Entry #780- It could be an accident, but I'm still trying and that's more than I can say for him
Ummm...
The more I have to do with boys the less I think I should. I can't possibly focus on a boy at this junction in my life... I thought about it and I realised that I barely have time to see my friends, let alone entertain a boyfriend that lord only knows I won't be talking to in 6 months time anyway. I don't want to waste the limited time I have left with my friends... College is right around the corner.
Sometimes I think about where I'll be in a year. I'm always doing this... mostly just within the past few years I've been in high school. Every single time I get better at identifying the main idea of where I'll be, but as would be normal, it's never totally correct. My life is full of turns, detours, and roadblocks. The scenic route, hopefully. I don't remember the last time I was nervous about where I'd be in a year. It was always just "Oh, another year at Ralston Valley." Well, that's gone now. This is the last year here. After this, I'll look back and half-cringe and half-smile upon high school. I'll probably end up in a place where no one went to high school with me... there won't be anyone to reminsce with. It scares me in so many ways.
I am unbelievably picky. And by picky I really mean selfish and selective. I only seem to want what I can't have or what would be totally illogical. I like to make up personalities for people I don't know... and then I find myself disappointed or completely uninterested when I start to learn who the person really is. My fantasy world is so much more enticing than my real life. Although the fake makeout session with Hayden and Jack last night was pretty intense. My elbow hurts now.
And then I realised that was the closest I've gotten to getting action in well over 9 months. Not that it is really a long time compared to the 16 years I spent actionless (okay, it was technically less than that because of the neighbor boy that I made out with around the side of the house when I was still young enough to not be in school but old enough to know that girls are supposed to kiss boys).
I don't know how this happens. My life is a complete mess and I have no control over any of it any more. I don't even know half of what is going on in my life right now. I'm being psuedo-hooked up with some boy that talks to Mallory more than me. In all complete honesty, I'm getting bored. There is no rush of any sort when I hear every single thing third hand. Contrary to what some may think, I'm more of a private person when it comes to liking someone and I don't want to take the chance of everything travelling through a grapevine. It's frustrating that he could be so infatuated with me and yet not have the ability to tell me the things that he says to Mallory. I like 'em feisty. I like to be chased after in a more aggressive way. ... which really translates into "I'm lazy", I suppose.
I'm thisclose to beginning to like another boy. Which not only makes me a horrible person, but a really incredibly horrible person. In multiple ways. I don't know what to do, and part of me kind of wishes that it would all go away and I could just continue being lonely and single. It's so much easier to mope about and write angsty Fall Out Boy lyrics all over everything.
SPEAKING OF WHICH!! One of two wonderful bright spots on my horizon is getting brighter and brighter. The Nintendo Fusion Tour is on Wednesday... which means that I'll be obsessing over whether or not I am going to get that Clandestine track jacket or the Clandestine hoodie. Or if I'll just ask for them for Christmas. And if I should buy the tie that I really want but don't have much purpose for. How much money I need to take to get everything I want. I want a Panic! At The Disco shirt, a Motion City Soundtrack shirt, some Fall Out Boy/Clandestine merch, and some buttons from all of them. I'm so excited that I really can barely contain myself.
The other bright spot is the 4th Harry Potter movie is due to come out in 13 days. Which means that in 13 days, I'll be utterly exhausted, elated, and otherwise in Harry Potter euphoria. Hopefully. Midnight showings on school nights is the new in thing. Maybe not new, but still amazing. Yay Harry Potter :)
Closing night of the best fall play I've seen at Ralston Valley. The past two nights the crowds have been really skimpy, and it makes me sad. This cast totally deserves so much more than that. Not to mention the set is surprisingly good, considering how unbelievably horrific it was at times during crew. But seriously. It's awesome. Come see it, bitches.
"We're only liars, but we're the best. We're only good for the latest trends. We're only good 'cause you can have almost famous friends. Besides, we've got such good fashion sense."
"I for one see no blood from the hearts and the wrists you allegedly slit. If the scene were a parish, you'd all be condemned."
"I'm on fire and now I think I'm ready to bust a move, check it out I'm rocking steady."
"If you need me, call me, no matter where you are, no matter how far. Don't worry baby, just call my name, I'll be there in a hurry- you don't have to worry..."
The symbols on my Mae shirt mean "beauty". Go figure that I'd need to go to a tattoo parlor before I found out what they meant.
Manda
The more I have to do with boys the less I think I should. I can't possibly focus on a boy at this junction in my life... I thought about it and I realised that I barely have time to see my friends, let alone entertain a boyfriend that lord only knows I won't be talking to in 6 months time anyway. I don't want to waste the limited time I have left with my friends... College is right around the corner.
Sometimes I think about where I'll be in a year. I'm always doing this... mostly just within the past few years I've been in high school. Every single time I get better at identifying the main idea of where I'll be, but as would be normal, it's never totally correct. My life is full of turns, detours, and roadblocks. The scenic route, hopefully. I don't remember the last time I was nervous about where I'd be in a year. It was always just "Oh, another year at Ralston Valley." Well, that's gone now. This is the last year here. After this, I'll look back and half-cringe and half-smile upon high school. I'll probably end up in a place where no one went to high school with me... there won't be anyone to reminsce with. It scares me in so many ways.
I am unbelievably picky. And by picky I really mean selfish and selective. I only seem to want what I can't have or what would be totally illogical. I like to make up personalities for people I don't know... and then I find myself disappointed or completely uninterested when I start to learn who the person really is. My fantasy world is so much more enticing than my real life. Although the fake makeout session with Hayden and Jack last night was pretty intense. My elbow hurts now.
And then I realised that was the closest I've gotten to getting action in well over 9 months. Not that it is really a long time compared to the 16 years I spent actionless (okay, it was technically less than that because of the neighbor boy that I made out with around the side of the house when I was still young enough to not be in school but old enough to know that girls are supposed to kiss boys).
I don't know how this happens. My life is a complete mess and I have no control over any of it any more. I don't even know half of what is going on in my life right now. I'm being psuedo-hooked up with some boy that talks to Mallory more than me. In all complete honesty, I'm getting bored. There is no rush of any sort when I hear every single thing third hand. Contrary to what some may think, I'm more of a private person when it comes to liking someone and I don't want to take the chance of everything travelling through a grapevine. It's frustrating that he could be so infatuated with me and yet not have the ability to tell me the things that he says to Mallory. I like 'em feisty. I like to be chased after in a more aggressive way. ... which really translates into "I'm lazy", I suppose.
I'm thisclose to beginning to like another boy. Which not only makes me a horrible person, but a really incredibly horrible person. In multiple ways. I don't know what to do, and part of me kind of wishes that it would all go away and I could just continue being lonely and single. It's so much easier to mope about and write angsty Fall Out Boy lyrics all over everything.
SPEAKING OF WHICH!! One of two wonderful bright spots on my horizon is getting brighter and brighter. The Nintendo Fusion Tour is on Wednesday... which means that I'll be obsessing over whether or not I am going to get that Clandestine track jacket or the Clandestine hoodie. Or if I'll just ask for them for Christmas. And if I should buy the tie that I really want but don't have much purpose for. How much money I need to take to get everything I want. I want a Panic! At The Disco shirt, a Motion City Soundtrack shirt, some Fall Out Boy/Clandestine merch, and some buttons from all of them. I'm so excited that I really can barely contain myself.
The other bright spot is the 4th Harry Potter movie is due to come out in 13 days. Which means that in 13 days, I'll be utterly exhausted, elated, and otherwise in Harry Potter euphoria. Hopefully. Midnight showings on school nights is the new in thing. Maybe not new, but still amazing. Yay Harry Potter :)
Closing night of the best fall play I've seen at Ralston Valley. The past two nights the crowds have been really skimpy, and it makes me sad. This cast totally deserves so much more than that. Not to mention the set is surprisingly good, considering how unbelievably horrific it was at times during crew. But seriously. It's awesome. Come see it, bitches.
"We're only liars, but we're the best. We're only good for the latest trends. We're only good 'cause you can have almost famous friends. Besides, we've got such good fashion sense."
"I for one see no blood from the hearts and the wrists you allegedly slit. If the scene were a parish, you'd all be condemned."
"I'm on fire and now I think I'm ready to bust a move, check it out I'm rocking steady."
"If you need me, call me, no matter where you are, no matter how far. Don't worry baby, just call my name, I'll be there in a hurry- you don't have to worry..."
The symbols on my Mae shirt mean "beauty". Go figure that I'd need to go to a tattoo parlor before I found out what they meant.
Manda