Personal Statement Number 987523

[ptmusic2586]

So it's been through a lot of changes, and I think maybe, just maybe, I'm almost there? Let me know - Dean

My affair with the X-Men which started when I was a child has been somewhat sordid. It did not start with the comic books of the 1960s tucked away in some hobby-shop backroom, or with the Saturday morning cartoons (though they

Comments

[irishellie]

this looks so much better; the connections are clearly made, and the story has a better flow. my only real criticism is the opening line:
My affair with the X-Men which started when I was a child has been somewhat sordid.
it's a little chopped up with "which started when i was a child" thrown in the middle of your point. also, it's a little passive for an opening sentence. try maybe: My affair with the X-men started when i was a child and has been somewhat sordid, but also revealing. throw your own spin on it, and give a teaser.

[thirdapollo]

Yeah, I kinda agree about the opening line. Needs punch.

Other than that, an excellent personal statement. Honest and articulate. I can't tell if it's only because I know you, but it does come across as a little self-loathingly gay, to me. It might be because you always reserve sexuality for the last spot in your lists -- it might not be a problem at all, just my own reaction.