Fic: No Remedy For Love [Glee]
Title: No Remedy For Love
Author: purplehrdwonder
Rating: PG-13
Genre/pairing: Sebastian/Blaine
Characters: Blaine, Sebastian, Tina, Sam
Word count: 4,250
Spoilers: Through 4x22
Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize.
Summary: There might be a lot of baggage between them, but there was something incredibly easy about being with Sebastian. Second in the No Words 'verse.
Note: This was written for Seblaine Week’s free day and is the promised follow up to “Not Words But Meanings.” The title comes from another Thoreau quote: “There is no remedy for love but to love more.”
No Remedy For Love
Blaine wasn’t entirely sure what had just happened as he climbed the stairs, keyboard under one arm and bag slung over his shoulder, to the apartment he shared with Tina and Sam. He’d been more than a little surprised to run into Sebastian at the coffee shop, but despite not having seen each other in over a year, they’d still found a rhythm much like the one they’d had junior year before everything had gone to hell because of competition and jealousy.
There was a lot of baggage between them from high school, but Blaine was too tired to even contemplate unpacking it. For tonight, he was content to have reunited with someone who had, for a time, been a friend. For as crowded as New York was, it could be equally lonely at times.
When he opened the door to the apartment, Sam and Tina all but pounced on him. So much for hoping they hadn’t waited up despite all of them having class in the morning.
“Where have you been?” Tina demanded, hands on her hips, as Blaine deposited the keyboard and bag on the floor. “It’s almost one!”
“I was with Sebastian,” Blaine replied around a yawn.
He was exhausted, the adrenaline of performing at the open mic night long since worn off, but more than that, he felt raw after opening up to Sebastian on the apartment steps. He hadn’t shared the whole story, but it was more than he’d told anyone outside of Sam, Tina, and Wes.
Sebastian was surprisingly easy to talk to and understood him in ways that his other friends, despite their best intentions, simply couldn’t. Blaine supposed that made him feel safe to lower his guard a bit when his instincts should have been tolling warning bells. That had been true in high school too, and it had come back to bite him then.
But Sebastian was, in many ways, a kindred spirit. They both grew up gay in a conservative community with parents whose expectations, personally and academically, they could never quite live up to no matter how many things they worked to excel at. They both knew a thing or two about wearing masks just to survive on a day-to-day basis, Blaine plastering on a pleasant smile and trying to please everyone while Sebastian preferred a smirk and acting above everyone and everything. It was why he’d never managed to cut the other boy out of his life completely when it would’ve been so much simpler.
“Tell me you didn’t-”Tina trailed off, looking him up and down. It took Blaine a moment to realize that she was trying to determine if he’d had sex in the last three hours.
“Seriously? We talked, Tay-Tay,” Blaine said firmly as he shrugged off his coat and unwound his scarf, hanging them both on the coat rack.
“For three hours?” Sam asked dubiously.
“Yes, for three hours, Blaine replied, shoving past his friends into the kitchen. He had to be up in six hours, but he pulled out a mug and tea bag anyway. “And he helped me bring the keyboard home. That’s it.” He filled the mug with water and put it in the microwave, too tired to deal with the kettle.
“The barista had to kick us out when they closed at midnight.” He glowered wearily between Sam and Tina, who were standing in the kitchen doorway. “Ask her next time if you need to check my alibi, officers.”
“Sassy,” Tina retorted, raising an eyebrow.
Blaine shook his head and carefully pulled the mug of hot water out of the microwave once it beeped. He put the tea bag in to steep. Something about their doubt made him twitchy; it wasn’t like he’d had a string of one night stands since he and Kurt had cut ties or something. Casual sex had destroyed the most important relationship in his life, and he’d never felt worse in the aftermath. But even if he had hooked up, it wouldn’t be any of their business.
“He almost blinded you,” Tina pointed out after a few silent minutes, crossing her arms.
“I forgave him for that a long time ago,” Blaine replied, removing the tea bag from the mug. He blew on the top and took a sip, savoring the taste, before heading into the living room. Sam and Tina followed. He toed his shoes off and pulled his feet up under him on the couch while Tina sat down next to him. Sam took the armchair.
“What’s he doing in New York, anyway?” Sam asked.
“He’s going to Columbia.” He probably sounded more defensive than necessary, but he was tired, and not just from the night’s events.
“Blaine, we just want you to be careful,” Tina said quietly, reaching for his hand. “He hurt you, and you haven’t exactly been yourself since the Kurt thing-”
Blaine flinched as Sebastian’s words from earlier came to mind.
“Have they considered that maybe you’re finally actually being yourself for once?”
“But I think that maybe you finally reached your breaking point with that bullshit and are actually letting your emotions out for once. Most people would call that healthy.”
That was hitting a little too close to home at the moment.
“‘The Kurt thing,’” Blaine echoed bitterly, pulling back from Tina’s reach. He hadn’t realized his breakup with the love of his life had earned a nickname, and the thought made his stomach turn.
Tina recoiled, a hurt look crossing her face, and Blaine felt a momentary pang of guilt but he shoved it aside. Talking with Sebastian had given him some things to think about, and maybe he was just tired enough to say what he’d been thinking for a while now.
“This isn’t a rebound or revenge plot or whatever you might be thinking.” He rose to his feet. “We talked, and it was nice.”
“You can talk to us,” Tina argued, and Sam nodded.
Blaine took a calming breath. “I know that, and I love you guys more than I can say for it. But there are just some things you can’t understand.”
“And Sebastian can?”
“Yes.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaustion weighing him down. “I’ve got class in the morning. I’m going to bed.”
“Blaine-”
“Goodnight.”
-----
The next day, Blaine rolled out of bed feeling hungover, though he hadn’t had anything to drink the night before. He hadn’t slept well, tossing, turning, and waking up every few hours, so when his alarm went off his head was pounding and his muscles ached. He went through his morning routine in silence; though Tina and Sam both had class this morning as well, they seemed to be giving Blaine space. He felt bad for snapping at them the night before, but he appreciated the space nonetheless as he sorted through what he was feeling.
Sam and Tina had seen him at his lowest senior year after the breakup, and they’d been there to help pull him up from rock bottom when he’d nearly transferred back to Dalton. And after he and Kurt had agreed to cut ties completely, they’d been there with ice cream, superhero flicks, and a lease for a three bedroom apartment in New York even though they were all going to different schools.
And while there was a Kurt-shaped hole in Blaine’s heart that he was pretty sure would always hurt a little bit, Sam and Tina were treating him as though he was made of glass-like he might shatter if they uttered a wrong word even though he and Kurt had gone their separate ways over half a year before. Besides, Blaine wasn’t the same guy who’d run from a Grease audition in tears. Yeah, he might’ve needed some Ben & Jerry’s when he’d found out Kurt was dating someone, but part of that had been because Kurt had actually been seeing this guy for a few months and none of his friends had thought he could handle the news.
Blaine grabbed a coffee from a Starbucks on the way to campus, but he still arrived early for his class. Sitting outside the classroom, he pulled his phone out and scrolled through his contacts until he found Sebastian’s name, put there the day they’d first met at Dalton, deleted after the slushie incident, and re-entered when they’d run into each other that summer at the Westerville public library of all places.
His last text exchange with Sebastian had been at New Year’s; he’d been invited to a Warbler gathering but had turned it down in favor of spending it with Cooper, who’d only been in town for a few days. The Warbler cheating scandal had broken a few weeks after that, and Blaine had felt both guilty for his part in the disqualification and disappointed that Sebastian and some of his other former teammates had taken the PEDs, so hadn’t gotten in touch again.
To be fair, Sebastian hadn’t tried either, and Blaine still wasn’t sure whether he was grateful or not. It was probably for the best, considering the complications in his love life during the spring. Either way, they’d fallen out of touch, and the only former Warblers he regularly talked with were Wes and Trent.
Blaine, though, hadn’t had the heart to erase the number, even if he could never muster a good reason for his reluctance.
His fingers hovered over the name as he debated sending a text, but Sebastian had said he didn’t have class until noon, and he was probably desperate for any sleep he could get with that Halo tournament he’d mentioned (which decidedly hadn’t reminded him of the gaming tournaments he’d played in the Hudson-Hummel basement with Finn and the other New Directions guys that he doubted he’d be invited to on any future visits home, considering…).
Putting his phone back in his pocket, Blaine instead went to his classes and grabbed some takeout on the way back to the apartment. Tina and Sam were still gone, so he settled down with his laptop in the living room. He got a bit of work for his Monday class done but by mid-afternoon found himself glancing at the clock more and more frequently. He didn’t know when Sebastian would be out of class, but after a dozen or so glances, he ran a hand over his face and laughed at himself.
“You’re being ridiculous, Anderson,” he scolded the room at large, then grabbed his phone and dialed Sebastian’s number before he lost his nerve.
Sebastian picked up on the third ring. “Hey Killer.”
Something loosened in Blaine’s chest at the sound of his voice, and his lips curled up in a smile before he could catch himself. He was glad his roommates weren’t present to make fun of him.
“Hey yourself.”
-----
They met the next afternoon for lunch, conversation flowing easily through an appetizer, entree, and dessert. It hit Blaine as they ordered coffee that there hadn’t been a single awkward pause the entire time. It was that realization that pushed him to bring up what had happened Thursday night with Sam and Tina, hoping for an outside perspective to help him sort through the things that had been bouncing around his head for the last few months.
“It just feels like they think I need to be bubble wrapped at all times,” he finished, leaning back in his chair.
“And that would be a shame,” Sebastian replied, raising an eyebrow. His eyes never left Blaine’s face, but Blaine still felt his cheeks warm; Sebastian had always had that effect on him, able to throw him off-balance with an easy word or look (or, frequently, both). Sebastian laughed quietly and Blaine just shook his head.
“I don’t like feeling like I always have to be okay around them anymore,” he added as Sebastian took a sip of coffee. “They saw me at rock bottom last year, so I know that’s what they’re remembering, but…”
“That’s not you anymore,” Sebastian finished.
Blaine nodded. “Some days are worse than others, but I’m not…” Not what? Not heartbroken? That wasn’t true. Not fragile? Only sometimes. Not broken? He didn’t know. “Made of glass,” he decided on.
He shook his head. “But at the first sign of me not being completely happy, even if it was just a bad day in class or something, an intervention is in order. And sometimes I just want to be able to wallow without worrying how it’s going to make everyone else feel.”
“They obviously care about you,” Sebastian offered. There was something almost wistful in his voice. “It’s nice in a weirdly overbearing way, I guess.”
“I just-” Blaine cut himself off, considering his next words carefully. “I hate not being able to be myself around them all the time.” He hated that he had to retreat behind a mask in his own home even after leaving his parents’ house. The apartment should’ve been a sanctuary, but instead it was just another place he had to be on.
“Sounds exhausting.”
Blaine shut his eyes briefly before opening them again. “You have no idea.”
Sebastian inclined his head. “You might be surprised.” There was something in the look on his face…
Oh. Blaine’s lips twitched upward. “I might at that.”
-----
Blaine and Sebastian met for coffee again on Tuesday. Andrea grinned widely when they walked in together, and she treated them to a free plate of biscotti, which they shared. But since they both had class the next day and homework was piling up with finals the next week for both of them, they cut the outing short.
Sebastian came back to open mic night on Thursday. Blaine told him that he didn’t need to, but Sebastian simply replied that he’d been promised a cute ass and a nice voice on Thursday nights (a paraphrase, he later admitted) and he fully intended to take advantage of the opportunity. Blaine blushed and rolled his eyes but let it drop, though he hadn’t missed the dark looks Sam and Tina kept shooting Sebastian across the coffee shop.
They didn’t have the chance to meet up again before the end of the semester, though. Friday night, Blaine, Sam, and Tina attended a showcase at the Brooklyn Film Academy where Artie had a film in a competition. Blaine then spent the weekend finishing up a major project while Sebastian had his own finals to study for and papers to write.
Finals week was also hectic, but they texted a lot; it was mostly stupid little stuff, but it still made Blaine smile every time his phone buzzed with an incoming text. Finals flew by in an over-caffeinated blur, and by the time Blaine had a moment to breathe, he was sitting on a plane between Sam and Tina on the way back to Ohio for four weeks.
He didn’t see Sebastian again until he’d been home for two days. Sebastian had gotten back a day after Blaine, and they’d finally been able to sync their familial obligations enough to get together. They met at Starbucks and ended up going to the Westerville mall.
“I can’t believe you live in New York and are still doing your Christmas shopping here,” Sebastian said, eyeing the crowds of shoppers with distaste.
Blaine shrugged as they dodged a crowd of mothers trying to corral a gaggle of small children. “I didn’t want to pack gifts.” It was expensive to check bags, after all-even if he only had to shop for his parents and Cooper this year. The thought gave him a brief pang, but he quickly shook it off.
“Have it shipped back, then.”
Blaine raised an eyebrow as they walked into Nordstrom. “I take it your shopping is done then?”
Sebastian smirked. “My very presence is a gift to my father.”
Blaine rolled his eyes as he headed toward the jewelry. “Silly me.”
“Holidays aren’t big in my family,” Sebastian said as they passed the menswear, sobering slightly. “I’ll spend Christmas with my father and his flavor of the month and New Year’s in Paris with my mother and her...” He trailed off as though searching for the right word, but Blaine got the idea. Lover. Boyfriend. Beau.
“My father gets an expensive bottle of alcohol every year and my mother some art supplies,” he added with a shrug that looked far too unaffected to be natural.
Blaine was surprised to get such an honest admission seemingly out of the blue. He knew Sebastian’s parents had separated when he was young, but he didn’t know much else about his family situation, other than his father being an attorney and his mother a painter.
Even if he wasn’t as close with his family as he might’ve liked, Blaine couldn’t imagine being so uninvested in the holidays. It was an unbearably sad thought. But, Blaine supposed, that was just another piece of the puzzle that he was starting to assemble of Sebastian Smythe. Sooner or later it might make a full picture.
They wandered through several stores before Blaine finally settled on a scarf and pair of earrings for his mother and a few books that his father said he kept meaning to read. For Cooper, Blaine finally settled on an Acting for Dummies book (while demonstrating the patented Cooper pointing routine for Sebastian in the middle of the book store) and DVD of Duran Duran live. By the time Blaine finished shopping, it was dark outside, though it was only a little after four in the afternoon.
“What now?” Sebastian asked as they left the mall. They’d decided to carpool, and Sebastian had ended up driving, so they headed for his car. It had started snowing lightly, and Blaine felt a couple flurries catch on his eyelashes as they walked.
Blaine shrugged. “The mall was my thing. You decide.” They reached Sebastian’s car and Blaine rounded it to the passenger side. He looked at the other boy over the roof of the car. “Surprise me,” he said, quirking an eyebrow in challenge, before opening the door and getting in.
Sebastian opened the driver’s side door a moment later and got behind the wheel. “Is that really a good idea?” he asked.
“Probably not,” Blaine allowed as he settled his bag in the back seat.
“But?”
“‘But’ nothing.” Blaine placed his hands in his lap with exaggerated expectance.
Sebastian snorted and started up the car.
-----
They ended up at a park a few blocks from Westerville Elementary. Blaine looked at Sebastian in surprise as they pulled into the empty parking lot. There weren’t any tire tracks in the recently fallen snow, so clearly there wasn’t much demand for the park in the dead of winter (or in the dark). A few streetlights illuminated the park and reflected orange on the snow.
“Really?” Blaine asked with a laugh.
Sebastian shrugged as he shut the car off. “Surprised?”
There was something incredibly sweet and unexpected about the gesture that didn’t escape Blaine. He smiled as something warm settled in his chest. “Shocked.”
“The mission accomplished,” Sebastian declared before taking off his seatbelt and opening his door.
Blaine quickly followed. With a grin, he took off running toward the playground, passing a startled Sebastian in the process. He clambered up the side of the jungle gym and stood at the top of the slide, watching as Sebastian walked up to the edge of the playground.
“I’m the king of the world,” Blaine crowed into the night with a laugh, spreading his arms wide.
He tilted his head back and shut his eyes, letting snowflakes land lazily on his face and catching a few on his tongue. He felt completely free, light enough that he might float away if he let go of the top of the slide. Tempting fate, he did and slowly turned, arms still outstretched and face to the sky. He made a full circle before opening his eyes again. Sebastian was watching him with a look that Blaine couldn’t read in the darkness.
Blaine took a breath and slid down the slide, snow sticking to his jeans. He hit the bottom of the slide and hopped, faking a gymnastic dismount. Sebastian’s lips quirked upward, and he applauded slowly.
“Nine point six,” he declared.
“That’s it?” Blaine demanded in faux indignation.
“The Russian judge voted low on difficulty.”
“Well,” Blaine said, turning toward the swing set, “the slide isn’t my strongest event anyway.”
“No?” Sebastian asked, following him with his gloved hands stuffed in his coat pockets.
“I was lucky to make the team,” Blaine confided. “They only keep me around for the swings portion of the competition.”
“Is that so?”
“Absolutely.”
Sebastian huffed a quiet laugh as Blaine settled on one of the swings after brushing off the gathered snow. He began to swing, pumping his legs the way Cooper had taught him in this very park when he was little. He gained height and was able to see the whole park, a large field beyond the playground where families picnicked and college students played Ultimate in the warmer months. But tonight the field was empty and covered in a light blanket of undisturbed snow.
Eventually he slowed his momentum and, tapping into muscle memory from his childhood, jumped mid-upswing, landing not two feet in front of Sebastian.
“You’re insane, Anderson,” Sebastian decided.
“I did break my arm doing that once as a kid,” Blaine admitted with a shrug. Cooper had dared him to jump and his parents had been furious when they found out.
For a moment, they just stared at each other, but then Sebastian moved and Blaine yelped at the cold wetness dripping down the back of his neck.
“You asshole!” Blaine exclaimed with a laugh and leapt forward, but Sebastian’s eyes lit up in childlike amusement and he took off running, Blaine in pursuit.
Sebastian weaved through the playground equipment and headed into the field. He tried changing directions to use his long legs to eat up ground, but Blaine was quick and didn’t fall for the deception. They made it maybe thirty yards from the playground when Sebastian came into reach. Blaine lunged, taking Sebastian out at the knees.
Sebastian let out an oof as they hit the ground and quickly shifted to try to take control. Blaine hooked a leg around Sebastian’s ankle and they rolled several turns, laughing as snow rode up their coats, before Blaine managed pin Sebastian, his gloved palms flat on the ground on either side of Sebastian’s head. Blaine was straddling Sebastian and their faces were inches apart as they breathed hard.
Blaine’s smile slipped as he swallowed, heat flooding his cheeks when he realized his heart wasn’t just racing from the exertion. Sebastian’s face was also flushed and up close, Blaine could see a handful of freckles sprinkled across Sebastian’s nose as well as a small mole just above his ear.
After they’d first met, Blaine had been rather in awe of Sebastian and his straightforwardness. He never tried to hide who he was or what he wanted, and Blaine had envied that-in small town Ohio, even somewhere like Dalton, it practically seemed like a superpower. But Sebastian was very human, and the little imperfections hammed home that oh, he was a boy.
A very attractive boy who seemed to care about Blaine.
Blaine looked down at Sebastian, and Sebastian looked right back with darkened eyes, completely still except for his breaths, waiting.
The part of Blaine that was safe, that still ached from losing his first love and retreated behind people-pleasing masks to avoid conflict, was telling him in no uncertain terms to flee. Danger, danger.
But another part of Blaine, one that had been in hibernation since a school dance when he was fourteen and had only started poking its head out occasionally senior year, propelled him forward, pushing his lips against Sebastian’s.
Sparks flooded through him as Sebastian returned the kiss, his arms wrapping around Blaine’s back as his tongue pressed into Blaine’s mouth. Blaine moaned faintly and deepened the kiss. Sebastian’s grip tightened before he gently flipped them so he was straddling Blaine’s waist while Blaine’s hands found their way into Sebastian’s hair and held on.
Blaine nipped at Sebastian’s bottom lip before soothing it with his tongue, and Sebastian made a pleased sound in the back of his throat before pulling back to mouth at Blaine’s jawline. Blaine dropped his head back and he gasped when Sebastian found that sensitive spot below his ear. Sebastian smiled into his skin, and heat pooled low in Blaine’s stomach. His arms fell away from Sebastian’s hair to his sides and his fingers clenched in the snow until Sebastian finally sat up.
It took Blaine a moment to collect himself, but when he could think again, he realized that Sebastian was looking down at him nervously, his lips kiss swollen and hair tousled from Blaine’s fingers. He looked gorgeous.
Oh. Oh.
“I-” Sebastian started, licking his bottom lip.
But Blaine gripped a handful of snow and crushed it into a loose ball, then tossed it in Sebastian’s face, cackling in victory when the other boy sputtered. Sebastian rolled off of Blaine, landing on his back next to him, and together they stared up at the sky.
“That was unexpected,” Sebastian said after a while.
“The making out or the snowball?”
Sebastian snorted. “Both.”
“Good.”
“Good?”
“Good,” Blaine confirmed.
-----
Next installment: The Heart, Forever Inexperienced
Author: purplehrdwonder
Rating: PG-13
Genre/pairing: Sebastian/Blaine
Characters: Blaine, Sebastian, Tina, Sam
Word count: 4,250
Spoilers: Through 4x22
Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize.
Summary: There might be a lot of baggage between them, but there was something incredibly easy about being with Sebastian. Second in the No Words 'verse.
Note: This was written for Seblaine Week’s free day and is the promised follow up to “Not Words But Meanings.” The title comes from another Thoreau quote: “There is no remedy for love but to love more.”
No Remedy For Love
Blaine wasn’t entirely sure what had just happened as he climbed the stairs, keyboard under one arm and bag slung over his shoulder, to the apartment he shared with Tina and Sam. He’d been more than a little surprised to run into Sebastian at the coffee shop, but despite not having seen each other in over a year, they’d still found a rhythm much like the one they’d had junior year before everything had gone to hell because of competition and jealousy.
There was a lot of baggage between them from high school, but Blaine was too tired to even contemplate unpacking it. For tonight, he was content to have reunited with someone who had, for a time, been a friend. For as crowded as New York was, it could be equally lonely at times.
When he opened the door to the apartment, Sam and Tina all but pounced on him. So much for hoping they hadn’t waited up despite all of them having class in the morning.
“Where have you been?” Tina demanded, hands on her hips, as Blaine deposited the keyboard and bag on the floor. “It’s almost one!”
“I was with Sebastian,” Blaine replied around a yawn.
He was exhausted, the adrenaline of performing at the open mic night long since worn off, but more than that, he felt raw after opening up to Sebastian on the apartment steps. He hadn’t shared the whole story, but it was more than he’d told anyone outside of Sam, Tina, and Wes.
Sebastian was surprisingly easy to talk to and understood him in ways that his other friends, despite their best intentions, simply couldn’t. Blaine supposed that made him feel safe to lower his guard a bit when his instincts should have been tolling warning bells. That had been true in high school too, and it had come back to bite him then.
But Sebastian was, in many ways, a kindred spirit. They both grew up gay in a conservative community with parents whose expectations, personally and academically, they could never quite live up to no matter how many things they worked to excel at. They both knew a thing or two about wearing masks just to survive on a day-to-day basis, Blaine plastering on a pleasant smile and trying to please everyone while Sebastian preferred a smirk and acting above everyone and everything. It was why he’d never managed to cut the other boy out of his life completely when it would’ve been so much simpler.
“Tell me you didn’t-”Tina trailed off, looking him up and down. It took Blaine a moment to realize that she was trying to determine if he’d had sex in the last three hours.
“Seriously? We talked, Tay-Tay,” Blaine said firmly as he shrugged off his coat and unwound his scarf, hanging them both on the coat rack.
“For three hours?” Sam asked dubiously.
“Yes, for three hours, Blaine replied, shoving past his friends into the kitchen. He had to be up in six hours, but he pulled out a mug and tea bag anyway. “And he helped me bring the keyboard home. That’s it.” He filled the mug with water and put it in the microwave, too tired to deal with the kettle.
“The barista had to kick us out when they closed at midnight.” He glowered wearily between Sam and Tina, who were standing in the kitchen doorway. “Ask her next time if you need to check my alibi, officers.”
“Sassy,” Tina retorted, raising an eyebrow.
Blaine shook his head and carefully pulled the mug of hot water out of the microwave once it beeped. He put the tea bag in to steep. Something about their doubt made him twitchy; it wasn’t like he’d had a string of one night stands since he and Kurt had cut ties or something. Casual sex had destroyed the most important relationship in his life, and he’d never felt worse in the aftermath. But even if he had hooked up, it wouldn’t be any of their business.
“He almost blinded you,” Tina pointed out after a few silent minutes, crossing her arms.
“I forgave him for that a long time ago,” Blaine replied, removing the tea bag from the mug. He blew on the top and took a sip, savoring the taste, before heading into the living room. Sam and Tina followed. He toed his shoes off and pulled his feet up under him on the couch while Tina sat down next to him. Sam took the armchair.
“What’s he doing in New York, anyway?” Sam asked.
“He’s going to Columbia.” He probably sounded more defensive than necessary, but he was tired, and not just from the night’s events.
“Blaine, we just want you to be careful,” Tina said quietly, reaching for his hand. “He hurt you, and you haven’t exactly been yourself since the Kurt thing-”
Blaine flinched as Sebastian’s words from earlier came to mind.
“Have they considered that maybe you’re finally actually being yourself for once?”
“But I think that maybe you finally reached your breaking point with that bullshit and are actually letting your emotions out for once. Most people would call that healthy.”
That was hitting a little too close to home at the moment.
“‘The Kurt thing,’” Blaine echoed bitterly, pulling back from Tina’s reach. He hadn’t realized his breakup with the love of his life had earned a nickname, and the thought made his stomach turn.
Tina recoiled, a hurt look crossing her face, and Blaine felt a momentary pang of guilt but he shoved it aside. Talking with Sebastian had given him some things to think about, and maybe he was just tired enough to say what he’d been thinking for a while now.
“This isn’t a rebound or revenge plot or whatever you might be thinking.” He rose to his feet. “We talked, and it was nice.”
“You can talk to us,” Tina argued, and Sam nodded.
Blaine took a calming breath. “I know that, and I love you guys more than I can say for it. But there are just some things you can’t understand.”
“And Sebastian can?”
“Yes.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaustion weighing him down. “I’ve got class in the morning. I’m going to bed.”
“Blaine-”
“Goodnight.”
-----
The next day, Blaine rolled out of bed feeling hungover, though he hadn’t had anything to drink the night before. He hadn’t slept well, tossing, turning, and waking up every few hours, so when his alarm went off his head was pounding and his muscles ached. He went through his morning routine in silence; though Tina and Sam both had class this morning as well, they seemed to be giving Blaine space. He felt bad for snapping at them the night before, but he appreciated the space nonetheless as he sorted through what he was feeling.
Sam and Tina had seen him at his lowest senior year after the breakup, and they’d been there to help pull him up from rock bottom when he’d nearly transferred back to Dalton. And after he and Kurt had agreed to cut ties completely, they’d been there with ice cream, superhero flicks, and a lease for a three bedroom apartment in New York even though they were all going to different schools.
And while there was a Kurt-shaped hole in Blaine’s heart that he was pretty sure would always hurt a little bit, Sam and Tina were treating him as though he was made of glass-like he might shatter if they uttered a wrong word even though he and Kurt had gone their separate ways over half a year before. Besides, Blaine wasn’t the same guy who’d run from a Grease audition in tears. Yeah, he might’ve needed some Ben & Jerry’s when he’d found out Kurt was dating someone, but part of that had been because Kurt had actually been seeing this guy for a few months and none of his friends had thought he could handle the news.
Blaine grabbed a coffee from a Starbucks on the way to campus, but he still arrived early for his class. Sitting outside the classroom, he pulled his phone out and scrolled through his contacts until he found Sebastian’s name, put there the day they’d first met at Dalton, deleted after the slushie incident, and re-entered when they’d run into each other that summer at the Westerville public library of all places.
His last text exchange with Sebastian had been at New Year’s; he’d been invited to a Warbler gathering but had turned it down in favor of spending it with Cooper, who’d only been in town for a few days. The Warbler cheating scandal had broken a few weeks after that, and Blaine had felt both guilty for his part in the disqualification and disappointed that Sebastian and some of his other former teammates had taken the PEDs, so hadn’t gotten in touch again.
To be fair, Sebastian hadn’t tried either, and Blaine still wasn’t sure whether he was grateful or not. It was probably for the best, considering the complications in his love life during the spring. Either way, they’d fallen out of touch, and the only former Warblers he regularly talked with were Wes and Trent.
Blaine, though, hadn’t had the heart to erase the number, even if he could never muster a good reason for his reluctance.
His fingers hovered over the name as he debated sending a text, but Sebastian had said he didn’t have class until noon, and he was probably desperate for any sleep he could get with that Halo tournament he’d mentioned (which decidedly hadn’t reminded him of the gaming tournaments he’d played in the Hudson-Hummel basement with Finn and the other New Directions guys that he doubted he’d be invited to on any future visits home, considering…).
Putting his phone back in his pocket, Blaine instead went to his classes and grabbed some takeout on the way back to the apartment. Tina and Sam were still gone, so he settled down with his laptop in the living room. He got a bit of work for his Monday class done but by mid-afternoon found himself glancing at the clock more and more frequently. He didn’t know when Sebastian would be out of class, but after a dozen or so glances, he ran a hand over his face and laughed at himself.
“You’re being ridiculous, Anderson,” he scolded the room at large, then grabbed his phone and dialed Sebastian’s number before he lost his nerve.
Sebastian picked up on the third ring. “Hey Killer.”
Something loosened in Blaine’s chest at the sound of his voice, and his lips curled up in a smile before he could catch himself. He was glad his roommates weren’t present to make fun of him.
“Hey yourself.”
-----
They met the next afternoon for lunch, conversation flowing easily through an appetizer, entree, and dessert. It hit Blaine as they ordered coffee that there hadn’t been a single awkward pause the entire time. It was that realization that pushed him to bring up what had happened Thursday night with Sam and Tina, hoping for an outside perspective to help him sort through the things that had been bouncing around his head for the last few months.
“It just feels like they think I need to be bubble wrapped at all times,” he finished, leaning back in his chair.
“And that would be a shame,” Sebastian replied, raising an eyebrow. His eyes never left Blaine’s face, but Blaine still felt his cheeks warm; Sebastian had always had that effect on him, able to throw him off-balance with an easy word or look (or, frequently, both). Sebastian laughed quietly and Blaine just shook his head.
“I don’t like feeling like I always have to be okay around them anymore,” he added as Sebastian took a sip of coffee. “They saw me at rock bottom last year, so I know that’s what they’re remembering, but…”
“That’s not you anymore,” Sebastian finished.
Blaine nodded. “Some days are worse than others, but I’m not…” Not what? Not heartbroken? That wasn’t true. Not fragile? Only sometimes. Not broken? He didn’t know. “Made of glass,” he decided on.
He shook his head. “But at the first sign of me not being completely happy, even if it was just a bad day in class or something, an intervention is in order. And sometimes I just want to be able to wallow without worrying how it’s going to make everyone else feel.”
“They obviously care about you,” Sebastian offered. There was something almost wistful in his voice. “It’s nice in a weirdly overbearing way, I guess.”
“I just-” Blaine cut himself off, considering his next words carefully. “I hate not being able to be myself around them all the time.” He hated that he had to retreat behind a mask in his own home even after leaving his parents’ house. The apartment should’ve been a sanctuary, but instead it was just another place he had to be on.
“Sounds exhausting.”
Blaine shut his eyes briefly before opening them again. “You have no idea.”
Sebastian inclined his head. “You might be surprised.” There was something in the look on his face…
Oh. Blaine’s lips twitched upward. “I might at that.”
-----
Blaine and Sebastian met for coffee again on Tuesday. Andrea grinned widely when they walked in together, and she treated them to a free plate of biscotti, which they shared. But since they both had class the next day and homework was piling up with finals the next week for both of them, they cut the outing short.
Sebastian came back to open mic night on Thursday. Blaine told him that he didn’t need to, but Sebastian simply replied that he’d been promised a cute ass and a nice voice on Thursday nights (a paraphrase, he later admitted) and he fully intended to take advantage of the opportunity. Blaine blushed and rolled his eyes but let it drop, though he hadn’t missed the dark looks Sam and Tina kept shooting Sebastian across the coffee shop.
They didn’t have the chance to meet up again before the end of the semester, though. Friday night, Blaine, Sam, and Tina attended a showcase at the Brooklyn Film Academy where Artie had a film in a competition. Blaine then spent the weekend finishing up a major project while Sebastian had his own finals to study for and papers to write.
Finals week was also hectic, but they texted a lot; it was mostly stupid little stuff, but it still made Blaine smile every time his phone buzzed with an incoming text. Finals flew by in an over-caffeinated blur, and by the time Blaine had a moment to breathe, he was sitting on a plane between Sam and Tina on the way back to Ohio for four weeks.
He didn’t see Sebastian again until he’d been home for two days. Sebastian had gotten back a day after Blaine, and they’d finally been able to sync their familial obligations enough to get together. They met at Starbucks and ended up going to the Westerville mall.
“I can’t believe you live in New York and are still doing your Christmas shopping here,” Sebastian said, eyeing the crowds of shoppers with distaste.
Blaine shrugged as they dodged a crowd of mothers trying to corral a gaggle of small children. “I didn’t want to pack gifts.” It was expensive to check bags, after all-even if he only had to shop for his parents and Cooper this year. The thought gave him a brief pang, but he quickly shook it off.
“Have it shipped back, then.”
Blaine raised an eyebrow as they walked into Nordstrom. “I take it your shopping is done then?”
Sebastian smirked. “My very presence is a gift to my father.”
Blaine rolled his eyes as he headed toward the jewelry. “Silly me.”
“Holidays aren’t big in my family,” Sebastian said as they passed the menswear, sobering slightly. “I’ll spend Christmas with my father and his flavor of the month and New Year’s in Paris with my mother and her...” He trailed off as though searching for the right word, but Blaine got the idea. Lover. Boyfriend. Beau.
“My father gets an expensive bottle of alcohol every year and my mother some art supplies,” he added with a shrug that looked far too unaffected to be natural.
Blaine was surprised to get such an honest admission seemingly out of the blue. He knew Sebastian’s parents had separated when he was young, but he didn’t know much else about his family situation, other than his father being an attorney and his mother a painter.
Even if he wasn’t as close with his family as he might’ve liked, Blaine couldn’t imagine being so uninvested in the holidays. It was an unbearably sad thought. But, Blaine supposed, that was just another piece of the puzzle that he was starting to assemble of Sebastian Smythe. Sooner or later it might make a full picture.
They wandered through several stores before Blaine finally settled on a scarf and pair of earrings for his mother and a few books that his father said he kept meaning to read. For Cooper, Blaine finally settled on an Acting for Dummies book (while demonstrating the patented Cooper pointing routine for Sebastian in the middle of the book store) and DVD of Duran Duran live. By the time Blaine finished shopping, it was dark outside, though it was only a little after four in the afternoon.
“What now?” Sebastian asked as they left the mall. They’d decided to carpool, and Sebastian had ended up driving, so they headed for his car. It had started snowing lightly, and Blaine felt a couple flurries catch on his eyelashes as they walked.
Blaine shrugged. “The mall was my thing. You decide.” They reached Sebastian’s car and Blaine rounded it to the passenger side. He looked at the other boy over the roof of the car. “Surprise me,” he said, quirking an eyebrow in challenge, before opening the door and getting in.
Sebastian opened the driver’s side door a moment later and got behind the wheel. “Is that really a good idea?” he asked.
“Probably not,” Blaine allowed as he settled his bag in the back seat.
“But?”
“‘But’ nothing.” Blaine placed his hands in his lap with exaggerated expectance.
Sebastian snorted and started up the car.
-----
They ended up at a park a few blocks from Westerville Elementary. Blaine looked at Sebastian in surprise as they pulled into the empty parking lot. There weren’t any tire tracks in the recently fallen snow, so clearly there wasn’t much demand for the park in the dead of winter (or in the dark). A few streetlights illuminated the park and reflected orange on the snow.
“Really?” Blaine asked with a laugh.
Sebastian shrugged as he shut the car off. “Surprised?”
There was something incredibly sweet and unexpected about the gesture that didn’t escape Blaine. He smiled as something warm settled in his chest. “Shocked.”
“The mission accomplished,” Sebastian declared before taking off his seatbelt and opening his door.
Blaine quickly followed. With a grin, he took off running toward the playground, passing a startled Sebastian in the process. He clambered up the side of the jungle gym and stood at the top of the slide, watching as Sebastian walked up to the edge of the playground.
“I’m the king of the world,” Blaine crowed into the night with a laugh, spreading his arms wide.
He tilted his head back and shut his eyes, letting snowflakes land lazily on his face and catching a few on his tongue. He felt completely free, light enough that he might float away if he let go of the top of the slide. Tempting fate, he did and slowly turned, arms still outstretched and face to the sky. He made a full circle before opening his eyes again. Sebastian was watching him with a look that Blaine couldn’t read in the darkness.
Blaine took a breath and slid down the slide, snow sticking to his jeans. He hit the bottom of the slide and hopped, faking a gymnastic dismount. Sebastian’s lips quirked upward, and he applauded slowly.
“Nine point six,” he declared.
“That’s it?” Blaine demanded in faux indignation.
“The Russian judge voted low on difficulty.”
“Well,” Blaine said, turning toward the swing set, “the slide isn’t my strongest event anyway.”
“No?” Sebastian asked, following him with his gloved hands stuffed in his coat pockets.
“I was lucky to make the team,” Blaine confided. “They only keep me around for the swings portion of the competition.”
“Is that so?”
“Absolutely.”
Sebastian huffed a quiet laugh as Blaine settled on one of the swings after brushing off the gathered snow. He began to swing, pumping his legs the way Cooper had taught him in this very park when he was little. He gained height and was able to see the whole park, a large field beyond the playground where families picnicked and college students played Ultimate in the warmer months. But tonight the field was empty and covered in a light blanket of undisturbed snow.
Eventually he slowed his momentum and, tapping into muscle memory from his childhood, jumped mid-upswing, landing not two feet in front of Sebastian.
“You’re insane, Anderson,” Sebastian decided.
“I did break my arm doing that once as a kid,” Blaine admitted with a shrug. Cooper had dared him to jump and his parents had been furious when they found out.
For a moment, they just stared at each other, but then Sebastian moved and Blaine yelped at the cold wetness dripping down the back of his neck.
“You asshole!” Blaine exclaimed with a laugh and leapt forward, but Sebastian’s eyes lit up in childlike amusement and he took off running, Blaine in pursuit.
Sebastian weaved through the playground equipment and headed into the field. He tried changing directions to use his long legs to eat up ground, but Blaine was quick and didn’t fall for the deception. They made it maybe thirty yards from the playground when Sebastian came into reach. Blaine lunged, taking Sebastian out at the knees.
Sebastian let out an oof as they hit the ground and quickly shifted to try to take control. Blaine hooked a leg around Sebastian’s ankle and they rolled several turns, laughing as snow rode up their coats, before Blaine managed pin Sebastian, his gloved palms flat on the ground on either side of Sebastian’s head. Blaine was straddling Sebastian and their faces were inches apart as they breathed hard.
Blaine’s smile slipped as he swallowed, heat flooding his cheeks when he realized his heart wasn’t just racing from the exertion. Sebastian’s face was also flushed and up close, Blaine could see a handful of freckles sprinkled across Sebastian’s nose as well as a small mole just above his ear.
After they’d first met, Blaine had been rather in awe of Sebastian and his straightforwardness. He never tried to hide who he was or what he wanted, and Blaine had envied that-in small town Ohio, even somewhere like Dalton, it practically seemed like a superpower. But Sebastian was very human, and the little imperfections hammed home that oh, he was a boy.
A very attractive boy who seemed to care about Blaine.
Blaine looked down at Sebastian, and Sebastian looked right back with darkened eyes, completely still except for his breaths, waiting.
The part of Blaine that was safe, that still ached from losing his first love and retreated behind people-pleasing masks to avoid conflict, was telling him in no uncertain terms to flee. Danger, danger.
But another part of Blaine, one that had been in hibernation since a school dance when he was fourteen and had only started poking its head out occasionally senior year, propelled him forward, pushing his lips against Sebastian’s.
Sparks flooded through him as Sebastian returned the kiss, his arms wrapping around Blaine’s back as his tongue pressed into Blaine’s mouth. Blaine moaned faintly and deepened the kiss. Sebastian’s grip tightened before he gently flipped them so he was straddling Blaine’s waist while Blaine’s hands found their way into Sebastian’s hair and held on.
Blaine nipped at Sebastian’s bottom lip before soothing it with his tongue, and Sebastian made a pleased sound in the back of his throat before pulling back to mouth at Blaine’s jawline. Blaine dropped his head back and he gasped when Sebastian found that sensitive spot below his ear. Sebastian smiled into his skin, and heat pooled low in Blaine’s stomach. His arms fell away from Sebastian’s hair to his sides and his fingers clenched in the snow until Sebastian finally sat up.
It took Blaine a moment to collect himself, but when he could think again, he realized that Sebastian was looking down at him nervously, his lips kiss swollen and hair tousled from Blaine’s fingers. He looked gorgeous.
Oh. Oh.
“I-” Sebastian started, licking his bottom lip.
But Blaine gripped a handful of snow and crushed it into a loose ball, then tossed it in Sebastian’s face, cackling in victory when the other boy sputtered. Sebastian rolled off of Blaine, landing on his back next to him, and together they stared up at the sky.
“That was unexpected,” Sebastian said after a while.
“The making out or the snowball?”
Sebastian snorted. “Both.”
“Good.”
“Good?”
“Good,” Blaine confirmed.
-----
Next installment: The Heart, Forever Inexperienced