You had my eyes bug out of my head and my mouth drop open when I saw "To be continued" on the previous part of this.
I actually though that you were stopping it there. That you were going to leave it on a cliffhanger and make us wait, but I saw your A/N and I went *whew* Lol.
It would've been a very good cligghanger though. It surely would've kept people on their toes and wanting more. But I'm glad it wasn't left there. Because I would've been saying "Wha'!? Nooooo! What was his last caaaaaaarrrd!?!" Haha. So yes.
This was a good first chapter. I liked it alot. From what you mentioned about Gerard... Him coming home nursing smuged lipstick and cigarette burns... Is he a hooker? Oh I hope not... That'd be so sad... =/ But hey, your story, your choices.
I'm loving this. I really am. You word everything very well and your details are wonderful. The suspense you work in... It's amazing. Lol.
Can't wait for the next chapter. 'Till then, take care. -Katie
thank you heheh i kinda put the to be continued is a link when i noticed no one saw this part of the chapter yet they were all like NO!! hehhe but i did plan to just post this chap tonight ahh well next chapter should come out in the next 24 hours :D
i do love how you describe everything and we find out a bit more bout gerard and frank i feel that gerard is going to be one of the, if not the, more complicated characters very intriguing as always <3 xxx
I really wanna just read this story and love it but I can't seem to help picking things out =[ I feel really awful now Like, a teacher or something equally as horrible
But yeah, my findings... The game was over, need not say anything, for him at least. It kinda, doesn't make sense? "Way, next month, we play at my place." Bert called "I have a friend that would want to try their luck against you." complete with the undertone of a big bet. Punctuation again. Do you have a little trouble with the whole speech marks thing? I know I definitely used to that's the only reason I keep pointing this out faded iron maiden shirt Capital I, capital M How they only had enough cups, plates and utensils for the four of them, a frying pan and a cauldron. Kinda not making sense again He sighed, how the living room was also their bedroom, their two mattresses on the floor behind the couch, Hell they didn't even have covers, only thin sheets to serve as makeshift blankets. Again it doesn't seem to make
( ... )
-grin- i both fear and look forward to your comments dear... if i -do- have another chap ready soon, after it comes back from my beta i'll pass it to you before i post okay? hehe i really appreciate the help and concrit :D
Comments 8
I actually though that you were stopping it there.
That you were going to leave it on a cliffhanger and make us wait, but I saw your A/N and I went *whew*
Lol.
It would've been a very good cligghanger though.
It surely would've kept people on their toes and wanting more.
But I'm glad it wasn't left there.
Because I would've been saying "Wha'!? Nooooo! What was his last caaaaaaarrrd!?!"
Haha.
So yes.
This was a good first chapter.
I liked it alot.
From what you mentioned about Gerard... Him coming home nursing smuged lipstick and cigarette burns...
Is he a hooker?
Oh I hope not... That'd be so sad...
=/
But hey, your story, your choices.
I'm loving this.
I really am.
You word everything very well and your details are wonderful.
The suspense you work in... It's amazing.
Lol.
Can't wait for the next chapter.
'Till then, take care.
-Katie
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Whoah!
That's pretty awesome.
Lol.
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and we find out a bit more bout gerard and frank
i feel that gerard is going to be one of the, if not the, more complicated characters
very intriguing as always <3 xxx
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I really wanna just read this story and love it but I can't seem to help picking things out =[
I feel really awful now
Like, a teacher or something equally as horrible
But yeah, my findings...
The game was over, need not say anything, for him at least. It kinda, doesn't make sense?
"Way, next month, we play at my place." Bert called "I have a friend that would want to try their luck against you." complete with the undertone of a big bet. Punctuation again. Do you have a little trouble with the whole speech marks thing? I know I definitely used to that's the only reason I keep pointing this out
faded iron maiden shirt Capital I, capital M
How they only had enough cups, plates and utensils for the four of them, a frying pan and a cauldron. Kinda not making sense again
He sighed, how the living room was also their bedroom, their two mattresses on the floor behind the couch, Hell they didn't even have covers, only thin sheets to serve as makeshift blankets. Again it doesn't seem to make ( ... )
Reply
Reply
That's a tad scary lol
And sure thing
You have my email blah blah
I'll probably get it sent back to you within a day or something =]
xx
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