Sleepless update (once more, with feeling)
So I haven't posted anything much aside from comments and an occasional
community post now and then (still trying to figure the recipe for that
perfect egg-salad, uh-huh..), the past half year. Much has happened.
The inflammation in my buttock turned out to be perianal
abscess. Basically it means that a part of the digestive system got infected and
there's an accumulation of icky stuff-that's why my buttock felt so hard.
The last day I had it, the thing hurt like nothing has hurt in my life
(maybe except for the anesthetic shot I got when I had to have an ingrown
nail removed, but that's a whole other story). I was hospitalized and
prepared for surgery which wasn't very bad since I wasn't conscious during
the surgery itself and didn't feel anything. Later the surgeon has said that
I came very close to a life-and-death situation and that we did the right
thing by turning to the hospital. The docs have got inner me drained and
much cleaner than I had been, leaving me to heal, wash regularly and change
my bandages, at least three times a day. Being hospitalized for two weeks is
no holiday, I assure you. I even had a wave of mild depression when I
thought that I didn't take proper care of myself and the infection might
come back with me being hospitalized till the end of time (DOOOM!!!)-I burst
in tears when a nurse was present because I just couldn't take anymore the
doctors telling me each time during their daily rounds "It's still a bit
infected. We should wait some more."
Being in the hospital wasn't all bad, though. People came to visit me,
including my uncle's family (which I haven't seen in ages), Ola, Ksusha,
Paula and Masha (she came twice). I also got to have a bit more quality time
with my immediate family-especially dad, which is very valuable since we
meet much less than I would have liked to *makes a mental note of writing a
post about dad and their special relationship*. Lena even made me some
chicken soup and brought it to the hospital. It was OK for her, I guess,
cause she works there, but I refused to accept the soup because I thought
mom would find out and there'll be a big mess. I hope she wasn't offended,
though.
I got out of the hospital eventually, but the part after that is much less
interesting, so I'll skip it.
Shortly after, I found a steady job babysitting for a girl of 8 y/o, but I
was fired after 3 months because the parents considered me unreliable
enough. They were right, actually. I was late and missing a lot of the
times, and I guess that was the only effective way for me to realize I
should pull myself together (only time will tell, though). My therapist,
however, reckons it's a much lengthier process of acknowledging
responsibility and learning to deal with it. Or something like that. Anyway,
after I'm done with the requirements for this degree, I will go and see my
welfare program coordinator and we'll try to figure something out to help me
function properly.
The money I did earn during the babysitter gig (lol) helped me to partly
finance a five day vacation in Malta with Achbartul. Though I still owe him
money for the booking of our flight, hotel AND some pocket money, I do not
regret the decision to go. Before the trip, there had passed four years
since I've been abroad, and my Malta experience turned out to be worth every
euro spent.
A little something I caught while visiting Valetta, Malta's capital:
I am currently in a sad, sad situation (almost like the in the Elton John
song). However rewarding, my vacation, together with overeating at my said
workplace and the hospitalization have added to my weight. I currently weigh
about 70 kilos, which is about ten kilos above what I weighed half a year
ago, on my good days (on my bad days I weighed about 62 k.). I also owe
money to the bank, which I have succeeded to keep from for about a year, at
least. So now I have to put in a combined 2.5 years' effort to fight noth
situations. Unless, of course, I will cut on my eating out expenses, which
will help tackle both. Easier said than done. I also need to workout a lot
more, more regularly. The passing year, with me going to school, attending
both my mentoring sessions and therapy, plus toiling to receive scholarship
for community service (a story within itself), and working part time, have
really drained me and I didn't have the energy to dedicate to sports of any
kind, most of the time. I hope that after all of my obligations to school
are done with (that's soon!), I will succeed in keeping up a sports routine.
I am currently in the final stages of writing the last seminar paper for my
BA. The seminar itself was on psychological warfare; my paper explores the
relationship between pop culture, and more precisely, pop music, and the
draftees (actual and potential) to the Vietnam war. It's a fun paper to
write, and most of the research material is really fascinating to me. I feel
like I'm filling some of the holes in my bulk of knowledge labeled 'The
60's'. A tremendous intellectual pleasure. Too bad it isn't coming on as
rapidly as I would like. But that really is up to me. At the process of
writing this post I am actually canceling the prospect of a morning study
session, which I scheduled after an early-morning swim at the Technion pool.
But I really can't sleep so I resign to blogging, interrupted by reading Joe
Allen's "Vietnam: the (last) war the U.S. lost" (terrific book).
I had trouble falling asleep in the first place, because I recalled that me,
Masha and Paula still have to gather and cook together. The cooking
gathering (so I call it) will have to be sometime soon, because between me
finishing up school and becoming available for a serious job, Paula's
possible leaving for another country for an indefinite period of time, and
Masha's getting a whole kitchen to herself (she and her fiance are moving
from their parents home to a flat of their own), possible days for our
meeting are getting fewer. The gathering was decided upon back when I was
still working and has been rescheduled a couple of times because all of us
were busy with various stuff. We also planned to knit together, but I guess
we'll have to make a separate event of that. I'm still at odds as to what to
make precisely. I thought at first that I want to cook four dishes: Thai
soup, my famous yogurt salad, an oriental fruit salad and Bueecos (bulgarian
cheese buns). Currently I'm thinking that maybe I've planned too much and
that I should let the other girls an opportunity to express themselves as
well. Plus, I almost positive about supermarkets and markets not offering
pomelos this time of year, and this is essential for the fruit salad. So I
have to come up with another dessert. I can't think of anything other than
cookies or maybe fast cheesecake, but, got it! Maybe I should make some
orange or lemon muffins? They're so good! Will ponder the subject. We'll
probably have to have our guys in the next room, cause we definitely can't
finish that amount of food ourselves. Maybe we'll get them helping too, or
maybe we'll just pack the food and split it between us.
I'm so happy about Masha and Avi getting their own place :) it will be so
fun visiting her and going to the beach together, for a hearty talk and
watching the various beach wildlife :)) Also, not crazy about Paula going
away for a long period of time. Actually I'm kinda concerned about her. But
maybe it's better than being all alone in that apartment in Nesher and
longing for company. It's lucky she has two jobs now, less time to think.
I'm sort of amazed at myself, come to think of it, assuming it is in my
power to change her orientation towards a relationship-I can't even change
myself, so what do I expect? I really should let her be, Paula will only
learn if she makes her own mistakes. I hope that doesn't come out too
patronizing; Paula, if you read this, know that I have only the best
intentions and do not mean to put you down.
My sister is going to Russia at about mid-August. She will visit Saint
Petersburg and Granpa's town in the Ural mountains. Hopefully she will have
some time in Moscow as well. There has been an ongoing mess with her plane
tickets. Hope that works out by the time she has to go. Overall, I envy her
cause she gets to go abroad and see new places (we left Russia when she was
four y/o so she doesn't remember much), but maybe it's better that I can't
go along. I don't connect really well with my grandpa and am not generally a
very polite person. So I better save my mom the embarrassment. I still have
sometime to decide what to ask for, for my sister to bring me from her trip.
Come to think of it, I also need to ask her, now that her exams are over,
what would she like as a present for her past birthday. Mom wants to do a
little remodeling at the house before sis leaves. She already ordered a
wallpaper for one of the walls of our living room. The picture is a wood
with white poplars, just like there were in Russia. I like her choice. She
also wants to repaint some parts of the house and get new furniture for my
room-the current cupboards and closet I have, were given to me by my cousin
and he had them back in Russia, so obviously, most of it is fraying. I'm all
for new furniture, but I would be happier if instead she'd replace our
living room sofas-they're all scratched because of Freddie is sharpening her
claws on them. As it is I'm planning to move in with Achbartul in half a
year (yes indeed! the whole thing has been discussed and agreed upon a while
ago, I just need to get me a driver's license), so it maybe a shame to leave
new furniture not used much.
Acbartul has been living in TA about a month or so. It was a real drag for
him to find an apartment and to move in, and he still isn't completely
satisfied. But that's just how some things are, I don't really believe there
is a ferfect apartment for him in his current economic situation. He has
declared, though, that when we move in together we'll find a better
arrangement. I really want Freddie to come with me, but Achbartul is
allergic to fur (among other stuff) and will probably need to go through a
homeopathic allergy treatment, if there's something that can help the
situation at all. He's kinda reluctant to go through the whole process and I
understand that, because the treatment costs a lot. But he is also very lazy
and tends to put things off, and that kinda drives me crazy. Maybe it's
selfish of me to put him through expensive, long treatment that is not sure
to work, but I did offer to fund half of it, as soon as I find a job.
It's just that I feel that Freddie is my cat (she is sure mine when it's
convenient for mom and sis) and that I'm responsible for her. So moving out
of the house and leaving Freddie to be taken care of by mom is really kinda
shameful. They have a strong bond though, and I guess I'll have to take her
with me when I'll come up north to visit, If only for the sake of not living
her alone in the apartment for the whole weekend.
I will have to start looking for a job as soon as I finish the BA. I was
kinda nervous about that recently, untill the therapist told me there's no
need to stress out about job interviews, since I don't really have concrete
plans for half a year from now, which she showed me was true. It's all
dependent on "ifs". Kinda depressing, but all in all it made me less afraid.
I'm pretty optimistic about my job prospects, actually, since I will have a
degree in English by the time I'll start looking, and that counts for a lot
in Israel, surprisingly enough. Back when I was fired from babysitting, I
tried to look a bit for a job (until my welfare coordinator made it clear to
me I should concentrate on finishing my BA) and got pretty decent
suggestions, like, from stable, fairly big companies, who offered good work
conditions. The only thing to worry about currently is formal summer
wardrobe. I have winter/fall clothes, but that really doesn't get me
anywhere. I will soon get the last portion of my scholarship, so maybe will
have some money to buy something nice. I had a pair of sandals, both the
soles of which got seriously cracked lately, so I also need respectable,
comfortable summer shoes.
Hadas has gone to London and she will bring me some books when she gets
back. I asked her for the latest John Irwing, a David Sedaris, and "Packing for
Mars" which I wanted to read for a research that I'm planning to do, for a
script I want to write. I have big, creative plans, but I need to get me
some books on script writing and a good camera. I hope I will have one
before my birthday in October. Cousin has started a photography course, and
he's really doing great, from what I've seen. He has a new SLR camera, but I
don't want one like that. I need me a little something which I can carry
anywhere in a small bag. An amateur photographer friend (who is really good,
by the way) has recommended me the Canon powershot s95, and that's probably
what I'm going to get, as soon as I have the money. I'm still debating,
though, as to whether I should be buying it second-hand or not.
A pick I shot having a test ride on Vick's powershot, just like the one I want to buy:
It's a look skywards from the Technion promenade, near dusk-time.
*Plans for after the degree, in short:*
Go for a weekend in TA,
Start a workout routine,
Help mom with remodeling,
Decide what I want to be brought from Russia,
Start studying for the driving theory exam,
Buy decent summer clothing,
Get a job,
Organize my music library on the pc,
Organize the mess in my room,
Get sis a belated birthday present,
Save up some money,
Buy camera,
Save some more money,
Buy a Cowon for mp3, with large storage space,
Save some more money,
Buy a laptop,
Install Premiere,
Start working on the portfolio for film school,
Help Achbartul find new apartment,
Move in with Achbartul,
Start looking for a job in the center,
I guess that should keep me busy for at least 7 months :)
Was nice writing for a change. Most of the stuff I wrote the next morning
since I had to go get some sleep.
community post now and then (still trying to figure the recipe for that
perfect egg-salad, uh-huh..), the past half year. Much has happened.
The inflammation in my buttock turned out to be perianal
abscess. Basically it means that a part of the digestive system got infected and
there's an accumulation of icky stuff-that's why my buttock felt so hard.
The last day I had it, the thing hurt like nothing has hurt in my life
(maybe except for the anesthetic shot I got when I had to have an ingrown
nail removed, but that's a whole other story). I was hospitalized and
prepared for surgery which wasn't very bad since I wasn't conscious during
the surgery itself and didn't feel anything. Later the surgeon has said that
I came very close to a life-and-death situation and that we did the right
thing by turning to the hospital. The docs have got inner me drained and
much cleaner than I had been, leaving me to heal, wash regularly and change
my bandages, at least three times a day. Being hospitalized for two weeks is
no holiday, I assure you. I even had a wave of mild depression when I
thought that I didn't take proper care of myself and the infection might
come back with me being hospitalized till the end of time (DOOOM!!!)-I burst
in tears when a nurse was present because I just couldn't take anymore the
doctors telling me each time during their daily rounds "It's still a bit
infected. We should wait some more."
Being in the hospital wasn't all bad, though. People came to visit me,
including my uncle's family (which I haven't seen in ages), Ola, Ksusha,
Paula and Masha (she came twice). I also got to have a bit more quality time
with my immediate family-especially dad, which is very valuable since we
meet much less than I would have liked to *makes a mental note of writing a
post about dad and their special relationship*. Lena even made me some
chicken soup and brought it to the hospital. It was OK for her, I guess,
cause she works there, but I refused to accept the soup because I thought
mom would find out and there'll be a big mess. I hope she wasn't offended,
though.
I got out of the hospital eventually, but the part after that is much less
interesting, so I'll skip it.
Shortly after, I found a steady job babysitting for a girl of 8 y/o, but I
was fired after 3 months because the parents considered me unreliable
enough. They were right, actually. I was late and missing a lot of the
times, and I guess that was the only effective way for me to realize I
should pull myself together (only time will tell, though). My therapist,
however, reckons it's a much lengthier process of acknowledging
responsibility and learning to deal with it. Or something like that. Anyway,
after I'm done with the requirements for this degree, I will go and see my
welfare program coordinator and we'll try to figure something out to help me
function properly.
The money I did earn during the babysitter gig (lol) helped me to partly
finance a five day vacation in Malta with Achbartul. Though I still owe him
money for the booking of our flight, hotel AND some pocket money, I do not
regret the decision to go. Before the trip, there had passed four years
since I've been abroad, and my Malta experience turned out to be worth every
euro spent.
A little something I caught while visiting Valetta, Malta's capital:
Click to viewI am currently in a sad, sad situation (almost like the in the Elton John
song). However rewarding, my vacation, together with overeating at my said
workplace and the hospitalization have added to my weight. I currently weigh
about 70 kilos, which is about ten kilos above what I weighed half a year
ago, on my good days (on my bad days I weighed about 62 k.). I also owe
money to the bank, which I have succeeded to keep from for about a year, at
least. So now I have to put in a combined 2.5 years' effort to fight noth
situations. Unless, of course, I will cut on my eating out expenses, which
will help tackle both. Easier said than done. I also need to workout a lot
more, more regularly. The passing year, with me going to school, attending
both my mentoring sessions and therapy, plus toiling to receive scholarship
for community service (a story within itself), and working part time, have
really drained me and I didn't have the energy to dedicate to sports of any
kind, most of the time. I hope that after all of my obligations to school
are done with (that's soon!), I will succeed in keeping up a sports routine.
I am currently in the final stages of writing the last seminar paper for my
BA. The seminar itself was on psychological warfare; my paper explores the
relationship between pop culture, and more precisely, pop music, and the
draftees (actual and potential) to the Vietnam war. It's a fun paper to
write, and most of the research material is really fascinating to me. I feel
like I'm filling some of the holes in my bulk of knowledge labeled 'The
60's'. A tremendous intellectual pleasure. Too bad it isn't coming on as
rapidly as I would like. But that really is up to me. At the process of
writing this post I am actually canceling the prospect of a morning study
session, which I scheduled after an early-morning swim at the Technion pool.
But I really can't sleep so I resign to blogging, interrupted by reading Joe
Allen's "Vietnam: the (last) war the U.S. lost" (terrific book).
I had trouble falling asleep in the first place, because I recalled that me,
Masha and Paula still have to gather and cook together. The cooking
gathering (so I call it) will have to be sometime soon, because between me
finishing up school and becoming available for a serious job, Paula's
possible leaving for another country for an indefinite period of time, and
Masha's getting a whole kitchen to herself (she and her fiance are moving
from their parents home to a flat of their own), possible days for our
meeting are getting fewer. The gathering was decided upon back when I was
still working and has been rescheduled a couple of times because all of us
were busy with various stuff. We also planned to knit together, but I guess
we'll have to make a separate event of that. I'm still at odds as to what to
make precisely. I thought at first that I want to cook four dishes: Thai
soup, my famous yogurt salad, an oriental fruit salad and Bueecos (bulgarian
cheese buns). Currently I'm thinking that maybe I've planned too much and
that I should let the other girls an opportunity to express themselves as
well. Plus, I almost positive about supermarkets and markets not offering
pomelos this time of year, and this is essential for the fruit salad. So I
have to come up with another dessert. I can't think of anything other than
cookies or maybe fast cheesecake, but, got it! Maybe I should make some
orange or lemon muffins? They're so good! Will ponder the subject. We'll
probably have to have our guys in the next room, cause we definitely can't
finish that amount of food ourselves. Maybe we'll get them helping too, or
maybe we'll just pack the food and split it between us.
I'm so happy about Masha and Avi getting their own place :) it will be so
fun visiting her and going to the beach together, for a hearty talk and
watching the various beach wildlife :)) Also, not crazy about Paula going
away for a long period of time. Actually I'm kinda concerned about her. But
maybe it's better than being all alone in that apartment in Nesher and
longing for company. It's lucky she has two jobs now, less time to think.
I'm sort of amazed at myself, come to think of it, assuming it is in my
power to change her orientation towards a relationship-I can't even change
myself, so what do I expect? I really should let her be, Paula will only
learn if she makes her own mistakes. I hope that doesn't come out too
patronizing; Paula, if you read this, know that I have only the best
intentions and do not mean to put you down.
My sister is going to Russia at about mid-August. She will visit Saint
Petersburg and Granpa's town in the Ural mountains. Hopefully she will have
some time in Moscow as well. There has been an ongoing mess with her plane
tickets. Hope that works out by the time she has to go. Overall, I envy her
cause she gets to go abroad and see new places (we left Russia when she was
four y/o so she doesn't remember much), but maybe it's better that I can't
go along. I don't connect really well with my grandpa and am not generally a
very polite person. So I better save my mom the embarrassment. I still have
sometime to decide what to ask for, for my sister to bring me from her trip.
Come to think of it, I also need to ask her, now that her exams are over,
what would she like as a present for her past birthday. Mom wants to do a
little remodeling at the house before sis leaves. She already ordered a
wallpaper for one of the walls of our living room. The picture is a wood
with white poplars, just like there were in Russia. I like her choice. She
also wants to repaint some parts of the house and get new furniture for my
room-the current cupboards and closet I have, were given to me by my cousin
and he had them back in Russia, so obviously, most of it is fraying. I'm all
for new furniture, but I would be happier if instead she'd replace our
living room sofas-they're all scratched because of Freddie is sharpening her
claws on them. As it is I'm planning to move in with Achbartul in half a
year (yes indeed! the whole thing has been discussed and agreed upon a while
ago, I just need to get me a driver's license), so it maybe a shame to leave
new furniture not used much.
Acbartul has been living in TA about a month or so. It was a real drag for
him to find an apartment and to move in, and he still isn't completely
satisfied. But that's just how some things are, I don't really believe there
is a ferfect apartment for him in his current economic situation. He has
declared, though, that when we move in together we'll find a better
arrangement. I really want Freddie to come with me, but Achbartul is
allergic to fur (among other stuff) and will probably need to go through a
homeopathic allergy treatment, if there's something that can help the
situation at all. He's kinda reluctant to go through the whole process and I
understand that, because the treatment costs a lot. But he is also very lazy
and tends to put things off, and that kinda drives me crazy. Maybe it's
selfish of me to put him through expensive, long treatment that is not sure
to work, but I did offer to fund half of it, as soon as I find a job.
It's just that I feel that Freddie is my cat (she is sure mine when it's
convenient for mom and sis) and that I'm responsible for her. So moving out
of the house and leaving Freddie to be taken care of by mom is really kinda
shameful. They have a strong bond though, and I guess I'll have to take her
with me when I'll come up north to visit, If only for the sake of not living
her alone in the apartment for the whole weekend.
I will have to start looking for a job as soon as I finish the BA. I was
kinda nervous about that recently, untill the therapist told me there's no
need to stress out about job interviews, since I don't really have concrete
plans for half a year from now, which she showed me was true. It's all
dependent on "ifs". Kinda depressing, but all in all it made me less afraid.
I'm pretty optimistic about my job prospects, actually, since I will have a
degree in English by the time I'll start looking, and that counts for a lot
in Israel, surprisingly enough. Back when I was fired from babysitting, I
tried to look a bit for a job (until my welfare coordinator made it clear to
me I should concentrate on finishing my BA) and got pretty decent
suggestions, like, from stable, fairly big companies, who offered good work
conditions. The only thing to worry about currently is formal summer
wardrobe. I have winter/fall clothes, but that really doesn't get me
anywhere. I will soon get the last portion of my scholarship, so maybe will
have some money to buy something nice. I had a pair of sandals, both the
soles of which got seriously cracked lately, so I also need respectable,
comfortable summer shoes.
Hadas has gone to London and she will bring me some books when she gets
back. I asked her for the latest John Irwing, a David Sedaris, and "Packing for
Mars" which I wanted to read for a research that I'm planning to do, for a
script I want to write. I have big, creative plans, but I need to get me
some books on script writing and a good camera. I hope I will have one
before my birthday in October. Cousin has started a photography course, and
he's really doing great, from what I've seen. He has a new SLR camera, but I
don't want one like that. I need me a little something which I can carry
anywhere in a small bag. An amateur photographer friend (who is really good,
by the way) has recommended me the Canon powershot s95, and that's probably
what I'm going to get, as soon as I have the money. I'm still debating,
though, as to whether I should be buying it second-hand or not.
A pick I shot having a test ride on Vick's powershot, just like the one I want to buy:
It's a look skywards from the Technion promenade, near dusk-time.
*Plans for after the degree, in short:*
Go for a weekend in TA,
Start a workout routine,
Help mom with remodeling,
Decide what I want to be brought from Russia,
Start studying for the driving theory exam,
Buy decent summer clothing,
Get a job,
Organize my music library on the pc,
Organize the mess in my room,
Get sis a belated birthday present,
Save up some money,
Buy camera,
Save some more money,
Buy a Cowon for mp3, with large storage space,
Save some more money,
Buy a laptop,
Install Premiere,
Start working on the portfolio for film school,
Help Achbartul find new apartment,
Move in with Achbartul,
Start looking for a job in the center,
I guess that should keep me busy for at least 7 months :)
Was nice writing for a change. Most of the stuff I wrote the next morning
since I had to go get some sleep.