The Cost of a Dream (Dom/Billy, June 2001 in NZ)
Title: The Cost of a Dream
Authors: unstealthy and msilverstar
Pairing: Dominic Monaghan/Billy Boyd
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Completely untrue, absolute fiction.
Summary: June, 2001, Fellowship of the Ring, during pickup shooting in New Zealand. For all fics in this universe in chronological order, please see the Push-Pull-Push Master List.
~~~
Being back in New Zealand feels just weird to Billy. Same filming madness, as though they'd never left. The Billy-and-Dom show goes on, falling into sync without a moment's pause. The Dom-shaped hole in Billy's life is filled and he's content.
It's such a respite from the boredom and despair that characterise Dom's life in LA (not that he'd ever admit as much to Billy), that at first Dom is a bit hyper. He hugs everyone twenty times a day, and drinks far too much the first night they all go to the pub. And the sex with Billy is amazing. The first time and the second time. And all the other times. It doesn't become routine even at the end of the first week.
"Want you to put me over your knee and spank me," Dom murmurs, after they'd retired early from dinner and Billy has him pressed up against the wall of his hotel room.
"Pushy wanker," Billy growls, but he turns Dom and walks him backwards towards the bed. Vanilla is a very fine ice-cream flavour, but sometimes, a body wants a bit of chocolate or cherry. Or spanking. He couldn't stop touching Dom this week, except when he was in costume and the cameras were on. Then he could be Pippin, blithely optimistic about the end of the world, as long as he had Merry. But tomorrow's a break, finally, and he doesn't have to be so careful with Dom's arse. Billy pushes Dom onto the bed and flings himself down on top, half-wrestling, half-desperate to keep touching.
Bloody brilliant. Grunting and panting they roll around on the bed for a while. Dom's a bit out of shape, and so Billy easily pins him. "Kiss me," Dom demands, trying to lift his head to Billy's mouth, but every attempt frustrated by Billy moving his face out of the way.
Billy grins and leans back just a titch. "Ask nicely," he says, remembering how very nicely indeed Dom can ask.
Dom rolls his eyes and sighs dramatically. "Please, Billy," he says, deadpan.
"Oh bugger that for a game of soldiers," Billy's really quite exasperated already. "I should use my fucking belt on you."
"You'll scare the neighbours," Dom says with a grin. "A spanking wouldn't go amiss, though. Please. Sir." He's still grinning, although he means it. It's not the same unless it's Billy.
Just like that, Dom capitulates, and it's almost too sweet. Billy leans down to kiss the smirk off of Dom's face, nearly forgetting everything in the bliss of it.
Dom's hands are pinned beside his head, so in lieu of touching Billy, Dom grinds his hips against him and hums into the kiss. "Spank me, take me," he murmurs, smiling against Billy's mouth.
"Yeah," Billy answers, tasting his way down Dom's neck, "in a minute." He finds the tender hollows of Dom's collarbones and licks along them, sucking the skin over the bones, gently because Merry's shirt is sometimes unbuttoned, until Dom's moaning in the most wonderful way.
Each suck and soft, warm lick goes straight to Dom's cock. Dom shivers as Billy gently nips the join between his neck and shoulder. Suddenly they're both wearing far too many clothes. "God, Bill," Dom moans, pressing his hips against Billy's.
Those responses are gorgeous, Dom unfurling like a flower under Billy. It's been lovely shagging this week, but it's not been like this, never Dom so open and pliant. Letting go of Dom's hands, Billy leans on one arm, and starts pulling Dom's t-shirt up, sliding his hand under to tease the warm skin there.
Billy can rouse Dom like no-one else, with a speed and intensity that takes Dom's breath and makes him want to writhe and beg. Spanking's good, pain's good, not just because Dom enjoys it but because it uses up all the energy generated in Dom when Billy touches him. Dom's twitchy at the best of times. Under Billy's hand he becomes a seething mass of want and need and oh god, please.
"Will you stay still for one bloody moment?" Billy asks, wrestling the t-shirt over Dom's head. He simply leaves it there -- let Dom pull it off or not -- and pins Dom again with his body, forcing him to stop wriggling. Dom's mouth is hot and eager, but Billy kisses him and holds him till Dom finally relaxes. "Love you," Billy whispers into Dom's mouth.
Dom yanks the t-shirt off his wrists so he can wrap his arms around Billy, slide his hands down to cup and squeeze Billy's arse. "Love you too," he whispers back, enjoying the press of Billy's erection against his own. "Now are you gonna spank me or not?"
With a snort, Billy rolls off Dom and scoots to the top of the bed, saying, "Yeah, I will. Your arse is going to be red and hot by the time I'm done with you." Billy's mouth is suddenly dry and he can feel his heart beat in his wrists as he pushes his jeans and pants down.
"That a promise?" Dom takes a moment to watch Billy disrobe, and then takes his own jeans off. "I'll never get tired of looking at you naked," he says, raking his eyes over Billy's body.
"Love's blind," Billy says dryly, "C'mon up here, I want your scrawny arse."
"Scrawny?" Dom twists around to check. "And my eyesight's fine, thank you." He crawls over Billy's lap, giving a quick lick to Billy's cock as he does so.
The familiar weight, Dom's body settling down, sends a rush of pleasure through Billy. "It's a fantastic arse," Billy says, cupping it with his hand, "a stellar arse." Just like that, with no warning at all, he pulls his arm back and spanks Dom, hard, right in the center of his arse.
Dom gasps and grinds his hips against Billy's lap. Just being naked like this, close to Billy, sets Dom's pulse racing. The spanking just heightens his arousal and he can't stop himself humping Billy's leg. "God, yeah, more," he says.
"Be still," Billy says sternly. Dom wriggling is fucking hot, and Billy'd rather last a bit longer. Billy puts his other hand on the back of Dom's neck, and spanks twice, on the right and left sides of Dom's arse. The shock of impact runs through his whole body, as though he'd fallen full-length against Dom. It's wonderful.
"Hard..." Dom mutters, "...to stay still. Fucking amazing." He grips a fistful of bedclothes. "Fuck, Billy, please."
After another couple of spanks, Billy can see Dom's arse colouring up nicely, pink where it was pale before. "Please what?" he asks mock-innocently, because Dom begging is so sexy it nearly hurts.
"I don't know, just!" Dom says, slightly desperately, so aroused his brain has turned to mush. "Need you, Bill!"
"Like this?" Billy says, running his fingers into Dom's crack and around his hole. "Cos I'm goingta fuck you."
"Yeah, yeah," Dom babbles, "Please, yeah."
Dom is amazing like this: sweaty and desperate, all the cheek gone out of him. Billy, reaching for the lube and condom, feels fiercely protective. No one else should see this Dom, no one who will do him harm or laugh at him, this should be for Billy only. Suddenly, Billy's little hedonistic experimental romp though the kinky clubs of London seems pointless. This is what he wants, who he wants. "Fucking love you," Billy says, as he pushes a finger up Dom's arse.
"Yeah, love you too, oh fuck, yes!" Dom moans as Billy's finger penetrates him and brushes over his prostate. The burn in his skin combined with the stimulation sends a shockwave of pleasure straight to his cock, making him jerk on Billy's lap.
"You can come now, if you want," Billy offers. The last thing he wants is for Dom to feel the stress of holding out. Another finger, another gorgeous moan from Dom, and he's nearly ready.
"No, not yet," Dom says through gritted teeth. It would be unthinkable to come now; he wants Billy inside him, above him and around him. "Please, Billy. Fuck me."
Muttering, "God, yeah," Billy pulls on the condom and moves until he's on top of Dom. But he wants more than Dom's back, wants to watch Dom's face as he comes, wants to hold him and kiss him. "Shift over," Billy tells Dom, pushing and pulling in his eagerness.
Dom laughs, happy, giddy with his own need and drowning in Billy's. He squirms into position on his back, hooking his arms under his knees and pulling them up and apart. "This what you want?"
"Yeah, you," Billy says, looking at Dom's face for just a moment before he has to look down and guide his cock into Dom's arse hole. "Christ, Dom, 's so good," he manages as he pushes in, shocked, as always, by the sheer pleasure of it.
It never gets old, watching Billy's face as he fucks Dom. His normal open expression becomes full of something Dom can't fathom -- all Dom knows is that he loves it, and is forever trying to find ways to make it happen. Dom's breath comes in short gasps as Billy's cock opens him, and all he can do is say "Billy," and "Yes," over and over.
Billy doesn't have the breath to speak for a bit, but he can hear himself making noises, happy grunts, as he thrusts into Dom. Fucking Dom is everything he can handle, so good he has to blink hard to keep the tears inside his eyes: any more intense and he'd burst into flames. "Love you," he manages, "so fucking much."
Dom can't speak, this is so unlike Billy. Not that he never expresses his love for Dom, but it's normally Dom that's the first to say it, if only because he's the soppier one of the pair. This is the second time in not many minutes that Billy's been moved to say it. "Love you too," he says, and then so at least one of them keeps their masculinity intact he adds, "Touch my cock?"
Balancing on one elbow, Billy slides his hand between their sweaty bellies and finds Dom's cock, sweetly familiar to him, almost as much has his own. "Wanta watch you come," he tells Dom, ringing his hand round Dom's cock, sliding down it as he pulls his own cock back, "wanta hear you."
"Not -- a problem!" Dom gasps, and looking in Billy's eyes he allows himself to tumble off the edge into glorious oblivion, chanting Billy's name.
Watching Dom come, feeling his body, his arse around Billy's cock is incredible. It fills Billy with a million emotions, from pride to tenderness, and this time he really might cry. He holds Dom, firmly pumping his cock until there's no more and Dom's face smooths.
"Your turn," Dom says happily, wrapping his legs around Billy's waist. "That was brilliant."
"Mhhmmm," is all Billy can say. He leans forward, curling over Dom, curling Dom too, so he can reach Dom's mouth and kiss him.
Dom hums in response as Billy kisses him, and he fingers the hair at the nape of Billy's neck. Occasionally, on set, when Dom lets his thoughts wander, flashes of moments of extreme intimacy like this one will send a shiver through his body. He stores it up, knowing that later he'll take it out and examine it and it will keep him warm when he's alone. "You gonna come for me? We can't stay like this all night, you know," he grins, wishing with all his heart that they could.
"Why not?" Billy argues, half-seriously, "tantric sex, that's what it's called." But now that Dom's said it, Billy's body heats and his hips move and Dom's arms and legs are all round him, urging him to go faster. Eyes closing, Billy surrenders to it.
"Love you," Dom murmurs. He can't help himself. This Billy, the one that's his and only his, he can't help loving, and pulls him close with all his limbs. When Billy's so vulnerable, Dom just wants to protect him and keep him safe.
Thrusting a bit faster, Billy hums agreement. He's deep within the sensations, truly like a wave carrying him faster and faster until it spills him with a crash of pure pleasure, groaning, "Dom," as he comes.
It's not often that Billy says Dom's name unprompted when he comes. Dom holds him close, breathing hard. "Yeah, you're mine," he whispers, not knowing whether Billy can hear or not.
When Billy surfaces, he finds himself draped over Dom, like a rag doll. "Christ," he says, "that was... something." Dom's eyes are tender and his arms cradle Billy, make him feel loved. Billy knows he should move, should pull out and roll off Dom, but he simply can't be arsed, not just yet.
"Only with you," Dom says. "It's only this good with you." He strokes Billy's sweat-matted hair off his forehead and kisses him.
"Yeah," Billy says, "yeah, for me too." He lifts himself up a bit and reaches down to hold the condom as he pulls out. The lube tube has left a dent in his left leg, and there's none left, so he throws that in the bin as well. "Why did we wait so long?" he asks, as grabs a towel and drops it on the mess on Dom's stomach.
"What for? I didn't notice us waiting," Dom grins, scrubbing the towel over his skin and tossing it aside. "Come here." He tugs at Billy's shoulders, wanting a cuddle.
Billy follows Dom's tug and lies half on his side, moving Dom to face him and pulling close for a hug. "It's been months since I've had you properly to myself," he says a bit crossly. Dom hums agreement, and they doze off a bit, spent by the lovely work of shagging.
~~~~
"By waiting," Billy says, waking up in a tangle of arms and legs, his face mashed into Dom's hair, their last conversation ringing in his ears, "I mean waiting for you to come home." Phone calls to LA are not good enough, Dom's been miserable there, it's so right to be together, why wait? Billy's never understood.
"I'm home here, now, with you," Dom says with a sigh of happiness. "This is home."
"Not New Zealand, ya wanker. Home from LA," Billy says, "I'll move to London, you don't have to bury yourself in Glasgow."
Dom isn't sure what Billy's talking about. "I... What? London?" He frowns. "What d'you mean?"
"You've tried LA, nothing's happening, why not come back home?"
"I've only been there six months or so," Dom points out. "I really..." It dawns on him what Billy's saying. Oh god. "I'm not coming back, Bill. Not -- not yet, anyhow."
Billy's lost, it seems so obvious to him. "You hate the place, you haven't a car or a phone or a flat, you're always going on about how awful it is there. How much longer do you need?"
"Six months isn't enough to know if it's going to work out or not," Dom points out. He's torn, between wanting to be with Billy and desperately needing whatever elusive thing it is that LA is keeping from him. "Lij is going to help me get a car, and I've got a cellphone..."
"When, Dom, when will you know? When you're thirty?" Billy's leaned back to look at Dom, imagining what a casting director thinks when he sees that jaw, those teeth, those ears. Not anyone's ideal Hollywood leading man. "There're films in Britain, and theatre, and TV. I've heard they're going to make a film of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galexy, you'd be brilliant in that."
Dom sighs. Billy just doesn't get it. Sometimes Dom doesn't get it himself. "I can't live there. It's too... small, or something. After Rings, I can't go back to being a jobbing actor, even if it means being a nobody for a while." He's said all this to Billy before, and Billy didn't hear him the last time, either. "It's there, Bill, I can taste it, and if I don't give it a go I'll always wonder."
It's not as though Billy can honestly tell Dom to pay his dues, or that there's nothing wrong with being a jobbing actor. Dom knows that. "How long, though?" Billy persists, How long do I have to wait for you?
"I dunno." Dom scrubs his hands over his face. "As long as it takes." Propping himself up on one elbow he looks down at Billy. "Why don't you come too? I mean. We couldn't live together, but..." He knows it's futile, but he wants to ask anyway.
"You'd out us both in ten days," Billy says miserably, "and that won't help your career. I hate LA anyway, all the usual reasons. London's bad enough."
Dom has a second revelation, how much Billy wants to be with him that he'd offer to move to London to make it happen. "Bill..." He falls onto his back and flings his arms over his face. "I'm sorry."
Billy's tempted to stick his tongue out, or start to tickle, as always when Dom's being a drama queen. But this isn't about Feet or films or beer. It has the depressing ring of finality, and he can't, won't, believe it. "That's fucking it? he asks, "you won't ever come home?"
How has this happened? He's lying here naked, with Billy, having shared such intense intimacy only a half hour before, and now there's an immense distance between them. Dom sits up. "Not until I feel like I've given it my best shot." He stares at his feet. "I don't know how long that's going to be. I can't say never, but I can't say when, either."
There's a twisting feeling in Billy's chest and a huge lump when he swallows. This is far worse than he knew, not what he was prepared for and it feels rather like a betrayal. "Oh, I see," he says, glad his voice sounds steady, calm and under control. "I guess that's it then."
"What?" Dom's shocked and a bit scared by Billy's words. "What d'you mean?" Billy's right there, but for the first time ever, Dom doesn't dare touch him. Even though it's the thing he wants to do more than anything right now.
"See each other when we do, apart for months at a time, that's how you'll have it be. That's what you want." Billy looks at the ceiling and crosses his arms.
"It's not what I want!" Now Dom's panicking a little. "It's just... how it is." Why won't Billy fucking understand?
"No, of course you don't," Billy says, reasonably. It's just a matter of priorities. Dom's dream versus Billy's reality.
"Billy we can't... be together, no matter what side of the ocean we're on," Dom says, angry and frustrated at the world, at himself, at Billy.
With a sneer, Billy says, "Because we're much bigger stars than Rupert Everett and Alan Cumming? We're certainly smaller than Ian. It wouldn't matter back home, we could go on there, have careers, be who we are."
"That's not a reason to come back!" Dom says. "The 'career' I'd have there, it wouldn't be enough for me!" He swings his legs over the side of the bed so he's no longer facing Billy. "It's not about you."
Billy clenches his jaw, and is amazed how even his voice sounds as he answers, "No, apparently not." And there's nothing else to say. "I'll go have a shower," he swings over and finds his jeans, "in my room."
There's no point going after him. A knawing, twisting pain in Dom's heart makes tears well over and he screws his eyes shut and swallows hard. "Fuck!" he yells, and grabs a pillow. "Fuck you! He flings the pillow at the closed door and then goes into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.
Authors: unstealthy and msilverstar
Pairing: Dominic Monaghan/Billy Boyd
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Completely untrue, absolute fiction.
Summary: June, 2001, Fellowship of the Ring, during pickup shooting in New Zealand. For all fics in this universe in chronological order, please see the Push-Pull-Push Master List.
~~~
Being back in New Zealand feels just weird to Billy. Same filming madness, as though they'd never left. The Billy-and-Dom show goes on, falling into sync without a moment's pause. The Dom-shaped hole in Billy's life is filled and he's content.
It's such a respite from the boredom and despair that characterise Dom's life in LA (not that he'd ever admit as much to Billy), that at first Dom is a bit hyper. He hugs everyone twenty times a day, and drinks far too much the first night they all go to the pub. And the sex with Billy is amazing. The first time and the second time. And all the other times. It doesn't become routine even at the end of the first week.
"Want you to put me over your knee and spank me," Dom murmurs, after they'd retired early from dinner and Billy has him pressed up against the wall of his hotel room.
"Pushy wanker," Billy growls, but he turns Dom and walks him backwards towards the bed. Vanilla is a very fine ice-cream flavour, but sometimes, a body wants a bit of chocolate or cherry. Or spanking. He couldn't stop touching Dom this week, except when he was in costume and the cameras were on. Then he could be Pippin, blithely optimistic about the end of the world, as long as he had Merry. But tomorrow's a break, finally, and he doesn't have to be so careful with Dom's arse. Billy pushes Dom onto the bed and flings himself down on top, half-wrestling, half-desperate to keep touching.
Bloody brilliant. Grunting and panting they roll around on the bed for a while. Dom's a bit out of shape, and so Billy easily pins him. "Kiss me," Dom demands, trying to lift his head to Billy's mouth, but every attempt frustrated by Billy moving his face out of the way.
Billy grins and leans back just a titch. "Ask nicely," he says, remembering how very nicely indeed Dom can ask.
Dom rolls his eyes and sighs dramatically. "Please, Billy," he says, deadpan.
"Oh bugger that for a game of soldiers," Billy's really quite exasperated already. "I should use my fucking belt on you."
"You'll scare the neighbours," Dom says with a grin. "A spanking wouldn't go amiss, though. Please. Sir." He's still grinning, although he means it. It's not the same unless it's Billy.
Just like that, Dom capitulates, and it's almost too sweet. Billy leans down to kiss the smirk off of Dom's face, nearly forgetting everything in the bliss of it.
Dom's hands are pinned beside his head, so in lieu of touching Billy, Dom grinds his hips against him and hums into the kiss. "Spank me, take me," he murmurs, smiling against Billy's mouth.
"Yeah," Billy answers, tasting his way down Dom's neck, "in a minute." He finds the tender hollows of Dom's collarbones and licks along them, sucking the skin over the bones, gently because Merry's shirt is sometimes unbuttoned, until Dom's moaning in the most wonderful way.
Each suck and soft, warm lick goes straight to Dom's cock. Dom shivers as Billy gently nips the join between his neck and shoulder. Suddenly they're both wearing far too many clothes. "God, Bill," Dom moans, pressing his hips against Billy's.
Those responses are gorgeous, Dom unfurling like a flower under Billy. It's been lovely shagging this week, but it's not been like this, never Dom so open and pliant. Letting go of Dom's hands, Billy leans on one arm, and starts pulling Dom's t-shirt up, sliding his hand under to tease the warm skin there.
Billy can rouse Dom like no-one else, with a speed and intensity that takes Dom's breath and makes him want to writhe and beg. Spanking's good, pain's good, not just because Dom enjoys it but because it uses up all the energy generated in Dom when Billy touches him. Dom's twitchy at the best of times. Under Billy's hand he becomes a seething mass of want and need and oh god, please.
"Will you stay still for one bloody moment?" Billy asks, wrestling the t-shirt over Dom's head. He simply leaves it there -- let Dom pull it off or not -- and pins Dom again with his body, forcing him to stop wriggling. Dom's mouth is hot and eager, but Billy kisses him and holds him till Dom finally relaxes. "Love you," Billy whispers into Dom's mouth.
Dom yanks the t-shirt off his wrists so he can wrap his arms around Billy, slide his hands down to cup and squeeze Billy's arse. "Love you too," he whispers back, enjoying the press of Billy's erection against his own. "Now are you gonna spank me or not?"
With a snort, Billy rolls off Dom and scoots to the top of the bed, saying, "Yeah, I will. Your arse is going to be red and hot by the time I'm done with you." Billy's mouth is suddenly dry and he can feel his heart beat in his wrists as he pushes his jeans and pants down.
"That a promise?" Dom takes a moment to watch Billy disrobe, and then takes his own jeans off. "I'll never get tired of looking at you naked," he says, raking his eyes over Billy's body.
"Love's blind," Billy says dryly, "C'mon up here, I want your scrawny arse."
"Scrawny?" Dom twists around to check. "And my eyesight's fine, thank you." He crawls over Billy's lap, giving a quick lick to Billy's cock as he does so.
The familiar weight, Dom's body settling down, sends a rush of pleasure through Billy. "It's a fantastic arse," Billy says, cupping it with his hand, "a stellar arse." Just like that, with no warning at all, he pulls his arm back and spanks Dom, hard, right in the center of his arse.
Dom gasps and grinds his hips against Billy's lap. Just being naked like this, close to Billy, sets Dom's pulse racing. The spanking just heightens his arousal and he can't stop himself humping Billy's leg. "God, yeah, more," he says.
"Be still," Billy says sternly. Dom wriggling is fucking hot, and Billy'd rather last a bit longer. Billy puts his other hand on the back of Dom's neck, and spanks twice, on the right and left sides of Dom's arse. The shock of impact runs through his whole body, as though he'd fallen full-length against Dom. It's wonderful.
"Hard..." Dom mutters, "...to stay still. Fucking amazing." He grips a fistful of bedclothes. "Fuck, Billy, please."
After another couple of spanks, Billy can see Dom's arse colouring up nicely, pink where it was pale before. "Please what?" he asks mock-innocently, because Dom begging is so sexy it nearly hurts.
"I don't know, just!" Dom says, slightly desperately, so aroused his brain has turned to mush. "Need you, Bill!"
"Like this?" Billy says, running his fingers into Dom's crack and around his hole. "Cos I'm goingta fuck you."
"Yeah, yeah," Dom babbles, "Please, yeah."
Dom is amazing like this: sweaty and desperate, all the cheek gone out of him. Billy, reaching for the lube and condom, feels fiercely protective. No one else should see this Dom, no one who will do him harm or laugh at him, this should be for Billy only. Suddenly, Billy's little hedonistic experimental romp though the kinky clubs of London seems pointless. This is what he wants, who he wants. "Fucking love you," Billy says, as he pushes a finger up Dom's arse.
"Yeah, love you too, oh fuck, yes!" Dom moans as Billy's finger penetrates him and brushes over his prostate. The burn in his skin combined with the stimulation sends a shockwave of pleasure straight to his cock, making him jerk on Billy's lap.
"You can come now, if you want," Billy offers. The last thing he wants is for Dom to feel the stress of holding out. Another finger, another gorgeous moan from Dom, and he's nearly ready.
"No, not yet," Dom says through gritted teeth. It would be unthinkable to come now; he wants Billy inside him, above him and around him. "Please, Billy. Fuck me."
Muttering, "God, yeah," Billy pulls on the condom and moves until he's on top of Dom. But he wants more than Dom's back, wants to watch Dom's face as he comes, wants to hold him and kiss him. "Shift over," Billy tells Dom, pushing and pulling in his eagerness.
Dom laughs, happy, giddy with his own need and drowning in Billy's. He squirms into position on his back, hooking his arms under his knees and pulling them up and apart. "This what you want?"
"Yeah, you," Billy says, looking at Dom's face for just a moment before he has to look down and guide his cock into Dom's arse hole. "Christ, Dom, 's so good," he manages as he pushes in, shocked, as always, by the sheer pleasure of it.
It never gets old, watching Billy's face as he fucks Dom. His normal open expression becomes full of something Dom can't fathom -- all Dom knows is that he loves it, and is forever trying to find ways to make it happen. Dom's breath comes in short gasps as Billy's cock opens him, and all he can do is say "Billy," and "Yes," over and over.
Billy doesn't have the breath to speak for a bit, but he can hear himself making noises, happy grunts, as he thrusts into Dom. Fucking Dom is everything he can handle, so good he has to blink hard to keep the tears inside his eyes: any more intense and he'd burst into flames. "Love you," he manages, "so fucking much."
Dom can't speak, this is so unlike Billy. Not that he never expresses his love for Dom, but it's normally Dom that's the first to say it, if only because he's the soppier one of the pair. This is the second time in not many minutes that Billy's been moved to say it. "Love you too," he says, and then so at least one of them keeps their masculinity intact he adds, "Touch my cock?"
Balancing on one elbow, Billy slides his hand between their sweaty bellies and finds Dom's cock, sweetly familiar to him, almost as much has his own. "Wanta watch you come," he tells Dom, ringing his hand round Dom's cock, sliding down it as he pulls his own cock back, "wanta hear you."
"Not -- a problem!" Dom gasps, and looking in Billy's eyes he allows himself to tumble off the edge into glorious oblivion, chanting Billy's name.
Watching Dom come, feeling his body, his arse around Billy's cock is incredible. It fills Billy with a million emotions, from pride to tenderness, and this time he really might cry. He holds Dom, firmly pumping his cock until there's no more and Dom's face smooths.
"Your turn," Dom says happily, wrapping his legs around Billy's waist. "That was brilliant."
"Mhhmmm," is all Billy can say. He leans forward, curling over Dom, curling Dom too, so he can reach Dom's mouth and kiss him.
Dom hums in response as Billy kisses him, and he fingers the hair at the nape of Billy's neck. Occasionally, on set, when Dom lets his thoughts wander, flashes of moments of extreme intimacy like this one will send a shiver through his body. He stores it up, knowing that later he'll take it out and examine it and it will keep him warm when he's alone. "You gonna come for me? We can't stay like this all night, you know," he grins, wishing with all his heart that they could.
"Why not?" Billy argues, half-seriously, "tantric sex, that's what it's called." But now that Dom's said it, Billy's body heats and his hips move and Dom's arms and legs are all round him, urging him to go faster. Eyes closing, Billy surrenders to it.
"Love you," Dom murmurs. He can't help himself. This Billy, the one that's his and only his, he can't help loving, and pulls him close with all his limbs. When Billy's so vulnerable, Dom just wants to protect him and keep him safe.
Thrusting a bit faster, Billy hums agreement. He's deep within the sensations, truly like a wave carrying him faster and faster until it spills him with a crash of pure pleasure, groaning, "Dom," as he comes.
It's not often that Billy says Dom's name unprompted when he comes. Dom holds him close, breathing hard. "Yeah, you're mine," he whispers, not knowing whether Billy can hear or not.
When Billy surfaces, he finds himself draped over Dom, like a rag doll. "Christ," he says, "that was... something." Dom's eyes are tender and his arms cradle Billy, make him feel loved. Billy knows he should move, should pull out and roll off Dom, but he simply can't be arsed, not just yet.
"Only with you," Dom says. "It's only this good with you." He strokes Billy's sweat-matted hair off his forehead and kisses him.
"Yeah," Billy says, "yeah, for me too." He lifts himself up a bit and reaches down to hold the condom as he pulls out. The lube tube has left a dent in his left leg, and there's none left, so he throws that in the bin as well. "Why did we wait so long?" he asks, as grabs a towel and drops it on the mess on Dom's stomach.
"What for? I didn't notice us waiting," Dom grins, scrubbing the towel over his skin and tossing it aside. "Come here." He tugs at Billy's shoulders, wanting a cuddle.
Billy follows Dom's tug and lies half on his side, moving Dom to face him and pulling close for a hug. "It's been months since I've had you properly to myself," he says a bit crossly. Dom hums agreement, and they doze off a bit, spent by the lovely work of shagging.
~~~~
"By waiting," Billy says, waking up in a tangle of arms and legs, his face mashed into Dom's hair, their last conversation ringing in his ears, "I mean waiting for you to come home." Phone calls to LA are not good enough, Dom's been miserable there, it's so right to be together, why wait? Billy's never understood.
"I'm home here, now, with you," Dom says with a sigh of happiness. "This is home."
"Not New Zealand, ya wanker. Home from LA," Billy says, "I'll move to London, you don't have to bury yourself in Glasgow."
Dom isn't sure what Billy's talking about. "I... What? London?" He frowns. "What d'you mean?"
"You've tried LA, nothing's happening, why not come back home?"
"I've only been there six months or so," Dom points out. "I really..." It dawns on him what Billy's saying. Oh god. "I'm not coming back, Bill. Not -- not yet, anyhow."
Billy's lost, it seems so obvious to him. "You hate the place, you haven't a car or a phone or a flat, you're always going on about how awful it is there. How much longer do you need?"
"Six months isn't enough to know if it's going to work out or not," Dom points out. He's torn, between wanting to be with Billy and desperately needing whatever elusive thing it is that LA is keeping from him. "Lij is going to help me get a car, and I've got a cellphone..."
"When, Dom, when will you know? When you're thirty?" Billy's leaned back to look at Dom, imagining what a casting director thinks when he sees that jaw, those teeth, those ears. Not anyone's ideal Hollywood leading man. "There're films in Britain, and theatre, and TV. I've heard they're going to make a film of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galexy, you'd be brilliant in that."
Dom sighs. Billy just doesn't get it. Sometimes Dom doesn't get it himself. "I can't live there. It's too... small, or something. After Rings, I can't go back to being a jobbing actor, even if it means being a nobody for a while." He's said all this to Billy before, and Billy didn't hear him the last time, either. "It's there, Bill, I can taste it, and if I don't give it a go I'll always wonder."
It's not as though Billy can honestly tell Dom to pay his dues, or that there's nothing wrong with being a jobbing actor. Dom knows that. "How long, though?" Billy persists, How long do I have to wait for you?
"I dunno." Dom scrubs his hands over his face. "As long as it takes." Propping himself up on one elbow he looks down at Billy. "Why don't you come too? I mean. We couldn't live together, but..." He knows it's futile, but he wants to ask anyway.
"You'd out us both in ten days," Billy says miserably, "and that won't help your career. I hate LA anyway, all the usual reasons. London's bad enough."
Dom has a second revelation, how much Billy wants to be with him that he'd offer to move to London to make it happen. "Bill..." He falls onto his back and flings his arms over his face. "I'm sorry."
Billy's tempted to stick his tongue out, or start to tickle, as always when Dom's being a drama queen. But this isn't about Feet or films or beer. It has the depressing ring of finality, and he can't, won't, believe it. "That's fucking it? he asks, "you won't ever come home?"
How has this happened? He's lying here naked, with Billy, having shared such intense intimacy only a half hour before, and now there's an immense distance between them. Dom sits up. "Not until I feel like I've given it my best shot." He stares at his feet. "I don't know how long that's going to be. I can't say never, but I can't say when, either."
There's a twisting feeling in Billy's chest and a huge lump when he swallows. This is far worse than he knew, not what he was prepared for and it feels rather like a betrayal. "Oh, I see," he says, glad his voice sounds steady, calm and under control. "I guess that's it then."
"What?" Dom's shocked and a bit scared by Billy's words. "What d'you mean?" Billy's right there, but for the first time ever, Dom doesn't dare touch him. Even though it's the thing he wants to do more than anything right now.
"See each other when we do, apart for months at a time, that's how you'll have it be. That's what you want." Billy looks at the ceiling and crosses his arms.
"It's not what I want!" Now Dom's panicking a little. "It's just... how it is." Why won't Billy fucking understand?
"No, of course you don't," Billy says, reasonably. It's just a matter of priorities. Dom's dream versus Billy's reality.
"Billy we can't... be together, no matter what side of the ocean we're on," Dom says, angry and frustrated at the world, at himself, at Billy.
With a sneer, Billy says, "Because we're much bigger stars than Rupert Everett and Alan Cumming? We're certainly smaller than Ian. It wouldn't matter back home, we could go on there, have careers, be who we are."
"That's not a reason to come back!" Dom says. "The 'career' I'd have there, it wouldn't be enough for me!" He swings his legs over the side of the bed so he's no longer facing Billy. "It's not about you."
Billy clenches his jaw, and is amazed how even his voice sounds as he answers, "No, apparently not." And there's nothing else to say. "I'll go have a shower," he swings over and finds his jeans, "in my room."
There's no point going after him. A knawing, twisting pain in Dom's heart makes tears well over and he screws his eyes shut and swallows hard. "Fuck!" he yells, and grabs a pillow. "Fuck you! He flings the pillow at the closed door and then goes into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.