Why not forgo the whole wedding thing? I went to Cityhall with my bestfriend, brother, sister in law and fiance, and it was the best decision ever. You're right, it IS about the marriage, not the wedding, especially if you're more stressed than happy about it. I know parents really want you to have it but its one day that everything is all about you.. so go the low stress route?
That's what my fiance said. It's just I really have wanted to have the whole big ordeal forever and I'm the first grandchild to actually be having a wedding. It's going to be a really family oriented event, and I love my family so much. Ugh, I feel like I sound like every stupid girl on WEgo bridal night. I just want to have a ceremony of love and dreams with my fiance, our family and our friends. Then dance around afterwards.
Aw, I hear that honey. It is very conflicting. I've found that meditation really helps me ground my thoughts, especially if they're conflicting like yours seem to be. If you've never done it before, I suggest buying a guided meditation cd or maybe you can buy one from itunes (I dont know how to go about doing that:)) and get one for destressing. Once your brain has slowed and calmed down a bit, you might be able to look at the situation not just objectively, which is relatively easy to do, but you might be able to internalize and really believe in the objectivity i.e. No one cares what I look like, they just care that I'm radiating happiness and good energy.
Hope that helps you out a bit! Its easy to say 'no one cares what you look like! just enjoy it!' etc. but I know its not that simple. Give the meditation thing a try.
My understanding of feminism is that it's about doing what you feel is right for yourself, and if shaving your legs once in a while makes you feel good, why not? I think that's more feminist. If you feel really bad about, why not just sell out for your wedding and then go back to normal after?
I completely agree with this. It's your wedding, and it doesn't need to meet any ideals--not the media-puppet society's and not the stereotypes of feminism's either.
It's a constant uphill battle, though. There are things that I'm completely fine about, but then if I want something "different" I have to explain myself and deal with all of this disapproval. Then there's my own ideals about how I want to look (cookie cutter, a little).
For example, I'm wearing a very unique white wedding dress that everyone is happy about. However, I want my fiance's father to give him to me the way my dad is giving me to him. Asking for that one little thing is like asking for us to dance on coals and sacrifice a lamb. I mean it's going to happen, but it's still the disapproval that hurts. I think that's where a lot of my eating issues come from, my family is so weird about stuff like that. When I was growing up it was always my sister who was the skinny one, and that just had me convinced I was fat. Then when I lost weight, I was too skinny. Then I gained weight and was too fat. Now I'm "just right." Like, honestly, what the fuck does that mean?
this is an old postyourdiamondmothJanuary 15 2008, 00:41:53 UTC
.. But I really appreciate this. I'm in the same boat right now. It was encouraging to read this, to know that some one else felt the same way. I'm going back to therapy and hopefully this will help.
To be clearer, I was a youth consuler too, Im planning a wedding and i have always had not so cookie cutter ideas about the way works and now with the wedding I want some of those things. I also hate the hurt from family members not being supportive, all of them support the wedding but not the way I want to do it. AND I also struggle with wanting to look perfect..
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Hope that helps you out a bit! Its easy to say 'no one cares what you look like! just enjoy it!' etc. but I know its not that simple. Give the meditation thing a try.
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For example, I'm wearing a very unique white wedding dress that everyone is happy about. However, I want my fiance's father to give him to me the way my dad is giving me to him. Asking for that one little thing is like asking for us to dance on coals and sacrifice a lamb. I mean it's going to happen, but it's still the disapproval that hurts. I think that's where a lot of my eating issues come from, my family is so weird about stuff like that. When I was growing up it was always my sister who was the skinny one, and that just had me convinced I was fat. Then when I lost weight, I was too skinny. Then I gained weight and was too fat. Now I'm "just right." Like, honestly, what the fuck does that mean?
Sorry my thoughts are kind of all over the place.
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Defy the norm....
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To be clearer, I was a youth consuler too, Im planning a wedding and i have always had not so cookie cutter ideas about the way works and now with the wedding I want some of those things. I also hate the hurt from family members not being supportive, all of them support the wedding but not the way I want to do it. AND I also struggle with wanting to look perfect..
Anyways...leave me a comment if you like.
Thanks
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