Letter to Yuu Aoi/Kai Aoi/Uruha
Title: I love you
Chapters: one shot
Author:
purity_of_soul
Genre: angst? I’m not sure
Warnings: BL duh~~
Rating: G
Pairings/Characters: Aoi/Kai, Aoi/Uruha
Summary: I suck in summary seriously… but this is something from Kai’s thoughts... more like as if he was writing a letter or some sort.. On him and Aoi and Aoi on Uruha
Comments: Another one shot from me after being on hiatus from my writing sanctuary for 2 ½ years… critics are welcome =3
Hey,
Have you ever experience a certain kind of pain which is unexplainable? Lingering on your chest for quite an amount of time and you felt that you might explode? That feeling that could led your mind to a certain possible thoughts of suicide? Which then made you think otherwise because you can’t die just yet… Because of a responsibility you have and the thought of your future along with the rest of the band members.
That’s how I felt for the moment… But I’m sure you won’t notice. Well, you won’t. I can assure you that. All of you are there, up front, while I’m sitting back here, watching everything. If you are about to ask ‘everything?’… Yes, I can see everything, every single step, every single sway and every single movement both of you made. Do you think I missed those winks and smiles you two exchanges while Ruki is talking on stage? Do you think I would miss that lustful gaze you had on him? Do you think I missed the kiss you two shared which is actually a real kiss at Decomposition Beauty? How can I missed that when I’m sitting at a point where I can see every single one of you.
I’m not stupid, but I act like one.
I let those bypass behind me, acting it was an act for the fans. One of the reasons why I would stay at the rear position of the band. Even if it was off stage. One of the reasons why I choose to be the last person to exit the stage. So that I could catch you two barely holding hands as we walk down those long halls after throwing a great live. Or if I’m lucky, catching you two sharing a quick kiss before going to the changing room. Being such a snob, I would walk past between you two and flash my cute dimple smile as an act before giving a lame excuse that I’m in a rush for something.
Wait, I’m not stupid. I am an idiot.
In fact, the biggest idiot too.
Why? Don’t you know why I beg the manager to choose those cheap, thin wall hotel rooms instead of luxurious ones? It’s simple… So I could cry my eyes out whenever I hear you two on the other side of the wall. Call me a pervert closet or any hentai-related-names. I don’t care. This is my way telling myself that this is the reality. A reality check for me to realise that my fantasy or dreams could never to be come true.
Won’t that hurt? You ask…
It hurts… It definitely hurts.
It hurts to know that you had made progress for your desired one. It hurts to know that he loves you back. It hurts to know that I am no longer to be able to be right by your side. It hurts to know that I was only a temporary place for you to seek refuge whenever you felt sad or let alone sober. It hurts to know that I am forgotten, to be left out… To be left hanging without a word from you.
Do you think I had forgotten that night? After the small after party? You are depressed when you saw him leaving with Tora-san. It wasn’t likely of you to drink in a hurried pace. A statement you did on him in one of our interview. It didn’t took more than half an hour before you got truly drunk and I have to drag you all the way home. It took a lot of effort to bring you to your bed while you protest with incoherent words. I bet you are cursing Tora-san ne? Because the next, you are crying like a child whom had lost his toy. I was appalled and I guess I let you do things your way when we kissed. I know I will regret it. Kissing a drunken person is not something anyone would do unless they are stupid. Heh, I think I’ve used a lot of ‘stupid’… Guess I am stupid. Haha…
I don’t have to continue for you to understand what happened that night right? It was crazy and good, despite you called his name instead of mine. The process repeats and at some occasion when you are not drunk. You really took the offer and waste no time. I can see how desperate you are for that man. Same goes for me… I know… You don’t have to tell me…
I guess I should have told you before you confessed to him. Should have said those words whenever we are together, but I guess I chickened out. Afraid that you won’t come to my side if I told you. I wondered what would happen if I did… But it’s too late for that now… All I can do now is watch you two. Watch from where I am sitting here, right behind the drums. Even if I cry, I would just say my hands hurt… or because I’m just into the song…
A coward I am but truth is I love you.
I love you Shiroyama yuu
Yutaka Uke.
Chapters: one shot
Author:
purity_of_soul
Genre: angst? I’m not sure
Warnings: BL duh~~
Rating: G
Pairings/Characters: Aoi/Kai, Aoi/Uruha
Summary: I suck in summary seriously… but this is something from Kai’s thoughts... more like as if he was writing a letter or some sort.. On him and Aoi and Aoi on Uruha
Comments: Another one shot from me after being on hiatus from my writing sanctuary for 2 ½ years… critics are welcome =3
Hey,
Have you ever experience a certain kind of pain which is unexplainable? Lingering on your chest for quite an amount of time and you felt that you might explode? That feeling that could led your mind to a certain possible thoughts of suicide? Which then made you think otherwise because you can’t die just yet… Because of a responsibility you have and the thought of your future along with the rest of the band members.
That’s how I felt for the moment… But I’m sure you won’t notice. Well, you won’t. I can assure you that. All of you are there, up front, while I’m sitting back here, watching everything. If you are about to ask ‘everything?’… Yes, I can see everything, every single step, every single sway and every single movement both of you made. Do you think I missed those winks and smiles you two exchanges while Ruki is talking on stage? Do you think I would miss that lustful gaze you had on him? Do you think I missed the kiss you two shared which is actually a real kiss at Decomposition Beauty? How can I missed that when I’m sitting at a point where I can see every single one of you.
I’m not stupid, but I act like one.
I let those bypass behind me, acting it was an act for the fans. One of the reasons why I would stay at the rear position of the band. Even if it was off stage. One of the reasons why I choose to be the last person to exit the stage. So that I could catch you two barely holding hands as we walk down those long halls after throwing a great live. Or if I’m lucky, catching you two sharing a quick kiss before going to the changing room. Being such a snob, I would walk past between you two and flash my cute dimple smile as an act before giving a lame excuse that I’m in a rush for something.
Wait, I’m not stupid. I am an idiot.
In fact, the biggest idiot too.
Why? Don’t you know why I beg the manager to choose those cheap, thin wall hotel rooms instead of luxurious ones? It’s simple… So I could cry my eyes out whenever I hear you two on the other side of the wall. Call me a pervert closet or any hentai-related-names. I don’t care. This is my way telling myself that this is the reality. A reality check for me to realise that my fantasy or dreams could never to be come true.
Won’t that hurt? You ask…
It hurts… It definitely hurts.
It hurts to know that you had made progress for your desired one. It hurts to know that he loves you back. It hurts to know that I am no longer to be able to be right by your side. It hurts to know that I was only a temporary place for you to seek refuge whenever you felt sad or let alone sober. It hurts to know that I am forgotten, to be left out… To be left hanging without a word from you.
Do you think I had forgotten that night? After the small after party? You are depressed when you saw him leaving with Tora-san. It wasn’t likely of you to drink in a hurried pace. A statement you did on him in one of our interview. It didn’t took more than half an hour before you got truly drunk and I have to drag you all the way home. It took a lot of effort to bring you to your bed while you protest with incoherent words. I bet you are cursing Tora-san ne? Because the next, you are crying like a child whom had lost his toy. I was appalled and I guess I let you do things your way when we kissed. I know I will regret it. Kissing a drunken person is not something anyone would do unless they are stupid. Heh, I think I’ve used a lot of ‘stupid’… Guess I am stupid. Haha…
I don’t have to continue for you to understand what happened that night right? It was crazy and good, despite you called his name instead of mine. The process repeats and at some occasion when you are not drunk. You really took the offer and waste no time. I can see how desperate you are for that man. Same goes for me… I know… You don’t have to tell me…
I guess I should have told you before you confessed to him. Should have said those words whenever we are together, but I guess I chickened out. Afraid that you won’t come to my side if I told you. I wondered what would happen if I did… But it’s too late for that now… All I can do now is watch you two. Watch from where I am sitting here, right behind the drums. Even if I cry, I would just say my hands hurt… or because I’m just into the song…
A coward I am but truth is I love you.
I love you Shiroyama yuu
Yutaka Uke.