forgotten LJ
It's been a while I think... Have not been here... Nothing interesting to post anyway... Life been just crap recently...
I can't believe that I actually let myself dig this big hole in my life. I was so in control of myself and not letting myself fall but somewhere along the way, I let down my guard and what a mess! Now I'm miserable and suffering from serious self-esteem issues. What the fuck is wrong with me that I'm not good enough? I can't seem to find the reasons so how am I going to come up with any solutions? And as usual, my way out of these messy situations is to run away. Which is what I'm planning to do. My current situation does not really allow me to do that yet but I'm planning. Like a little squirral storing nuts for the winter, I'm slowly trying to gather myself and go away. It'll be nice to start somewhere totally out of my comfort zone (not China though ^^;;), learn a new language and a new way of life. Be it an easier life or a harder one, at least I'm away from this.
I know it's not good to run away from my problems but I know they won't run after me or come back to haunt me. Like I said, I'm not good enough. I think one of my problems in life is that I keep moving around and just can't seem to settle down. I don't know if it's because I'm restless or I'm never content with what I have or I'm just still looking for what I want. I can safely say that I know what I want but I still haven't found it yet. I'll eventually like to settle down and call a place home but as of now, I still have not found somewhere that I don't feel out of place. Underwater doesn't count because I can't live there.
The next life, I want to be an octopus!
I can't believe that I actually let myself dig this big hole in my life. I was so in control of myself and not letting myself fall but somewhere along the way, I let down my guard and what a mess! Now I'm miserable and suffering from serious self-esteem issues. What the fuck is wrong with me that I'm not good enough? I can't seem to find the reasons so how am I going to come up with any solutions? And as usual, my way out of these messy situations is to run away. Which is what I'm planning to do. My current situation does not really allow me to do that yet but I'm planning. Like a little squirral storing nuts for the winter, I'm slowly trying to gather myself and go away. It'll be nice to start somewhere totally out of my comfort zone (not China though ^^;;), learn a new language and a new way of life. Be it an easier life or a harder one, at least I'm away from this.
I know it's not good to run away from my problems but I know they won't run after me or come back to haunt me. Like I said, I'm not good enough. I think one of my problems in life is that I keep moving around and just can't seem to settle down. I don't know if it's because I'm restless or I'm never content with what I have or I'm just still looking for what I want. I can safely say that I know what I want but I still haven't found it yet. I'll eventually like to settle down and call a place home but as of now, I still have not found somewhere that I don't feel out of place. Underwater doesn't count because I can't live there.
The next life, I want to be an octopus!