Today...
Right, starting this post with "I am back at flat, I am ok" so people don't freak.
But I have odd question to ask. All who read this please check their voicemails to see if I left them a message at a bit gone 3ish today. If I did, I'm sorry, don't worry, see opening statement of this entry.
Delivery of new bed came today at just gone midday, having hidden under the duvet very briefly I realised I couldn't deal with the issues that would cause, so I let it in. Partly caused by my meeps, partly by bad timing of delivery people.
I then went out, so must have been about...1ish.
I know I was called by caroline at 14:58. This may or may not have been a very apt time to call, given that it snapped me out of my daze and made me realise where I was. I decided I couldn't be responsible for ruining another persons life who had just gone to work, so I got off the train track somewhat freaked out that I was there.
I then distinctly remember ramming money into a phonebox, calling a number thats on my mobile and leaving a message.
I then remember...not much. I remember being at hampstead heath. I remember being at kings cross (a particularly grotty bit), I remember being in stratford, vague bus journeys. I remember walking through places waiting to be mugged, attacked, wanting someone to do what I couldn't.
Then it was 9ish, and I had to call mums house and say I wasn't going to make it today because of some flimsy excuse, then coming back to the flat, to help build the bed.
So.. not a good day.
But I want to know who I called, it's worrying me who I may have called, it's worrying me that I can't remember who it was. It worries me I don't remember much of today, I don't know where I was or what I did.
I did seem to gain 40p though...somehow.
But, to repeat. I am now back at flat. Yes i'm depressed, yes I'm mepulant. But I'm at least seemingly back in a minorly logical sense of brain.
But I have odd question to ask. All who read this please check their voicemails to see if I left them a message at a bit gone 3ish today. If I did, I'm sorry, don't worry, see opening statement of this entry.
Delivery of new bed came today at just gone midday, having hidden under the duvet very briefly I realised I couldn't deal with the issues that would cause, so I let it in. Partly caused by my meeps, partly by bad timing of delivery people.
I then went out, so must have been about...1ish.
I know I was called by caroline at 14:58. This may or may not have been a very apt time to call, given that it snapped me out of my daze and made me realise where I was. I decided I couldn't be responsible for ruining another persons life who had just gone to work, so I got off the train track somewhat freaked out that I was there.
I then distinctly remember ramming money into a phonebox, calling a number thats on my mobile and leaving a message.
I then remember...not much. I remember being at hampstead heath. I remember being at kings cross (a particularly grotty bit), I remember being in stratford, vague bus journeys. I remember walking through places waiting to be mugged, attacked, wanting someone to do what I couldn't.
Then it was 9ish, and I had to call mums house and say I wasn't going to make it today because of some flimsy excuse, then coming back to the flat, to help build the bed.
So.. not a good day.
But I want to know who I called, it's worrying me who I may have called, it's worrying me that I can't remember who it was. It worries me I don't remember much of today, I don't know where I was or what I did.
I did seem to gain 40p though...somehow.
But, to repeat. I am now back at flat. Yes i'm depressed, yes I'm mepulant. But I'm at least seemingly back in a minorly logical sense of brain.