Fic: This is Why Hal Shouldn't Have Friends
Title: This is Why Hal Shouldn’t Have Friends
Author: P.T. Tucker
Words: 1,500
Summary: Sinestro/Hal. Hal’s friends finally get to meet Sinestro. In other news: Hal hates his life.
Prompt: Written for this prompt on gl-kinkmeme. Enjoy!
“I want to meet him,” Tom said in the same sort of tone he’d used when he’d demanded that Hal show him the Lantern and his uniform and, well, everything.
“No.”
“Hal.”
“Tom.”
“You owe me one.”
“I do not!” Hal snapped in return.
“Yes you do. For the other day. You know, when I didn’t tell you-know-who about the you-know-what,” Tom didn’t look away from Hal’s face but he gave a not-so-discreet head tilt in Carol’s direction. Hal glanced over to see the woman giving him a curious raised eyebrow.
Hal sighed, “Ok.”
He pretended not to see their high-five.
He turned back towards his apartment, the one that he’d unceremoniously thrown them both out of when they’d burst through the door unexpectedly just minutes before. Honestly, he didn’t know what he’d been drinking when he’d given Tom a key for “emergencies only.” Apparently Tom and Carol thought breathy moans coming from behind his closed door constituted an emergency.
Or so they claimed. Hal was fairly certain they knew him well-enough not to think he was being attacked by some unseen villain and instead had been specifically hoping for an encounter with Sinestro. It wasn’t as if they’d been bugging him about his new “boyfriend” since he’d been forced to explain some questionably-placed hickies to Carol in the locker room two weeks before.
And hadn’t that just been the most fun conversation of his entire life - having to explain to the woman he’d loved since he was ten that perhaps he didn’t love her anymore and that he was no longer trying to woo her back into his life. It was a good thing Carol had always thought him a fuck-up before the whole Green Lantern gig and had never taken his attempts to win her attentions again too seriously.(1)
Taking a deep breath, Hal opened the door to his apartment.
Sinestro was once again back in full uniform, not that it took either of them much effort to throw it on, and the look he gave Hal said he’d be lucky to get it off again anytime soon.
“Hey, Sinestro, these are my friends, Carol and Tom,” he pointed to each as they followed him through the door. “Carol, Tom, this is Sinestro, my…” he trailed off as the other Lantern gave him a look that just dared him to say something degrading.
Hal dared, “…sweetheart.” He gave Sinestro his best smiled in response to the other’s glower.
Of course, Tom had to ruin it, “Sweetheart? Really?”
“I’m sorry, Tom. I didn’t realize sweetheart wasn’t the right word, you know, considering I’m the first human to ever get with an alien in the history of our race.”
“Actually, if rumors are to be believed, I think that award goes to Miss Lane.”
“Don’t make come to your house and break your limited edition Voltron action figure.”
“Go ahead,” Tom returned, leaning up into Hal’s face, “I know where you keep your porn stash. I should know: I was the one that illegally downloaded half of them for you.”
Carol said, “Boys,” at the same time Sinestro drawled, “Jordan.” The two gave each other considering looks.
“Right. Anyway, they just wanted to meet you. Now they have, and now they can leave.” He turned to push Tom out the door, only to have the other brace himself against the frame.
“One question!”
Hal paused in his attempt to dislodge his hands.
“Does your semen have the ability to make Hal pregnant?”
“For the love of- Get out!” Hal managed to shove him through and Carol and Sinestro could both still hear them bickering as the Lantern dragged him down the hallway.
“What? I have the right to know if I’m going to be an uncle!”
“You will never be an uncle to my children!”
“Oh! That’s a fine way to treat the man that spent three hours looking for the elusive Kinky Kinky Bang Bang torrent for someone that barely knows how to use a com-” the sound of the elevator doors closing cut off the rest of Tom’s tirade.
Coming back to the room, Hal winced at the identically annoyed looks of both individuals in the room. They even had their arms crossed in the same way. It was, frankly, kind of scary.
“Carol. Sinestro. You’re both still here.”
“Where else would I be, Hal?”
“I wasn’t aware your invitation had time limits, Jordan.”
“I was sort of hoping one of you’d take the opportunity to dart out the door discreetly so that we could avoid this awkward conversation,” Hal said, not responding directly to either of their statements.
Carol rolled her eyes, before turning towards Sinestro with an outstretched hand, “Mr. Sinestro, my name is Carol Ferris. I used to be Hal’s lover and we had sex on this very couch that is sitting right next to us.”
She pointed at the couch with her other hand as she said this. Hal resisted the urge to fly off into space and not come back.
Sinestro, amazingly, looked not deadly possessive, but instead vaguely impressed.
“A pleasure, Ms. Ferris,” he answered, taking her offered hand, “I have, unfortunately, not yet had sex with Jordan on this very couch, though I did bend him over a construct table just yesterday.”
Hal groaned and covered his eyes with both hands, not really wanting to be present for this confrontation but too frightened of what they might say, or do, to each other should he leave them alone.
He peeked through his splayed fingers to see Carol giving Sinestro an interested look. He closed his eyes again.
“You can keep up a construct while having sex?”
“I can keep up three. Others of the Corps have less focus.”
Hal didn’t need to open his eyes to know they were both looking at him.
“No focus? That certainly sounds like the Hal I know.”
“Indeed?”
“There was this one time he crashed a plane, not the first time, I might add...”
Hal opened his eyes again to see them moving to sit next to each other on the couch.
“…He flew it into a flock of geese.”
“Yes, that reminds me of the time Jordan-”
“I’m leaving to go see Tom,” Hal tried to distract them.
“-landed himself in Thanagarian prison because he walked into the commanding general on accident and refused to duel him over the insult.”
“Really? Hal refusing a fight? I don’t know if I can believe that.”
“Seriously, I’m going,” Hal said again, this time louder. Neither even turned to look at him. Really, he would leave. If they were determined to air his dirty laundry, he was determined not to be there for it.
“The penalty for losing such an honor duel on Thanagar is death. Granted, refusing to fight, even for a Lantern, leads to a castration ceremony, which is reserved for only the worst cowards.”
Carol covered her mouth in shock before muttering, “He’s still…all there?”
“Luckily, I was the Lantern sent out to look for him when he didn’t report in-”
“I’m going to have sex with Tom.”
That got both of their attentions. He continued, “In the kitchen. It’ll be kinky.”
Unfazed, Sinestro warned, “You do so at your own peril, Jordan.”
Hal was suddenly reminded of an off-hand comment Sinestro had made one time about Korugar’s long-standing tradition of chastity belts for those betrothed to be married and spouses suspected of adultery. At the time, Hal had just thought the other Lantern was pointing out cultural differences, but now…
He gave the other man a wary look. Sinestro merely raised an eyebrow as if daring him. This time, Hal didn’t dare.
“Fine,” he huffed before storming out. “You two just have your little play date!” he yelled as he stomped down the hall.
After a moment, Sinestro turned back to Carol, “As I was saying…”
Hal landed outside Tom’s apartment just as the other man was pulling up in his Jeep.
“What do you want?” Tom snapped, clearly still annoyed.
Hal sighed, “Carol and Sinestro are currently sitting on my couch, sharing embarrassing stories about me to each other.”
Tom gave him a sympathetic look, “That sucks.”
“Yeah.”
There was a silent pause and Hal added, “I’m sorry I threatened your Voltron action figure.”
“I’m sorry I threatened your porn.”
“Can I come inside?”
“Can I be your kids’ uncle?”
Hal rolled his eyes, “Yes, Tom, despite me already having brothers and despite the extreme impossibility of me ever getting pregnant, you can be the uncle of my gay-buttsex children should they ever be conceived.”
“That’s all I wanted,” Tom said with a nod, taking out his keys and opening his door.
As Hal came through behind him, Tom added, “You know, Sinestro could actually turn out to be the mom in this case. I mean, how much do you really know about his alien physiology? For all you know-”
The door swung shut behind them.
- I can’t remember if the movie confirmed that they’d had a previous relationship or not. For my fic, I’m going with “Yes.”
AN: Sorry, there’s not very much Sinestro/friends interaction. :( And it’s probably a tad OOC. :( :(
Constructive criticism is welcome as well as any pointers to do with GL Canon!