'cause this is my life on the 4th of july..it isn't much but atleast it's mine."
Ugh.
Where do I begin?
I'm home...in CA. Which is a good thing.
I went to a friend's wedding last weekend- a mutual friend of the family...my sister's best friend.
I think the most common thing I heard was "omg..your sister looks so gorgeous....when is she due?" I had one person ask me "so Anne, when do you think you're getting married?"
FML.
Somehow I feel like I'm back in my the shadow of my sister. Between the friends and then my family IGNORING me at lunch. Seriously- my bro-in-law got bombarded with medical school and baby questions... I've been gone for 6 months, kicked cancer in the behind, made dean's list...but they get more attention....is there something wrong with this picture?
And then my sister...oyi to the vei. That's a can of worms that is hard to explain. I just wish she would try to accept me for me and not have this image of who I should be....it's like she doesn't hear the words I have to say..
I've also had several people tell me I should date since I've been home....I'm kind of tired of that.... I was hanging out with a boy this last spring and it just ended in confusion- I'm still not 100 percent sure what happened and I kind of want to know. Right now I just want to be happy without thinking the other shoe is going to drop- because that's what life has been like and right now I just want to figure out how to be happy and be content with who I am and where I'm going...
On top of that- I've had issues with God...I think. I just feel very confused and tired and like all I've got is static in my head and it's been like that for months...
I'm unmotivated..I've got song ideas started but I'm afraid to finish them... why? Because I'm afraid of where they'll lead.
I feel like I should know who I am by now but after the last few months, it's hard....
I didn't realize until I was at the well last night how mentally pooped I am.
Where do I begin?
I'm home...in CA. Which is a good thing.
I went to a friend's wedding last weekend- a mutual friend of the family...my sister's best friend.
I think the most common thing I heard was "omg..your sister looks so gorgeous....when is she due?" I had one person ask me "so Anne, when do you think you're getting married?"
FML.
Somehow I feel like I'm back in my the shadow of my sister. Between the friends and then my family IGNORING me at lunch. Seriously- my bro-in-law got bombarded with medical school and baby questions... I've been gone for 6 months, kicked cancer in the behind, made dean's list...but they get more attention....is there something wrong with this picture?
And then my sister...oyi to the vei. That's a can of worms that is hard to explain. I just wish she would try to accept me for me and not have this image of who I should be....it's like she doesn't hear the words I have to say..
I've also had several people tell me I should date since I've been home....I'm kind of tired of that.... I was hanging out with a boy this last spring and it just ended in confusion- I'm still not 100 percent sure what happened and I kind of want to know. Right now I just want to be happy without thinking the other shoe is going to drop- because that's what life has been like and right now I just want to figure out how to be happy and be content with who I am and where I'm going...
On top of that- I've had issues with God...I think. I just feel very confused and tired and like all I've got is static in my head and it's been like that for months...
I'm unmotivated..I've got song ideas started but I'm afraid to finish them... why? Because I'm afraid of where they'll lead.
I feel like I should know who I am by now but after the last few months, it's hard....
I didn't realize until I was at the well last night how mentally pooped I am.
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