when excitement and fear collide...

it's both warm/fuzzy and cold/despairing

So I had another one of those weird, hallucinatory, and frightening dreams that I was to die somehow, and I felt afraid of dying itself, and also the anguish of not feeling like your life was worth it. Only I was strapped to an electric chair, and when they turned the juice on, it felt like a series of pins in my head. Odd. When I dreamt of being a ( Read more... )

i guess it's clearer than ever that i've been putting off life and that i have anger issues i need to take care of. i'm gonna call a psychiatrist in the morning, and do stuff i've been putting off.

horrible day yesterday. shitty parents. shitty band practice. but we tried making the best of it ( Read more... )

sometimes the easiest solutions to your problems is simply to write them all down and express on paper ways you can try to work them all out. i did that today cuz i was feeling really exhausted, and when i mean exhausted i don't mean because of lack of sleep alone, but because i had so much on my mind i felt like a huge drill was turning my brain ( Read more... )

for some reason i get teary-eyed at the notion that people actually like me and seem to enjoy making conversation w/ me. but it feels good

so tuesday was the mountain goats show at webster hall... it was great. i ran into my old co-worker at chat-n-chew. lindsay. she seemed happy to see me, and i was pleasantly surprised to see her. funny thing is, she works at a starbucks in the city now. haha ( Read more... )

so last night while we were practicing, i decided to do the classic "jump in the air while playing" move... while directly under an overhead vent about 7 or 8 feet up in the air. bumped my head and discovered a pretty nasty scab on my scalp during my lunch break at work. it still hurts, but suffering for your art is what it's all about, ay?

today was good.... had band practice for an hour and a half tonite... it went well. despite the brief amount of time it lasted, we got a lot done. still on an endorphin high.

mountain goats show tomorrow... drivin into the city w/ amelia, sarah and minkus. should be fun. took wednesday off.

I feel like life can begin again.