(no subject)
This is an entry that I am having the hardest time writing because this is the second time that I've had to do it. I am in a dilemma that I am having trouble finding my way through. I have found myself caught in a one or the other situation and it is a decision that is growing harder to make.
Situation 1:
This is a situation that has no fault. This is a flawless path to follow and consists of only securities. It is a decision that most people would have no trouble making because it is so perfect. There are no consequences that are apparent to fear and no chance of true failure. With this situation, even with failure, there would be good out of it. Unfortunately, while I found that this may be the best way to go, the longer that I sit back facing it the more I start to question it.
Situation 2:
This is a if at first you don't succeed, try, try, again situation and comes with no guarantees. This is the scariest, most frustrating path that I think anyone could take, but it is exciting and fulfilling all at the same time. I am so willing to just jump, but if this is something that fails, I would rather stand in front of a moving train, not that I would, than face the failure that would come from it. With this, I am so scared, so afraid that if I don't have this as my path that I can't survive...This is where my heart truly lies.
Both situations are areas that would need work, one more than the other, but they are something that tear at me from two different directions. One is accepted and understood, while the other is not fully approved of. I am not allowing the disapproval of others to control or too completely sway my decision, but I know where such judgment is created. I am so scared to try and risk myself for something that I can't even be sure can exist, but I fear I will live in total regret if I don't. I'm also afraid that if I make the decision to go one way, that once the decision is made, before I even take a step, that there will be nothing but a black space with no direction to go in.
I am so lost as to how to put an explanation to it all, but this was the best I could do.