me

[purple_cowboy]

sometimes i look at other people, television... the rest of the world and realize that i'm totally different from them. i don't live their lives. i don't have anything that they do, i'm a totally different person than most people and i can't have what they have. simply because i am different, i make different choices, i lead a totally different "

Comments

[frankacies]

I haven't a clue how to comment on this, but something needs to be said, it'll get better sooner or later it always does. I know where you're comming from life can suck hard sometimes, but dieing is such a cop out ;) anyway I should have some money by the end of this week, if you want to get away from it all, I'll get you a bus ticket for down here, or something, I won't buy you drugs though.

[purple_cowboy]

had to make it a point to say you won't buy me drugs. rofl, that's awsome. but yeah, that sounds great.

[frankacies]

give me a date and a full name and I'll hook you up honey.

[purple_cowboy]

well, i don't really care when and my name is Brian Slavin phone # (405) 360-2470 . so there we go.

:*(

[passnproficient]

Brian, i am terribly sorry if i'm the one who really made you feel this way...or maybe i wasn't? You're alot different than anyone else i've ever met, and while you might think i'm saying that in a bad way i'm not...it's really good in some ways. Things are alot different now but i really hate to see you upset. Breaking up with you tore me up just like it did you, even if you might not think so...there just came a time when i had to make a decision. a.)make Brian happy and show him that my love is unconditional (and it was) by staying with him even if it made me miserable or b.) stand up for myself and do something that will hurt terribly...but it will result in something better (and healthier) for me (and you too) in the long run. It took alot...and i know you might feel like i'm selfish for what i did (and i was selfish alot), but i really was thinking of both of us when i made the decision that i made. i know you had a really hard time showing your feelings to me and showing me how much you loved me...but Brian, it didn't go

Continued...

[passnproficient]

You're different from everyone else. You just need to find a way to use some of your differences in a 'different' way...hear me? i know you might not take this into consideration...but you do alot of drugs. i worry about you because of it. Every journal entry of yours i read is about you getting fucked up and doing something stupid. i do what i can do to have a happy life...because what else is there for me to do? i think about this stuff just as much as you do Brian. i'm so sorry you're alone and afraid...i wish i could help you.:( Why do you want the world to have a place for you in the first place? The world is a cold, lonely, terrible place...it's where you go in your head that makes everything okay..and fyi: the world doesn't care about anyone.

[passnproficient]

i'm not giving you sympathy...i'm wholeheartedly concerned about you. Everytime i read your entries in here i worry about you and i worry when you're going to end up killing yourself Brian. You wouldn't be better off dead..but you would be better if you give up drugs altogether. If you're that concerned with your well-being and the way things are going for you...please, quit getting fucked up. i've quit drugs (and drinking) altogether and life has gotten alot better for me. It really has. Drugs are what create a false sense of happiness and security. Drugs are aesthetic lacking,drugs can make a person's emotions go really fucking haywire...believe me i know.

If you're ever in a mood to vent or talk, you know my screenname...you know my number (if not you can ask me online),and i'm here to listen to you and offer what i can to you.

Keep your head up Brian....someone really does give a fuck about you.

[purple_cowboy]

maybe i can be overly dramatic and maybe i can be self-destructive, but all and all, i just feel like shit half the time and i understand why in, certain aspects, but being on the outside of things can be enlightining and it can be totally shattering, i guess i've felt both sides of the spectrum. regardless of what anyone does with their life, we all turn out the same color in the end? *snicker*

i understand your posistion on all of this, and all of that, but the past few months have been mind blowing, it's been a total change up for me and it has all happened so fast and so drasticly, it's hard to keep up with a total change of pace. and, obviously, i'm having a hard time dealing with it, but that's only one chunk. the big brown chunk... either way, i'm just... yeah.

[purple_cowboy]

but... i don't like talking to you, all it's doing is reminding me of what i could of had, and what i've lost. if things were turned around, wouldn't you feel the same way? and it's not totally you also. celeste wasn't a easy thing, everything was just fucked up there for a while. really fucked up. i'm glad it's over, but i'm not happy with the outcome. and by over, i mean all the bullshit i was dealing with right before i moved to sulphur, and then during the first few weeks/months of living there. that was really a stressful point of 2003.

[articulate_mess]

I can't believe you didn't write in here about Chicago. Crazy.

yeah

[purple_cowboy]

i haven't had the time and it would be too long.

but, i went to chicago and met billy corgan.

http://integralnaked.org/avantgarde/billy_notes.aspx pictures

http://integralnaked.org/avantgarde/billy_blog.aspx a billy post