I've seen better days
So these last few weeks have been busy to say the least. I guess "Mother fucking absurdly busy" would better put this into perspective. My mom got in a car accident and completely totaled her car. How did she get in an accident after decades of as clear record? Could it be that thing Noelle and I have told her numerous times never to do only to have her insist she's going to take care of things her own way? Oh yeah, that's the one; she was drunk. BA level of .28 with the point of legal intoxication in PA being .08. Yeah, so she was pretty gone. Should two college-aged kids have to lecture their mother on drinking and driving? Sounds kind of fucked up and backwards to me. Honestly, I don't know how Noelle and I aren't much more fucked up than we are. My Dad was an alcoholic for the first half of my life and even after he stopped drinking, dies from kidney failure from the damage done, and my mom is a stubborn irresponsible 53-year-old teenager.
So to sum it all up, my mom realized the error of her ways in a bad Lifetime special fashion, and decided to FINALLY go into rehab for a few weeks in NY near her family.
Meanwhile, I and my sister are forever struggling financially, trying to support ourselves and each other as we tread through every angry young and poor day. I had to drive up to Wilkes-Barre 2 hours away to fix my sister's car window which was stuck open. While "home" I grabbed a bunch of stuff for my Aunt Anne-Marie to bring to my mom.
The week before that weekend - last week - I started an online Economics class and fell behind in every other class and lab from the shit I was trying to deal with with my family. Then late last week, and still currently, the ACAD student domain at our school went down preventing any student access to their H drive or the internet. I just now, about a week and a half later, got about completely caught up on my work. I'm currently dropping my Econ class in the browser next to this one and never taking an online class again.
Friday I went on a "date" with some girl from DeVry. Fucking crazy right; a GIRL at DeVry? Andy from next door, Terry, Matt Nissley, Ashley (my "date"), her roommate, and I all went bowling. We got lanes 27 and 28 and I broke a score of 100 both games (which is notable for me, so shut up) since I was bowling on lane 27, my lucky number. Then we went to the playground where I didn't throw keys at Terry's face and then we went home. It was a fun night, but I don't expect any sort of relationship with Ashley. I a drama queen and she doesn't pay enough attention to me. I think she might smoke weed a lot too. What a whore basket. I like Alex's sister Grace quite a bit, but she's only 16 and lives in Delaware. She just seems really cool.
I started thinking about Kelly hardcore in BMET class today and got really fucking depressed. I just can't help feeling cheated that she was too gay to date me but is now dating another guy named Tim. She sucks at being a gay. It makes me feel like I wasn't everything I could be and didn't do everything I could do to make her happy. Ask me about our 1 year relationship if you want an idea of the lengths I'd go to. Ask me how and where I was going to fucking propose to her. I guess the only thing I found comfort in during the split was that regardless of what I did, she preferred girls anyway, so there was nothing more I could have done. Now I just feel like I wasn't fucking good enough, and if that's the case, I'm completely burned out. If I have to be and do more than I did to get and keep an astonishing woman like her, then I have no chance. I slacked in no area. I'd read her expressions when she wouldn't speak, I'd stay with her in her tiny dorm room for days without sex, I constantly be thinking of ways to make her happy, ideas to make her laugh, and things I could do better. What do you want from me? I'm human. An imperfect being who was doubtlessly committed to spending the rest of his life with you and realizing your every wish within my physical and financial means.
I'm that picky though. I know what love is and with whom it has no chance. I've had perfection, lost her, and spent the last year becoming grimly aware of the possibility of solitude. I'm being too morose. I'll find someone, someone will find me, I'll become gay, whatever. Regardless of what happens I don't expect anything spectacular, specifically in my love life, in the near future.
On the bright side, I can now easily complete "Abyss" and "Sandstorm" on Heavy with a score of A on both. Thanks Alex!
I started writing a full hour ago...
Good night.