues in explicit competition, for example.

[verymelm]

I wasn't specifically thinking about medication. There are likely some behavioral or thought-experiment types tips and tricks that could be recommended, but I don't really know. I don't, as a rule, assume that "the solution" to any sort of mental/emotional concern is pharmaceutical. Sorry that apparently wasn't clear.