[Johnathan Strange & Mr. Norrell] Overdue Recap
I wrote this, like, a year ago. And I never finished. But here it is, hahaha.
Mr. Norrell: I'm a magician. Let's go to London and revive English magic. *in London*
Drawlight & Lascelles: omg, we're so becoming your friends so we can influence and manipulate you to better ourselves while you never even suspect a thing because your people skills, like, suck.
Sir Walter Pole: My fiancee died *cwy*
N: Oh boo hoo.
D&L: Bring her back.
N: No. Wait...okay. Hey Man-Fairy, I don't want to be partnered with you, but bring her back to life.
Fairy: What the...okay. But only if I can have her finger (and her life, haha).
Lady Pole: Yay, I'm alive!
Londoners: omg that is so cool.
Norrell: Hey, I'm a real magician and I say no one else can do magic but me!
London & Yorkshire Magicians: What the...aw. You suck. But we love you anyway because you're the only actual real magician in London.
N: Yay.
Vinculus: Hey, that's not cool!
N: Go away.
V: I have a secret book.
N: No you don't.
V: Yes I do.
N: No you don't. Childermass, go find Vinculus' secret book that he doesn't have.
Childermass: Whatever.
Fairy: (haha, meanwhile I'm stealing Lady Pole...)
Stephen Black: Hi, I'm Walter's black manservant. But I rock.
F: omg i love you. Let us dance forever with Lady Pole!
SB: This is freaky...
Lady Pole: All this constant whisking me away to Fairyland and dancing every night is pissing me off. Walter, you suck.
Sir Walter Pole: What the, nooo. *cwy*
Fairy: I'm going to make you King of England, Stephen my love.
Stephen Black: Uh...okay.
Vinculus (somewhere else): omg, I'm going to spout my prophecy at this slacker.
Johnathan Strange: You're...eww. Hey, I'm gonna be a magician!
Arabella: Let's go to London so you can be Mr. Norrell's pupil.
JS: Okay, wife. Hey, Mr. Norrell, let me be your pupil.
Mr. Norrell: No.
JS: Yes.
N: Okay. But it's only because I don't have anyone else to talk to about magic.
JS: Whatever.
(N: I have a man-crush on you.
JS: You're annoying. Let me do things my own way and stop being so rude to my wife!
N: But I'm horribly jealous of her.)
JS: Let me see your famous library so I can learn magic.
N: No.
JS: Yes.
N: Ok--wait, no.
JS: Damn. Hey, I think I'll try to cure the King of England's madness with magic.
King of England: d00d, there's a candle in your head.
JS: wtf.
KoE: I'm crazy because that Man-Fairy wants to take me out.
JS: No you're not. I mean, yes you are. ...Wait, Fairy?
KoE: What?
JS: What?
KoE: What?
JS: What?
Fairy: You ruined my plan. You suck!
JS: I did? Er...of course!
KoE: I'm still crazy, though.
JS: Yeah, well...
Lady Pole: omg, your wife is my new friend.
JS: Okay.
Fairy: Mine, too.
JS: Ok--wait, what?
F: Nevermind.
JS: ...Whatever. I'm going to Spain to help with the war. And I'm taking some of your books, Norrell.
N: Noooo, my books! I mean, (nooo, don't go).
JS (in Spain): Yay, I do magic!
Drawlight and Lascelles: Yay, we have Mr. Norrell all to ourselves!
N: Ya--wait, I'm lonely.
JS: I'm back.
D&L: Nooo.
JS: We should do magic my way.
N: Like hell!
Drawlight: I promise people magic on behalf of Strange, yay!
JS: wtf.
N: You suck.
D: nooo, I don't want to go to prison because everyone just found out how horribly in debt I am...
Magicians: Ha ha.
JS: Oh wait, I'm not going to be your pupil anymore.
N: Noooo, don't leave m--I mean, you suck, too.
Lascelles: I have you all to myself now *cuddle*
Childermass: Dude, back off.
Strange: We're moving back home.
Lady Pole: Nooo, my only friend! Magicians suck.
Fairy: noooo! (my friend)
Arabella: I'm back home now, yay! I think I'll go for an enchanted walk in the snow...
JS: I'm too busy outdoing Norrell doing magic to know or even care.
A: Oh wait, I died.
JS: That sucks. Nooo.
Fairy: Yay! (she dances with us now, yay!)
N: Ya--I mean, I'm sorry.
JS: I'm going to help out with another war. And I'm going to write a book of MY magic, too.
N: Nooooo! You suck.
Me: Johnathan Strange is now in Brussels, which is somewhere in Europe, but it's on vacation in America now, but wait, now it's back? wait, no...wait...where the fuck is Brussels in the story now?!
Brussels: Haha, I won.
JS: Wait, I'm confused. Where am I?
Me: You're going to Waterloo now.
JS: ...That's silly. Waterloo doesn't exist!
Me: What the--YOU'RE GOING TO WATERLOO.
JS: NO!
Me: YES!
JS: WHY?
Me: BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE THE AUTHOR SAID YOU'RE GOING.
JS: Eff that!
Duke of Wellington: Merlin, Waterloo actually exists.
JS: It does? Awww.
Me: *foams at mouth*
Waterloo: I bet you wish I didn't exist because the battle at me is going to suck for you!
DoW: ...stfu.
JS: omg, I'm so going home now...or something.
Me: I can't remember the order of the book anymore, so you're going to Italy.
JS (in Italy): Yay! I mean...I miss my wife *cwy* How can I live withou--oh sweet, a hot chick...
Mr. Murrey: I published your book, by the way.
Strangites: yay!
Mr. Norrell: Noooooo!
M: Wait, why are all the copies of Strange's book disappearing?
N: I didn't do it.
Strangites: Yes you did!
N: No I--okay, yeah I did.
Childermass: There are only two copies left, one for both magicians.
S: Mr. Norrell sucks!
C: Yeah.
N: ...What?
C: Um...I read tarot cards?
N: Don't do that.
C: Whatever.
Lascelles: You have Strange sympathies, don't you?!
C: ...Uhh...oh look what the tarot cards are saying...
N: I said don't do that!
L: (Johnathan Strange, grr...) Here, I paid your debts, Drawlight. Now go spread slander about Johnathan Strange. Say he murdered his wife or something.
Drawlight: Yay!
Strange: This isn't cool... Hey, I think I'll go crazy to get a fairy and ask it all sorts of magic questions so I can be better than Norrell!
Lady With 500 Cats: Meow. (I'm crazy)
JS: omg I think I'll turn you into a cat and eat a dead mouse to become crazy.
Cat Lady: Meow. (yay)
Dead Mouse: d00d, I absorbed teh cat lady's madness. I rock.
JS: Okay, on second thought, eating a dead mouse whole is gross, so I think I'll crush its bones into a fine powder a put a few drops into my water and drink it.
DM: Noooo.
JS: Yay, I drink crazy mouse powder water! ...You have a candle in your head, Sarah.
Fairy: Stephen, my love, this guy is weird and making me mad, beat him up!
Stephen: Um...
JS: FAIRY! Tell me--oh...pineapples...
F: Pineapples?
JS: Yeah.
F: Uhhh
JS: Oh wait, no, give me....eug...pineapples...
F: Er...how about I give you Lady Pole's finger instead?
JS: Cool.
Dr. Greysteel: Um...you're crazy. I won't let Miss Greysteel marry you now.
JS: Mar--what?
Dr: You can't marry her.
JS: I don't want to marry her.
Dr: ...What?
Miss Greysteel: We're just friends. Like, duh.
JS: Though I think Arabella's brother thinks that we're...
Arabella's brother (back in England): *foams at mouth*
JS: Okay, well, I'm going to find that fairy again... Oh look, a fairy road! And a fairy estate! A fairy ball, too! I'm going to dance with that hot chick over there!
That Hot Chick Over There: Um...yeah, you're too young for me.
JS: *whine* ...But I'm bringing magic back to England~!
THCOT: No you're not. You'll fail.
JS: W-what? *cwy*
THCOT: Yeah, um...I'm tired now. Dance with some other That Hot Chick Over There.
JS: New That Hot Chick Over There, dance with me please!
New That Hot Chick Over There: Grrr, there was another girl you found hot?
JS: omg it's arabella.
NTHCOT/Arabella: Yeah.
JS: ...My darling not-so-dead wife who I've longed for and missed terribly, I certainly never even thought of another woman in your absence!
Lady Pole: ...You suck. Come on Arabella!
A: Okay.
JS: NOOO AUGH.
Fairy: HEY, WTF. My darling love, Stephen, what should I do?
Stephen: Uhh...er...maybe you could release Lady Pole, Mrs. Strange, and myself from the darkness, misery, and despair you've so kept us in?
F: Encase him in darkness, misery, and despair? What a wonderful idea, Stephen! OKAY MAGICIAN, GET OUT OF MY EFFING BALL AND INTO THIS NICE PERPETUAL DARKNESS PILLAR I MADE FOR YOU.
JS: omg wtf nooo
Italians: wtf. Where did this pillar of eternal darkness come from?
JS (kicked out of Fairyland): *cwy*
Drawlight: Hey, I'm in Italy and--where'd that big giant pillar of perpetual darkness come from? Oh well. Hey everybody, Strange killed his wife.
Frank the Greysteels' Servant: I know the dirt on Strange.
D: Really? Tell me!
F: I can show you. See, stand real close to the canal and you can see him through this window.
D: Cool! Hey, where is--
F: *pushes Drawlight in* SPLISH.
Italians: Hooray!
Frank: I'm awesome.
Me: Yes you are.
Drawlight: I'm swimming, swimming, oh look, pillar of perpetual darkness! Noooo. AHH, Johnathan Strange! Nooo...!
Strange: d00d, you have a candle in your head, she-wolf.
D: What the...
JS: Seducer of men!
D: WTF.
JS: But seriously, tell my love Mr. Norrell that I'm coming and...tell the magicians that English magic is coming and...uh...Childermass something or other...euds...pineapples.
D: ...*runs away to someplace else*
Lascelles (in someplace else): You suck, Drawlight.
Drawlight: Oh my dear Mr. Lascelles, I lo--HEY, YOU SHOT ME.
L: Shut up, you're dead.
D: Oh okay.
L: Hey Mr. Norrell, Johnathan Strange is coming.
Mr. Norrell: Ya--I mean, noooo. Quick, Lascelles and Childermass, to the library! He'll never--oh wait, he's already here. And I'm caught in my own magic. Damn.
Strange: Haha.
Lascelles (meanwhile): You suck.
Childermass: No, you do.
L: I try to kill you, yay!
C: ...Eff that! I'm leaving.
L: Awww, and I wanted to kill him, too...hey, I'll kill that guy on the fairy road over there! *kill* Yay, I'm the keeper of this fairy road! wait. nooooo.
Vinculus (somewhere else): Here I am, all by my lonesome...
Fairy: I keel you!
V: I'm dead, noooo.
Stephen Black: Um...that's not cool.
Johnathan Strange (in the library): Hey, let's bring back the Raven King!
Mr. Norrell: No!
Strange: Yes.
N: No...wait, okay. I can't resist your charms, especially since you're not even mad at me for spreading all that slander about you...*heart*
S: Oh nameless servant (aka Raven King), come back!
Stephen Black (meanwhile): Hey, I'm a nameless servant...
English Magic: No you're not. Your name's Stephen Black.
SB: That's not my birth name.
English Magic: Oh okay. Then huzzah!
SB: Yay, I get supreme magic!
Fairy: Hey Stephen, my love, let's kill someone else!
SB: NO. I keel your goat with magic, whoosh!
F: Nooo, I'm dead, and you're now the fairy king...
English Magic: WTF. Hey, you're not the Raven King! I'll take me back, thank you very much!
SB: Whee, I'm a fairy...!
(Meanwhile, back at the ranch...) Vinculus: I'm still dead.
Childermass: I found you and, eww. What's all that blue stuff on you?
Vinculus: It's my secret book. I'm a living book, you know. Except not now. I'm dead.
Raven King: No you're not.
V: I am too a book!
RK: No, I mean, you're not dead anymore.
V: Oh...cool.
C: Hey, who are you!
RK: .....Uh....hey, look, that guy's naked!
V: Yeah...I'm cold.
RK: *runs away*
C: ...Okay...hey, Vinculus, I'm going to read you.
V: The hell you are! ...Oh fine. *cuddle*
Okay, so that was a bit over 30 seconds...
(and it never finished, the horror! I completely forgot the rest of the book, anyway)
Mr. Norrell: I'm a magician. Let's go to London and revive English magic. *in London*
Drawlight & Lascelles: omg, we're so becoming your friends so we can influence and manipulate you to better ourselves while you never even suspect a thing because your people skills, like, suck.
Sir Walter Pole: My fiancee died *cwy*
N: Oh boo hoo.
D&L: Bring her back.
N: No. Wait...okay. Hey Man-Fairy, I don't want to be partnered with you, but bring her back to life.
Fairy: What the...okay. But only if I can have her finger (and her life, haha).
Lady Pole: Yay, I'm alive!
Londoners: omg that is so cool.
Norrell: Hey, I'm a real magician and I say no one else can do magic but me!
London & Yorkshire Magicians: What the...aw. You suck. But we love you anyway because you're the only actual real magician in London.
N: Yay.
Vinculus: Hey, that's not cool!
N: Go away.
V: I have a secret book.
N: No you don't.
V: Yes I do.
N: No you don't. Childermass, go find Vinculus' secret book that he doesn't have.
Childermass: Whatever.
Fairy: (haha, meanwhile I'm stealing Lady Pole...)
Stephen Black: Hi, I'm Walter's black manservant. But I rock.
F: omg i love you. Let us dance forever with Lady Pole!
SB: This is freaky...
Lady Pole: All this constant whisking me away to Fairyland and dancing every night is pissing me off. Walter, you suck.
Sir Walter Pole: What the, nooo. *cwy*
Fairy: I'm going to make you King of England, Stephen my love.
Stephen Black: Uh...okay.
Vinculus (somewhere else): omg, I'm going to spout my prophecy at this slacker.
Johnathan Strange: You're...eww. Hey, I'm gonna be a magician!
Arabella: Let's go to London so you can be Mr. Norrell's pupil.
JS: Okay, wife. Hey, Mr. Norrell, let me be your pupil.
Mr. Norrell: No.
JS: Yes.
N: Okay. But it's only because I don't have anyone else to talk to about magic.
JS: Whatever.
(N: I have a man-crush on you.
JS: You're annoying. Let me do things my own way and stop being so rude to my wife!
N: But I'm horribly jealous of her.)
JS: Let me see your famous library so I can learn magic.
N: No.
JS: Yes.
N: Ok--wait, no.
JS: Damn. Hey, I think I'll try to cure the King of England's madness with magic.
King of England: d00d, there's a candle in your head.
JS: wtf.
KoE: I'm crazy because that Man-Fairy wants to take me out.
JS: No you're not. I mean, yes you are. ...Wait, Fairy?
KoE: What?
JS: What?
KoE: What?
JS: What?
Fairy: You ruined my plan. You suck!
JS: I did? Er...of course!
KoE: I'm still crazy, though.
JS: Yeah, well...
Lady Pole: omg, your wife is my new friend.
JS: Okay.
Fairy: Mine, too.
JS: Ok--wait, what?
F: Nevermind.
JS: ...Whatever. I'm going to Spain to help with the war. And I'm taking some of your books, Norrell.
N: Noooo, my books! I mean, (nooo, don't go).
JS (in Spain): Yay, I do magic!
Drawlight and Lascelles: Yay, we have Mr. Norrell all to ourselves!
N: Ya--wait, I'm lonely.
JS: I'm back.
D&L: Nooo.
JS: We should do magic my way.
N: Like hell!
Drawlight: I promise people magic on behalf of Strange, yay!
JS: wtf.
N: You suck.
D: nooo, I don't want to go to prison because everyone just found out how horribly in debt I am...
Magicians: Ha ha.
JS: Oh wait, I'm not going to be your pupil anymore.
N: Noooo, don't leave m--I mean, you suck, too.
Lascelles: I have you all to myself now *cuddle*
Childermass: Dude, back off.
Strange: We're moving back home.
Lady Pole: Nooo, my only friend! Magicians suck.
Fairy: noooo! (my friend)
Arabella: I'm back home now, yay! I think I'll go for an enchanted walk in the snow...
JS: I'm too busy outdoing Norrell doing magic to know or even care.
A: Oh wait, I died.
JS: That sucks. Nooo.
Fairy: Yay! (she dances with us now, yay!)
N: Ya--I mean, I'm sorry.
JS: I'm going to help out with another war. And I'm going to write a book of MY magic, too.
N: Nooooo! You suck.
Me: Johnathan Strange is now in Brussels, which is somewhere in Europe, but it's on vacation in America now, but wait, now it's back? wait, no...wait...where the fuck is Brussels in the story now?!
Brussels: Haha, I won.
JS: Wait, I'm confused. Where am I?
Me: You're going to Waterloo now.
JS: ...That's silly. Waterloo doesn't exist!
Me: What the--YOU'RE GOING TO WATERLOO.
JS: NO!
Me: YES!
JS: WHY?
Me: BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE THE AUTHOR SAID YOU'RE GOING.
JS: Eff that!
Duke of Wellington: Merlin, Waterloo actually exists.
JS: It does? Awww.
Me: *foams at mouth*
Waterloo: I bet you wish I didn't exist because the battle at me is going to suck for you!
DoW: ...stfu.
JS: omg, I'm so going home now...or something.
Me: I can't remember the order of the book anymore, so you're going to Italy.
JS (in Italy): Yay! I mean...I miss my wife *cwy* How can I live withou--oh sweet, a hot chick...
Mr. Murrey: I published your book, by the way.
Strangites: yay!
Mr. Norrell: Noooooo!
M: Wait, why are all the copies of Strange's book disappearing?
N: I didn't do it.
Strangites: Yes you did!
N: No I--okay, yeah I did.
Childermass: There are only two copies left, one for both magicians.
S: Mr. Norrell sucks!
C: Yeah.
N: ...What?
C: Um...I read tarot cards?
N: Don't do that.
C: Whatever.
Lascelles: You have Strange sympathies, don't you?!
C: ...Uhh...oh look what the tarot cards are saying...
N: I said don't do that!
L: (Johnathan Strange, grr...) Here, I paid your debts, Drawlight. Now go spread slander about Johnathan Strange. Say he murdered his wife or something.
Drawlight: Yay!
Strange: This isn't cool... Hey, I think I'll go crazy to get a fairy and ask it all sorts of magic questions so I can be better than Norrell!
Lady With 500 Cats: Meow. (I'm crazy)
JS: omg I think I'll turn you into a cat and eat a dead mouse to become crazy.
Cat Lady: Meow. (yay)
Dead Mouse: d00d, I absorbed teh cat lady's madness. I rock.
JS: Okay, on second thought, eating a dead mouse whole is gross, so I think I'll crush its bones into a fine powder a put a few drops into my water and drink it.
DM: Noooo.
JS: Yay, I drink crazy mouse powder water! ...You have a candle in your head, Sarah.
Fairy: Stephen, my love, this guy is weird and making me mad, beat him up!
Stephen: Um...
JS: FAIRY! Tell me--oh...pineapples...
F: Pineapples?
JS: Yeah.
F: Uhhh
JS: Oh wait, no, give me....eug...pineapples...
F: Er...how about I give you Lady Pole's finger instead?
JS: Cool.
Dr. Greysteel: Um...you're crazy. I won't let Miss Greysteel marry you now.
JS: Mar--what?
Dr: You can't marry her.
JS: I don't want to marry her.
Dr: ...What?
Miss Greysteel: We're just friends. Like, duh.
JS: Though I think Arabella's brother thinks that we're...
Arabella's brother (back in England): *foams at mouth*
JS: Okay, well, I'm going to find that fairy again... Oh look, a fairy road! And a fairy estate! A fairy ball, too! I'm going to dance with that hot chick over there!
That Hot Chick Over There: Um...yeah, you're too young for me.
JS: *whine* ...But I'm bringing magic back to England~!
THCOT: No you're not. You'll fail.
JS: W-what? *cwy*
THCOT: Yeah, um...I'm tired now. Dance with some other That Hot Chick Over There.
JS: New That Hot Chick Over There, dance with me please!
New That Hot Chick Over There: Grrr, there was another girl you found hot?
JS: omg it's arabella.
NTHCOT/Arabella: Yeah.
JS: ...My darling not-so-dead wife who I've longed for and missed terribly, I certainly never even thought of another woman in your absence!
Lady Pole: ...You suck. Come on Arabella!
A: Okay.
JS: NOOO AUGH.
Fairy: HEY, WTF. My darling love, Stephen, what should I do?
Stephen: Uhh...er...maybe you could release Lady Pole, Mrs. Strange, and myself from the darkness, misery, and despair you've so kept us in?
F: Encase him in darkness, misery, and despair? What a wonderful idea, Stephen! OKAY MAGICIAN, GET OUT OF MY EFFING BALL AND INTO THIS NICE PERPETUAL DARKNESS PILLAR I MADE FOR YOU.
JS: omg wtf nooo
Italians: wtf. Where did this pillar of eternal darkness come from?
JS (kicked out of Fairyland): *cwy*
Drawlight: Hey, I'm in Italy and--where'd that big giant pillar of perpetual darkness come from? Oh well. Hey everybody, Strange killed his wife.
Frank the Greysteels' Servant: I know the dirt on Strange.
D: Really? Tell me!
F: I can show you. See, stand real close to the canal and you can see him through this window.
D: Cool! Hey, where is--
F: *pushes Drawlight in* SPLISH.
Italians: Hooray!
Frank: I'm awesome.
Me: Yes you are.
Drawlight: I'm swimming, swimming, oh look, pillar of perpetual darkness! Noooo. AHH, Johnathan Strange! Nooo...!
Strange: d00d, you have a candle in your head, she-wolf.
D: What the...
JS: Seducer of men!
D: WTF.
JS: But seriously, tell my love Mr. Norrell that I'm coming and...tell the magicians that English magic is coming and...uh...Childermass something or other...euds...pineapples.
D: ...*runs away to someplace else*
Lascelles (in someplace else): You suck, Drawlight.
Drawlight: Oh my dear Mr. Lascelles, I lo--HEY, YOU SHOT ME.
L: Shut up, you're dead.
D: Oh okay.
L: Hey Mr. Norrell, Johnathan Strange is coming.
Mr. Norrell: Ya--I mean, noooo. Quick, Lascelles and Childermass, to the library! He'll never--oh wait, he's already here. And I'm caught in my own magic. Damn.
Strange: Haha.
Lascelles (meanwhile): You suck.
Childermass: No, you do.
L: I try to kill you, yay!
C: ...Eff that! I'm leaving.
L: Awww, and I wanted to kill him, too...hey, I'll kill that guy on the fairy road over there! *kill* Yay, I'm the keeper of this fairy road! wait. nooooo.
Vinculus (somewhere else): Here I am, all by my lonesome...
Fairy: I keel you!
V: I'm dead, noooo.
Stephen Black: Um...that's not cool.
Johnathan Strange (in the library): Hey, let's bring back the Raven King!
Mr. Norrell: No!
Strange: Yes.
N: No...wait, okay. I can't resist your charms, especially since you're not even mad at me for spreading all that slander about you...*heart*
S: Oh nameless servant (aka Raven King), come back!
Stephen Black (meanwhile): Hey, I'm a nameless servant...
English Magic: No you're not. Your name's Stephen Black.
SB: That's not my birth name.
English Magic: Oh okay. Then huzzah!
SB: Yay, I get supreme magic!
Fairy: Hey Stephen, my love, let's kill someone else!
SB: NO. I keel your goat with magic, whoosh!
F: Nooo, I'm dead, and you're now the fairy king...
English Magic: WTF. Hey, you're not the Raven King! I'll take me back, thank you very much!
SB: Whee, I'm a fairy...!
(Meanwhile, back at the ranch...) Vinculus: I'm still dead.
Childermass: I found you and, eww. What's all that blue stuff on you?
Vinculus: It's my secret book. I'm a living book, you know. Except not now. I'm dead.
Raven King: No you're not.
V: I am too a book!
RK: No, I mean, you're not dead anymore.
V: Oh...cool.
C: Hey, who are you!
RK: .....Uh....hey, look, that guy's naked!
V: Yeah...I'm cold.
RK: *runs away*
C: ...Okay...hey, Vinculus, I'm going to read you.
V: The hell you are! ...Oh fine. *cuddle*
Okay, so that was a bit over 30 seconds...
(and it never finished, the horror! I completely forgot the rest of the book, anyway)