Entry # 34 - "Wires"
Title: Wires
Written By: peach_passion
Timeline: Post Ep-220 till Ep-308
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Justin/Ethan
Genre: Angst
Wires
When Justin had stepped out of Babylon that night he had to brace himself as to not step off the curb into the street. There were still people waiting in line, trying to see what the Rage party was all about, trying to weasel their way in. People who had no interest in him and were perfectly content in ignoring the blond boy leaving. Bodies were pressing up against the opening and against him when he stumbled out with Ethan in tow.
The mass of people had been centered around the entrance and by stepping a few feet away Justin was no longer being pushed around and bumped up against. The corner he stood on left him alone, or as alone as he could be with Ethan trying to act cavalier by trying to find them a cab.
Justin had closed his eyes, trying to feel the adrenaline that had practically blinded him in the club. Tried to feel the throbbing in his veins that would tell him this was right; that he had made the right choice.
He'd closed his eyes and tried to shut out the sounds around him, ignore the jumbled voices and the rhythmic beats from inside. Trying hard not to attach a face to any of the steps behind him, he'd tried focusing on the fingers that had come into contact with his hand and that had grasped it firmly. His skin felt cold and he could feel goose bumps forming on his arms despite his long sleeved t-shirt. He hadn't expected to be out for more than a few minutes at a time tonight.
Ethan's hand had held his in a tight grip, squeezing his fingers. Justin swallowed hard when he'd felt Ethan's lips against his and had opened his eyes to his smiling face. He let go of Ethan's hand and slipped it into his leather jacket, fingers flittingly grasping for Ethan's lighter and pack of cigarettes. He'd lit up the only cigarette that was left as soon as he could, taking a deep drag and letting the taste and smell of nicotine erase that of cheap cologne and hard alcohol. He'd let the empty carton fall to his feet soon accompanied by smoldering ashes from his quickly disappearing cigarette. The smoke he'd exhaled hovered as he held his breath trying to force the nicotine rush into his system.
He didn't want to turn around. He didn't want to be made even more aware of Brian's absence behind him. Justin knew that he wouldn't come out ready to battle Ethan for him. He'd known that Brian had buttons to push, and he knew now more than ever that although he could push them he could never guess which ones would lead to what.
As his pulse kept racing and his cheeks grew flushed he knew that he'd gone too far.
.....
When Justin had found himself elbowing his way into Babylon's backroom looking for Brian he'd gotten what he expected. He would never admit it to himself, but part of him thought - hoped - that as soon as he saw Brian's familiar figure he would grab his jacket and he'd find himself cheek pressed up against the soiled walls. The blue hues and plastic drapes distorted the shapes around him and the lights looked fake; constructed. He wasn't sure if this was happening or not. Trying to confront Brian about what he'd said and being met by words that shouldn't mean anything, shouldn't sting but did.
All that he had planned on saying seemed to lodge itself in his throat after Brian's remarks. All the gasps and sounds of grinding flesh seemed to echo in his ears and he was thankful for the plastic setting, the unreality of it all. He left with the knowledge that no one was paying attention to him, and as the distance between him and the smell of sex and the flashes of writhing bodies grew he told himself that what had happened belonged to this world, not his.
.....
The veins in Justin's ears were still throbbing when he left Vanguard. His hands were still trembling slightly as he tried to button his coat, fingers still moist from sweat. His back pleasantly sore from the hard desk he'd been pressed down against.
The sky was dark as he leaned against the brick wall, the crisp cool air was sharpening his senses as he inhaled deeply. He was still warm and he ignored the stray hairs sticking to his forehead when he dug his hands deeper into his pockets, letting out a stifled laugh. The bubbles of sound faded into the night and he was left with a grin on his face thinking that he really didn't need the coat but too content to take it off.
The door of the building slammed next to him and Brian appeared, briefcase in hand. He nodded and a mumbled 'let's go' escaped his lips before he reached out his hand and Justin caught it in his. There was no fight of wills in the grip and Justin could do nothing but bite his lip to stop himself from grinning at the feel of their palms pressed together. He was done pushing buttons. He laced his fingers with Brian's and he was perfectly content with not being able to predict what would come next.
********
The End
Written By: peach_passion
Timeline: Post Ep-220 till Ep-308
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Justin/Ethan
Genre: Angst
Wires
When Justin had stepped out of Babylon that night he had to brace himself as to not step off the curb into the street. There were still people waiting in line, trying to see what the Rage party was all about, trying to weasel their way in. People who had no interest in him and were perfectly content in ignoring the blond boy leaving. Bodies were pressing up against the opening and against him when he stumbled out with Ethan in tow.
The mass of people had been centered around the entrance and by stepping a few feet away Justin was no longer being pushed around and bumped up against. The corner he stood on left him alone, or as alone as he could be with Ethan trying to act cavalier by trying to find them a cab.
Justin had closed his eyes, trying to feel the adrenaline that had practically blinded him in the club. Tried to feel the throbbing in his veins that would tell him this was right; that he had made the right choice.
He'd closed his eyes and tried to shut out the sounds around him, ignore the jumbled voices and the rhythmic beats from inside. Trying hard not to attach a face to any of the steps behind him, he'd tried focusing on the fingers that had come into contact with his hand and that had grasped it firmly. His skin felt cold and he could feel goose bumps forming on his arms despite his long sleeved t-shirt. He hadn't expected to be out for more than a few minutes at a time tonight.
Ethan's hand had held his in a tight grip, squeezing his fingers. Justin swallowed hard when he'd felt Ethan's lips against his and had opened his eyes to his smiling face. He let go of Ethan's hand and slipped it into his leather jacket, fingers flittingly grasping for Ethan's lighter and pack of cigarettes. He'd lit up the only cigarette that was left as soon as he could, taking a deep drag and letting the taste and smell of nicotine erase that of cheap cologne and hard alcohol. He'd let the empty carton fall to his feet soon accompanied by smoldering ashes from his quickly disappearing cigarette. The smoke he'd exhaled hovered as he held his breath trying to force the nicotine rush into his system.
He didn't want to turn around. He didn't want to be made even more aware of Brian's absence behind him. Justin knew that he wouldn't come out ready to battle Ethan for him. He'd known that Brian had buttons to push, and he knew now more than ever that although he could push them he could never guess which ones would lead to what.
As his pulse kept racing and his cheeks grew flushed he knew that he'd gone too far.
.....
When Justin had found himself elbowing his way into Babylon's backroom looking for Brian he'd gotten what he expected. He would never admit it to himself, but part of him thought - hoped - that as soon as he saw Brian's familiar figure he would grab his jacket and he'd find himself cheek pressed up against the soiled walls. The blue hues and plastic drapes distorted the shapes around him and the lights looked fake; constructed. He wasn't sure if this was happening or not. Trying to confront Brian about what he'd said and being met by words that shouldn't mean anything, shouldn't sting but did.
All that he had planned on saying seemed to lodge itself in his throat after Brian's remarks. All the gasps and sounds of grinding flesh seemed to echo in his ears and he was thankful for the plastic setting, the unreality of it all. He left with the knowledge that no one was paying attention to him, and as the distance between him and the smell of sex and the flashes of writhing bodies grew he told himself that what had happened belonged to this world, not his.
.....
The veins in Justin's ears were still throbbing when he left Vanguard. His hands were still trembling slightly as he tried to button his coat, fingers still moist from sweat. His back pleasantly sore from the hard desk he'd been pressed down against.
The sky was dark as he leaned against the brick wall, the crisp cool air was sharpening his senses as he inhaled deeply. He was still warm and he ignored the stray hairs sticking to his forehead when he dug his hands deeper into his pockets, letting out a stifled laugh. The bubbles of sound faded into the night and he was left with a grin on his face thinking that he really didn't need the coat but too content to take it off.
The door of the building slammed next to him and Brian appeared, briefcase in hand. He nodded and a mumbled 'let's go' escaped his lips before he reached out his hand and Justin caught it in his. There was no fight of wills in the grip and Justin could do nothing but bite his lip to stop himself from grinning at the feel of their palms pressed together. He was done pushing buttons. He laced his fingers with Brian's and he was perfectly content with not being able to predict what would come next.
********
The End