poetry: the scenery better inside than what is passing by outside
ORIGNAL Post:
Subject: the scenery better inside than what is passing by outside
Author: Tiffany Clark
Creation date: Wednesday, August 1, 2007 1:29:14 AM EDT
title: the scenery better inside than what is passing by outside
author: by Tiffany Clark
open your eyes! you must
be kidding when you just
stole quick glances of them. but yet you plan to tell
*everyone*, to you that is your precious speed dial on the phone. gee, how swell..
(is it worth it?)
so infatuated and head over heels in love and craving each other the pair seemingly flaunts.
"simply sharing souls" she said softly
"i think very highly of him!"
"vying for her attention?" a stranger asks him
"easy. there isn't any need to, because we are slowly becoming one" he replied.
I learned this week that poetry is certainly more difficult to write than just analyzing the work of someone else's. Or even criticism of poetry. That being said, I decided to write a poem about a special man in my life, and part of an in-joke of something that will happen when I go visit him in a couple months. The perspective of a narrator which is a stranger gave me the chance to step outside myself, and try to express from the point of view of an outsider. I didn't want to just pick my name or his name or something easy, but I fairly quickly chose the word "obsessive" because we are both that way about many many things in life (including each other). Again because of requirements, the words met the minimum 8 lines critera. I used a bit of rhyming in the first four lines, trying to give a light hearted, perhaps even satirical tone, to the piece. Then I used the fifth line to break away of sorts, and bridge the gap between the other two "halves". The use of "assonance"/ "alliteration" was easy for when it came to speak from my voice (line six), because it sounds like something I would actually say, as well as move you along through the poem. I wanted him to get a voice in too, so that's why the last four lines.. two are me, and the other two are him. Split right down the middle because we are becoming equals. I think my favorite part is the metaphor, "hey-you are NOT sydney bristow." and I think it's a specific kind, where you reference something in history/pop culture (in my case the latter of the two). Anyone know what I am talking about? I am totally blanking out on the name right now! Overall, this is only a snippet but time restraints and real life confined me to leaving this as is now.
REPLY POST:
Subject: RE:the scenery better inside than what is passing by outside
Author: Michael Flores
Creation date: Friday, August 3, 2007 12:28:38 AM EDT
I love the poem you've written here. The assignment was very difficult for me. Not only writing the poem as you said, but analyzing it afterward. I think there is something weird about writing your own piece and then taking it apart for everyone to see. Michelangelo never had to explain what he thought. I did love your approach though. This poem rocked. The first lines especially. I feel the same way about my girlfriend and believe others looking at our relationship see what you describe. I love the line break directly after "you must." We as readers think you want us to "open [our] eyes" to what you are about to describe. This picture is indeed scary. Coming from experience I believe the title is understandable and fun. Your poem begins playful and then slowly unveils its darkness. The scenery inside is very much a wonderful thing. You describe this wonderful thing many times. Presented in a satirical manner as you said, this wonderful inside scene is exposed with wonderful words of alliteration and fun rambling descriptions. The line at the end, "slowly becoming one," is very ominous and ties in very well with the title and theme of the poem. This ending makes us, as readers, believe this infatuation is flawed somehow. You have done a wonderful job with this assignment. I hope to incorporate the literary techniques smoothly, just as you have. The metaphor is fun and I truly enjoyed reading your analysis. This assignment has been a blast. Good Job.
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AGH! I cannot believe I actually left the metaphor part out of my poem! It should look like this:
open your eyes! you must
be kidding when you just
stole quick glances of them. hey-you are NOT sydney bristow. but yet you plan to tell
*everyone*, to you that is your precious speed dial on the phone. gee, how swell..
(is it worth it?)
so infatuated and head over heels in love and craving each other the pair seemingly flaunts.
"simply sharing souls" she said softly
"i think very highly of him!"
"vying for her attention?" a stranger asks him
"easy. there isn't any need to, because we are slowly becoming one" he replied.