Title: A Christmas Carol
Subject: Josh/Donna--Christmas in Wisconsin
Rating: PG-ish
Timeframe: Almost a year into the new administration
Author's note: Many thanks to
intopolitics for the original suggestion and cheering and to
kiss_me_cassie for the wonderful beta and encouragement--Posted today :)
Donna turned to look at Josh next to her, slumped down and squirming in the hard airport chair, looking off in the distance at nothing in particular. What a pair they were. Her, poised, with neat attire and smoothed hair, attempting to make good use of the time and him, rumpled, still wearing his overcoat, and not working, for once, as they waited in the Madison airport for their flight back to DC. Normally she found his rumpled state cute, and it would have brought a smile to her lips if it weren’t also a reflection of his mood. She glanced back at the briefing in her own lap before turning to him once more. “I’m sorry about my parents.”
****
They arrived in Wisconsin late Friday night, even with the time difference. With the holiday falling on a Saturday, Donna had persuaded Josh to take the whole weekend off. She hadn’t been home for Christmas in ages.
She was always stuck by the sameness of it all-not the uniformity of the houses, the secure little cluster was second nature to her-but the sameness to the neighborhood and home she always knew. There were glaring modifications in the form of cut down trees and a couple new units pushing the outskirts of the community, but what she was overwhelmed by was the lack of change. And yet, it felt somehow different now.
In some ways this would always be home, but she wasn’t sure if she wanted it for herself, wasn’t sure if she wanted anything other than the fast-paced political lime-light she had now, the excitement, the value of accomplishing important feats. But sometimes, sometimes she fantasized about a life that wasn’t so work-centered, where home was more than a place to sleep. She imagined a quiet little house nestled somewhere, maybe outside the city, maybe a brownstone in DC. A house, a real house, not an apartment or condo, where she could plant a garden if she wanted or where kids-kids-could run through the yard without worrying about trampling the grass too much or annoying other residents, even if that trade-off was having to shovel snow in the winter. But that was the distant future. Or maybe not her future at all.
Her day dreams were simultaneously shattered and reinforced by a wave of Christmas past that washed over her as she took in the shiny red and green decorations and the scents of pine and peppermint: reinforced by showing her what their careers left little for; shattered, oddly, by ultimately bringing her back to the present and the man at her side being faced with quaint Christmas traditions for possibly the first time in his life. She knew all too well how Josh got about her Midwestern background, but he had assured her he wasn’t going to insult her parents. Her father went to bed almost immediately after greeting them, once he knew they had arrived safely, but her mother stayed up to visit with them for just a bit. It was so rare that Marjorie got to see her daughter.
They had missed the Christmas Eve traditions, but her mom had saved her stocking for her to hang, leaving it to greet them on the table in the small entryway. There beside it was a new one for Josh. They hung them together, and Donna hoped Josh didn’t think it was silly.
After her mother retired for the night, Donna handed him a mug of hot cocoa and settled herself beside him on the couch, warmed by his body and the chocolately liquid inside her throat. She could see snow falling outside the living room window and the Christmas tree twinkling nearby in the same corner it always was, complete with plastic candy canes and the ceramic ornaments she had painted hanging among the glass balls and assortment of trinkets and tinsel. Smiling, she whispered, “So this is my house.” She’d have to give him the full tour later. For the moment, she wasn’t going anywhere. They didn’t have time for stillness very often.
“Condo.”
“Huh?”
“You said ‘house.’ This is a condo.”
“House, condo. This is where I live, where I lived. This is house I grew up in, the condo.”
“Well, I’m glad we’ve got that settled.” Josh smiled devilishly and kissed her on the forehead, putting his arm around her. Christmas wasn’t his holiday, but it certainly seemed to have its perks.
They could have fallen asleep right there, creating an awkward surprise for her parents in the morning, but after a while Donna whispered that Santa wouldn’t come if they weren’t in bed and pulled him from his sleepy state on the couch. They gathered their bags, and she led him to her room downstairs. She paused for a moment in the doorway after flipping on the light to take it all in, her room. It was used as a guest room now, but it was still hers.
“So. This is my room,” she said as she stepped inside, so he could enter and set his bag down.
“Why, Donnatella Moss, don’t look now, but you have a man in your bedroom.”
“Josh,” she scolded in a hushed tone. “I thought you wanted to sleep.”
“Well, I’m awake now.” He pulled her to him in a delicious kiss.
Standing in the middle of her bedroom, Donna almost felt like a schoolgirl again as his hand groped under her blouse. “Josh, no, my parents are upstairs. And it’s Christmas.”
She closed to the door securely to keep the cats out before unzipping her suitcase and taking her pajamas into the adjoining bathroom to change, so as not to tempt him further. When she returned, the lamp was turned down to its lowest setting, and he was in bed, her bed. Her breath caught in her throat at the sight of him there with the pale blue sheets pulled back enough to see that despite the cold he was clad in only a T-shirt and boxer shorts. She shook her head at his impish smile and nestled into bed beside him.
Donna awoke in the morning refreshed and peaceful. Josh began to rouse from her stirring, so she woke him with a kiss and a “Merry Christmas.”
Christmas morning no longer contained the excitement it used to, though she’d never out-grown the special feeling of the holiday. With Josh beside her, this year certainly felt special. Joy and excitement bubbled within her, but the days of jumping out of bed before dawn to see what surprises were in store under the tree were gone. Now they slept a little later and stayed happily in bed until it was time to get ready for church. Church, where the various curious looks in her direction from the congregation didn’t escape Donna’s attention. She could almost hear the whispers, “Look who found time to come back” and “I’ll bet that’s the man she lives with, the one she used to work for.”
Even though this year’s gifts were not exchanged in the wee hours, Marjorie had gone to great lengths to create a Christmas morning like the ones her daughter remembered, right down to the carols emanating from the stereo. Donna eyed Josh carefully. Even though it had been years since his breakdown, she was still watchful of him around Christmas carols. He seemed to be fine and looked adorable pulling item after item out of his new stocking, various candies mostly, since this man was a bit of an anomaly to the Mosses. The entire holiday was new for Josh. He knew of Christmas traditions and he’d celebrated with his friends, but he’d never lived a Christmas morning like this one. When they were sufficiently surrounded by scattered wrapping paper, Donna’s mother offered Josh the plate of Christmas cookies, and he reached for a black-eyed Susan before opting for a decorated bell sugar cookie.
Though they had visited DC, the Mosses had never spent so much time with Donna and her new boyfriend-new, he was still new to them. In some ways this Donna was new to them too, different from the Donnatella they knew, the one who seemed to skin her knee doing nothing at all, the one who had braces and that unfortunate perm, the one who was tall and hopelessly awkward and yet surprisingly cute, the one who did so well in high school but never found her niche in college. She had matured so much since moving to DC, since meeting this man. Now her parents could barely keep up with banter across the table. She even said “Wisconsin” differently than she used to, like an outsider. Oddly, he didn’t…
“I don’t see the cheese.”
“You really thought there was just going to be a big plate of cheese, didn’t you? Josh, it’s not like you’ve never been to Wisconsin before.”
“Campaigning. I’ve never…lived here.”
“Well, we keep my old cheesehead in the storage room.”
“You really had one of those?”
“No, of course not. …I’m not into sports.”
Donna’s father found an opportunity to chime into the conversation, “She was more of band geek.”
“Dad! I wasn’t a geek.” She turned back to Josh. “I wasn’t a geek. I just played the flute.”
“Oh it’s ok, Mr. Moss, I already know she was a geek.” Josh smiled mischievously as Donna’s elbow caught him under the table. Even though it was playful, he took it as cue to tread on safer waters. “Everything is delicious, Mrs. Moss.”
After dinner, Donna took Josh on a more in-depth tour. As a girl she had fantasized about bringing her boyfriend, her husband, home for Christmas, meeting her family, sharing her traditions. In more recent years, she’d longed to take Josh home with her, but she honestly never thought of him being that same man. She wanted to open up this part of herself to him, all of it. They knew each other so well in the present, but he didn’t know her past. She was secretly glad when her mom pulled out the photo-albums, though she pretended to be embarrassed by the pictures of her first bath, her stint pretending to be a cow-girl, and the first grade dance recital when she dressed as a daisy.
The couple had saved their gifts to exchange in the evening. In the privacy of her bedroom, Donna’s eyes reflected the sparkle of the small gold puffed-heart necklace, and she fingered it gently before Josh lifted it from the box. He brushed her hair out of the way to fasten the clasp and seized the opportunity to place soft kisses along her neck, working his way up to her lips. She received him passionately, until she felt his hands exploring a little too far and his body exerting a little too much pressure, forcing her backwards on the bed.
“Josh.” Her tone clearly reminded she had already told him nothing would happen here, but then she softened, touching her finger to the pendant at the base of her neck. “Hold that thought until we get home. I promise I’ll make it worth the wait.”
Mrs. Moss prepared a big brunch on Sunday, complete with all the usual suspects and Donna’s favorite hash browns. In another couple hours, her daughter would be packed up and leaving once more. When they’d all pushed their chairs out from the table a bit as they finished their coffee, Marjorie caught her daughter up on family events. Her youngest cousin Emily had had a beautiful wedding, which Donna was of course unable to attend. Emily’s sister, Elizabeth, had given birth to her second child, a girl. Libby was roughly Donna’s age, and they’d always been friends. And competitors. While Donna was genuinely sad she had missed these events and interested in hearing all the details, she couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealously. This was one area where she was behind par, and her mother knew it.
Her mother, of course, wouldn’t say that, in so many words, and Josh was oblivious to the more subtle prodding of the female sex. Unfortunately, her father didn’t have the same subtlety, asking rather pointedly if they should be preparing for a family wedding of their own.
Donna was stunned. She didn’t know what to say and turned to her mother for any help she could get, a chiding for being so tactless perhaps. But there was no help to be found, as the woman looked at her hands and quietly added that it would be nice to see the grandchildren before they were too old to appreciate them. An ambush! Donna felt her face grow red, and even though she couldn’t bring herself to look at Josh, she knew he must be twitching in his seat. There was no response she could give. She and Josh had never even discussed marriage, and she didn’t want him to think that she was expecting it. Or that she wasn’t. But she also didn’t want him to feel he should be the one offering an answer here-and she feared what might come out of his mouth if he did speak-so she swallowed as much emotion as she could and stammered something about being much too busy to even think about things like that.
It was the truth, mostly. She had thought about it of course. They’d been dating for over a year and living together for most of that, but neither had ever raised the subject of marriage. The farthest they got in such conversation was that they were a couple, they were in love, they weren’t just messing around. She hadn’t pushed for any more of a commitment than that. They were both so busy; sometimes they would go for days not talking much at all, when their paths barely crossed at home long enough to say things like “we need coffee filters,” and that was usually post-coital.
They weren’t unhappy. It’s what she expected. It’s what they both expected. She wouldn’t want anything else. She fell in love with the Josh who wouldn’t rest until he’d exhausted every option for his President, and that meant long days and late nights. Since Leo’s death, he was even more dedicated, as if dropping the ball for even a moment would be letting Leo down. The anniversary of his death in November had been a somber day for everyone, and Josh still carried part of that with him. He had big shoes to fill. Donna was amazed they’d gotten away for two days without his having to fly back early or spend half the time on his cell phone, so there was certainly no time to think about a wedding or a future outside of midterm elections.
They packed in relative silence, both trying desperately to pretend that nothing had happened. They'd had a lot of practice pretending and denying feelings around each other, but they weren’t as good at it anymore. They were never as good at it as they thought they were. By the time they arrived at the airport, Josh was in such a state of buried angst that the weather delay may as well have been a death sentence. He knew she could see through his thin veil of nonchalance, and that only put him more on edge. As they sat there at the gate, him rumpled and her poised, no one would know that these two people who barely looked like they belonged together were actually one of the most influential couples in the world.
It had to be her to break the silence. He wanted to tell her he fully intended to marry her. He wanted to tell her it had crossed his mind more than once that they should just have a quick wedding and make official what practically already was. But then he wouldn’t just be neglecting his girlfriend, he’d be neglecting his wife. Maybe even his kids-women wanted kids right away when they get married, didn’t they? On the political front, always an equal consideration and at this point maybe even a greater one, he didn’t know if the public would like an unannounced wedding any more than they liked shacking up Chiefs of Staff. It wasn’t the kind of thing he could poll on. He tried; Sam talked him out of it.
He wanted to say these things, but he didn’t. Instead he just said “Yeah” and asked if the briefing she was reading had the EPA figures.
Donna set the folder aside and smiled coyly, knowing he was ready to put it behind them. “I’ll still make it worth your wait when we get home.”
Sitting up a bit, he raised an eyebrow and placed his hand on the armrest between them for her to take. Someday, he’d make it worth her wait too.