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[purplejellybaby]

I caught up with an old and dear uni friend the other day and after chatting about a range of subjects - including our life-threatening illnesses (he is hiv+; I am battling pancreatic cancer) - he told me having cancer has changed me. I acknowledged the physical changes (dropping 30kg) but never got around to asking him in what other way he thought

Comments

[mafuta67]

Hi Kaz, I had a lovely time too, it was so nice to catch up with you.
The change in you is very subtle, but I recognised it straight away. You have that guarded air of someone who has been put through the ringer by illness and treatment. I know it well I see it in myself after hospital stays. You're more serious about life than you used to be and I think its because like me you've come face to face with your mortality.
Its not a bad thing, but I know everytime I see a friend who has suffered either a loss or is struggling with illness it saddens me a little, because they have experienced something that other people haven't. Its very hard to 'belong' after an experience like that.
I'm so glad you are battling on, I look forward to coffee again soon.
much love, Matt xxx

[purplejellybaby]

Ok, I understand and agree with all that. It is a shame that, sometimes, people are forced to face their mortality but it also reminds them to live each day to the full. I don't think that is a bad thing at all. Also, while it is hard to 'belong' with those who haven't shared your experiences, it opens communication with a whole lot of other people who have. (Does that make sense?) I feel a closer connection with you now than I had before because I know you have been dealing with the mortality issue for many years.

Most importantly ... we must keep on laughing!! And painting. And listening to music - I added a cd of swing music to my ipod yesterday. I do love that big band sound. :))