DANGEROUS LIAISONS
Title: Dangerous Liaisons
Written By: chering and fansee
Timeline: Takes place immediately post-307
Rating: R for sure, maybe NC-17
Warnings: Ian is mentioned.
Summary: An AU version of the greatest reunion since the fall of the Berlin Wall
Inspired By Icon:
I am not gay. As a matter of fact, I hate fags. Sure, I like to fuck guys once in a while, and every so often I like to look down and see a guy sucking my dick, instead of a girl, but that doesn’t mean I’m gay. It means that girls are a little too common, too ordinary, and now and then, I like a change. Like messing with the faggots. Plus, it’s true what they say, no one knows better what a man wants than another man.
Thursday night I went back to Babylon. I’d hunted there in the past, but I hadn’t been at the place in over a year. That’s good because my reputation can sometimes scare away good candidates. I like to space out my visits.
It usually takes me less than an hour to find someone to play with after I hit a club. Mostly it’s my looks that do it. I’d have to describe myself, if I’m being perfectly honest, as very attractive. I’m not a god among men, but I stand out. I look at least five years younger than my actual age, with dark curly hair, blue eyes and a hot body. Most importantly, I look friendly and harmless. Oh, well, looks can be deceiving.
I was happy to see that Babylon hadn’t changed. The same techno shit, the same dancers gyrating in their cages, the same over-priced, under-alcoholed drinks. Only the boys on the dance floor and hanging around the bar were different…most of them, that is.
I noticed four guys there, talking and eying the dance floor. I remembered seeing them before. Three of them were tall - one very nelly, another equally butch, and the third a steroid gym rat - with a fourth guy who looked like an actuary; i.e., aggressively unfashionable. I wasn’t interested in any of them. They were all too old - maybe five, six years older than I am - and too experienced. My gig works best with someone who’s a little unsure of himself, maybe a little gullible…someone who has trouble saying no or trouble making it stick.
I went over to the bar myself and ordered a beer. (I don’t pay for mixed drinks at clubs.) Leaning back against it, I surveyed the dance floor, looking for the ideal candidate. The night’s selection didn’t appear very promising until, oddly enough, I noticed that all four of the guys I had recognized kept looking in the same direction. They weren’t staring, they weren’t very intense about it, but they were definitely watching someone specific. I shifted down the bar, closer to them, and followed their gaze. There he was; tonight’s winner of the Jared Dixon Seal of Approval.
He was young…way too young for the likes of those guys…blond, with a nice twink body, and a helluva of a set of moves. I finished off my beer in two swallows and walked out on the dance floor.
“My turn,” I said to the short, dark guy he was dancing with.
The guy grinned and said, “Later.” No trouble from him. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him join the foursome at the bar.
Most of my attention was on the blond kid now. He looked me over and kept on dancing. I had passed inspection…again. Good. This kid was the best-looking guy I’d seen in a while, and he wasn’t giving me any trouble. Looked to be my lucky night.
Up close, he looked even better than he had from across the room. Pretty gay boys are the most fun to mess up and I thought he was a little high, which is always a good thing. I’m a fairly good dancer - not in the blond’s league, but I don’t embarrass myself - and as we danced I edged closer and closer, until our pelvises were almost touching. The kid was dancing with his eyes half shut, and I didn’t know whether he liked my approach or whether he hadn’t noticed. I decided to test him. I leaned closer to his ear and said, “You’re the hottest guy here.”
He didn’t answer but the corners of his mouth turned up in a small smile.
I said, “Wanna come back to my house for a drink…or something?”
The kid shook his head no, but he wasn’t real convincing.
We kept dancing, and he seemed to be singing to himself, almost trancelike. Must be the E, I thought. He was out of time with the club’s music. I leaned close again, and he obligingly turned his head so that he was singing right into my ear. It was an old song, one I hadn’t heard in years:
Don't forget who's takin' you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin' save the last dance for me
I drew back and looked at the kid. His eyes were open wide now, and he nodded in the direction of the group at the bar. I shrugged and said, “O.K.”
We split up when the music stopped. He went back to his buddies, and I went and ordered another beer. I didn’t want to get too close to that group of regulars. I sipped my beer and watched to see if I could figure out whether the kid was with one of the older guys.
The music started up again, and he and the nelly queen broke free and went back out on the dance floor. I watched them together as I slowly finished my beer. If the kid was a good dancer, his partner was his equal, or better. You could tell that they’d danced together a lot by the way both of them knew exactly what the other’s next move was before he made it. The kid kept his eyes on the other guy’s face the entire time, and once I saw him give the guy a 100-watt smile, far different from the little grin I’d gotten.
I know this sounds weird, but the whole time I was watching the kid, I had the feeling I was being watched myself. I glanced around and didn’t catch anyone’s eyes on me, but just to be safe I figured it would be wise to get my needs met as soon as possible and get the fuck out of there.
I thought about taking another shot at him…the nelly queen wasn’t much of a threat… not like the gym rat would have been…but it was getting late. I had work tomorrow, I was tired, and besides that feeling of being watched was creeping me out a little. Better to try Babylon again on another evening. I went into the backroom and got myself a blowjob pretty easily. I jerked the guy’s hair hard as soon as I came; he had tears in his eyes when he stood up. Pussy.
That was Thursday. On Saturday I got up late, did a little shopping, then decided to go out for something to eat. I went back to Liberty Ave. The Liberty Diner was one of those places I hadn’t been to in a while, plus I was in one of those odd moods where grease and carbs sounded good. I walked in, took a seat at the counter, and looked around for someone to take my order. The door to the kitchen swung open, and my eyes popped. There, coming out of the kitchen with an apron around his waist, was my blond beauty.
His eyes met mine, and I remembered to smile. He smiled back. As he went past me, order book in hand, I swiveled around on my stool, and said, “Hi! Remember me? We danced together at Babylon.”
He paused, narrowing his eyes at me. “Yeah, I guess I do.” He looked around. “Has anyone taken your order yet?”
I shook my head. “Not yet. It’s good to see you again.”
I got a bigger smile this time. “Right.” He looked around again. “Kiki will be with you shortly.”
I ate my meal in a mood of elation. This was the most extraordinary stroke of luck. I knew now that this was going to turn out just fine. All I had to do was hang around the vicinity until he finished work.
I paid my bill and strolled across the street to have a cigarette. Standing on the corner gave me a decent view of both the entrances to the diner and I didn’t have long to wait. My target came out the back door, an over-sized trash bag in his arms, moments later. As he threw the bag in the dumpster, I noticed that the apron was gone. Sure enough, he kept on walking out of the alley. I held my breath as I watched him from the door of a shop. He turned right, and my pulse rate accelerated. This was meant to be. My car was parked two blocks down, on a cross street. The kid couldn’t have been more helpful if he’d tried.
I followed him down the block and across the first intersection, then caught up with him half a block before Cedarville, where my car was parked. “Hey,” I said, “How about this? Our paths cross again!”
He turned and looked at me, then kept walking. “Oh, hi,” he said. He wasn’t brimming over with enthusiasm.
I said, “Listen, my car is parked right around the corner. Let me give you a lift home.”
He shook his head. “No, that’s O.K. I can walk.”
“You’ve been on your feet all day. You’ve got to be tired.” I slung my arm around his shoulder as we reached the corner. I pointed. “That’s my car, the fourth one down on this side. I’d love to give you a lift; it’s no bother. Really.”
The kid stopped dead. I felt him dig his heels in to stop our forward progress. “Get your arm off of me,” he gritted out.
This was not in my plan. I eyed the distance between where we were standing and my car, then I tightened my grip on his shoulders until it was close to a stranglehold. “C’mon,” I said, trying to keep the irritation out of my voice, “get in the car. Don’t be silly.” I tugged him a few steps down the block.
“No,” he said. “Let go of me.”
My irritation was turning into anger. It had been such a perfect set-up. Get the kid in the car…I’d ask him his name…lock the doors, give him some credible reason why we should stop by my apartment on the way to his house, and persuade him to come in “for just a minute while I pick up my coat” or whatever. The perfect set-up, and I could feel it falling apart on me. I was angry and my anger made me stupid. I turned fully into Cedarville, toward my car, and gave him a hard jerk to bring him along.
That’s when I heard the squeal of brakes behind me and the blare of a horn. It all happened so fast. Some asshole had literally driven his fucking car half way up on the sidewalk and stopped just short of plowing me under it.
“Justin!” he yelled as he put the thing in park and jumped out. I turned in time to see the butch Babylon regular coming at me. I thought fast. I dropped the kid’s arm, darted to the other side of the car, and ran. If either of those fuckers were going to catch me, they would have had to leave the vehicle idling on the sidewalk. I was down the closest alley almost before the tall guy could get to the kid.
~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~
“Are you okay?” I rounded the front of my 'Vette and grabbed Justin while the piece of shit that just had his hands all over him scurried off like the cockroach he was.
“I’m fine.” He tried to sound reassuring.
That was bullshit. He may have skin that I've heard described as porcelain, but that’s a distinctly different shade from the pasty white tone he was sporting at the moment. That lowlife wanted a kid. Even though he was nearly twenty, Justin still could have easily passed for fifteen.
“Who is that fucker? Do you know him?”
“Sort of.” He appeared rattled and confused. “I met him at Babylon the other night. He followed me here from the diner…wanted to give me a ride.”
I had watched them dance. As a matter of fact, I had kept an eye on Justin, and that asshole, most of the evening. We were all surprised to see Justin at Babylon. He doesn’t come around much anymore now that he’s with the fiddler.
“Yeah, well, I think he wanted to give you more than that,” I replied as I glanced around. Liberty Avenue skirts one of the most unsavory parts of the city and we were now standing damn near in the middle of it. “What the fuck are you doing over here anyway?”
“I live nearby. What are you doing here?” He emphasized the ‘you.’
“We can thank Kiki for that. She said the guy was asking questions about you, and then she noticed him hanging around. She figured he was following you when he went in your direction after you got off work.” I nodded to my still-running car. “Get in.”
Justin didn’t move.
“Get the fuck in my car, Justin,” I stated calmly. “You have no idea where that guy disappeared to. I’ll take you home.”
He closed his eyes and let out a huff of resignation. Pride be damned, he knew I was right. With both of us in our respective seats, I turned to him silently and stared.
“What?” he asked, actually sounding annoyed at me for swooping in and saving his ass.
“Well, since you and the Mrs. have yet to invite me over for a cocktail party, I really don’t know where I’m going.”
He rolled his eyes and tried not to look embarrassed. “318 Division.”
Knowing this part of town all too well, I could think of plenty of choice things to say about THAT address but it would only compound his irritation. It was less than a mile away, and we rode there in silence. Moments later, I pulled up in front of a dilapidated storefront. The confusion must have shown on my face.
“It’s upstairs,” he said, and I glanced up to see a few dingy windows that looked to be painted shut.
“Is he home?” I asked.
“No.”
“Then I will see you to your door.” I hopped out of my side and securely locked it. Justin was getting out as well, protesting all the way.
“Thanks for the ride, Brian, but it’s not necessary.”
“Shut the fuck up and lock your door. I’d like to have a steering wheel when I get back down here.”
“You don’t have to come up,” he continued on his way up the steps. “I’m a big boy.”
“I remember.”
He turned to me at that, and I could see a slight hint of a smile play on his lips. He knew there was no sense in arguing. I followed him up a rickety, narrow staircase and waited while he fumbled with his keys on the miniscule landing.
“When will he be home?” I asked as he turned the key in the lock.
“Tomorrow night. He’s doing a concert out of town.”
The door was open now, and I saw an array of thrift store furniture, a mattress on the floor and the distinct odor of a litter box. Christ.
I stepped in behind him and glanced around. “Get your shit,” I told him as he was disentangling himself from his ever-present Messenger bag.
“What?” He looked at me in what I would best describe as annoyed confusion.
“You’re not staying here alone and I sure as fuck won’t be staying here with you. This place reeks.”
“Don’t be an alarmist, Brian, this is my home. Thank you, but I’m fine,” he assured me.
“Good, let’s keep it that way, shall we? You’ve got some crazed stalker out there, and this is hardly Fort Knox, Justin. Either you come with me until he gets back, or I’ll have city inspectors down here on Monday morning condemning this place.”
He shook his head as if to dismiss my last comment. “I wasn’t going to go with the guy, Brian. I could have taken care of myself.”
Yeah, tell that to Chris Hobbs, I thought. The sick, panicky feeling that hit me when I heard Kiki say, ‘”Some creep’s following him,” was just starting to subside. I don’t ever want to feel like that again.
“You're too God damn nice, Justin. There are a lot of fucking assholes in this world, and unfortunately, the gay community attracts more than our fair share. If you weren't interested in the guy, you should have told him to fuck off loud enough for everybody to hear. Lucky for you, Kiki’s been around the block seven or eight hundred times. She knows trouble when she sees it.”
“There’s always going to be trouble, Brian.” He was still resisting me.
“Listen to me…,” I grabbed his arm and his eyes shot up to mine. Just touching his skin after all this time set a shock wave throughout my body that happily settled in my dick.
“Are you listening?”
He remained stone faced.
“I know I can’t make you do anything but it’s been a bitch of a week and tomorrow is the only morning I get to sleep in. So, as a favor to me, let me do that in my bed and not from the front seat of my car, OK? ” My tone had been serious and sincere. I switched to sarcastic when I added, “I promise I won’t take advantage of you.”
The hint of a smile appeared on his lips. He nodded, and then whispered a barely audible, “O.K.” Picking his bag back up, he walked over to what some might call a dresser, opened the bottom drawer and pulled out some clean socks, underwear, pants and a t-shirt. Packing light was definitely his forte.
We were out the door and down the steps in a matter of seconds. I hadn’t made him any promise I couldn’t keep. After all, I thought to myself, no one is taken advantage of when the sex is consensual.
~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~
How the fuck does Brian manage to stir up so many conflicting feelings in me all at once? I sat silently next to him as we drove in the direction of the loft and catalogued them. I was grateful for the rescue, but at the same time I was almost certain that I could have handled the stalker myself. On the other hand, from the moment Kiki called him, what else could Brian do? Even today, when we haven’t been together for almost four months, if someone told me Brian needed help, I wouldn’t hesitate. Hell, I’d panic…just like he did.
That was the conflict between being rescued/rescuing myself. Then there was the conflict I think of as Go/No Go. Should I have let Brian persuade me to spend the night at the loft, or should I have acted like an adult and stayed on my own? On the side of No Go…well, like I just said, I’m a big boy. I am capable of going home to an empty apartment and spending the night alone. I’d probably have run a tub full of hot water, poured myself a glass of red wine, and soaked the tension away. But we’ll never know now, will we, because Brian had interfered again and fixed my life for me.
I didn’t think I was in any more danger from that creep. I hadn’t told him any of my personal details, not even my name, and I didn’t think Kiki would have been very informative. She certainly wouldn’t have given anyone my address, not even someone who knew me well. I gave in to Brian because I knew he was dying inside. I didn’t think he’d actually spend the night in his car, watching my building, but I was sure he was genuinely worried. This incident brought back the Chris Hobbs thing full force for both of us. So, I figured, what the hell, come tomorrow morning, Ethan would be on his way home, the sun would be shining, and Brian would have gotten over his shock.
Speaking of shock, the shock I felt when he grabbed my arm bothered me, too. I thought, How the hell long will it take until I stop responding to his touch, reacting to his Brian-smell, being turned on by how he moves and speaks? Ethan says he loves me, and I know I have strong feelings for him, but on that very first night, Brian knew what he was talking about when he said that no matter who I was with, I’d always think of him because he was my first. Fucker.
We got to the loft after 5:00. I dropped my bag next to the door and looked at Brian. Before, if we’d gotten home around now, too early for Woody’s or Babylon, he’d have grabbed me, kissed me senseless, and then fucked me into the mattress. I was determined that it wasn’t going to happen.
He took a step toward me, and my pulse sped up. I pulled out my cell phone and acted as if I was answering a call. For all he knew, my phone had been on vibrate. However, instead of answering, I hit number 3 for Daphne’s speed dial.
“Hi.” I paused while her phone started to ring.
“Yeah, is everything OK?” I was certain that I looked and sounded concerned. She answered, “Hi, Justin,” and I responded with, “Well, I’m at Brian’s…it’s a long story…hang on a sec.”
I looked up at him with my best pleading expression and made sure to talk loud enough for her to hear, “Sorry, it’s Daph. She needs to talk to me. Would it be alright if she came over for awhile?”
For a few seconds, Brian looked like I’d dumped cold water on him. He recovered quickly though, replacing his look of surprise with the classic Kinney look of indifference. He shrugged and turned toward the kitchen.
“I’m back,” I told her.
“What’s going on?” There was a giggle in her voice.
“So why don’t you come over here and we can talk…and bring a movie,” I added. I wanted to make sure she’d be here for the long haul. Daphne knew me well enough not to be thrown by the odd call. She was no fan of Ethan’s, and the fact that I was at Brian’s would be all the encouragement she needed to come over.
“Sure,” she replied. “See ya in about 45 minutes?”
“That’ll work,” I told her as we said our goodbyes. I clicked my phone shut and looked over at Brian. He had just poured himself a drink and held the bottle out to me.
“No thanks. I’d like to take a shower though before Daph gets here. Do you mind?”
I wanted to get rid of the diner smells and of any trace of my creepy stalker.
He swallowed his liquor in one gulp and cocked his head toward the bedroom door. “You know the way.”
I picked my bag up again, went in the bathroom, and locked the door. Does that make it seem like I didn’t trust Brian? Damn right I didn’t trust him, or myself, for that matter.
I stood under the shower for longer than usual, until I felt clean of the day’s experience. To tell the truth, even though I knew, logically, that I was completely safe in Eth…my apartment, I did feel more secure in the loft. Ridiculous, but what the fuck? I was making Brian happy and myself happy, right? A win-win.
By the time I’d pulled on a clean pair of cargo pants and my favorite long sleeved red tee, I could hear sounds of Daphne’s not-at-all-quiet arrival: squeals and laughter. When I left the bathroom, she and Brian were sitting on the couch, one at either end. Daphne had her legs curled under her and looked quite comfortable. I said, “Hey, Daph,” and she looked around at me.
She smiled and said, “What’s up?”
That’s the kind of meaningless greeting we all use, but in this case, I knew that Daphne meant it. I hesitated a minute, and Brian stood up. He rolled his lips in and said, “Make yourself at home, Justin.” He waved toward his end of the couch. “I’m off to Woody’s so you two can chat away.”
Daphne had brought “Gladiator” with her, so I popped it in to muffle our voices while Brian showered, changed, and disappeared out the door. She and I huddled together, and I told her the whole story, starting with what I remembered of Thursday night. When I got done, Daphne said, “That’s pretty scary.”
“You’re telling me.” I looked at the TV.
“I guess that makes Brian your knight in shining armor.” She was poking me in the ribs and making me laugh.
“No, he was simply in the right place at the right time,” I corrected her.
“He was there because he cares about you, Justin.” Her tone was serious now.
“Ethan loves me.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I wondered why I had felt compelled to say them. It sounded so juvenile, like any minute we would break into the ‘does not’, ‘does too’, routine. But instead, she said something that stopped me cold.
“And you love Brian. Face it, this is where you belong.”
I was quiet for a minute. Yeah, I loved Brian, I always would. He was my first so that was normal, right? But I wanted more than what Brian was willing to give me and I thought I'd found that in Ethan. I was pretty sure that, given enough time, my heart would follow my brain. One thing I knew for certain was that I needed to change the topic. I turned to Daphne and smiled, “You hungry?”
“I guess,” she said, sounding a little bit disappointed.
“Good! Enough talk about who loves who. Let’s order something and start the movie over again.” Both Daphne and I appreciate Russell Crowe.
By the time we’d eaten our Pad Thai, watched the movie and smoked a little of Brian’s weed…he should have changed where he keeps his stash…it was nearly 10. Daphne still had schoolwork to do so she left. I turned on Nick-at-Night and curled up under a blanket I liberated from Brian’s closet. (It didn’t smell like him.) I was asleep before the second commercial. It had been a long day.
I woke up when Brian snapped the TV off. Sitting up groggily, I asked, “What time is it?” Brilliant line, Justin.
“Time for bed.”
I looked up at him and decided he had been indulging again - a pretty safe conclusion. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet. “C’mon.”
What happened next wasn’t entirely Brian’s fault. Mostly, but not entirely. He pulled me into his arms, and I just kind of melted into his body. I was still pretty out of it, but that’s no excuse. I knew I shouldn’t, but when his mouth closed over mine, I kissed him back. His tongue filled me, thick and strong and dominating, in almost to the root, promising what was to come. I shut my eyes again and concentrated on kissing him, smelling him, running my hands up and down his arms. I felt dizzy.
Brian pulled away a little and ran his tongue over my lips. I didn’t open my eyes, just smiled at him, and then he was kissing me again and running his hands up under my shirt. He pushed it up until it was around my shoulders, and for some reason, that triggered an alarm in my befogged brain. I pulled back and gasped, “Brian!”
“What?” He grabbed the back of my tee and pulled it over my head.
I stepped away, stripped to the waist now and shook my head, trying to clear it. “No. We…I…I can’t do this.”
“Why?”
“You know why…I’m with Ethan.” I stammered.
I might as well have slapped him. His face hardened, he took a step back, and then he turned and headed into his bedroom without another word. I stood frozen in place, trying to sort out my feelings. Damn him…and me. Why the fuck did I feel guilty?
I watched him walk away and reached for my cell. I had to talk to Ethan NOW. I needed Ethan NOW. I pressed 2 - Why is Brian still 1, I wondered? - then I waited until Ethan picked up. Just before it bounced to VoiceMail he said, “Hello,” in a sleepy voice.
“Hey, it’s me.”
“Justin?”
“Yeah.”
“What time is it?”
“Not sure…after 2:00, I guess I woke you.”
“Yeah…right.”
“Sorry…but ah…I had to talk to you.”
“O.K.”
And then I heard it. Ethan paused for a second, and I distinctly heard a cough. It wasn’t him. A drop of the phone followed it, then I heard some muffled whispering and general fumbling around.
“Justin?” He spoke in a worried tone, “Sorry, I dropped the phone.”
“Where are you?” I asked. I was annoyed, and it probably came through in my tone.
“At my hotel. Where the fuck else would I be?” He was immediately defensive, but I wasn’t about to play this game.
“Who’s there with you?” I asked in a calm, straightforward manner.
“No one, why?” He’s a lousy liar.
“I heard someone cough, Ethan.”
“That was me, right before I dropped the phone.” Incredibly lousy liar.
“Listen, I know it wasn’t you and I know I heard you talking to someone. Now before you try to get out of it by telling me it was the T.V., just stop and think what an asshole you’re making of yourself.”
“Justin,” and then I heard a door shut, “I can explain.”
“I’m sure you can,” I told him as images of him fucking some starry-eyed admirer shot through my head, “but you know what?” I continued. “You don’t have to.”
I hung up before he could say another word and immediately shut off my phone. Ethan would be frantically trying to call and I didn’t want to hear it. Didn’t want to hear whatever lame ass excuse he would have thought up on the spur of the moment and certainly didn’t want to hear him beg for forgiveness. There would be time for that in a day or two, but for the moment I sat and stared at my phone while I let the realization that we were over sink in. The Justin-and-Ethan show had been nothing more than a fractured fairy tale. I was no longer one half of any whole, and the only thing that really surprised me is that I didn’t really feel too bad about it. After my reaction to Brian’s kiss, I guess I finally understood that none of us were ready for monogamy. I might have had a little more willpower than Ethan, but it was fading fast.
My thoughts quickly turned away from him and toward Brian, naked, twenty feet away. I got up, tossed my phone on the couch and dropped my pants. Bare-chested, I padded up the stairs in my briefs and across the bedroom. The sounds of my movements were masked by the noise of the shower.
Peering into the bathroom, I could see Brian facing the wall, but his head was thrown back a bit. The water was hitting his neck and rivulets were running onto his shoulders and down his back. For a skinny guy, he has the nicest, most perfectly defined back and shoulder muscles I’ve ever seen. I felt my dick respond to the message my eyes were sending.
They followed the water over his ass and down his legs. That ass…those legs. Jesus, I wanted to join him. I wanted to get down on my knees and taste him again. I wanted my hands to go where his hands were headed. And I would have, but at that instant, the show was just too erotic to interrupt.
Brian had soaped up his dick and was stroking himself. It struck me then that he probably hadn’t picked up a trick earlier, because he assumed he’d have me when he got home. Maybe that should have pissed me off, but it didn’t. I smiled to myself, imagining him thinking about fucking me as he drank and danced and maybe did some E, and those thoughts made me even harder.
I watched as he lowered his head and sped up the motion of his hand. I couldn’t see his cock, but I knew, from memory, how beautiful it was. Watching Brian masturbate was always such a turn-on for me and that hadn’t changed. He braced himself against the back wall, and I could tell he was getting close. When he came, he gasped and I covered my own mouth to keep from moaning right along with him.
“Justin…oh fuck…Justin.”
What?! Had he seen me? My heart sped up, and I took a step back. I felt a surge of panic…or was it excitement?…race through my body until I realized Brian had never turned around. There was no way he knew I was there.
I continued to watch as his orgasm subsided. He stood still for a few seconds, letting the spray clean him up and then he slid down the glass wall to sit on the tile floor. Pulling his knees in close, he crossed his arms on top and lowered his head into them while the water beat down. Oh God.
I was torn. Every ounce of my being wanted to go to him, wrap myself around his naked body and tell him what an idiot I had been. However, I knew I had just witnessed something I wasn’t supposed to see. Brian doesn’t do vulnerable for an audience. I stood still as a statue but hesitated a moment too long.
What is it about the human spirit that knows when it is being watched? Before I could tear myself away, he lifted his head, turned and looked straight at me. I froze. He gathered himself together, got to his feet, and shut off the water. Turning toward me, he seemed to get taller and more menacing.
“See anything you like, cocktease?” he asked. His voice was harsh.
I shook my head dumbly. I hadn’t meant to be a cockteaser
“Tell that to your dick.”
I blinked, confused. Then I realized he thought I hadn’t seen anything I wanted. As if!
My dick was straining against my briefs. I hooked both thumbs in the waistband and pulled them off. Then I just stood there, naked and hard, and stared at Brian. His face was grim, and his body was vibrating with anger. I didn’t know what to say.
Brian dropped the towel he had been holding and was across the bathroom, attempting to get by me, in three graceful strides. “Brian,” I called out as I grabbed his arm.
He shook himself loose and continued into the bedroom. “Fuck you, Justin.”
“That’s what I want,” I said and he turned to look at me before I added, “I called Ethan.”
Brian continued to stare. “And that changed your mind?”
I nodded, feeling miserable. “He had a trick with him.”
“You should be used to that.” He had an ugly sneer on his face.
I cleared my throat and looked away. “He told me he loved me, and like a fool I believed him.”
Brian didn’t immediately speak. I looked back at him, just in time to see his face shut down again. “That’s his attraction, isn’t it?”
“Not when it’s a lie.”
He took one step, reached out and captured my chin, tipping my head up so I had to look at him. He stared at me for a moment, then he grabbed first one, then both, my hands. He pulled them behind me, so that our four hands were clasped behind my back. We were belly to belly, skin to skin.
I watched his face as I rubbed up against him. He looked less angry. “In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t lie.”
I nodded. “I’ve noticed.” I wanted him in a primal way that I had never felt with Ethan. I had known something was missing; now I knew what. I craved the uncertainty, the challenge, and the element of fire that was all Brian.
He let go of one of my wrists then, but kept his hand wrapped tightly around the other and pulled me over onto the bed. At first, I tumbled on top of him but he quickly rolled us over. I was on my back and willingly spread my legs. He scooted down to kneel between them, never taking his eyes off mine until his face was parallel to my dick. Then he lowered his gaze to that part of my anatomy which twitched and leaked in response. He dipped his head and delicately licked the very tip. That was so not what I wanted as I arched up and reached for him. Calmly but firmly he said, “Don’t touch me.” I dropped my hands to my sides and groaned.
“And be quiet,” he instructed. I was watching his face but I couldn’t read his expression. He went on, “If I’m going to fuck you, you’ll do exactly what I say or forget it.”
I nodded vigorously. I made sure I looked serious.
He leaned across me and came back with the lube and a condom. That was extremely encouraging…not that I needed encouragement. He tore open the condom, rolled it on, then lubed himself generously. I wriggled involuntarily. He said, “Stop that.” With difficulty, I stopped and lay still.
He grabbed a pillow and shoved it under my hips, then pulled me forward. He looked down at my desperately hard penis, and this time I thought the corners of his mouth turned up just a little. “As long as you understand that this fuck isn’t a pledge of fidelity….”
I gasped, “I do. I know. I know what to expect…”
“And,” he continued as he began to press into me, “we’re not back to being some happy homo couple.”
I gasped, “Right…it’s okay, Brian…I understand.”
“Good.” He was moving much too slowly, so that it felt as if my sphincter was being pushed open a millimeter at a time. I bore down and suddenly he was in. I sucked in my breath and we both went still. I squeezed him tight and his voice reflected the labored effort of pulling his cock back when he spoke.
“I’m going to fuck who I want...” Then he drove back into me hard, “when I want.”
I heard myself scream, “Yes,” and then his mouth was on mine and we were kissing frantically and he was moving again. Faster…harder…I felt as if I was being split open and filleted. The pain seared through me but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I held myself in place with one hand on the headboard and ran the other over his shoulder and up and down his arm. Then I gripped his bicep and pushed back against his forceful thrusts.
After what seemed like forever I felt a warm hand covering my straining cock. I thrust into it, groaning, and came almost at once. Brian kept moving, harder and faster, until finally he came, too. I held him tightly as he shuddered through his orgasm. Home, I thought, I’ve come home. I didn’t say it.
He rolled off me, took care of the condom, and then flopped down on his back. I threw my used tissues on the floor and rolled onto my side, watching him.
He turned to me with a serious expression, “One more thing.”
I raised an eyebrow and looked at him inquisitively.
“No more fucking violin music…ever.”
I nodded my head and smiled, “I promise.” I understood that he wanted no reminders of Ethan. Meaningless tricks were one thing. They were no threat to the ‘us’ he refused to acknowledge, but Ethan had been. I gloried inwardly in the fact that this bothered him.
My left hand was propping my head up, and I noticed his eyes dart to it and then away, just as quickly. It hit me that I was still wearing the cheap silver ring Ethan had given me a couple of months ago. Taking it off was no effort and flinging it towards the loft door was even less of one. One of us would kick it out and down the elevator shaft in the morning.
I smiled broadly and him and he smiled back, pulling me to him for another kiss. When we broke apart, I shifted in his arms and turned so he would spoon me. I wanted to feel his dick lie against the crack of my ass and wake up in the middle of the night with his hand massaging my cock and do this all over again. It had been too long since I had felt this alive.
Soon Brian’s breathing told me he was asleep, but my mind was still racing and my ass was aching with a pain so good that I wanted to shout out thanks. Thanks to the asshole who couldn’t keep his hands off me and thanks to the nerdy little groupie whose ass Ethan couldn’t keep his dick out of. Those two fuckers hastened my return to where I wanted to be all along.
I'd never thank Brian, of course, at least not out loud. I wouldn't tell him that I realized he had never tried to tie me down with words or lies or empty promises. I certainly wouldn't tell him that his actions...paying my tuition, packing up my computer for me, over-paying me for the Carnivale poster, charging to my rescue...showed me that he really cared.
If I said half of that, he'd say it was all bullshit and then go out and do something drastic to prove it. So I remained silent, contentedly enveloped in his warmth. As I drifted off to sleep, I just thanked whatever cosmic quirk out there that inspired Brian not to shut the door on me and, most of all, for letting me bust right back through it. Life is good.
Written By: chering and fansee
Timeline: Takes place immediately post-307
Rating: R for sure, maybe NC-17
Warnings: Ian is mentioned.
Summary: An AU version of the greatest reunion since the fall of the Berlin Wall
Inspired By Icon:
I am not gay. As a matter of fact, I hate fags. Sure, I like to fuck guys once in a while, and every so often I like to look down and see a guy sucking my dick, instead of a girl, but that doesn’t mean I’m gay. It means that girls are a little too common, too ordinary, and now and then, I like a change. Like messing with the faggots. Plus, it’s true what they say, no one knows better what a man wants than another man.
Thursday night I went back to Babylon. I’d hunted there in the past, but I hadn’t been at the place in over a year. That’s good because my reputation can sometimes scare away good candidates. I like to space out my visits.
It usually takes me less than an hour to find someone to play with after I hit a club. Mostly it’s my looks that do it. I’d have to describe myself, if I’m being perfectly honest, as very attractive. I’m not a god among men, but I stand out. I look at least five years younger than my actual age, with dark curly hair, blue eyes and a hot body. Most importantly, I look friendly and harmless. Oh, well, looks can be deceiving.
I was happy to see that Babylon hadn’t changed. The same techno shit, the same dancers gyrating in their cages, the same over-priced, under-alcoholed drinks. Only the boys on the dance floor and hanging around the bar were different…most of them, that is.
I noticed four guys there, talking and eying the dance floor. I remembered seeing them before. Three of them were tall - one very nelly, another equally butch, and the third a steroid gym rat - with a fourth guy who looked like an actuary; i.e., aggressively unfashionable. I wasn’t interested in any of them. They were all too old - maybe five, six years older than I am - and too experienced. My gig works best with someone who’s a little unsure of himself, maybe a little gullible…someone who has trouble saying no or trouble making it stick.
I went over to the bar myself and ordered a beer. (I don’t pay for mixed drinks at clubs.) Leaning back against it, I surveyed the dance floor, looking for the ideal candidate. The night’s selection didn’t appear very promising until, oddly enough, I noticed that all four of the guys I had recognized kept looking in the same direction. They weren’t staring, they weren’t very intense about it, but they were definitely watching someone specific. I shifted down the bar, closer to them, and followed their gaze. There he was; tonight’s winner of the Jared Dixon Seal of Approval.
He was young…way too young for the likes of those guys…blond, with a nice twink body, and a helluva of a set of moves. I finished off my beer in two swallows and walked out on the dance floor.
“My turn,” I said to the short, dark guy he was dancing with.
The guy grinned and said, “Later.” No trouble from him. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him join the foursome at the bar.
Most of my attention was on the blond kid now. He looked me over and kept on dancing. I had passed inspection…again. Good. This kid was the best-looking guy I’d seen in a while, and he wasn’t giving me any trouble. Looked to be my lucky night.
Up close, he looked even better than he had from across the room. Pretty gay boys are the most fun to mess up and I thought he was a little high, which is always a good thing. I’m a fairly good dancer - not in the blond’s league, but I don’t embarrass myself - and as we danced I edged closer and closer, until our pelvises were almost touching. The kid was dancing with his eyes half shut, and I didn’t know whether he liked my approach or whether he hadn’t noticed. I decided to test him. I leaned closer to his ear and said, “You’re the hottest guy here.”
He didn’t answer but the corners of his mouth turned up in a small smile.
I said, “Wanna come back to my house for a drink…or something?”
The kid shook his head no, but he wasn’t real convincing.
We kept dancing, and he seemed to be singing to himself, almost trancelike. Must be the E, I thought. He was out of time with the club’s music. I leaned close again, and he obligingly turned his head so that he was singing right into my ear. It was an old song, one I hadn’t heard in years:
Don't forget who's takin' you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darlin' save the last dance for me
I drew back and looked at the kid. His eyes were open wide now, and he nodded in the direction of the group at the bar. I shrugged and said, “O.K.”
We split up when the music stopped. He went back to his buddies, and I went and ordered another beer. I didn’t want to get too close to that group of regulars. I sipped my beer and watched to see if I could figure out whether the kid was with one of the older guys.
The music started up again, and he and the nelly queen broke free and went back out on the dance floor. I watched them together as I slowly finished my beer. If the kid was a good dancer, his partner was his equal, or better. You could tell that they’d danced together a lot by the way both of them knew exactly what the other’s next move was before he made it. The kid kept his eyes on the other guy’s face the entire time, and once I saw him give the guy a 100-watt smile, far different from the little grin I’d gotten.
I know this sounds weird, but the whole time I was watching the kid, I had the feeling I was being watched myself. I glanced around and didn’t catch anyone’s eyes on me, but just to be safe I figured it would be wise to get my needs met as soon as possible and get the fuck out of there.
I thought about taking another shot at him…the nelly queen wasn’t much of a threat… not like the gym rat would have been…but it was getting late. I had work tomorrow, I was tired, and besides that feeling of being watched was creeping me out a little. Better to try Babylon again on another evening. I went into the backroom and got myself a blowjob pretty easily. I jerked the guy’s hair hard as soon as I came; he had tears in his eyes when he stood up. Pussy.
That was Thursday. On Saturday I got up late, did a little shopping, then decided to go out for something to eat. I went back to Liberty Ave. The Liberty Diner was one of those places I hadn’t been to in a while, plus I was in one of those odd moods where grease and carbs sounded good. I walked in, took a seat at the counter, and looked around for someone to take my order. The door to the kitchen swung open, and my eyes popped. There, coming out of the kitchen with an apron around his waist, was my blond beauty.
His eyes met mine, and I remembered to smile. He smiled back. As he went past me, order book in hand, I swiveled around on my stool, and said, “Hi! Remember me? We danced together at Babylon.”
He paused, narrowing his eyes at me. “Yeah, I guess I do.” He looked around. “Has anyone taken your order yet?”
I shook my head. “Not yet. It’s good to see you again.”
I got a bigger smile this time. “Right.” He looked around again. “Kiki will be with you shortly.”
I ate my meal in a mood of elation. This was the most extraordinary stroke of luck. I knew now that this was going to turn out just fine. All I had to do was hang around the vicinity until he finished work.
I paid my bill and strolled across the street to have a cigarette. Standing on the corner gave me a decent view of both the entrances to the diner and I didn’t have long to wait. My target came out the back door, an over-sized trash bag in his arms, moments later. As he threw the bag in the dumpster, I noticed that the apron was gone. Sure enough, he kept on walking out of the alley. I held my breath as I watched him from the door of a shop. He turned right, and my pulse rate accelerated. This was meant to be. My car was parked two blocks down, on a cross street. The kid couldn’t have been more helpful if he’d tried.
I followed him down the block and across the first intersection, then caught up with him half a block before Cedarville, where my car was parked. “Hey,” I said, “How about this? Our paths cross again!”
He turned and looked at me, then kept walking. “Oh, hi,” he said. He wasn’t brimming over with enthusiasm.
I said, “Listen, my car is parked right around the corner. Let me give you a lift home.”
He shook his head. “No, that’s O.K. I can walk.”
“You’ve been on your feet all day. You’ve got to be tired.” I slung my arm around his shoulder as we reached the corner. I pointed. “That’s my car, the fourth one down on this side. I’d love to give you a lift; it’s no bother. Really.”
The kid stopped dead. I felt him dig his heels in to stop our forward progress. “Get your arm off of me,” he gritted out.
This was not in my plan. I eyed the distance between where we were standing and my car, then I tightened my grip on his shoulders until it was close to a stranglehold. “C’mon,” I said, trying to keep the irritation out of my voice, “get in the car. Don’t be silly.” I tugged him a few steps down the block.
“No,” he said. “Let go of me.”
My irritation was turning into anger. It had been such a perfect set-up. Get the kid in the car…I’d ask him his name…lock the doors, give him some credible reason why we should stop by my apartment on the way to his house, and persuade him to come in “for just a minute while I pick up my coat” or whatever. The perfect set-up, and I could feel it falling apart on me. I was angry and my anger made me stupid. I turned fully into Cedarville, toward my car, and gave him a hard jerk to bring him along.
That’s when I heard the squeal of brakes behind me and the blare of a horn. It all happened so fast. Some asshole had literally driven his fucking car half way up on the sidewalk and stopped just short of plowing me under it.
“Justin!” he yelled as he put the thing in park and jumped out. I turned in time to see the butch Babylon regular coming at me. I thought fast. I dropped the kid’s arm, darted to the other side of the car, and ran. If either of those fuckers were going to catch me, they would have had to leave the vehicle idling on the sidewalk. I was down the closest alley almost before the tall guy could get to the kid.
~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~
“Are you okay?” I rounded the front of my 'Vette and grabbed Justin while the piece of shit that just had his hands all over him scurried off like the cockroach he was.
“I’m fine.” He tried to sound reassuring.
That was bullshit. He may have skin that I've heard described as porcelain, but that’s a distinctly different shade from the pasty white tone he was sporting at the moment. That lowlife wanted a kid. Even though he was nearly twenty, Justin still could have easily passed for fifteen.
“Who is that fucker? Do you know him?”
“Sort of.” He appeared rattled and confused. “I met him at Babylon the other night. He followed me here from the diner…wanted to give me a ride.”
I had watched them dance. As a matter of fact, I had kept an eye on Justin, and that asshole, most of the evening. We were all surprised to see Justin at Babylon. He doesn’t come around much anymore now that he’s with the fiddler.
“Yeah, well, I think he wanted to give you more than that,” I replied as I glanced around. Liberty Avenue skirts one of the most unsavory parts of the city and we were now standing damn near in the middle of it. “What the fuck are you doing over here anyway?”
“I live nearby. What are you doing here?” He emphasized the ‘you.’
“We can thank Kiki for that. She said the guy was asking questions about you, and then she noticed him hanging around. She figured he was following you when he went in your direction after you got off work.” I nodded to my still-running car. “Get in.”
Justin didn’t move.
“Get the fuck in my car, Justin,” I stated calmly. “You have no idea where that guy disappeared to. I’ll take you home.”
He closed his eyes and let out a huff of resignation. Pride be damned, he knew I was right. With both of us in our respective seats, I turned to him silently and stared.
“What?” he asked, actually sounding annoyed at me for swooping in and saving his ass.
“Well, since you and the Mrs. have yet to invite me over for a cocktail party, I really don’t know where I’m going.”
He rolled his eyes and tried not to look embarrassed. “318 Division.”
Knowing this part of town all too well, I could think of plenty of choice things to say about THAT address but it would only compound his irritation. It was less than a mile away, and we rode there in silence. Moments later, I pulled up in front of a dilapidated storefront. The confusion must have shown on my face.
“It’s upstairs,” he said, and I glanced up to see a few dingy windows that looked to be painted shut.
“Is he home?” I asked.
“No.”
“Then I will see you to your door.” I hopped out of my side and securely locked it. Justin was getting out as well, protesting all the way.
“Thanks for the ride, Brian, but it’s not necessary.”
“Shut the fuck up and lock your door. I’d like to have a steering wheel when I get back down here.”
“You don’t have to come up,” he continued on his way up the steps. “I’m a big boy.”
“I remember.”
He turned to me at that, and I could see a slight hint of a smile play on his lips. He knew there was no sense in arguing. I followed him up a rickety, narrow staircase and waited while he fumbled with his keys on the miniscule landing.
“When will he be home?” I asked as he turned the key in the lock.
“Tomorrow night. He’s doing a concert out of town.”
The door was open now, and I saw an array of thrift store furniture, a mattress on the floor and the distinct odor of a litter box. Christ.
I stepped in behind him and glanced around. “Get your shit,” I told him as he was disentangling himself from his ever-present Messenger bag.
“What?” He looked at me in what I would best describe as annoyed confusion.
“You’re not staying here alone and I sure as fuck won’t be staying here with you. This place reeks.”
“Don’t be an alarmist, Brian, this is my home. Thank you, but I’m fine,” he assured me.
“Good, let’s keep it that way, shall we? You’ve got some crazed stalker out there, and this is hardly Fort Knox, Justin. Either you come with me until he gets back, or I’ll have city inspectors down here on Monday morning condemning this place.”
He shook his head as if to dismiss my last comment. “I wasn’t going to go with the guy, Brian. I could have taken care of myself.”
Yeah, tell that to Chris Hobbs, I thought. The sick, panicky feeling that hit me when I heard Kiki say, ‘”Some creep’s following him,” was just starting to subside. I don’t ever want to feel like that again.
“You're too God damn nice, Justin. There are a lot of fucking assholes in this world, and unfortunately, the gay community attracts more than our fair share. If you weren't interested in the guy, you should have told him to fuck off loud enough for everybody to hear. Lucky for you, Kiki’s been around the block seven or eight hundred times. She knows trouble when she sees it.”
“There’s always going to be trouble, Brian.” He was still resisting me.
“Listen to me…,” I grabbed his arm and his eyes shot up to mine. Just touching his skin after all this time set a shock wave throughout my body that happily settled in my dick.
“Are you listening?”
He remained stone faced.
“I know I can’t make you do anything but it’s been a bitch of a week and tomorrow is the only morning I get to sleep in. So, as a favor to me, let me do that in my bed and not from the front seat of my car, OK? ” My tone had been serious and sincere. I switched to sarcastic when I added, “I promise I won’t take advantage of you.”
The hint of a smile appeared on his lips. He nodded, and then whispered a barely audible, “O.K.” Picking his bag back up, he walked over to what some might call a dresser, opened the bottom drawer and pulled out some clean socks, underwear, pants and a t-shirt. Packing light was definitely his forte.
We were out the door and down the steps in a matter of seconds. I hadn’t made him any promise I couldn’t keep. After all, I thought to myself, no one is taken advantage of when the sex is consensual.
~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~ ~.~
How the fuck does Brian manage to stir up so many conflicting feelings in me all at once? I sat silently next to him as we drove in the direction of the loft and catalogued them. I was grateful for the rescue, but at the same time I was almost certain that I could have handled the stalker myself. On the other hand, from the moment Kiki called him, what else could Brian do? Even today, when we haven’t been together for almost four months, if someone told me Brian needed help, I wouldn’t hesitate. Hell, I’d panic…just like he did.
That was the conflict between being rescued/rescuing myself. Then there was the conflict I think of as Go/No Go. Should I have let Brian persuade me to spend the night at the loft, or should I have acted like an adult and stayed on my own? On the side of No Go…well, like I just said, I’m a big boy. I am capable of going home to an empty apartment and spending the night alone. I’d probably have run a tub full of hot water, poured myself a glass of red wine, and soaked the tension away. But we’ll never know now, will we, because Brian had interfered again and fixed my life for me.
I didn’t think I was in any more danger from that creep. I hadn’t told him any of my personal details, not even my name, and I didn’t think Kiki would have been very informative. She certainly wouldn’t have given anyone my address, not even someone who knew me well. I gave in to Brian because I knew he was dying inside. I didn’t think he’d actually spend the night in his car, watching my building, but I was sure he was genuinely worried. This incident brought back the Chris Hobbs thing full force for both of us. So, I figured, what the hell, come tomorrow morning, Ethan would be on his way home, the sun would be shining, and Brian would have gotten over his shock.
Speaking of shock, the shock I felt when he grabbed my arm bothered me, too. I thought, How the hell long will it take until I stop responding to his touch, reacting to his Brian-smell, being turned on by how he moves and speaks? Ethan says he loves me, and I know I have strong feelings for him, but on that very first night, Brian knew what he was talking about when he said that no matter who I was with, I’d always think of him because he was my first. Fucker.
We got to the loft after 5:00. I dropped my bag next to the door and looked at Brian. Before, if we’d gotten home around now, too early for Woody’s or Babylon, he’d have grabbed me, kissed me senseless, and then fucked me into the mattress. I was determined that it wasn’t going to happen.
He took a step toward me, and my pulse sped up. I pulled out my cell phone and acted as if I was answering a call. For all he knew, my phone had been on vibrate. However, instead of answering, I hit number 3 for Daphne’s speed dial.
“Hi.” I paused while her phone started to ring.
“Yeah, is everything OK?” I was certain that I looked and sounded concerned. She answered, “Hi, Justin,” and I responded with, “Well, I’m at Brian’s…it’s a long story…hang on a sec.”
I looked up at him with my best pleading expression and made sure to talk loud enough for her to hear, “Sorry, it’s Daph. She needs to talk to me. Would it be alright if she came over for awhile?”
For a few seconds, Brian looked like I’d dumped cold water on him. He recovered quickly though, replacing his look of surprise with the classic Kinney look of indifference. He shrugged and turned toward the kitchen.
“I’m back,” I told her.
“What’s going on?” There was a giggle in her voice.
“So why don’t you come over here and we can talk…and bring a movie,” I added. I wanted to make sure she’d be here for the long haul. Daphne knew me well enough not to be thrown by the odd call. She was no fan of Ethan’s, and the fact that I was at Brian’s would be all the encouragement she needed to come over.
“Sure,” she replied. “See ya in about 45 minutes?”
“That’ll work,” I told her as we said our goodbyes. I clicked my phone shut and looked over at Brian. He had just poured himself a drink and held the bottle out to me.
“No thanks. I’d like to take a shower though before Daph gets here. Do you mind?”
I wanted to get rid of the diner smells and of any trace of my creepy stalker.
He swallowed his liquor in one gulp and cocked his head toward the bedroom door. “You know the way.”
I picked my bag up again, went in the bathroom, and locked the door. Does that make it seem like I didn’t trust Brian? Damn right I didn’t trust him, or myself, for that matter.
I stood under the shower for longer than usual, until I felt clean of the day’s experience. To tell the truth, even though I knew, logically, that I was completely safe in Eth…my apartment, I did feel more secure in the loft. Ridiculous, but what the fuck? I was making Brian happy and myself happy, right? A win-win.
By the time I’d pulled on a clean pair of cargo pants and my favorite long sleeved red tee, I could hear sounds of Daphne’s not-at-all-quiet arrival: squeals and laughter. When I left the bathroom, she and Brian were sitting on the couch, one at either end. Daphne had her legs curled under her and looked quite comfortable. I said, “Hey, Daph,” and she looked around at me.
She smiled and said, “What’s up?”
That’s the kind of meaningless greeting we all use, but in this case, I knew that Daphne meant it. I hesitated a minute, and Brian stood up. He rolled his lips in and said, “Make yourself at home, Justin.” He waved toward his end of the couch. “I’m off to Woody’s so you two can chat away.”
Daphne had brought “Gladiator” with her, so I popped it in to muffle our voices while Brian showered, changed, and disappeared out the door. She and I huddled together, and I told her the whole story, starting with what I remembered of Thursday night. When I got done, Daphne said, “That’s pretty scary.”
“You’re telling me.” I looked at the TV.
“I guess that makes Brian your knight in shining armor.” She was poking me in the ribs and making me laugh.
“No, he was simply in the right place at the right time,” I corrected her.
“He was there because he cares about you, Justin.” Her tone was serious now.
“Ethan loves me.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I wondered why I had felt compelled to say them. It sounded so juvenile, like any minute we would break into the ‘does not’, ‘does too’, routine. But instead, she said something that stopped me cold.
“And you love Brian. Face it, this is where you belong.”
I was quiet for a minute. Yeah, I loved Brian, I always would. He was my first so that was normal, right? But I wanted more than what Brian was willing to give me and I thought I'd found that in Ethan. I was pretty sure that, given enough time, my heart would follow my brain. One thing I knew for certain was that I needed to change the topic. I turned to Daphne and smiled, “You hungry?”
“I guess,” she said, sounding a little bit disappointed.
“Good! Enough talk about who loves who. Let’s order something and start the movie over again.” Both Daphne and I appreciate Russell Crowe.
By the time we’d eaten our Pad Thai, watched the movie and smoked a little of Brian’s weed…he should have changed where he keeps his stash…it was nearly 10. Daphne still had schoolwork to do so she left. I turned on Nick-at-Night and curled up under a blanket I liberated from Brian’s closet. (It didn’t smell like him.) I was asleep before the second commercial. It had been a long day.
I woke up when Brian snapped the TV off. Sitting up groggily, I asked, “What time is it?” Brilliant line, Justin.
“Time for bed.”
I looked up at him and decided he had been indulging again - a pretty safe conclusion. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet. “C’mon.”
What happened next wasn’t entirely Brian’s fault. Mostly, but not entirely. He pulled me into his arms, and I just kind of melted into his body. I was still pretty out of it, but that’s no excuse. I knew I shouldn’t, but when his mouth closed over mine, I kissed him back. His tongue filled me, thick and strong and dominating, in almost to the root, promising what was to come. I shut my eyes again and concentrated on kissing him, smelling him, running my hands up and down his arms. I felt dizzy.
Brian pulled away a little and ran his tongue over my lips. I didn’t open my eyes, just smiled at him, and then he was kissing me again and running his hands up under my shirt. He pushed it up until it was around my shoulders, and for some reason, that triggered an alarm in my befogged brain. I pulled back and gasped, “Brian!”
“What?” He grabbed the back of my tee and pulled it over my head.
I stepped away, stripped to the waist now and shook my head, trying to clear it. “No. We…I…I can’t do this.”
“Why?”
“You know why…I’m with Ethan.” I stammered.
I might as well have slapped him. His face hardened, he took a step back, and then he turned and headed into his bedroom without another word. I stood frozen in place, trying to sort out my feelings. Damn him…and me. Why the fuck did I feel guilty?
I watched him walk away and reached for my cell. I had to talk to Ethan NOW. I needed Ethan NOW. I pressed 2 - Why is Brian still 1, I wondered? - then I waited until Ethan picked up. Just before it bounced to VoiceMail he said, “Hello,” in a sleepy voice.
“Hey, it’s me.”
“Justin?”
“Yeah.”
“What time is it?”
“Not sure…after 2:00, I guess I woke you.”
“Yeah…right.”
“Sorry…but ah…I had to talk to you.”
“O.K.”
And then I heard it. Ethan paused for a second, and I distinctly heard a cough. It wasn’t him. A drop of the phone followed it, then I heard some muffled whispering and general fumbling around.
“Justin?” He spoke in a worried tone, “Sorry, I dropped the phone.”
“Where are you?” I asked. I was annoyed, and it probably came through in my tone.
“At my hotel. Where the fuck else would I be?” He was immediately defensive, but I wasn’t about to play this game.
“Who’s there with you?” I asked in a calm, straightforward manner.
“No one, why?” He’s a lousy liar.
“I heard someone cough, Ethan.”
“That was me, right before I dropped the phone.” Incredibly lousy liar.
“Listen, I know it wasn’t you and I know I heard you talking to someone. Now before you try to get out of it by telling me it was the T.V., just stop and think what an asshole you’re making of yourself.”
“Justin,” and then I heard a door shut, “I can explain.”
“I’m sure you can,” I told him as images of him fucking some starry-eyed admirer shot through my head, “but you know what?” I continued. “You don’t have to.”
I hung up before he could say another word and immediately shut off my phone. Ethan would be frantically trying to call and I didn’t want to hear it. Didn’t want to hear whatever lame ass excuse he would have thought up on the spur of the moment and certainly didn’t want to hear him beg for forgiveness. There would be time for that in a day or two, but for the moment I sat and stared at my phone while I let the realization that we were over sink in. The Justin-and-Ethan show had been nothing more than a fractured fairy tale. I was no longer one half of any whole, and the only thing that really surprised me is that I didn’t really feel too bad about it. After my reaction to Brian’s kiss, I guess I finally understood that none of us were ready for monogamy. I might have had a little more willpower than Ethan, but it was fading fast.
My thoughts quickly turned away from him and toward Brian, naked, twenty feet away. I got up, tossed my phone on the couch and dropped my pants. Bare-chested, I padded up the stairs in my briefs and across the bedroom. The sounds of my movements were masked by the noise of the shower.
Peering into the bathroom, I could see Brian facing the wall, but his head was thrown back a bit. The water was hitting his neck and rivulets were running onto his shoulders and down his back. For a skinny guy, he has the nicest, most perfectly defined back and shoulder muscles I’ve ever seen. I felt my dick respond to the message my eyes were sending.
They followed the water over his ass and down his legs. That ass…those legs. Jesus, I wanted to join him. I wanted to get down on my knees and taste him again. I wanted my hands to go where his hands were headed. And I would have, but at that instant, the show was just too erotic to interrupt.
Brian had soaped up his dick and was stroking himself. It struck me then that he probably hadn’t picked up a trick earlier, because he assumed he’d have me when he got home. Maybe that should have pissed me off, but it didn’t. I smiled to myself, imagining him thinking about fucking me as he drank and danced and maybe did some E, and those thoughts made me even harder.
I watched as he lowered his head and sped up the motion of his hand. I couldn’t see his cock, but I knew, from memory, how beautiful it was. Watching Brian masturbate was always such a turn-on for me and that hadn’t changed. He braced himself against the back wall, and I could tell he was getting close. When he came, he gasped and I covered my own mouth to keep from moaning right along with him.
“Justin…oh fuck…Justin.”
What?! Had he seen me? My heart sped up, and I took a step back. I felt a surge of panic…or was it excitement?…race through my body until I realized Brian had never turned around. There was no way he knew I was there.
I continued to watch as his orgasm subsided. He stood still for a few seconds, letting the spray clean him up and then he slid down the glass wall to sit on the tile floor. Pulling his knees in close, he crossed his arms on top and lowered his head into them while the water beat down. Oh God.
I was torn. Every ounce of my being wanted to go to him, wrap myself around his naked body and tell him what an idiot I had been. However, I knew I had just witnessed something I wasn’t supposed to see. Brian doesn’t do vulnerable for an audience. I stood still as a statue but hesitated a moment too long.
What is it about the human spirit that knows when it is being watched? Before I could tear myself away, he lifted his head, turned and looked straight at me. I froze. He gathered himself together, got to his feet, and shut off the water. Turning toward me, he seemed to get taller and more menacing.
“See anything you like, cocktease?” he asked. His voice was harsh.
I shook my head dumbly. I hadn’t meant to be a cockteaser
“Tell that to your dick.”
I blinked, confused. Then I realized he thought I hadn’t seen anything I wanted. As if!
My dick was straining against my briefs. I hooked both thumbs in the waistband and pulled them off. Then I just stood there, naked and hard, and stared at Brian. His face was grim, and his body was vibrating with anger. I didn’t know what to say.
Brian dropped the towel he had been holding and was across the bathroom, attempting to get by me, in three graceful strides. “Brian,” I called out as I grabbed his arm.
He shook himself loose and continued into the bedroom. “Fuck you, Justin.”
“That’s what I want,” I said and he turned to look at me before I added, “I called Ethan.”
Brian continued to stare. “And that changed your mind?”
I nodded, feeling miserable. “He had a trick with him.”
“You should be used to that.” He had an ugly sneer on his face.
I cleared my throat and looked away. “He told me he loved me, and like a fool I believed him.”
Brian didn’t immediately speak. I looked back at him, just in time to see his face shut down again. “That’s his attraction, isn’t it?”
“Not when it’s a lie.”
He took one step, reached out and captured my chin, tipping my head up so I had to look at him. He stared at me for a moment, then he grabbed first one, then both, my hands. He pulled them behind me, so that our four hands were clasped behind my back. We were belly to belly, skin to skin.
I watched his face as I rubbed up against him. He looked less angry. “In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t lie.”
I nodded. “I’ve noticed.” I wanted him in a primal way that I had never felt with Ethan. I had known something was missing; now I knew what. I craved the uncertainty, the challenge, and the element of fire that was all Brian.
He let go of one of my wrists then, but kept his hand wrapped tightly around the other and pulled me over onto the bed. At first, I tumbled on top of him but he quickly rolled us over. I was on my back and willingly spread my legs. He scooted down to kneel between them, never taking his eyes off mine until his face was parallel to my dick. Then he lowered his gaze to that part of my anatomy which twitched and leaked in response. He dipped his head and delicately licked the very tip. That was so not what I wanted as I arched up and reached for him. Calmly but firmly he said, “Don’t touch me.” I dropped my hands to my sides and groaned.
“And be quiet,” he instructed. I was watching his face but I couldn’t read his expression. He went on, “If I’m going to fuck you, you’ll do exactly what I say or forget it.”
I nodded vigorously. I made sure I looked serious.
He leaned across me and came back with the lube and a condom. That was extremely encouraging…not that I needed encouragement. He tore open the condom, rolled it on, then lubed himself generously. I wriggled involuntarily. He said, “Stop that.” With difficulty, I stopped and lay still.
He grabbed a pillow and shoved it under my hips, then pulled me forward. He looked down at my desperately hard penis, and this time I thought the corners of his mouth turned up just a little. “As long as you understand that this fuck isn’t a pledge of fidelity….”
I gasped, “I do. I know. I know what to expect…”
“And,” he continued as he began to press into me, “we’re not back to being some happy homo couple.”
I gasped, “Right…it’s okay, Brian…I understand.”
“Good.” He was moving much too slowly, so that it felt as if my sphincter was being pushed open a millimeter at a time. I bore down and suddenly he was in. I sucked in my breath and we both went still. I squeezed him tight and his voice reflected the labored effort of pulling his cock back when he spoke.
“I’m going to fuck who I want...” Then he drove back into me hard, “when I want.”
I heard myself scream, “Yes,” and then his mouth was on mine and we were kissing frantically and he was moving again. Faster…harder…I felt as if I was being split open and filleted. The pain seared through me but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I held myself in place with one hand on the headboard and ran the other over his shoulder and up and down his arm. Then I gripped his bicep and pushed back against his forceful thrusts.
After what seemed like forever I felt a warm hand covering my straining cock. I thrust into it, groaning, and came almost at once. Brian kept moving, harder and faster, until finally he came, too. I held him tightly as he shuddered through his orgasm. Home, I thought, I’ve come home. I didn’t say it.
He rolled off me, took care of the condom, and then flopped down on his back. I threw my used tissues on the floor and rolled onto my side, watching him.
He turned to me with a serious expression, “One more thing.”
I raised an eyebrow and looked at him inquisitively.
“No more fucking violin music…ever.”
I nodded my head and smiled, “I promise.” I understood that he wanted no reminders of Ethan. Meaningless tricks were one thing. They were no threat to the ‘us’ he refused to acknowledge, but Ethan had been. I gloried inwardly in the fact that this bothered him.
My left hand was propping my head up, and I noticed his eyes dart to it and then away, just as quickly. It hit me that I was still wearing the cheap silver ring Ethan had given me a couple of months ago. Taking it off was no effort and flinging it towards the loft door was even less of one. One of us would kick it out and down the elevator shaft in the morning.
I smiled broadly and him and he smiled back, pulling me to him for another kiss. When we broke apart, I shifted in his arms and turned so he would spoon me. I wanted to feel his dick lie against the crack of my ass and wake up in the middle of the night with his hand massaging my cock and do this all over again. It had been too long since I had felt this alive.
Soon Brian’s breathing told me he was asleep, but my mind was still racing and my ass was aching with a pain so good that I wanted to shout out thanks. Thanks to the asshole who couldn’t keep his hands off me and thanks to the nerdy little groupie whose ass Ethan couldn’t keep his dick out of. Those two fuckers hastened my return to where I wanted to be all along.
I'd never thank Brian, of course, at least not out loud. I wouldn't tell him that I realized he had never tried to tie me down with words or lies or empty promises. I certainly wouldn't tell him that his actions...paying my tuition, packing up my computer for me, over-paying me for the Carnivale poster, charging to my rescue...showed me that he really cared.
If I said half of that, he'd say it was all bullshit and then go out and do something drastic to prove it. So I remained silent, contentedly enveloped in his warmth. As I drifted off to sleep, I just thanked whatever cosmic quirk out there that inspired Brian not to shut the door on me and, most of all, for letting me bust right back through it. Life is good.