Perhaps i presume too much, and certainly i offend you by breaking the condition you left me with, but i couldn't help but clarify what that means to me. Those words could describe no living person. For me, they refer only to my sometimes-tormenter, the thing that lurks in my nightmares. Perhaps it is a "girl" of some sort. But she's then also nothing. I long to feel the pain of it all again, in that sickening way. The whip upon unready flesh. But it's still only a nightmare. So it is doubly frustrating to me. In truth, i couldn't possibly allow myself to feel that way about anyone now. So wretched that i can only avert my eyes. I am still not well.
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