Muthafuckin Snakes
So I recently found this, my live journal and, after reading a few old excerpts decided to start keeping track of my more interesting days, so here goes. Firstly to recap since last post: Kelly + Dave != Relationship. If you don't know C++ , that means Kelly and I broke up. She said she’s a lesbian or something, but I found out she’s currently dating some other guy. Whatever, doesn't matter. Point is I somehow fucked up in trying to do everything I possibly could to please this girl and getting nothing from it. She'd never tell me what was wrong if there ever was so I'd never know. The pathetic thing is that I consider this my best relationship and feel, after being single for almost year now, that I will never meet a girl that makes me happier than she did. I was just reminded that I get hot sweats even in the coolest conditions when I think of her. I'm still unsure as to why this is.
On a lighter note (as the heated feeling begins to subside) I learned to separate my paragraphs to make things easier to read, but still don't care to indent. Alright here goes.
So yesterday we went to see Sam Jackson's newest flick "Snakes on a Plane." We included myself, Chris, Terry, Alex, Brad, Andy, and Aaron. We went for fear that if we missed it we'd be hunted down and cursed at by Samuel L. himself, which would only result in tears. So we got there late for the 8:00 showing and decided to hang out in the mall near by and wait for the 9:45. Alex and I raced up the down escalator and then raced down the up escalator, stopped 3/4 down and rode it back up calmly (enough up and down for you?). We went to a few different stores but spent the most time in the comic book store where I could get a one and a half inch magician figurine for only $43 but alls I could get for $20 was 3 authentic sharpened batarangs. The system is flawed man seriously. We went to EB where I learned that not only did they not have Kagero's Deception II or Deception III for PSone, but that they no longer even carried any PSone games. Terry found the PS2 installment of the series "Trapt" but it was like $30. Not cool EB.
I bought two mini staplers at CVS and we ran around a bunch more. We found a Porsche near the restrooms and I read on the paper in the window that it gets better highway mileage than my Altima. Then Brad, Alex, Chris and I went to the bathroom together like little girls. The men's bathroom was being cleaned so we used the "Family Restroom" Which basically meant no urinals and very low sinks. Chris got mad when I pushed him away from the one toilet and started shaking me as I tried to relieve myself chanting "Don't pee on yourself. Don't pee on yourself." Luckily, he stopped before I let loose so I didn't pee on myself. On the way out we found a janitor closet with a sign that said "Don't throw dirty mops and rags in closet." It said nothing, however, about not beating Chris with a "Caution Wet Floor" sign, so I did.
Then Alex and I raced down the up elevator again and Alex ended up falling on his way down and rolling back up. Funny shit. We wandered around a little more until it was almost movie time. On the way out, I saw a mother dragging her children quickly into the mall, since it was soon closing and she apparently needed something, so I grabbed Alex and dragged him out of the mall yelling at him about how bad he is and that he is embarrassing me and to "just wait till your father hears about this!" He did well to play along, kicking and screaming the entire time, and onlookers were thoroughly confused.
A few of us got in my car and a few in Aaron's to drive the 100yds to the theatre. First I pulled up along side a girl parked in front of the mall and asked if she wanted to see Snakes on a Plane. She expressed disinterest long enough for her big black boyfriend to walk out of the mall and toward the car so I was quickly gone.
At the Cinema we waited for the "Now Cleaning" light to go off above our theatre, and I amused myself my leaning against a door to a movie that was just letting out. "Thud" is a funny sound when you know what caused it. I told one guy who lost one sandal and almost fell on his ass as I opened the door after holding it, "That's why you don't wear flip flops to a movie theatre. In case you have to kick down a door, wear combat boots."
The movie was needless to say A-muthafuckin-mazing. Sam Jackson was awesome, some bitch got her tit bit, Champ from Anchorman was the pilot, an annoying Chihuahua named Mary Kate got eaten by and anaconda, Jackson opened a window at 20,000 feet and Keenan Thompson from "Good Burger" saved the fucking day by making the 747 his hooker and landing the bitch. I must have on DVD.
On the way home I broke about 5 traffic laws in 10 minutes, which is high, even for me. I went the wrong way down a one way street, made an illegal U turn, drove through EZ-Pass lane with no EZ-Pass and then back through the wrong way to get a ticket, was speeding of course on the turnpike and made a left turn on red. Well, you'll never have any fun if don't piss anyone off, that's what I started always saying just now.
Oh man so Perdie came by to visit Sunday night at like 3:00 AM, and I showed him the parking garage which I thought would be great for a fight scene. And in the back corner, away from any cars, there was a seemingly empty box leaning against a support pillar. I checked and it was not empty at all. It was one of those 14 in 1 sport tables for like 8 year olds and everything was packed in boxes and brand fucking new. Mini-Pool, mini-ping pong, mini-hockey, and even mini-electronic basketball. Amazing. By far the best thing I've ever found at three AM in a parking garage. So Perdie and I hoisted it onto our heads and carried it to the elevator. Shereif and I just assembled most of it at like 3AM last night, which is apparently my prime time for doing shit despite how exhausted I may be.
Today I "offended" some black guy at school by taping a sign above this asshole kid no one likes who was sleeping on the couch in the commons that read "I EAT COCK." The black guy actually followed me back to my classroom and came in while the professor was teaching to give me my sign and tell me he was offended. I told him it wasn't a big deal, and that it was just a joke, but he kept saying it was offensive. Some people don't have a fucking sense of humor. I hate going to school with old people. At any traditional college with kids from 18-22 years old, everyone would have found that hilarious. Fuck my elders. I've had class with that guy and he'd ask the dumbest questions about things that were just thoroughly explained. He can suck it. But I digress.
Regardless of all that shit, I'm amazing, and I'm going to have an amazing day. How about you? I love life! Agh! *dead*
On a lighter note (as the heated feeling begins to subside) I learned to separate my paragraphs to make things easier to read, but still don't care to indent. Alright here goes.
So yesterday we went to see Sam Jackson's newest flick "Snakes on a Plane." We included myself, Chris, Terry, Alex, Brad, Andy, and Aaron. We went for fear that if we missed it we'd be hunted down and cursed at by Samuel L. himself, which would only result in tears. So we got there late for the 8:00 showing and decided to hang out in the mall near by and wait for the 9:45. Alex and I raced up the down escalator and then raced down the up escalator, stopped 3/4 down and rode it back up calmly (enough up and down for you?). We went to a few different stores but spent the most time in the comic book store where I could get a one and a half inch magician figurine for only $43 but alls I could get for $20 was 3 authentic sharpened batarangs. The system is flawed man seriously. We went to EB where I learned that not only did they not have Kagero's Deception II or Deception III for PSone, but that they no longer even carried any PSone games. Terry found the PS2 installment of the series "Trapt" but it was like $30. Not cool EB.
I bought two mini staplers at CVS and we ran around a bunch more. We found a Porsche near the restrooms and I read on the paper in the window that it gets better highway mileage than my Altima. Then Brad, Alex, Chris and I went to the bathroom together like little girls. The men's bathroom was being cleaned so we used the "Family Restroom" Which basically meant no urinals and very low sinks. Chris got mad when I pushed him away from the one toilet and started shaking me as I tried to relieve myself chanting "Don't pee on yourself. Don't pee on yourself." Luckily, he stopped before I let loose so I didn't pee on myself. On the way out we found a janitor closet with a sign that said "Don't throw dirty mops and rags in closet." It said nothing, however, about not beating Chris with a "Caution Wet Floor" sign, so I did.
Then Alex and I raced down the up elevator again and Alex ended up falling on his way down and rolling back up. Funny shit. We wandered around a little more until it was almost movie time. On the way out, I saw a mother dragging her children quickly into the mall, since it was soon closing and she apparently needed something, so I grabbed Alex and dragged him out of the mall yelling at him about how bad he is and that he is embarrassing me and to "just wait till your father hears about this!" He did well to play along, kicking and screaming the entire time, and onlookers were thoroughly confused.
A few of us got in my car and a few in Aaron's to drive the 100yds to the theatre. First I pulled up along side a girl parked in front of the mall and asked if she wanted to see Snakes on a Plane. She expressed disinterest long enough for her big black boyfriend to walk out of the mall and toward the car so I was quickly gone.
At the Cinema we waited for the "Now Cleaning" light to go off above our theatre, and I amused myself my leaning against a door to a movie that was just letting out. "Thud" is a funny sound when you know what caused it. I told one guy who lost one sandal and almost fell on his ass as I opened the door after holding it, "That's why you don't wear flip flops to a movie theatre. In case you have to kick down a door, wear combat boots."
The movie was needless to say A-muthafuckin-mazing. Sam Jackson was awesome, some bitch got her tit bit, Champ from Anchorman was the pilot, an annoying Chihuahua named Mary Kate got eaten by and anaconda, Jackson opened a window at 20,000 feet and Keenan Thompson from "Good Burger" saved the fucking day by making the 747 his hooker and landing the bitch. I must have on DVD.
On the way home I broke about 5 traffic laws in 10 minutes, which is high, even for me. I went the wrong way down a one way street, made an illegal U turn, drove through EZ-Pass lane with no EZ-Pass and then back through the wrong way to get a ticket, was speeding of course on the turnpike and made a left turn on red. Well, you'll never have any fun if don't piss anyone off, that's what I started always saying just now.
Oh man so Perdie came by to visit Sunday night at like 3:00 AM, and I showed him the parking garage which I thought would be great for a fight scene. And in the back corner, away from any cars, there was a seemingly empty box leaning against a support pillar. I checked and it was not empty at all. It was one of those 14 in 1 sport tables for like 8 year olds and everything was packed in boxes and brand fucking new. Mini-Pool, mini-ping pong, mini-hockey, and even mini-electronic basketball. Amazing. By far the best thing I've ever found at three AM in a parking garage. So Perdie and I hoisted it onto our heads and carried it to the elevator. Shereif and I just assembled most of it at like 3AM last night, which is apparently my prime time for doing shit despite how exhausted I may be.
Today I "offended" some black guy at school by taping a sign above this asshole kid no one likes who was sleeping on the couch in the commons that read "I EAT COCK." The black guy actually followed me back to my classroom and came in while the professor was teaching to give me my sign and tell me he was offended. I told him it wasn't a big deal, and that it was just a joke, but he kept saying it was offensive. Some people don't have a fucking sense of humor. I hate going to school with old people. At any traditional college with kids from 18-22 years old, everyone would have found that hilarious. Fuck my elders. I've had class with that guy and he'd ask the dumbest questions about things that were just thoroughly explained. He can suck it. But I digress.
Regardless of all that shit, I'm amazing, and I'm going to have an amazing day. How about you? I love life! Agh! *dead*