Fic: More Than Ghosts [Glee]
Title: More Than Ghosts
Author: purplehrdwonder
Rating: NC-17
Genre/pairing: Sebastian/Blaine
Characters: Blaine, Sebastian, Tina, Sam, Artie, Kurt, Rachel, Santana
Word count: 6,450
Spoilers: Through 4x22
Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize.
Summary: For too long Blaine had let the ghosts of the past haunt him. It was time to let go, even if a present with Sebastian promised to be messy. Sixth in the Not Words 'verse.
Author’s Note: Something that really intrigues me about this pairing is how they have the capacity to be both incredibly good and bad for each other. The ‘verse so far has played with the former, so I wanted to explore the potentially messy side of them as a couple here.
More Than Ghosts
“You want me to come with you where?” Sebastian asked incredulously over his coffee cup.
He and Blaine were sitting at their regular table at Aroma one late afternoon during the third week of May. Sebastian had come immediately from his internship so was wearing a buttoned down shirt with the sleeves rolled back to his elbows and tie loosened around his neck. He’d draped his suit jacket on the back of his chair the moment he’d arrived. Blaine’s internship was fewer hours during the week than Sebastian’s and also more casual, so he’d been free for a few hours and was more dressed down in jeans and boat shoes.
“You don’t have to come,” Blaine said before taking a sip of his coffee. “I’m just offering in case you wanted me to get you a ticket. Mr. Schue said he can get extras if we want to bring friends. I won’t be offended if you’d rather skip it, though.”
“It’s show choir, Blaine. High school show choir.”
“We were in high school show choir,” Blaine pointed out, lips twitching.
“Exactly, were. Why would you want to go watch Nationals after graduating?” The only time he’d had any investment in watching show choir competitions in high school had been watching Blaine perform, and he’d definitely had ulterior motives then.
“I told you that New Directions last year was pretty tight-knit. I’m still in touch with most of them,” Blaine replied with a shrug. The gesture seemed casual, but with the way Blaine’s friendships had splintered in the last year, the fact that he had a group he was still connected to was actually huge. “Since they’re going to be in New York, I’d like to see them.”
Sebastian pressed his lips together and toyed with the lid of his coffee, considering. He didn’t have any interest in the competition, but Blaine had missed playing open mic night the previous week to come with Sebastian to an evening mixer at the firm, much to Tina’s dismay-and even though Sebastian had made a point of not keeping score between them, since he was going to be forever behind, he couldn’t help but feel like he owed Blaine for that one. He’d have to rearrange his schedule a bit, but his bosses liked him so it likely wouldn’t be a problem.
“Seriously, Sebastian, if you don’t want to go, it’s fine. Sam, Tina, and Artie are coming. And I think Tina said something about bringing her new boyfriend,” Blaine added. He looked completely relaxed in his seat and he was making steady eye contact, so Sebastian didn’t think he was lying. Still, something didn’t seem quite right.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
Blaine blinked those big doe eyes, his face the picture of innocence. “What do you mean?”
Sebastian grimaced; he could never deny that look anything and Blaine, the bastard, knew it. “What’s the catch here?”
Blaine looked down at his cup and bit his lip. “Mr. Schue invited all of the New Directions alums living in New York.”
“Including the ex and his hag,” Sebastian surmised.
Blaine nodded, still staring at his cup. “They may not come,” he said, though he didn’t sound convinced. “They aren’t really connected to the group this year outside of Finn. He’s helping coach again, so he’ll definitely be there.”
“And who are you more concerned about running into Kurt?” Sebastian asked.
Blaine looked up in surprise. “What?”
“Either you’re worried about running into people who removed themselves from your life and how you’re supposed to act around them, or you’re worried those same people will run into me and you have no idea how I’ll act around them,” Sebastian replied, inclining his head.
Blaine pursed his lips. “I’m not ashamed of you, Sebastian.”
“I never said you were,” Sebastian replied easily, though he still appreciated hearing it. “But there’s baggage.”
Blaine sighed and slumped back in his chair. “Which is in the past as far as I’m concerned.”
“But not according to everyone else.”
Blaine pinched the bridge of his nose. “All I want is to go to the competition to cheer on my friends and not worry about dragging personal baggage along.”
“But it’s a bit late for that now,” Sebastian pointed out. “Do you really want me to come, Blaine?” It would save a fair amount of drama if he didn’t, after all.
Blaine’s reply was firm. “Yes.”
Sebastian shrugged. “Then I’ll come.” He smirked. “It’s not a New Directions party without drama, now is it?”
-----
“We won’t be long,” Blaine promised. “If you’re sure you don’t want to-”
“In what world would I be welcome backstage with the New Directions before a competition?” Sebastian broke in. “It’s fine. Go.”
Blaine pressed his lips together, looking like he wanted to argue further, but Tina grabbed his hand and pulled him gently.
“Let’s go, Blink. We don’t have much time.”
“Okay, fine,” he conceded with a small wave.
Sebastian snorted as Tina, pulling Blaine along, followed Artie and Sam toward the stage door so they could wish their friends good luck before they took the stage. Sebastian leaned back to appreciate the way Blaine’s jeans hugged his ass as he walked away until he disappeared through the exit.
That left Sebastian and Tina’s boyfriend, Andrew, alone as people filed into their seats around the New Directions-reserved block. Sebastian only knew what Blaine had told him about Andrew-how he and Tina had met at an open mic night after Blaine had pulled Tina up on stage to sing with him-but he seemed like a decent enough guy. Sebastian loathed small talk, but he’d been using it as a tool for years, so he and Andrew shared a few meaningless exchanges before Andrew excused himself to use the restroom before the competition started.
Once the other man was gone, Sebastian pulled out his phone and had started answering an email from his boss when a familiar voice had him snapping his head up and turning in his seat.
“What are you doing here, Fievel?” Santana demanded.
She and Rachel flanked Kurt in the row of seats behind his. Her eyebrows were raised and her arms crossed. Rachel’s eyes were narrowed in suspicion-looking as though she thought Sebastian might be spying on them like they were still high school competitors-while Kurt’s expression was pinched, like he’d smelled something sour.
And standing across from these people, remembering the bitter songs Blaine had sung at that open mic night back in November, all thoughts of being a better man flew from his mind. Because Blaine would be back any minute to see these people, his ex-friends, while the peace he’d found in the last couple of months was still fragile.
“Well, well. What do we have here?” Sebastian retorted, lips curling up into a familiar smirk with the ease of slipping on a certain navy and red blazer. “Here to relive the glory days not-so-long past?”
“We’re here to support our alma mater,” Rachel replied, inclining her head haughtily.
Sebastian held up his ticket. “And I was invited.”
Kurt inhaled sharply and Santana whistled. “So it’s true then. I’m impressed, Smythe. You finally got into the hobbit’s tight pants after all.”
“Santana,” Kurt grit out.
“What’s the matter, Kurt?” Sebastian asked innocently, not bothering to correct Santana’s assumption as he remembered the feel of Blaine’s shuddering body in his arms as he talked about the breakup. “Don’t like hearing about what you’re missing?”
Kurt clenched his jaw and looked down his nose at Sebastian. “Blaine is free to do whatever-”
“Or whoever,” Santana muttered.
“He wants,” Kurt continued coolly, ignoring Santana’s interruption. “But that doesn’t mean I have to like hearing about him making a big mistake.”
“Because you lost the right to say anything about his private life when you used him as a safety net for your failed New York love life,” Sebastian replied, raising an eyebrow.
Kurt’s mouth opened and shut again, and Sebastian thought rather unkindly that he looked like a gasping fish.
“Yeah, I know what happened.”
“So you’re also aware that Blaine cheated on Kurt,” Rachel said with the air of someone dropping a bombshell.
Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Wow, I had no idea.” He fixed his eyes on Kurt, knowing exactly where to cut after their many verbal sparring sessions at the Lima Bean. “My only regret is that he didn’t call me that night.”
Kurt’s eyes flashed dangerously. “You’re such an asshole,” he said, voice practically a growl. “Sooner or later, he’s going to figure out who you really are and drop your smirky, meerkat face.”
Sebastian’s smirk just widened; he’d hit a nerve. There was something incredibly satisfying about getting under the skin of someone he disliked. “And maybe if you’d treated Blaine like you wanted him rather than as a fuck buddy whenever you deigned to grace Lima with your royal presence, we wouldn’t be having this conversation in the first place.”
“You have no idea what you’re t-”
“I told you back in high school that Blaine was too good for you,” Sebastian cut in, eyes narrowing. “And after spending the last few months with him, I can only conclude that among your many other shortcomings, you’re also a complete moron to let him go. To not fight for him.”
“And who are you to know that, slick?” Santana asked. “The newest fuck buddy? Please.”
The words were out of Sebastian’s mouth before he knew what he was saying. “I’m his boyfriend.”
-----
After seeing the New Directions for the first time since New Year’s, Blaine's heart was light as he walked with Tina, their arms looped, up the aisle to their seats; Marley had thrown herself into his arms for a hug and kissed his cheek while Jake and Ryder clapped him on the back. Unique also gave him a hug and Kitty, after rolling her eyes, did the same. It was also the first time he’d seen Finn since graduation and they’d awkwardly shaken hands before Mr. Schue had pulled them all into the show circle. After promising to join them for dinner, win or lose, after the competition, the alums had headed back to their seats.
But then Tina slowed and Blaine frowned at her. “What-” he started before following her gaze to their block of seats where Sebastian was facing Rachel, Santana, and Kurt. Blaine knew that couldn’t be good. “Oh no.”
Blaine detached himself from Tina and hurried up the steps. As the others trailed behind him, Blaine could make out some of what was being said-and the tone it was being said in. It had been a long time since he’d heard Sebastian take on that mocking tone he’d reserved for the people he thought below him in high school-which was most everyone. It made Blaine’s insides clench uncomfortably, remembering that side of Sebastian that, until now, he’d mostly seemed to have left behind in Ohio.
At least when he was around Blaine.
Was Sebastian just humoring him, telling him the things he wanted to hear to get close? Was the new leaf really just a façade after all? Blaine nearly missed a step at the thought.
No, that couldn’t be. That was just Blaine being insecure; he’d spent too much time with Sebastian since November to be so thoroughly fooled. This-This was about Kurt.
“And who are you to know that, slick?” Santana’s condescending voice drifted on the air. “The newest fuck buddy? Please.”
Blaine winced. Of course they would assume the only basis for the relationship was sex. None of the other New Directions had been able to understand his and Sebastian’s friendship junior year before everything had gone to hell. And they’d never given Blaine the chance to explain himself; no one, especially not Kurt, wanted to hear it.
“I’m his boyfriend,” Sebastian snapped back.
Blaine did stop then, eyes widening. Since they’d gotten together in March, Sebastian had refused to use that label. (“Monogamy is enough of a new concept,” he’d said, and Blaine was content to humor him.) They’d ended up brainstorming euphemisms (beau, partner, significant other) for their relationship and had failed so spectacularly that their friends had taken to texting them increasingly ridiculous ideas of their own (boy toy, swain, apple of his eye), but the b-word had remained off the table.
So what did that mean?
Shaking himself, Blaine climbed the last few steps and shuffled down the row to Sebastian’s side. Blaine put a hand on Sebastian’s lower back and the other boy started, glancing at Blaine in surprise. Blaine managed a wan smile, though he was still shaken from hearing that voice again, before squaring himself to face his former friends.
His eyes immediately found Kurt’s, and it was like being punched in the gut after nearly a year with no contact. Kurt was as gorgeous as ever with his coiffed hair and fitted waistcoat. Blaine’s mouth ran dry as he was struck by how drawn he still felt to Kurt after all this time and hurt between them.
“Hi Rachel, Santana,” Blaine greeted, a practiced stage smile falling into place without a second thought. “Kurt.”
Kurt held himself stiffly, though from his expression Blaine could tell that he could see through Blaine’s fake smile. “Blaine,” he replied, sounding strained.
“So you really are dating the guy that almost blinded you,” Santana said, leveling her gaze on him. “And here I thought Berry was making it up.”
“I wouldn’t do that,” Rachel protested, but Santana ignored her.
“The sex must be mind-blowing.”
“And also none of your business,” Blaine replied as he felt Sebastian’s arm wrap around his waist. He tried not to shy away from the touch. Out of the corner of his eye, Blaine noticed Kurt’s hands ball into fists.
“Hey guys,” Sam greeted as he, Tina, and Artie filled in the row.
“Trouty Mouth,” Santana greeted.
“You guys came” Tina added. “I’m surprised.”
“We have to make sure New Directions is properly upholding our legacy,” Rachel replied. “Of course nothing will compare to our national championship, but-”
“Rachel enough,” Kurt broke in. “We know. We were there.”
“And a third place finish last year with an inexperienced team is nothing to be ashamed of,” Rachel added, ignoring Kurt. “You guys should be proud.”
“Uh yeah, thanks,” Tina replied with a barely concealed eye roll.
Blaine, though, couldn’t keep his eyes from Kurt for long. The other boy seemed unable to meet his gaze and finally shook his head.
“I need some air,” Kurt announced, voice slightly breathless, as he shoved past Rachel and Santana.
“But the show is about to start!” Rachel called after him.
Without thinking, Blaine pulled from Sebastian’s grip to follow Kurt down the aisle and into the now-empty lobby. “Kurt, wait!”
Kurt stopped by the front window of the theater, but he didn’t turn around. Blaine slowed as he approached, stopping a few feet from his ex. He itched to reach out to comfort Kurt as he had done for so long, but that wasn’t his job anymore. Instead, they stood apart and remained silent while Kurt practically vibrated with tension. Silent moments stretched into minutes, and soon the muffled sound of applause and music drifted into the lobby. And that was when the tension drained out of Kurt and he slumped like a marionette with its strings cut.
“Just one question,” Kurt said quietly, turning to look at Blaine.
Blaine started at the sound of his voice. “Anything.”
“Is he good to you?” The question seemed almost timid.
“Yes,” Blaine replied emphatically.
“Okay,” Kurt said with a nod, voice sounding almost wet. “Okay.”
Blaine knew Kurt had always been insecure about Sebastian; he’d never forget that the first words out of Kurt’s mouth after Blaine had confessed to cheating were to ask if it had been with Sebastian. No matter Blaine’s assurances, there had always been a seed of doubt between them labeled ‘Sebastian Smythe,’ so he accepted the olive branch.
“Matt and I broke up last week,” Kurt added after a long silence.
“I’m sorry,” Blaine said, and was momentarily startled to realize that he meant it. Kurt was a hard person to get close to, so for Matt to have been in his life for as long as he was, he must’ve been special. Blaine wanted Kurt to be happy, even if he wasn’t the one to give that to him after all.
Kurt shrugged. “It’s probably for the best anyway,” he replied airily, though Blaine knew him well enough not to believe that falsely light tone. “I may have gotten a little…fixated when Rachel told me about you. And Matt-Well, he didn’t want to constantly be compared to my first love.”
Blaine looked at Kurt in surprise. He’d had his own visceral response to hearing that Kurt was seeing someone seriously, but he hadn’t expected Kurt to feel the same. And yet-
“Kurt, I’d never want to be the cause of you breaking up with someone.”
Kurt shook his head with a grimace. “We’d been on the rocks for a while. That was just the final straw. If it wasn’t this, it would’ve been something else.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
They fell silent again, but Blaine didn’t feel any inclination to go back into the theater yet, and apparently neither did Kurt.
“How’s your family?” Blaine finally asked. “I saw Finn backstage a few minutes ago.”
Kurt’s expression softened. “They’re really good, Blaine. Thank you.”
“And your dad?”
“Clean bill of health at his checkup last month.” For a moment, Kurt looked like he wanted to say something else, but eventually he shut his mouth again.
“I’m glad,” Blaine said, feeling a weight he hadn’t realized he’d been carrying fall from his shoulders. Blaine hated that he’d lost such an important relationship in the breakup and missed Burt Hummel’s fatherly presence acutely.
“I’ve really missed you, you know,” Blaine said to break another awkward silence.
Kurt gave him a pained smile. “I’ve missed you, too.”
“I hate not having my best friend in my life.”
Kurt raised an eyebrow. “You have Sam and Tina. I think you’re covered on best friends.”
“You know what I mean.”
Kurt deflated at that and looked away. “Yeah, I know.” He paused. “Me too.”
“We could-” Blaine started, but Kurt cut him off with a shake of his head.
“I think-” He shook his head. “One day. But I don’t think I can right now.”
And Blaine understood that. Kurt was coming off another breakup and dealing with his ex dating someone he hated; he didn’t blame Kurt for not wanting to reestablish contact immediately. But there was a promise for the future, which was more than they had when they’d cut ties in the first place.
“One day,” he echoed.
“You know,” Kurt said after another silence, which was interrupted by applause and the muffled voice of the announcer introducing the next school, “it was really kind of pointless to delete your number from my phone since I had it memorized.”
Blaine recognized the message for what it was-Kurt still knew his phone number and would call when he was ready-and appreciated it more than he could say.
“Me too,” Blaine agreed. “I don’t think I could ever forget it.”
Kurt nodded. “Never.”
-----
Sebastian looked up from the movie he’d only been half-watching at a knock at his door. He frowned and glanced at his clock-it was a little after ten and he wasn’t expecting company. He turned the television off and pushed himself up from the couch. He blinked in surprise when he glanced through the peephole to see Blaine standing on the other side of the door, glancing down the street as he waited.
Blaine had come back into the theater after what seemed like an eternity in the hallway with Hummel. They hadn’t shared any more looks and the two groups of New Directions had mostly ignored each other after the initial conflict, but tension seemed to have drained out of Blaine, and Sebastian wasn’t sure what to make of that.
After the competition, Blaine had gone out to dinner with the New Directions to celebrate their fifth place finish. Sebastian had turned down his invitation, having no interest in holding conversation with Will Schuester’s pack of past and current miscreants. Sebastian hadn’t expected to see Blaine again tonight since it had been months since he’d seen his public school friends. Like Blaine’s body language in the theater, though, Sebastian hadn’t quite been able to read the look on Blaine’s face when he’d declined. And that made him wary since he’d become confident in his ability to read Blaine’s newer expressions.
Taking a breath, Sebastian opened the door and Blaine turned to look at him. He bit his lip nervously. Well that wasn’t promising.
“Hey,” he greeted.
“Hey. I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight.”
“Tina brought Andrew back to the apartment,” Blaine replied with a shrug. “Sam already cleared out, so…”
He trailed off and they fell into an uncomfortable silence. Sebastian couldn’t remember there ever being an awkward pause in their conversation in the last seven months. What the hell was going on?
“Do you want to come in?” he asked, stepping aside.
Blaine gave a grateful nod and stepped into the apartment while Sebastian shut the door behind him. Blaine walked into the middle of the living room-a whole five steps from the door in the small studio Sebastian was subletting-before turning around. Sebastian could definitely read the look on Blaine’s face now: determination.
“We need to talk,” he said.
Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “About?”
“Today.”
“What about today?”
Blaine gave Sebastian an exasperated look and Sebastian shrugged, slipping his hands into his jeans pockets. So maybe he’d gone off on Hummel and his sidekicks; it had been a long time since he’d let loose on anyone, what with the whole new leaf thing, but there had been something intensely satisfying about the way Kurt’s face had pinched when Sebastian had hit home with a precise cut.
But he had no idea how much Blaine had overheard, and the sudden thought of Blaine listening to him trade barbs with Kurt like they’d never left high school made his skin itch uncomfortably. Blaine had obviously overheard something, though, and he wasn’t happy about it.
“What do you want me to say?”
“An explanation, maybe? You were kind of freaking me out,” Blaine admitted.
Sebastian’s stomach twisted; that stung a little. “You knew about that part of me when we started this,” he replied a little more sharply than he meant to.
Blaine flinched. “I knew about a lot of parts of you when we started this. But I thought they were in the past.” He sighed. “I know you never liked Kurt, but-”
“But what, Blaine? He broke your heart.”
“He wasn’t the only one.”
For a moment, Sebastian wasn’t sure if he’d heard the words since they’d been spoken so quietly, but the way Blaine wouldn’t meet his eyes told him what he needed to know.
“I thought that was in the past.”
Blaine looked up, eyes wide. “It is,” he said before backtracking. “At least, I thought it was. Before today.”
Ouch. Blaine had every right to hold onto the hurt Sebastian had caused back in high school, but it hurt to think that maybe it wasn’t as forgiven as Blaine had previously indicated.
“I’m not sure what you want from me here, Blaine.”
Sebastian could feel his guard coming up around him as he spoke, though the thought of needing it around Blaine made him want to scream. It wasn’t right. And yet, here they were.
Because of Hummel.
And wasn’t that just fucking perfect.
Blaine sighed. “Sebastian-”
“I didn’t go looking for a fight, if that’s what you’re wondering,” Sebastian said coolly.
“So you didn’t start it,” Blaine replied, raising an eyebrow. “How old are you, five?”
“What does it matter?” Sebastian demanded. “They aren’t your friends, Blaine. The last time I checked, you hadn’t spoken with them in a year. They dropped you. For your ex.”
“I-”
“And speaking of, why don’t we talk about how the moment St. Hummel so much as stubs his ego, you still go running after him,” Sebastian spat out. Okay, maybe he was still insecure about Kurt and the place he held in Blaine’s heart. But he’d seen Blaine’s expression when he’d come face-to-face with Kurt for the first time in a year, and there was definitely still something there. That hurt more than he’d like to admit. “What the hell, Blaine?”
“Well maybe it wouldn’t have been necessary if you could’ve been civil for more than thirty seconds.”
“Civil? To people that treated you like shit? Sorry if that’s not high on my list of priorities.”
“I don’t need my honor defended,” Blaine retorted.
Sebastian studied Blaine, watching the way his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed with short breaths. There was a slight flush to his skin and a few beads of sweat dripped down the side of his face from the warm of the evening.
“You’re still in love with him,” Sebastian said finally. It wasn’t a question.
Blaine’s inhaled sharply. “I-”
And that was all the confirmation Sebastian needed.
“I’m not going to be someone’s second choice either, Killer.”
Blaine made a strangled sound that went right to Sebastian’s chest, but he didn’t back down.
“Bas.”
Sebastian remained silent, and Blaine stared at him a long moment, expression torn between hurt and defensive. Finally he shook his head.
“I can’t do this right now.”
Sebastian felt something crack in his chest as Blaine made to shove past him toward the door.
“Are you going to run away from this, too?” Sebastian said, knowing all the while that he was crossing a line, bringing up things Blaine had confessed in confidence.
Blaine stopped in his tracks, back stiffening. “Don’t.” His voice was strained by that one syllable.
“You came here tonight.”
Blaine took a shuddering breath that seemed to echo on the air while Sebastian waited, his body tingling with nervous energy.
“I can’t do this right now,” Blaine repeated, voice cracking as he opened the door and walked out.
Sebastian didn’t know how long he stood in the middle of his apartment, ears ringing with the slamming of his door and the fading sound of Blaine’s footsteps. But he was pulled from his shock by pounding on his door. Ready to snap at whoever was interrupting him when it felt like his heart had just been scooped out of his chest, Sebastian stumbled to the door like he was walking through quicksand and pulled it open.
Sebastian barely had time to register Blaine surging through the doorway before his arms wrapped instinctively around Blaine’s waist as the other boy pressed his lips to Sebastian’s, hard, his hands going to Sebastian’s hair. Blaine tightened his grip and Sebastian moaned, lips parting. Blaine swallowed the sound, his tongue pushing into Sebastian’s mouth.
As the surprise of finding Blaine suddenly in his arms faded, Sebastian used his height to crowd Blaine backward, casting out blindly with one hand until he grabbed the front door and threw it shut before pressing Blaine back into the wood. Blaine made a quiet oof sound as his back hit the door and his arms fell away from Sebastian’s hair while Sebastian pressed his knee between Blaine’s legs.
Blaine gasped and his head thunked against the door as he leaned back when Sebastian crowded him further. Sebastian’s hands found Blaine’s waist, fingers untucking Blaine’s shirt as he attached his lips to Blaine’s neck and started to suck. Blaine groaned and the sound went right to Sebastian’s hardening cock. As close to Blaine as he was, Sebastian could feel that he was hard through his jeans too, which sent another surge of heat to his cock.
When he freed Blaine’s shirt, his hands roamed over Blaine’s skin, up his back and down his stomach to his belt.
“Fuck, Bas.” Blaine sounded absolutely wrecked. The sound was intoxicating, but…
Sebastian dropped his hands back to Blaine’s waist and pulled back to look at the other boy. Blaine’s eyes were shut, but his skin was flushed and his forehead glistened with sweat. His lips were swollen, he was breathing hard, and a bruise was starting to form where Sebastian had sucked at his neck. After a moment, Blaine opened his eyes, and his pupils were blown wide.
“What?” he asked breathlessly.
“You came back,” Sebastian said, squeezing at Blaine’s hips.
Blaine blinked like he was having trouble registering words, but after a moment he shook himself and nodded. “You’re not my second choice.”
“Blaine-”
“I got scared earlier, so I ran,” Blaine said, voice evening out.
“Scared?” Sebastian echoed.
“Scared that you were right,” Blaine replied with a shrug. “Or scared that I was right. I don’t know. But I took five steps out of the apartment and realized that I was being an idiot.” He shook his head. “So I stood there on the street, and it hit me that what’s in the past is nothing but a ghost. You-you’re so much more than that.” Blaine smiled, the gentleness of the expression curling under Sebastian’s skin as Blaine reached up and cupped a hand on Sebastian’s cheek. “It’s time to stop letting the ghosts of the past haunt me.”
“Oh.”
“But we still need to talk.”
Sebastian swallowed but nodded. What had been said earlier wasn’t going to just go away because they wanted it to. Blaine was still struggling with heartbreak and Sebastian was insecure and they were doing a good job of hurting each other with those pains.
But for right now…
Sebastian wrapped his hands around Blaine’s back and dipped his fingers under the waistband of his jeans, kneading his fingers into Blaine’s ass.
Blaine’s head fell back against the door, but his fingers curled under Sebastian’s t-shirt and started tracing patterns on Sebastian’s stomach and up to his chest. Sebastian faltered as Blaine’s fingers reached his nipples and pinched them gently.
“Blaine,” Sebastian hissed.
“Bed,” Blaine rasped.
“Are you sure?”
While he would love nothing more than to have Blaine in his bed, stretched out beneath him, writhing and begging for more, Blaine was the one setting the pace. He was only going to do this if Blaine was absolutely sure. Blaine ground his erection up against Sebastian’s and they both moaned, Sebastian’s head falling forward onto Blaine’s shoulder.
“I’m sure,” Blaine replied. “I want you to fuck me.” Those words in Blaine's lowered voice had to have been the hottest thing Sebastian had ever heard.
“Bed,” Sebastian agreed, body aching in protest as he pulled away from Blaine just far enough to pull Blaine’s shirt over his head and drop it on the floor before backing them toward the bed in the far corner of the room, which suddenly seemed like miles.
Blaine toed his shoes off while he pulled Sebastian’s t-shirt over his head with jerky motions. Sebastian started on Blaine’s belt and managed to open it when the back of his knees hit the edge of the bed. Blaine bumped into him and wobbled; they both laughed as Sebastian grabbed Blaine’s hips to steady him before slowly turning them so Blaine was falling back into the bed.
Blaine scooted back up the bed and spread his legs; Sebastian nearly growled at the invitation as he crawled up the bed and settled between Blaine’s legs. He undid the button on Blaine’s jeans and Blaine lifted his hips so Sebastian could pull his pants and boxers off and deposit them on the floor.
He found himself staring at the boy beneath him; none of his many vivid fantasies could compare to the reality that was Blaine Anderson, from his shapely calf muscles and rounded ass to his hard cock and dark, pointed nipples. He was fucking gorgeous, and Sebastian wanted to take his time getting to know every inch of that body, to discover what sounds he could coax from Blaine and learn where to touch to make Blaine shiver.
But that would have to wait because right now he just needed to be close.
“Bas,” Blaine laughed and Sebastian shook himself to find Blaine blushing. “You’re going to give me a complex.”
Sebastian smirked. “Just enjoying the view.”
“You’re wearing too many clothes,” Blaine retorted, fingers curling around Sebastian’s belt.
Together they managed to undo Sebastian’s belt despite shaking hands and pull his jeans and boxers off and throw them backward before Sebastian was pressing himself forward against Blaine, their cocks rubbing together while Blaine’s hands curled around Sebastian’s back.
“Shit,” Sebastian cursed. While he was still thinking straight, he reached into his nightstand to grab lube and a condom from the drawer. He placed them both on the bed before leaning in to take one of Blaine’s nipples into his mouth.
Blaine exhaled sharply and his fingernails dug sharply into Sebastian’s back as he swirled his tongue over the nub. He moved to the other, using a hand to tease the other nipple. Blaine’s back arched off the bed as he moaned wordlessly, and Sebastian filed that away for later.
“Fuck, you’re gorgeous.”
He trailed kisses down Blaine’s chest and inner thigh while one hand rubbed circles at Blaine’s hip. He was hovering over Blaine’s cock when he looked up to see Blaine watching him with hooded eyes.
“Wait,” Blaine said.
Sebastian raised a questioning eyebrow, but Blaine just pulled Sebastian back up and kissed him, their bodies slotting together seamlessly. Sebastian’s eyes slid shut as they rocked together, the friction delicious but not quite enough.
“Shit.”
He opened his eyes again when he heard the bottle of lube open and saw Blaine coating his fingers-and hell, should that be that hot?-before he reached between them and took them both in hand.
“Like this,” Blaine murmured into Sebastian’s shoulder.
Sebastian gasped at Blaine’s touch, eyes nearly rolling back into his head as Blaine stroked them. Fuck, it had been a long time since a hand besides his own had gotten him off. Sebastian reached down and covered Blaine’s hand with his own, setting a faster pace. Blaine hissed and arched into their hands.
“God, Bas. Yes.”
It didn’t take long, stamina in short supply when it had been months for them both, and their pace quickly became erratic. Heat was curling low in Sebastian’s stomach when Blaine groaned.
“Shit, I’m close.”
“Come on, Blaine,” Sebastian whispered into Blaine’s ear. “Come for me. You’re so hot like this.”
Sebastian squeezed Blaine’s hand and sped up their pace again. Within a couple more strokes, Blaine cried out; his head fell back against the pillow, his neck straining, and warm stickiness coated Sebastian’s hand. Sebastian tried to stroke him through the aftershocks, but the sight-Christ, Sebastian knew what Blaine looked like when he came-was enough to push him over the edge as heat coursed through him and exploded; the world went white and he came hard. He floated for a while as his trembling body collapsed against Blaine’s. They both breathed hard as they came down.
“That was…something,” Blaine murmured after a while.
“Mmph,” Sebastian agreed as he tried to recover the power of speech.
“You’re heavy.”
“And you’re a terrible pillow,” Sebastian retorted. “Stop moving.” It felt perfect, being this close to Blaine.
Blaine poked him in the side. “We should clean up.”
Sebastian pushed himself up, bracketing Blaine’s shoulders with his hands. The other boy was loose-limbed against Sebastian’s sheets and smiling. Sebastian suddenly imagined having Blaine in his bed every night and waking up to that smile every morning, of having days where they stayed in bed all day and others where they fucked on the couch or kitchen counter just because they could or because the bed was too far away.
Sebastian wanted it all. He needed to be closer to Blaine, to take and take and take some more until he had everything Blaine had to offer, to cover him and fill him until it was impossible to tell where Sebastian ended and Blaine started.
“I didn’t get to fuck you,” Sebastian countered, nodding toward the unopened condom.
Blaine made a show of thinking before smirking mischievously. “Well, I suppose we could always go for round two.”
-----
“You called me your boyfriend,” Blaine said, drowsy in his post-second orgasm haze.
They were on their sides with a sheet pulled up to their waists. Blaine’s head rested against Sebastian’s chest while Sebastian had one arm slung possessively over Blaine’s waist, a finger tracing a bite mark on Blaine’s hip beneath the sheet. The other arm was stretched out under Blaine’s neck while his fingers carded through Blaine’s sweat-loosened curls. Blaine’s arms were curled between them, one hand flat on Sebastian’s chest, and their feet were tangled together.
“Did I?” Sebastian asked airily. He was sleepy and sated but enjoying the closeness of moment too much to let himself sleep.
Blaine, looking truly well-fucked, smiled goofily up at him. “At the theater. I heard you.”
Something squirmed in Sebastian’s gut. “I plead the Fifth.”
Blaine snorted. “I’m glad,” he said and Sebastian silently conceded defeat to the b-word. Blaine yawned as his eyes slipped shut. “We still need to talk, though.”
Sebastian’s stomach sank at the reminder of their fight. “Tomorrow.”
“Mm.” Blaine hummed as his breathing evened out.
Looking at the boy sleeping in his arms, Sebastian swallowed hard. He’d come so close to losing him tonight because they were both stubborn and damaged. Yet they’d somehow ended up closer than ever.
With all of his anonymous hookups, Sebastian had always viewed sex as a physical act to get both parties off. He’d had always fucked in the most primal sense of the word, but this had been so much more. Sebastian’s entire body ached to be near Blaine’s, to press their skin together and feel Blaine’s heartbeat and breathe in sync with him.
The sex had brought them closer-and the emotional closeness was something he was still fumbling through-but it hadn’t fixed them.
But Sebastian didn’t think he could handle losing Blaine again, not now. He tightened his grip around the other boy, as though he might vanish like a far better dream than Sebastian deserved.
“Fuck,” he murmured into Blaine’s hair. “I think I’m in love with you.”
-----
Next installment: So Like Fear
Author: purplehrdwonder
Rating: NC-17
Genre/pairing: Sebastian/Blaine
Characters: Blaine, Sebastian, Tina, Sam, Artie, Kurt, Rachel, Santana
Word count: 6,450
Spoilers: Through 4x22
Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize.
Summary: For too long Blaine had let the ghosts of the past haunt him. It was time to let go, even if a present with Sebastian promised to be messy. Sixth in the Not Words 'verse.
Author’s Note: Something that really intrigues me about this pairing is how they have the capacity to be both incredibly good and bad for each other. The ‘verse so far has played with the former, so I wanted to explore the potentially messy side of them as a couple here.
More Than Ghosts
“You want me to come with you where?” Sebastian asked incredulously over his coffee cup.
He and Blaine were sitting at their regular table at Aroma one late afternoon during the third week of May. Sebastian had come immediately from his internship so was wearing a buttoned down shirt with the sleeves rolled back to his elbows and tie loosened around his neck. He’d draped his suit jacket on the back of his chair the moment he’d arrived. Blaine’s internship was fewer hours during the week than Sebastian’s and also more casual, so he’d been free for a few hours and was more dressed down in jeans and boat shoes.
“You don’t have to come,” Blaine said before taking a sip of his coffee. “I’m just offering in case you wanted me to get you a ticket. Mr. Schue said he can get extras if we want to bring friends. I won’t be offended if you’d rather skip it, though.”
“It’s show choir, Blaine. High school show choir.”
“We were in high school show choir,” Blaine pointed out, lips twitching.
“Exactly, were. Why would you want to go watch Nationals after graduating?” The only time he’d had any investment in watching show choir competitions in high school had been watching Blaine perform, and he’d definitely had ulterior motives then.
“I told you that New Directions last year was pretty tight-knit. I’m still in touch with most of them,” Blaine replied with a shrug. The gesture seemed casual, but with the way Blaine’s friendships had splintered in the last year, the fact that he had a group he was still connected to was actually huge. “Since they’re going to be in New York, I’d like to see them.”
Sebastian pressed his lips together and toyed with the lid of his coffee, considering. He didn’t have any interest in the competition, but Blaine had missed playing open mic night the previous week to come with Sebastian to an evening mixer at the firm, much to Tina’s dismay-and even though Sebastian had made a point of not keeping score between them, since he was going to be forever behind, he couldn’t help but feel like he owed Blaine for that one. He’d have to rearrange his schedule a bit, but his bosses liked him so it likely wouldn’t be a problem.
“Seriously, Sebastian, if you don’t want to go, it’s fine. Sam, Tina, and Artie are coming. And I think Tina said something about bringing her new boyfriend,” Blaine added. He looked completely relaxed in his seat and he was making steady eye contact, so Sebastian didn’t think he was lying. Still, something didn’t seem quite right.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
Blaine blinked those big doe eyes, his face the picture of innocence. “What do you mean?”
Sebastian grimaced; he could never deny that look anything and Blaine, the bastard, knew it. “What’s the catch here?”
Blaine looked down at his cup and bit his lip. “Mr. Schue invited all of the New Directions alums living in New York.”
“Including the ex and his hag,” Sebastian surmised.
Blaine nodded, still staring at his cup. “They may not come,” he said, though he didn’t sound convinced. “They aren’t really connected to the group this year outside of Finn. He’s helping coach again, so he’ll definitely be there.”
“And who are you more concerned about running into Kurt?” Sebastian asked.
Blaine looked up in surprise. “What?”
“Either you’re worried about running into people who removed themselves from your life and how you’re supposed to act around them, or you’re worried those same people will run into me and you have no idea how I’ll act around them,” Sebastian replied, inclining his head.
Blaine pursed his lips. “I’m not ashamed of you, Sebastian.”
“I never said you were,” Sebastian replied easily, though he still appreciated hearing it. “But there’s baggage.”
Blaine sighed and slumped back in his chair. “Which is in the past as far as I’m concerned.”
“But not according to everyone else.”
Blaine pinched the bridge of his nose. “All I want is to go to the competition to cheer on my friends and not worry about dragging personal baggage along.”
“But it’s a bit late for that now,” Sebastian pointed out. “Do you really want me to come, Blaine?” It would save a fair amount of drama if he didn’t, after all.
Blaine’s reply was firm. “Yes.”
Sebastian shrugged. “Then I’ll come.” He smirked. “It’s not a New Directions party without drama, now is it?”
-----
“We won’t be long,” Blaine promised. “If you’re sure you don’t want to-”
“In what world would I be welcome backstage with the New Directions before a competition?” Sebastian broke in. “It’s fine. Go.”
Blaine pressed his lips together, looking like he wanted to argue further, but Tina grabbed his hand and pulled him gently.
“Let’s go, Blink. We don’t have much time.”
“Okay, fine,” he conceded with a small wave.
Sebastian snorted as Tina, pulling Blaine along, followed Artie and Sam toward the stage door so they could wish their friends good luck before they took the stage. Sebastian leaned back to appreciate the way Blaine’s jeans hugged his ass as he walked away until he disappeared through the exit.
That left Sebastian and Tina’s boyfriend, Andrew, alone as people filed into their seats around the New Directions-reserved block. Sebastian only knew what Blaine had told him about Andrew-how he and Tina had met at an open mic night after Blaine had pulled Tina up on stage to sing with him-but he seemed like a decent enough guy. Sebastian loathed small talk, but he’d been using it as a tool for years, so he and Andrew shared a few meaningless exchanges before Andrew excused himself to use the restroom before the competition started.
Once the other man was gone, Sebastian pulled out his phone and had started answering an email from his boss when a familiar voice had him snapping his head up and turning in his seat.
“What are you doing here, Fievel?” Santana demanded.
She and Rachel flanked Kurt in the row of seats behind his. Her eyebrows were raised and her arms crossed. Rachel’s eyes were narrowed in suspicion-looking as though she thought Sebastian might be spying on them like they were still high school competitors-while Kurt’s expression was pinched, like he’d smelled something sour.
And standing across from these people, remembering the bitter songs Blaine had sung at that open mic night back in November, all thoughts of being a better man flew from his mind. Because Blaine would be back any minute to see these people, his ex-friends, while the peace he’d found in the last couple of months was still fragile.
“Well, well. What do we have here?” Sebastian retorted, lips curling up into a familiar smirk with the ease of slipping on a certain navy and red blazer. “Here to relive the glory days not-so-long past?”
“We’re here to support our alma mater,” Rachel replied, inclining her head haughtily.
Sebastian held up his ticket. “And I was invited.”
Kurt inhaled sharply and Santana whistled. “So it’s true then. I’m impressed, Smythe. You finally got into the hobbit’s tight pants after all.”
“Santana,” Kurt grit out.
“What’s the matter, Kurt?” Sebastian asked innocently, not bothering to correct Santana’s assumption as he remembered the feel of Blaine’s shuddering body in his arms as he talked about the breakup. “Don’t like hearing about what you’re missing?”
Kurt clenched his jaw and looked down his nose at Sebastian. “Blaine is free to do whatever-”
“Or whoever,” Santana muttered.
“He wants,” Kurt continued coolly, ignoring Santana’s interruption. “But that doesn’t mean I have to like hearing about him making a big mistake.”
“Because you lost the right to say anything about his private life when you used him as a safety net for your failed New York love life,” Sebastian replied, raising an eyebrow.
Kurt’s mouth opened and shut again, and Sebastian thought rather unkindly that he looked like a gasping fish.
“Yeah, I know what happened.”
“So you’re also aware that Blaine cheated on Kurt,” Rachel said with the air of someone dropping a bombshell.
Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Wow, I had no idea.” He fixed his eyes on Kurt, knowing exactly where to cut after their many verbal sparring sessions at the Lima Bean. “My only regret is that he didn’t call me that night.”
Kurt’s eyes flashed dangerously. “You’re such an asshole,” he said, voice practically a growl. “Sooner or later, he’s going to figure out who you really are and drop your smirky, meerkat face.”
Sebastian’s smirk just widened; he’d hit a nerve. There was something incredibly satisfying about getting under the skin of someone he disliked. “And maybe if you’d treated Blaine like you wanted him rather than as a fuck buddy whenever you deigned to grace Lima with your royal presence, we wouldn’t be having this conversation in the first place.”
“You have no idea what you’re t-”
“I told you back in high school that Blaine was too good for you,” Sebastian cut in, eyes narrowing. “And after spending the last few months with him, I can only conclude that among your many other shortcomings, you’re also a complete moron to let him go. To not fight for him.”
“And who are you to know that, slick?” Santana asked. “The newest fuck buddy? Please.”
The words were out of Sebastian’s mouth before he knew what he was saying. “I’m his boyfriend.”
-----
After seeing the New Directions for the first time since New Year’s, Blaine's heart was light as he walked with Tina, their arms looped, up the aisle to their seats; Marley had thrown herself into his arms for a hug and kissed his cheek while Jake and Ryder clapped him on the back. Unique also gave him a hug and Kitty, after rolling her eyes, did the same. It was also the first time he’d seen Finn since graduation and they’d awkwardly shaken hands before Mr. Schue had pulled them all into the show circle. After promising to join them for dinner, win or lose, after the competition, the alums had headed back to their seats.
But then Tina slowed and Blaine frowned at her. “What-” he started before following her gaze to their block of seats where Sebastian was facing Rachel, Santana, and Kurt. Blaine knew that couldn’t be good. “Oh no.”
Blaine detached himself from Tina and hurried up the steps. As the others trailed behind him, Blaine could make out some of what was being said-and the tone it was being said in. It had been a long time since he’d heard Sebastian take on that mocking tone he’d reserved for the people he thought below him in high school-which was most everyone. It made Blaine’s insides clench uncomfortably, remembering that side of Sebastian that, until now, he’d mostly seemed to have left behind in Ohio.
At least when he was around Blaine.
Was Sebastian just humoring him, telling him the things he wanted to hear to get close? Was the new leaf really just a façade after all? Blaine nearly missed a step at the thought.
No, that couldn’t be. That was just Blaine being insecure; he’d spent too much time with Sebastian since November to be so thoroughly fooled. This-This was about Kurt.
“And who are you to know that, slick?” Santana’s condescending voice drifted on the air. “The newest fuck buddy? Please.”
Blaine winced. Of course they would assume the only basis for the relationship was sex. None of the other New Directions had been able to understand his and Sebastian’s friendship junior year before everything had gone to hell. And they’d never given Blaine the chance to explain himself; no one, especially not Kurt, wanted to hear it.
“I’m his boyfriend,” Sebastian snapped back.
Blaine did stop then, eyes widening. Since they’d gotten together in March, Sebastian had refused to use that label. (“Monogamy is enough of a new concept,” he’d said, and Blaine was content to humor him.) They’d ended up brainstorming euphemisms (beau, partner, significant other) for their relationship and had failed so spectacularly that their friends had taken to texting them increasingly ridiculous ideas of their own (boy toy, swain, apple of his eye), but the b-word had remained off the table.
So what did that mean?
Shaking himself, Blaine climbed the last few steps and shuffled down the row to Sebastian’s side. Blaine put a hand on Sebastian’s lower back and the other boy started, glancing at Blaine in surprise. Blaine managed a wan smile, though he was still shaken from hearing that voice again, before squaring himself to face his former friends.
His eyes immediately found Kurt’s, and it was like being punched in the gut after nearly a year with no contact. Kurt was as gorgeous as ever with his coiffed hair and fitted waistcoat. Blaine’s mouth ran dry as he was struck by how drawn he still felt to Kurt after all this time and hurt between them.
“Hi Rachel, Santana,” Blaine greeted, a practiced stage smile falling into place without a second thought. “Kurt.”
Kurt held himself stiffly, though from his expression Blaine could tell that he could see through Blaine’s fake smile. “Blaine,” he replied, sounding strained.
“So you really are dating the guy that almost blinded you,” Santana said, leveling her gaze on him. “And here I thought Berry was making it up.”
“I wouldn’t do that,” Rachel protested, but Santana ignored her.
“The sex must be mind-blowing.”
“And also none of your business,” Blaine replied as he felt Sebastian’s arm wrap around his waist. He tried not to shy away from the touch. Out of the corner of his eye, Blaine noticed Kurt’s hands ball into fists.
“Hey guys,” Sam greeted as he, Tina, and Artie filled in the row.
“Trouty Mouth,” Santana greeted.
“You guys came” Tina added. “I’m surprised.”
“We have to make sure New Directions is properly upholding our legacy,” Rachel replied. “Of course nothing will compare to our national championship, but-”
“Rachel enough,” Kurt broke in. “We know. We were there.”
“And a third place finish last year with an inexperienced team is nothing to be ashamed of,” Rachel added, ignoring Kurt. “You guys should be proud.”
“Uh yeah, thanks,” Tina replied with a barely concealed eye roll.
Blaine, though, couldn’t keep his eyes from Kurt for long. The other boy seemed unable to meet his gaze and finally shook his head.
“I need some air,” Kurt announced, voice slightly breathless, as he shoved past Rachel and Santana.
“But the show is about to start!” Rachel called after him.
Without thinking, Blaine pulled from Sebastian’s grip to follow Kurt down the aisle and into the now-empty lobby. “Kurt, wait!”
Kurt stopped by the front window of the theater, but he didn’t turn around. Blaine slowed as he approached, stopping a few feet from his ex. He itched to reach out to comfort Kurt as he had done for so long, but that wasn’t his job anymore. Instead, they stood apart and remained silent while Kurt practically vibrated with tension. Silent moments stretched into minutes, and soon the muffled sound of applause and music drifted into the lobby. And that was when the tension drained out of Kurt and he slumped like a marionette with its strings cut.
“Just one question,” Kurt said quietly, turning to look at Blaine.
Blaine started at the sound of his voice. “Anything.”
“Is he good to you?” The question seemed almost timid.
“Yes,” Blaine replied emphatically.
“Okay,” Kurt said with a nod, voice sounding almost wet. “Okay.”
Blaine knew Kurt had always been insecure about Sebastian; he’d never forget that the first words out of Kurt’s mouth after Blaine had confessed to cheating were to ask if it had been with Sebastian. No matter Blaine’s assurances, there had always been a seed of doubt between them labeled ‘Sebastian Smythe,’ so he accepted the olive branch.
“Matt and I broke up last week,” Kurt added after a long silence.
“I’m sorry,” Blaine said, and was momentarily startled to realize that he meant it. Kurt was a hard person to get close to, so for Matt to have been in his life for as long as he was, he must’ve been special. Blaine wanted Kurt to be happy, even if he wasn’t the one to give that to him after all.
Kurt shrugged. “It’s probably for the best anyway,” he replied airily, though Blaine knew him well enough not to believe that falsely light tone. “I may have gotten a little…fixated when Rachel told me about you. And Matt-Well, he didn’t want to constantly be compared to my first love.”
Blaine looked at Kurt in surprise. He’d had his own visceral response to hearing that Kurt was seeing someone seriously, but he hadn’t expected Kurt to feel the same. And yet-
“Kurt, I’d never want to be the cause of you breaking up with someone.”
Kurt shook his head with a grimace. “We’d been on the rocks for a while. That was just the final straw. If it wasn’t this, it would’ve been something else.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
They fell silent again, but Blaine didn’t feel any inclination to go back into the theater yet, and apparently neither did Kurt.
“How’s your family?” Blaine finally asked. “I saw Finn backstage a few minutes ago.”
Kurt’s expression softened. “They’re really good, Blaine. Thank you.”
“And your dad?”
“Clean bill of health at his checkup last month.” For a moment, Kurt looked like he wanted to say something else, but eventually he shut his mouth again.
“I’m glad,” Blaine said, feeling a weight he hadn’t realized he’d been carrying fall from his shoulders. Blaine hated that he’d lost such an important relationship in the breakup and missed Burt Hummel’s fatherly presence acutely.
“I’ve really missed you, you know,” Blaine said to break another awkward silence.
Kurt gave him a pained smile. “I’ve missed you, too.”
“I hate not having my best friend in my life.”
Kurt raised an eyebrow. “You have Sam and Tina. I think you’re covered on best friends.”
“You know what I mean.”
Kurt deflated at that and looked away. “Yeah, I know.” He paused. “Me too.”
“We could-” Blaine started, but Kurt cut him off with a shake of his head.
“I think-” He shook his head. “One day. But I don’t think I can right now.”
And Blaine understood that. Kurt was coming off another breakup and dealing with his ex dating someone he hated; he didn’t blame Kurt for not wanting to reestablish contact immediately. But there was a promise for the future, which was more than they had when they’d cut ties in the first place.
“One day,” he echoed.
“You know,” Kurt said after another silence, which was interrupted by applause and the muffled voice of the announcer introducing the next school, “it was really kind of pointless to delete your number from my phone since I had it memorized.”
Blaine recognized the message for what it was-Kurt still knew his phone number and would call when he was ready-and appreciated it more than he could say.
“Me too,” Blaine agreed. “I don’t think I could ever forget it.”
Kurt nodded. “Never.”
-----
Sebastian looked up from the movie he’d only been half-watching at a knock at his door. He frowned and glanced at his clock-it was a little after ten and he wasn’t expecting company. He turned the television off and pushed himself up from the couch. He blinked in surprise when he glanced through the peephole to see Blaine standing on the other side of the door, glancing down the street as he waited.
Blaine had come back into the theater after what seemed like an eternity in the hallway with Hummel. They hadn’t shared any more looks and the two groups of New Directions had mostly ignored each other after the initial conflict, but tension seemed to have drained out of Blaine, and Sebastian wasn’t sure what to make of that.
After the competition, Blaine had gone out to dinner with the New Directions to celebrate their fifth place finish. Sebastian had turned down his invitation, having no interest in holding conversation with Will Schuester’s pack of past and current miscreants. Sebastian hadn’t expected to see Blaine again tonight since it had been months since he’d seen his public school friends. Like Blaine’s body language in the theater, though, Sebastian hadn’t quite been able to read the look on Blaine’s face when he’d declined. And that made him wary since he’d become confident in his ability to read Blaine’s newer expressions.
Taking a breath, Sebastian opened the door and Blaine turned to look at him. He bit his lip nervously. Well that wasn’t promising.
“Hey,” he greeted.
“Hey. I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight.”
“Tina brought Andrew back to the apartment,” Blaine replied with a shrug. “Sam already cleared out, so…”
He trailed off and they fell into an uncomfortable silence. Sebastian couldn’t remember there ever being an awkward pause in their conversation in the last seven months. What the hell was going on?
“Do you want to come in?” he asked, stepping aside.
Blaine gave a grateful nod and stepped into the apartment while Sebastian shut the door behind him. Blaine walked into the middle of the living room-a whole five steps from the door in the small studio Sebastian was subletting-before turning around. Sebastian could definitely read the look on Blaine’s face now: determination.
“We need to talk,” he said.
Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “About?”
“Today.”
“What about today?”
Blaine gave Sebastian an exasperated look and Sebastian shrugged, slipping his hands into his jeans pockets. So maybe he’d gone off on Hummel and his sidekicks; it had been a long time since he’d let loose on anyone, what with the whole new leaf thing, but there had been something intensely satisfying about the way Kurt’s face had pinched when Sebastian had hit home with a precise cut.
But he had no idea how much Blaine had overheard, and the sudden thought of Blaine listening to him trade barbs with Kurt like they’d never left high school made his skin itch uncomfortably. Blaine had obviously overheard something, though, and he wasn’t happy about it.
“What do you want me to say?”
“An explanation, maybe? You were kind of freaking me out,” Blaine admitted.
Sebastian’s stomach twisted; that stung a little. “You knew about that part of me when we started this,” he replied a little more sharply than he meant to.
Blaine flinched. “I knew about a lot of parts of you when we started this. But I thought they were in the past.” He sighed. “I know you never liked Kurt, but-”
“But what, Blaine? He broke your heart.”
“He wasn’t the only one.”
For a moment, Sebastian wasn’t sure if he’d heard the words since they’d been spoken so quietly, but the way Blaine wouldn’t meet his eyes told him what he needed to know.
“I thought that was in the past.”
Blaine looked up, eyes wide. “It is,” he said before backtracking. “At least, I thought it was. Before today.”
Ouch. Blaine had every right to hold onto the hurt Sebastian had caused back in high school, but it hurt to think that maybe it wasn’t as forgiven as Blaine had previously indicated.
“I’m not sure what you want from me here, Blaine.”
Sebastian could feel his guard coming up around him as he spoke, though the thought of needing it around Blaine made him want to scream. It wasn’t right. And yet, here they were.
Because of Hummel.
And wasn’t that just fucking perfect.
Blaine sighed. “Sebastian-”
“I didn’t go looking for a fight, if that’s what you’re wondering,” Sebastian said coolly.
“So you didn’t start it,” Blaine replied, raising an eyebrow. “How old are you, five?”
“What does it matter?” Sebastian demanded. “They aren’t your friends, Blaine. The last time I checked, you hadn’t spoken with them in a year. They dropped you. For your ex.”
“I-”
“And speaking of, why don’t we talk about how the moment St. Hummel so much as stubs his ego, you still go running after him,” Sebastian spat out. Okay, maybe he was still insecure about Kurt and the place he held in Blaine’s heart. But he’d seen Blaine’s expression when he’d come face-to-face with Kurt for the first time in a year, and there was definitely still something there. That hurt more than he’d like to admit. “What the hell, Blaine?”
“Well maybe it wouldn’t have been necessary if you could’ve been civil for more than thirty seconds.”
“Civil? To people that treated you like shit? Sorry if that’s not high on my list of priorities.”
“I don’t need my honor defended,” Blaine retorted.
Sebastian studied Blaine, watching the way his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed with short breaths. There was a slight flush to his skin and a few beads of sweat dripped down the side of his face from the warm of the evening.
“You’re still in love with him,” Sebastian said finally. It wasn’t a question.
Blaine’s inhaled sharply. “I-”
And that was all the confirmation Sebastian needed.
“I’m not going to be someone’s second choice either, Killer.”
Blaine made a strangled sound that went right to Sebastian’s chest, but he didn’t back down.
“Bas.”
Sebastian remained silent, and Blaine stared at him a long moment, expression torn between hurt and defensive. Finally he shook his head.
“I can’t do this right now.”
Sebastian felt something crack in his chest as Blaine made to shove past him toward the door.
“Are you going to run away from this, too?” Sebastian said, knowing all the while that he was crossing a line, bringing up things Blaine had confessed in confidence.
Blaine stopped in his tracks, back stiffening. “Don’t.” His voice was strained by that one syllable.
“You came here tonight.”
Blaine took a shuddering breath that seemed to echo on the air while Sebastian waited, his body tingling with nervous energy.
“I can’t do this right now,” Blaine repeated, voice cracking as he opened the door and walked out.
Sebastian didn’t know how long he stood in the middle of his apartment, ears ringing with the slamming of his door and the fading sound of Blaine’s footsteps. But he was pulled from his shock by pounding on his door. Ready to snap at whoever was interrupting him when it felt like his heart had just been scooped out of his chest, Sebastian stumbled to the door like he was walking through quicksand and pulled it open.
Sebastian barely had time to register Blaine surging through the doorway before his arms wrapped instinctively around Blaine’s waist as the other boy pressed his lips to Sebastian’s, hard, his hands going to Sebastian’s hair. Blaine tightened his grip and Sebastian moaned, lips parting. Blaine swallowed the sound, his tongue pushing into Sebastian’s mouth.
As the surprise of finding Blaine suddenly in his arms faded, Sebastian used his height to crowd Blaine backward, casting out blindly with one hand until he grabbed the front door and threw it shut before pressing Blaine back into the wood. Blaine made a quiet oof sound as his back hit the door and his arms fell away from Sebastian’s hair while Sebastian pressed his knee between Blaine’s legs.
Blaine gasped and his head thunked against the door as he leaned back when Sebastian crowded him further. Sebastian’s hands found Blaine’s waist, fingers untucking Blaine’s shirt as he attached his lips to Blaine’s neck and started to suck. Blaine groaned and the sound went right to Sebastian’s hardening cock. As close to Blaine as he was, Sebastian could feel that he was hard through his jeans too, which sent another surge of heat to his cock.
When he freed Blaine’s shirt, his hands roamed over Blaine’s skin, up his back and down his stomach to his belt.
“Fuck, Bas.” Blaine sounded absolutely wrecked. The sound was intoxicating, but…
Sebastian dropped his hands back to Blaine’s waist and pulled back to look at the other boy. Blaine’s eyes were shut, but his skin was flushed and his forehead glistened with sweat. His lips were swollen, he was breathing hard, and a bruise was starting to form where Sebastian had sucked at his neck. After a moment, Blaine opened his eyes, and his pupils were blown wide.
“What?” he asked breathlessly.
“You came back,” Sebastian said, squeezing at Blaine’s hips.
Blaine blinked like he was having trouble registering words, but after a moment he shook himself and nodded. “You’re not my second choice.”
“Blaine-”
“I got scared earlier, so I ran,” Blaine said, voice evening out.
“Scared?” Sebastian echoed.
“Scared that you were right,” Blaine replied with a shrug. “Or scared that I was right. I don’t know. But I took five steps out of the apartment and realized that I was being an idiot.” He shook his head. “So I stood there on the street, and it hit me that what’s in the past is nothing but a ghost. You-you’re so much more than that.” Blaine smiled, the gentleness of the expression curling under Sebastian’s skin as Blaine reached up and cupped a hand on Sebastian’s cheek. “It’s time to stop letting the ghosts of the past haunt me.”
“Oh.”
“But we still need to talk.”
Sebastian swallowed but nodded. What had been said earlier wasn’t going to just go away because they wanted it to. Blaine was still struggling with heartbreak and Sebastian was insecure and they were doing a good job of hurting each other with those pains.
But for right now…
Sebastian wrapped his hands around Blaine’s back and dipped his fingers under the waistband of his jeans, kneading his fingers into Blaine’s ass.
Blaine’s head fell back against the door, but his fingers curled under Sebastian’s t-shirt and started tracing patterns on Sebastian’s stomach and up to his chest. Sebastian faltered as Blaine’s fingers reached his nipples and pinched them gently.
“Blaine,” Sebastian hissed.
“Bed,” Blaine rasped.
“Are you sure?”
While he would love nothing more than to have Blaine in his bed, stretched out beneath him, writhing and begging for more, Blaine was the one setting the pace. He was only going to do this if Blaine was absolutely sure. Blaine ground his erection up against Sebastian’s and they both moaned, Sebastian’s head falling forward onto Blaine’s shoulder.
“I’m sure,” Blaine replied. “I want you to fuck me.” Those words in Blaine's lowered voice had to have been the hottest thing Sebastian had ever heard.
“Bed,” Sebastian agreed, body aching in protest as he pulled away from Blaine just far enough to pull Blaine’s shirt over his head and drop it on the floor before backing them toward the bed in the far corner of the room, which suddenly seemed like miles.
Blaine toed his shoes off while he pulled Sebastian’s t-shirt over his head with jerky motions. Sebastian started on Blaine’s belt and managed to open it when the back of his knees hit the edge of the bed. Blaine bumped into him and wobbled; they both laughed as Sebastian grabbed Blaine’s hips to steady him before slowly turning them so Blaine was falling back into the bed.
Blaine scooted back up the bed and spread his legs; Sebastian nearly growled at the invitation as he crawled up the bed and settled between Blaine’s legs. He undid the button on Blaine’s jeans and Blaine lifted his hips so Sebastian could pull his pants and boxers off and deposit them on the floor.
He found himself staring at the boy beneath him; none of his many vivid fantasies could compare to the reality that was Blaine Anderson, from his shapely calf muscles and rounded ass to his hard cock and dark, pointed nipples. He was fucking gorgeous, and Sebastian wanted to take his time getting to know every inch of that body, to discover what sounds he could coax from Blaine and learn where to touch to make Blaine shiver.
But that would have to wait because right now he just needed to be close.
“Bas,” Blaine laughed and Sebastian shook himself to find Blaine blushing. “You’re going to give me a complex.”
Sebastian smirked. “Just enjoying the view.”
“You’re wearing too many clothes,” Blaine retorted, fingers curling around Sebastian’s belt.
Together they managed to undo Sebastian’s belt despite shaking hands and pull his jeans and boxers off and throw them backward before Sebastian was pressing himself forward against Blaine, their cocks rubbing together while Blaine’s hands curled around Sebastian’s back.
“Shit,” Sebastian cursed. While he was still thinking straight, he reached into his nightstand to grab lube and a condom from the drawer. He placed them both on the bed before leaning in to take one of Blaine’s nipples into his mouth.
Blaine exhaled sharply and his fingernails dug sharply into Sebastian’s back as he swirled his tongue over the nub. He moved to the other, using a hand to tease the other nipple. Blaine’s back arched off the bed as he moaned wordlessly, and Sebastian filed that away for later.
“Fuck, you’re gorgeous.”
He trailed kisses down Blaine’s chest and inner thigh while one hand rubbed circles at Blaine’s hip. He was hovering over Blaine’s cock when he looked up to see Blaine watching him with hooded eyes.
“Wait,” Blaine said.
Sebastian raised a questioning eyebrow, but Blaine just pulled Sebastian back up and kissed him, their bodies slotting together seamlessly. Sebastian’s eyes slid shut as they rocked together, the friction delicious but not quite enough.
“Shit.”
He opened his eyes again when he heard the bottle of lube open and saw Blaine coating his fingers-and hell, should that be that hot?-before he reached between them and took them both in hand.
“Like this,” Blaine murmured into Sebastian’s shoulder.
Sebastian gasped at Blaine’s touch, eyes nearly rolling back into his head as Blaine stroked them. Fuck, it had been a long time since a hand besides his own had gotten him off. Sebastian reached down and covered Blaine’s hand with his own, setting a faster pace. Blaine hissed and arched into their hands.
“God, Bas. Yes.”
It didn’t take long, stamina in short supply when it had been months for them both, and their pace quickly became erratic. Heat was curling low in Sebastian’s stomach when Blaine groaned.
“Shit, I’m close.”
“Come on, Blaine,” Sebastian whispered into Blaine’s ear. “Come for me. You’re so hot like this.”
Sebastian squeezed Blaine’s hand and sped up their pace again. Within a couple more strokes, Blaine cried out; his head fell back against the pillow, his neck straining, and warm stickiness coated Sebastian’s hand. Sebastian tried to stroke him through the aftershocks, but the sight-Christ, Sebastian knew what Blaine looked like when he came-was enough to push him over the edge as heat coursed through him and exploded; the world went white and he came hard. He floated for a while as his trembling body collapsed against Blaine’s. They both breathed hard as they came down.
“That was…something,” Blaine murmured after a while.
“Mmph,” Sebastian agreed as he tried to recover the power of speech.
“You’re heavy.”
“And you’re a terrible pillow,” Sebastian retorted. “Stop moving.” It felt perfect, being this close to Blaine.
Blaine poked him in the side. “We should clean up.”
Sebastian pushed himself up, bracketing Blaine’s shoulders with his hands. The other boy was loose-limbed against Sebastian’s sheets and smiling. Sebastian suddenly imagined having Blaine in his bed every night and waking up to that smile every morning, of having days where they stayed in bed all day and others where they fucked on the couch or kitchen counter just because they could or because the bed was too far away.
Sebastian wanted it all. He needed to be closer to Blaine, to take and take and take some more until he had everything Blaine had to offer, to cover him and fill him until it was impossible to tell where Sebastian ended and Blaine started.
“I didn’t get to fuck you,” Sebastian countered, nodding toward the unopened condom.
Blaine made a show of thinking before smirking mischievously. “Well, I suppose we could always go for round two.”
-----
“You called me your boyfriend,” Blaine said, drowsy in his post-second orgasm haze.
They were on their sides with a sheet pulled up to their waists. Blaine’s head rested against Sebastian’s chest while Sebastian had one arm slung possessively over Blaine’s waist, a finger tracing a bite mark on Blaine’s hip beneath the sheet. The other arm was stretched out under Blaine’s neck while his fingers carded through Blaine’s sweat-loosened curls. Blaine’s arms were curled between them, one hand flat on Sebastian’s chest, and their feet were tangled together.
“Did I?” Sebastian asked airily. He was sleepy and sated but enjoying the closeness of moment too much to let himself sleep.
Blaine, looking truly well-fucked, smiled goofily up at him. “At the theater. I heard you.”
Something squirmed in Sebastian’s gut. “I plead the Fifth.”
Blaine snorted. “I’m glad,” he said and Sebastian silently conceded defeat to the b-word. Blaine yawned as his eyes slipped shut. “We still need to talk, though.”
Sebastian’s stomach sank at the reminder of their fight. “Tomorrow.”
“Mm.” Blaine hummed as his breathing evened out.
Looking at the boy sleeping in his arms, Sebastian swallowed hard. He’d come so close to losing him tonight because they were both stubborn and damaged. Yet they’d somehow ended up closer than ever.
With all of his anonymous hookups, Sebastian had always viewed sex as a physical act to get both parties off. He’d had always fucked in the most primal sense of the word, but this had been so much more. Sebastian’s entire body ached to be near Blaine’s, to press their skin together and feel Blaine’s heartbeat and breathe in sync with him.
The sex had brought them closer-and the emotional closeness was something he was still fumbling through-but it hadn’t fixed them.
But Sebastian didn’t think he could handle losing Blaine again, not now. He tightened his grip around the other boy, as though he might vanish like a far better dream than Sebastian deserved.
“Fuck,” he murmured into Blaine’s hair. “I think I’m in love with you.”
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Next installment: So Like Fear