(no subject)
i dont know how you can loose someone broken out on unfamiliar streets and still be full of optimism like youre not some bull-in-a-china-shop type ruiner of a person.
i dont know how to be empty enough to happen through someones life like that unphased with no heavy reckoning to own and speak of in every breath you take. i cant help but carry all of it and know the lack of comfort in my loss and all the weight of all my trying. ive always already felt that unwant and lacking and i dont get any kind of rapid moving on and peaceful newness. i just get more of all the heartache in it. i have to brace myself all the way through that wander. i have to feel like the wind im blown back by holds some metaphor in patience. like the blood in my blisters holds some catholic value. i just get left to seek meaning in my circumstance and feel lost in all that seeking while you talk of opportunity and new loves and new shades of you and i dont get to feel like theres anything in it all for me that isnt broken.