Comments | puziesunited: My own

puziesunited

My own

Jul 21, 2008 14:30

Since this is a place for posting stories, I'll post some here that I have saved on my computer from a while ago, see what anyone thinks. I don't know who will read them, but if you do, please read them and review them! I'll start with this one, which I think I wrote in 2005 or so?

Marron mal Fait
“Red sky in the morning, sailors take warning.” ( Read more... )

story

Comments 4

glasssubway July 22 2008, 00:19:15 UTC

I love you, so I'm going to be honest, okay!

I can definitely tell you wrote this when we were younger, because it reads to me like one of those FCAT essays we were asked to write--list of facts and logic progression, that sort of thing. It wasn't long enough, you didn't built up enough emotion behind it. There didn't seem to be much of a plot behind it, either.

I think it probably would have worked much better if you had conducted it in third-person, for one. And took more time with it, emphasized the details. Perhaps in the beginning there would be more of them, slower, and then when he suddenly realizes he's late, a bunch of short sentences and action going by really quickly. Make syntax work for you!

puziesunited July 22 2008, 01:44:02 UTC

No, I definitely know this is the writing of a kid! I'm just trying to put stuff on my journal to make it look more like I use this thing. Lol, but I think it's a cute story.

ff6comic January 13 2010, 06:01:44 UTC

Well, hi! Thanks for the sweet message you left me. Glad you re-found the comic and are enjoying it. Yeah, doing Figaro was definitely a learning experience for me- I had to draw a lot of new things (like backgrounds- ahh!) and I only hope South Figaro will look even better. The boat scene is going to be a long way off, I'm afraid. But I'll get there! I am stubborn. ;)

So, thanks again for supporting! And hey- we both have Cecil avatars today. That's pretty lucky!

puziesunited January 15 2010, 18:26:49 UTC

That part was hilarious, with the "blood-stained past" thing. Yeah, I'm bad at drawing backgrounds, so good for you that you can do it, or at least learn from all this to get better at it! I have actually started replaying VI recently, and that's what made me want to go look for the comic again. Have you ever seen the comics at the bottom of this webpage? http://www.rpgamer.com/games/ff/ff6/ff6art.html I can't understand Japanese, but you should look at the one with Sabin and Cyan on the train and the dinner scene. That'd be funny to incorporate in your comic!