Feelings -oneshot, Miyavi /Kai,-
Title: Feelings
Author: purity_of_soul
Chapter: oneshot 1/1
warnings: non.. maybe?
rate: G
pairing: Miyavi /Kai
comments: A late Xmas fic for you all
synopsis: I am losing everything now...
Do you know how it is like? To go through this kind of raw emotions that ran deep down inside your skin, within your blood vessel which the hearts pumps one time more faster than it should by the count of times when the ears hears your name, or when the eyes saw the slightest sight of your figure. Do you know how painful it could get? I swear I could have die by just the soft whisper of your sweet sacred voice…
People call you an angel, a savior, a king…. A god…. I couldn’t agree more. You are their everything… Your small reaction causes a huge feedback and not to mention they approve on whatever things that had crossed your mind. You smiled your best smile and play out up there on stage, pleasing your fans to their hearts content.
But of course, they say a smile was all it takes to make the others happy.. And I couldn’t disagree more as smiling had become part of my habits in my life… Yet, I realized, for a certain moment in my life, the smile I had was a fake… Plastic… Insincere. All in the name of getting my duty done and because the bitter emptiness I held in my cold heart.
I am tired….
I am exhausted with my life…
Was it because of you that I have come this far? To be able to tolerate with the faceless humans… the deafening tunes of the music we create… and the empty core that I have become?
Should I just run away from everything and be the person who I was back then before fame?
But alas, I couldn’t as my feet are chained to the destiny I have decided to choose 7 years ago… I am trapped for eternity, until to the last breath I breathe on this world for the sake of others hopes and dreams…..
“Kai?”
I looked up to see you looking all surprised and at the same time exhausted after giving quite a show on the stage earlier. I pushed myself up from the sofa and waved with a smile plastered on my lips. You smiled back, coming over and put your arms around me, giving a small squeeze to it before furthering forward with a short kiss on our lips. The kiss almost made me crumble to bits but I didn’t..
“What are you doing here?”
“I miss you,” I lied… Well a part of it…
I could feel the smile upon my skin as you proceed to give me another round of butterfly kisses. Yet, again, I felt grateful to have someone who is you, to cherish me, to love me… but am I worthy for all your love? The question kept repeating in my mind, doubting my existence in your heart and mind. Am I really there when in reality, you could get others who are double the times more beautiful than the pathetic me?
“I’ll be back in a second, need to freshen up and do a few things,” you informed and dashed out of the room and in the process, managed to playfully land a kick on one of your crew before laughing your ass off and run away.
I smiled at your playfulness, the only thing that still remains in your attitude. I myself had lost those needs to play or joke around. I could always blame my post as a leader but it didn’t stop you who carved a bigger name all by yourself. Guess I am really just that tired, with lack of sleep, lack of appetite….
I am losing everything now… My sense of thoughts, my passion for what I am doing, my heart… my life… my soul…
You..
“Kai? Are you alright? You seemed to be in a daze,” you came to me with that worried tone. My guess is that you caught me staring blankly into space again…
“Sorry, I’m just a little tired,” I held you close. Burying myself into your chest and let myself indulge in this familiar musk of yours that I had long love ever since we united a few years back then. Despite with all the doubts towards you, I felt safe when I am in your hands, when I felt your warmth against my own skin and when you reassure me with your never ending love with the strums of your black guitar strings.
“Let’s get back home then,”
I nodded and let myself being hugged close to you as I cling to your waist; half burying my face into your shoulder as we walk down the empty halls of the building… And those painful feelings came running into my veins once again…
But then, these painful feelings are the ones that made me aware, that I am alive… and fully in love with a man like you…
Author: purity_of_soul
Chapter: oneshot 1/1
warnings: non.. maybe?
rate: G
pairing: Miyavi /Kai
comments: A late Xmas fic for you all
synopsis: I am losing everything now...
Do you know how it is like? To go through this kind of raw emotions that ran deep down inside your skin, within your blood vessel which the hearts pumps one time more faster than it should by the count of times when the ears hears your name, or when the eyes saw the slightest sight of your figure. Do you know how painful it could get? I swear I could have die by just the soft whisper of your sweet sacred voice…
People call you an angel, a savior, a king…. A god…. I couldn’t agree more. You are their everything… Your small reaction causes a huge feedback and not to mention they approve on whatever things that had crossed your mind. You smiled your best smile and play out up there on stage, pleasing your fans to their hearts content.
But of course, they say a smile was all it takes to make the others happy.. And I couldn’t disagree more as smiling had become part of my habits in my life… Yet, I realized, for a certain moment in my life, the smile I had was a fake… Plastic… Insincere. All in the name of getting my duty done and because the bitter emptiness I held in my cold heart.
I am tired….
I am exhausted with my life…
Was it because of you that I have come this far? To be able to tolerate with the faceless humans… the deafening tunes of the music we create… and the empty core that I have become?
Should I just run away from everything and be the person who I was back then before fame?
But alas, I couldn’t as my feet are chained to the destiny I have decided to choose 7 years ago… I am trapped for eternity, until to the last breath I breathe on this world for the sake of others hopes and dreams…..
“Kai?”
I looked up to see you looking all surprised and at the same time exhausted after giving quite a show on the stage earlier. I pushed myself up from the sofa and waved with a smile plastered on my lips. You smiled back, coming over and put your arms around me, giving a small squeeze to it before furthering forward with a short kiss on our lips. The kiss almost made me crumble to bits but I didn’t..
“What are you doing here?”
“I miss you,” I lied… Well a part of it…
I could feel the smile upon my skin as you proceed to give me another round of butterfly kisses. Yet, again, I felt grateful to have someone who is you, to cherish me, to love me… but am I worthy for all your love? The question kept repeating in my mind, doubting my existence in your heart and mind. Am I really there when in reality, you could get others who are double the times more beautiful than the pathetic me?
“I’ll be back in a second, need to freshen up and do a few things,” you informed and dashed out of the room and in the process, managed to playfully land a kick on one of your crew before laughing your ass off and run away.
I smiled at your playfulness, the only thing that still remains in your attitude. I myself had lost those needs to play or joke around. I could always blame my post as a leader but it didn’t stop you who carved a bigger name all by yourself. Guess I am really just that tired, with lack of sleep, lack of appetite….
I am losing everything now… My sense of thoughts, my passion for what I am doing, my heart… my life… my soul…
You..
“Kai? Are you alright? You seemed to be in a daze,” you came to me with that worried tone. My guess is that you caught me staring blankly into space again…
“Sorry, I’m just a little tired,” I held you close. Burying myself into your chest and let myself indulge in this familiar musk of yours that I had long love ever since we united a few years back then. Despite with all the doubts towards you, I felt safe when I am in your hands, when I felt your warmth against my own skin and when you reassure me with your never ending love with the strums of your black guitar strings.
“Let’s get back home then,”
I nodded and let myself being hugged close to you as I cling to your waist; half burying my face into your shoulder as we walk down the empty halls of the building… And those painful feelings came running into my veins once again…
But then, these painful feelings are the ones that made me aware, that I am alive… and fully in love with a man like you…