[fic] Promise (oneshot) Miyavi/Kai
“What the hell do you want?” a very much angered drummer half-shouted as he stormed into the empty locker room, with his back turned to the guitarist.
“I’ve been telling you-,”
“Bullshit,” Kai violently hit his fist upon the hard metal surface of his locker door, making Miyavi to flinch by the loud noise. “Just fucking leave me alone, damn it!”
Miyavi frowned sadly as he halts in his steps a few feet away from Kai. He knew Kai had his every right to be angry with him and he won’t be surprise if the drummer uses both physical violence and vulgar words on him to express his current hate and disappointment towards him. It would be insane if Kai wasn’t angry with him because he himself finds his mistake was far from forgivable with the simple three words of apology and a kiss on the lips. The guitarist knew it wasn’t going to be easy but it doesn’t mean he should give up without a try.
“I won’t…,” the once colourful haired guitarist closed in taking cautious steps, closing the huge gap between them, inch by inch before carefully reaching out his hand and placed them on Kai’s shoulder. ”...because I really do miss you,”
Kai froze to his feet as he felt those familiar hands on his shoulder, holding him with that strong firm grip that promised of protection yet careful and gentle as if he was a delicate piece that might break off any moment. It made Kai went numb; making his every limb grew weaker by the second that flew across them.
He had been trying to avoid this man, been trying hard to forget this man, been trying hard to move on without this man and was currently doing fine until he showed up at thE GazettE’s studio with his cheerful mood, smiling with his usual sly yet goofy smile of his. The sight of him made Kai’s mood dropped dramatically. It was supposed to be a relaxing practice for Kai and the rest of the band but instead it turned out on a sour note when Uruha ran out of the room with clear evidence of fresh tears at the corner of his eyes when Kai made a brutal comment of his lateness after a small mistake the honey blond had made.
Sensing no protest, Miyavi proceed further, sneaking his willowy arms in between Kai’s arms, resting one upon his stomach while the other wrapped across Kai’s shoulder before pulling the drummer up to him, pressing his chest on the brunette’s back as he rest his forehead on the back of Kai’s head, nuzzling his nose deep into the soft brunette locks. A small smile came upon his lips as his ears caught a small gasp erupted from the brunette’s lips.
“Please.. Please don’t…,” Kai’s voice wavered in his whispered pleas.
“Shushhs.. It’s alright..,” Miyavi cooed. “I won’t do anything to you.. I just want you close,”
Kai bit down on his lower lips and hung his head low as tears began to form at the corner of his eyes. It wasn’t too long when he finally broke down after for so long hiding behind the fake smile he had put up with. His weakened body shook violently along with his strong façade that had long shattered into pieces by his own tears that came running down in rivers, wetting his flushed cheeks, his lips and his neck, soaking the collar of his maroon t-shirt. He hates this. He hates this feeling, this moment. He hates the tears that kept coming to him every day. He hates everything up to the point he was mad at himself for being so weak. Everything became into a blur to his view, into a big tangled mess in his head making himself dizzy. The pain in his head made him awfully confused. He was so confused with his pain that he began to bang his head up against the solid metal surface with hopes that the pain will go away.
“Don’t,” the guitarist held Kai’s forehead with one of his hands while the other tightened his hold around Kai’s shoulder. Guilt and sorrow filled within him as he heard those pained sobs. He buried his face on the crooks of Kai’s neck, brushing his lips lightly on the sensitive spot he knew to calm the other.
They stood there until Kai’s sobs subsided and a little calmer. Kai shut his eyes, silently whimpered as he was half-willingly stirred to have him facing the person he had been avoiding. His body flinched inwardly as soft fingers came in contact upon the tip of his chin, holding it with delicacy. Miyavi softly nudged Kai to lift his head and he complied to lift his head up but he had his eyes close. He was humiliated enough to break down in front of this man and he wasn’t ready to face another. The graceful fingers left his chin, travelling up to the sides of his right cheek, rubbing tenderly, wiping away the traces of tear stains before travelling back down and halt midway onto the corner of his lips.
His heart began to race rapidly as he felt a hand against the back of his head, securing a gentle hold with a thumb locked behind his left ears and a pair of fingers; the middle and the ring finger behind his right. He knew what was coming as warm breeze trickled on his nose. Kai pursed his lips, pulling them into a fine thin line as he weakly struggled in Miyavi’s arms. He knew his efforts are decreased to failure as his lips met those formidable pair against his.
The kiss started off as one-sided at first but Miyavi didn’t gave up and being know as the most stubborn, he lingered on the kiss, making short butterfly kisses, patiently waiting for at least a small response from Kai. His patience paid off eventually as Kai gave in; throwing his arms around the taller male’s shoulder, clinging on to Miyavi dearly as if he would disappear from his side. Their kiss grew intense and deeper when Miyavi swiped his tongue upon Kai’s lips, wanting permission for entrance to taste the sweet taste he longed for. In his current state of mind, all he wanted to do is to make Kai to understand his honest feelings. He wanted Kai to understand he really do love him so despite of all the things he had done. He had never intended to hurt Kai with his errors. He knew he had been foolish and his selfishness had caused Kai to be in his worse. He knew, he had destroyed everything they once had. Deep down, he hoped his messages get through with the kiss they shared, a rare connection that only couples like them who understood.
Miyavi walked backwards, away from the cold lockers, pulling Kai with him in the process and when he felt the bench hit his leg, he sat down on it and again pulling Kai along with him in his arm not breaking their kiss. He pulled the shorter male up to his lap and Kai straddled upon him, both of his legs on Miyavi’s sides. He broke their kiss midway asking Kai if he was comfortable with their current position as he shifted himself properly on the wooden bench. Kai briefly nodded and leaned forward to rest his forehead upon Miyavi’s and his eyes locked upon the dark haired solo guitarist’s.
“Why?” was the first word that came from Kai’s lips, breaking the long silence that came between them.
The question had made the guitarist to lower his gaze away, breaking their eye contact. He was afraid that Kai would start. He shook his head slowly as thousand of apologies rained from his lips. A tight knot began to form on the centre of his chest as the sound of pain in Kai’s voice echoes in his head. How the simple question turned into a hundred thousand of emotions; faith, trust, loyal, hope, deceit, cheats and lies… how it could the simple word stung his soul so deeply? He felt like his heart was ripped without a hint of mercy that very instant and the pain caused was too unbearable for him to keep up. Could this be how Kai had felt when he heard the news? Or was just this a part of it that he was feeling? Warm tears began to make its way out from the creaks of his lightly make-up eyes. It was his turn to cry, to let all off his guilt and regrets out.
Kai draped his arms around Miyavi’s shoulder and held the other as tightly as how the other man cried in his arms with his face buried into the drummer’s chest. Kai pressed his lips on the crown of Miyavi’s head, while he constantly brought his hands up and down on the back of the said guitarist, rubbing gently too sooth out the confusing feelings that he had built up before. Kai knew, both of them are very much confused, very much lost in their search of their way out. They are insecure with themselves, scared that they might hurt the other without realizing they hurt themselves. They hurt each other deeply by hurting themselves with the bundles of guilt and regrets. In the end, both of them are crushed with their own errors.
“Yutaka, promise me…?,” Miyavi lifted his tear stricken face up, gazing deeply into Kai’s, his eyes still glistens with the freah tears. “Promise me not to ever let go,”
Not to ever let go of me…
Not to ever let me to let go of you...
Not to ever to let go of us….
……..
“I promise…”