Someone is waiting (nuguseyo)
Title: Someone is waiting
Pairing: Jaeho/Yijung
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 4,865
Summary: Jaeho is torn between supporting his alpha and the boy he can't get away from.
Warnings: Language, mentions of drug use
Notes: Werewolf AU inspired by History's, "난 너한테 뭐야 (What am I to you)" MV. Title/lyrics from here.
Crossposted to AO3
Someone is waiting for me, someone is thinking of me
Someone is in front of the television, not watching it, waiting for me
Someone is waiting for me, someone is thinking of me
December 25th, 2:05AM
When there's nothing left, Jaeho runs. He stands hidden in the trees and lets the change tingle along his skin, bones popping and snapping into their new alignment, hair sprouting on his arms, legs, back, the tiniest moan of pang as his spine cracks and forces him into a hunched position.
The pain vanishes as quickly as it came. Jaeho pricks his ears and sniffs the air. There are a few homeless men lounging beneath the trees on the edge of the park, but not a soul this far into the trees. In the cool breeze Jaeho smells the rain that fell that afternoon and the snow to come tonight, the grime of the city not too far away, wafting aromas from the neighborhood behind the park. The night is almost perfectly quiet but the smells are anything but.
Now certain that he's alone, Jaeho shakes out his fur and stretches his haunches. His long tense muscles sigh with relief in this form and his back legs dance in the chilly night from anticipation. He takes one last look back at the glowing lights of a city that never sleeps. Somewhere deep in that maze of buildings Yijung is sleeping, waiting for someone who will never come.
Jaeho tips his muzzle into the moonlight and runs.
-
December 24th, 8:42AM
Jaeho wakes to the sound of animated buzzers and cackling canned laughter. When he focuses his hearing, he makes out the quieter sounds of Yijung's laugh muffled by crunching. A sugary sweet scent drifts into the room mingled with the clean, soft smell Jaeho's come to know so well. It takes months for werewolves to start smelling like werewolves. Yijung still smells like fresh sheets.
As soon as Jaeho steps into the room Yijung grabs the remote and turns up the volume. The cartoon's exaggerated voices hurt Jaeho's ears. "How can you watch this shit every day?"
Yijung doesn't look away from the screen. "You think it's funny, too."
"Doubt it." Jaeho shakes his head and crosses the room to their tiny kitchen. It's a little too cold for walking around in his boxers but Jaeho kind of likes feeling chilly. The weather is one of the few things that isn't so different in Berlin. Jaeho yawns and stares sleepily at the contents of their fridge. They have milk, eggs, bread, and a random selection of a half dozen brands of bottled beer. All of the possibilities seem like too much work so Jaeho grabs Yijung's cereal and pours himself a bowl, too.
Jaeho sinks into the couch and Yijung leans back against his legs. Sitting on the floor with his empty bowl of cereal and his over-sized sweater pulled over his pajama pants, Yijung looks like any other teenager. He sneaks a peek at Jaeho over his shoulder and raises an eyebrow. "No meat? I'm shocked."
"This will hold me over for maybe five seconds," he admits.
"I had no idea being a werewolf turned you into a fat a-" A slap to the back of the head cuts him off and Yijung flops onto his side. "Hyung," he groans dramatically but the grin spreading across his face ruins the effect.
A low growl rumbles in Jaeho's throat. "Brat." He grabs both bowls and gives Yijung a halfhearted kick to the thigh on the way to the kitchen.
"I'm trying to learn about werewolf life and you're abusing me."
The whine falls on deaf ears. "If you want to learn, ask Dokyun hyung. I'm just your keeper."
Crawling up onto the couch, Yijung pouts. "Why the hell did Kyungil hyung make us live together anyway?" he grumbles. Jaeho knows better than to rise to the kid's taunts, but the words sting. The living arrangements aen't his fault, after all. None of them had planned or wanted to uproot and resettle so quickly.
"Because you're too young to live with Dokyun at the bar, Sihyung is the only one of us with a job and Kyungil doesn't want to deal with you."
Jaeho snaps his mouth shut as soon as the words slip out. Out of the corner of his eye Yijung's face falls and he slips deeper into the couch. Damn it, he should know better by now. Jaeho makes a racket out of cleaning the bowls and spoon and returns to the living room with an expression he hopes is oblivious.
"I'm going to grab real breakfast and see Dokyun. Want to go?"
Yijung doesn't look up, eyes glued blankly on the TV.
-
December 24th, 9:25PM
With Dokyun gone and his bar closed, Jaeho isn't even sure where he can go to get drunk. He ends up wandering into a part of town he's never been to before, following a group of drunks to a bar that looks anything but clean. The bartender gives him alcohol when asked, so it will do. After a few beers he starts to like the place better. The air reeks of humans and sweat and vomit and the customers' voices fill his sensitive ears. He feels like his world is centered on this place, these people, and he doesn't have to think about everything going on beyond these sticky walls.
Jaeho is well on his way to drunk when the door swings open and a familiar scent fills Jaeho's nostrils. He looks over his shoulder to watch Kyungil stumble into the bar. He falls onto a stained couch beside a few girls who don't mind the intrusion. They giggle and push him away playfully, but he's so out of it he doesn't notice. Kyungil ignores them and soon he's alone on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. The bartender doesn't even bother to try and get his order. Judging by the resigned look of disgust in the man's eyes, Kyungil isn't a stranger around here. Surprise, surprise.
After paying his tab, Jaeho walks unsteadily to the couch. Kyungil doesn't look over, and when Jaeho forces Kyungil's legs over to make room, the alpha looks surprised to find Jaeho there. Not a good sign. If Kyungil's senses are dull enough not to recognize Jaeho's scent, it means he's done something worse than alcohol.
"What are you on, hyung?"
Kyungil groans. "Hell if I know." Jaeho grunts and forces Kyungil's sleeves up to his elbows. "Fuck, Jaeho!" He slaps away the hands. "Pills, damn it. Pills."
Jaeho leans back and sighs in relief. Kyungil's system can flush out pretty much anything; it's when he puts things directly into his bloodstream that things get risky. Something about how the drugs interact with the werewolf virus, or so Dokyun says. All that matters to Jaeho is that there's no risk of Kyungil spontaneously changing in the middle of the bar. Kyungil grumbles quietly to himself and settles back down on the couch.
As he watches Kyungil on the couch, Jaeho remembers a flash of Yijung's smile, and he checks his watch. "Hyung, where's Yijung?" When Kyungil doesn't reply, Jaeho slaps his leg. "You were supposed to meet up with Yijung, damn it! Where is he?"
"Hm?" Kyungil rolls onto his back and hisses at the effort. "I saw him... I think. He came over, but I couldn't, Jaeho. I couldn't do it."
Jaeho growls and shakes Kyungil to keep him from zoning out again. "Couldn't what?"
Kyungil whines and flings an arm over his face to shield his eyes from the lights of the bar. "He wants things to be like before, but it's not the same." He sits up and holds Jaeho's arms, his eyes unfocused. "He shouldn't have come with us."
"You bit him. He didn't have a choice."
"Right," Kyungil sighs and stretches back out. "So many mistakes."
Jaeho is already dialing Yijung, but the kid's phone is turned off. "What happened with Yijung?" he demands.
"Who knows? He got mad and left. Everyone gets mad and leaves."
The bartender comes over to ask if they'll need a cab, a very polite way to tell them to scram. Jaeho refuses the cab and looks at Kyungil with a resigned sigh. Maneuvering Kyungil to his feet is no easy task, but Jaeho manages to get his alpha standing. They leave the bar with Kyungil's massive form draped over Jaeho's side. The other customers watch in astonishment. At least they're all drunk enough to not question how someone Jaeho's size can manage to practically carry Kyungil.
They make their way slowly through the streets. "What the hell happened to you, hyung?"
Kyungil laughs, and he almost sounds sober. "Yijung happened." He casts a sidelong glance at Jaeho and Jaeho pretends not to notice. "You're the one living with him now; I'm sure you understand."
"The kid doesn't even like me," he replies with a light shrug. "All we do is fight."
"Then he must like you." Kyungil leans his head back in the moonlight and sighs. "Yijung doesn't get mad at me, not like he used to. I know I fucked up, but he doesn't want to admit it. He cries when he thinks I'm not looking."
"That doesn't mean it can't be fixed. We can't keep going like this, hyung."
Kyungil chuckles, "Got too used to Dokyun fixing everything, I guess."
Jaeho almost wants to tell Kyungil that Dokyun won't be around to fix things, not for a while. Now isn't the time, though, and Kyungil likely wouldn't remember it come morning.
"Maybe I can try fixing things this time," Jaeho jokes, his laugh tired.
Kyungil laughs, too.
-
December 24th, 3:37PM
The terminal seems no warmer than the weather outside as Jaeho stomps his feet to keep his legs from going numb. He tries to distract himself by focusing and unfocusing his eyes on the digitized flight numbers on the board, but all he's earned is a headache. The next flight to Korea isn't for an hour or more depending on the weather.
Dokyun eyes him with an amused half-smile. "You don't have to wait, you know."
Jaeho shakes his head stubbornly and shoves his hands into his wool coat pockets. "There's nothing more depressing than going to the airport alone."
A group of tourists scramble past them, their words an unintelligible jumble. "You've got a point." Dokyun shifts his bag to his other shoulder. "I had no idea you were so considerate."
"I'm quite the gentleman," Jaeho huffs.
Dokyun chuckles, "Of course, silly me."
"Keep me updated, okay? While you're there." This isn't how it's supposed to be. Jaeho isn't the one anyone goes to with anything serious. He doesn't know how to handle the responsibility. "Did you, you know, tell Sihyung?" He steals a peek up at Dokyun out of the corner of his eye. In Korea Dokyun and Sihyung had never spent time together, and yet the two had immediately agreed to live together when the pack moved to Berlin- live together in a tiny one bedroom apartment above a bar. Kyungil's questionable relationships were old news; Jaeho found this new development much more interesting.
Dokyun returns the peek with a suspicious glance of his own. "I left a note. Why?"
Jaeho looks away and feigns disinterest. "No reason. He might hit me if I'm the one who has to tell him is all. You know, with how you two are." The insinuation is a risk and Jaeho flinches away when Dokyun shifts his bag over again.
"With how we are?" His eyes are more amused than anything, amused because he knows that Jaeho knows nothing. The look sets Jaeho's teeth on edge. He's a little tired of everyone leaving him so entirely out of the loop.
Jaeho growls quietly in his throat and hunches his shoulders. "Whatever, like I care."
An arm wraps around Dokyun's shoulders in an awkward half-hug. "I appreciate it." The words are low and quiet but enough to smooth Jaeho's ruffled feathers. Dokyun smiles down at his friend. "If I were you I'd focus on my own fucked up relationships, though."
"Whatever, man."
-
December 24th, 7PM
The apartment is warm and quiet when Jaeho returns, and at first he thinks Yijung must be out. As he steps into the kitchen Yijung emerges from the bedroom, cell phone in hand. His face is a bright smile which makes Jaeho falter a little when it turns on him. "You've been gone a while."
"Dokyun needed help with something," he replies with a big yawn. Their bare fridge makes Jaeho's stomach growl even worse. "You eat already? I skipped lunch and might be dying." He groans and leaves the kitchen to flop onto the couch. He looks up and Yijung's eyes are still trained on the phone, his fingers tapping away. "Yah, listen when I talk, damn it."
Yijung grunts and glances up for a split second. "Can't eat. Meeting Kyungil hyung in a little while."
"Seriously?"
The surprise in Jaeho's voice makes Yijung frown. "It's not that big a deal."
Jaeho grunts, Sure. Kyungil has been avoiding Yijung for the past month and Yijung hasn't looked this excited about anything since arriving in Germany, but sure, no big deal. There's no point in bringing any of that up, not with how happy Yijung looks. Jaeho doesn't know why the whole thing makes his stomach hurt even worse. He must be really, really hungry.
Lurching to his feet, Jaeho moves around Yijung to the bedroom, tousling the kid's hair on the way. "Just be careful, okay?" When he starts looking through the dresser for a warmer sweater, the last thing he expects is Yijung standing beside him. The cell phone is gone now, as is Yijung's smile.
"What's the supposed to mean?" he demands.
Jaeho blinks. "Nothing in particular," he mutters and tries to go back to looking for a sweater, but he can feel Yijung's angry eyes boring into his back. "But Kyungil hyung isn't the most reliable when it comes to..."
You. He gives Yijung an apologetic look and hurriedly pulls on his sweater.
"If he says he's going to be there, he'll be there," Yijung insists. Jaeho walks back into the living room and Yijung follows after like an agitated puppy, hackles raised. "He told me he's sorry. That's what's important."
"You don't need to convince me," Jaeho laughs awkwardly. Yijung has him cornered in the kitchen and Jaeho's fairly certain Yijung isn't even listening. It isn't Jaeho he's trying to convince, not really. Yijung's hands are balled into fists and his eyes look right past Jaeho.
It's kind of pissing him off. Dokyun's off to solve all of Yijung and Kyungil's problems on his own. Jaeho's spent all morning trying to figure out how the hell he's going to keep the rest of them together. And here Yijung is defending the very thing which has caused them all so much trouble.
This is the problem with being friends with people like Kyungil and Yijung. They're black holes, drawing in and destroying everything around them. Now it's Jaeho's turn; he can feel Yijung drawing him in, as he had been since they started to live together. Jaeho doesn't want to see the kid hurt, to the extent that he's started resenting his own alpha.
He moves back around Yijung in one last attempt to shake off the upset boy's pursuit. "Do whatever you want, Yijung, but don't make more trouble for the pack."
Yijung's mouth falls open to argue, but no words come out. The anger in his eyes fades to a darkness Jaeho doesn't understand. He almost wants to hug the kid, apologize for being too blunt. Jaeho doesn't give a damn about the pack; that's Dokyun's job. Jaeho can't take on Dokyun's job no matter how hard he tries. There's just something about the way Yijung looks when he's talking about Kyungil that makes Jaeho say stupid things.
"Yijung, I-"
"It's none of your business."
-
December 24th, 11:22PM
Kyungil is snoring softly when Jaeho leaves his flat. It's late and he knows he should go home, find out what happened to Yijung, but Jaeho wanders along the streets and refuses to look at his watch. Somewhere along the line Jaeho's life had become unbearably complicated. When he'd joined the pack, he'd been seeking an easier life. Life as a lone wolf was harsh and often short, and Kyungil had been so impressive back then. He still is, no matter how often Jaeho finds himself frustrated with his alpha nowadays. Kyungil is stronger than Jaeho is. He'd kept the pack safe despite the chaos back in Korea. He'd kept them together in Berlin despite the trouble brewing among them here, too.
Yijung is Kyungil's only weakness, and Jaeho can't blame him for it, not when he finds himself equally incapable when it comes to their little wolf.
A single light glows in the class windows of Dokyun's bar. It makes Jaeho pause, because by now Dokyun is well on his way back to Korea and the bar's sign is flipped to Closed. Jaeho raps on the glass three times and a few seconds later the door swings open with a friendly tinkle.
"Should've known it was you," Jaeho chuckles as he brushes past Sihyung in the doorway. Sihyung latches the door and returns to the bar, where a glass of water rests on top of a piece of paper. Sihyung leans against the bar and sips his water. He's still wearing his heavy winter coat and there's eyeliner smeared under one eye. "Just get off of work?"
Sihyung nods. "Three new billboards going up downtown." His deep voice rumbles in the silent bar. All of the money that went into keeping the bar came from Sihyung's blossoming modeling career. Three days after arriving in Berlin he'd been scouted on the street. In truth, Sihyung found the work boring and would have preferred staying and working in the bar, but the pack needed money, and living around Dokyun could make anyone feel the need to be more responsible. He looks up at Jaeho from the paper he's reading. "You took Dokyun to the airport?"
Jaeho can feel the subtle blame and flushes. "He told you, huh?"
Sihyung waves the paper. "Left a note."
"So old-fashioned," Jaeho laughs. "Just like him." If Sihyung hears him, he doesn't see a need to respond. He fishes his cell phone out of his pocket and starts texting. Jaeho flushes again, never sure exactly how to act around Sihyung. Dokyun and Sihyung both have a knack for creating a terribly awkward atmosphere. They seem happy to close themselves off, live in their own private worlds. Maybe it isn't so strange they decided to join their worlds under one roof. "I can help keep the bar running, if you want. I know the foreign brands and can mix drinks."
Sihyung shakes his head. "That won't be necessary. I'll keep the bar closed after I leave."
Jaeho balks, "You're leaving?"
Sihyung nods, finally returning his phone to his pocket. A wide smile forms on his face. "My agent's getting me a ticket for the next flight to Korea. A car's coming for me now." He reaches behind the bar to stow his glass and heads for the front door. Jaeho follows and watches, stunned, as Sihyung locks the door behind them.
"What about your job?"
"They'll wait for me," Sihyung replies with a shrug. "If not, I never liked it anyway."
The cold air makes Jaeho's head spin. "He isn't going to like this." Everything seems terribly backwards. Dokyun's the one who drops everything for his friends. Somehow it has never occurred to Jaeho that someone could want to do the same for Dokyun.
Sihyung grins. "That's half the fun." He rubs his gloved hands together and stomps his feet in the bitter cold. "Besides, he shouldn't have to go alone."
"I guess, but-"
A car pulls up in front of the bar and slows to a stop. Sihyung leans in the front window and greets the driver. Straightening up, he gives Jaeho a smug half-smile. "This is what you do when you care about someone, right?"
"What the hell is going on between you two?" Jaeho blurts out. The glare Sihyung shoots Jaeho's way is enough to make him flinch.
"None of your damn business, Jaeho," he sighs as he crawls into the back of the car. He rolls down the window and winks. "Good luck with Yijung and Kyungil hyung."
Jaeho actually laughs as the car pulls away again.
-
December 24th, 11:03AM
Belly full of three meals' worth of food, Jaeho knocks on the glass of the bar's front door and waits. A few seconds later a face appears in the glass and grins. "No Yijung today?" Dokyun asks as he leads Jaeho through the dark room to the back. In Korea Jaeho never could have imagined Dokyun owning a bar, let alone living in one, but Dokyun has adapted better than the rest of them. The bar is small but well-stocked and clean, and in a little over a month Dokyun has a fairly loyal customer following. The bar doesn't make much in terms of money, but Dokyun can pay his bills and occasionally get the group dinner, and that's enough.
At Jaeho's brisk shrug Dokyun frowns. "You screwed up again?"
Jaeho perches on one of the old bar stools Dokyun uses as chairs. The apartment behind the bar is filled with a strange assortment of beat up bar furniture and things Dokyun either pulled from someone's trash or purchased second-hand. The kitchen and living area on the first floor are cramped but homey. Jaeho often wonders what the second floor looks like, but he isn't sure he wants to know too much about Dokyun and Sihyung's living arrangements.
"I'm no good at this, hyung."
Dokyun moves into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. "At what?"
"Yijung."
"Ah, that," Dokyun chuckles. "You're doing your best. Don't beat yourself up."
"I upset him."
"The kid is going to be upset. Kyungil screwed up his life." Two steaming mugs in his hands, Dokyun joins Jaeho at the table. "You can't fix what Kyungil broke in the first place."
Jaeho frowns. "I make it worse."
"You spoil him," Dokyun counters. "But he doesn't want to be spoiled by you."
"Do you have to be so blunt all the damn time?" he groans and buries his face in his arms. Jaeho wonders how in the world Sihyung can stand being around someone so stupidly logical all the time.
As usual, Jaeho's frustration just makes Dokyun smile more. "Someone has to be around here. Our situation is... precarious."
Jaeho looks up in time to see Dokyun's expression fade a little. Dokyun licks his lips and stares into his coffee. Very few things make Dokyun pensive and lately it is only one thing in particular. "You heard from the lawyer?"
"Yijung's parents have declared him dead, but they haven't given up on indicting Kyungil. And the rest of us, for that matter. The fact that we fled the country doesn't look good."
"Coming here was stupid," Jaeho growls. Which is exactly what everyone had told Kyungil, and yet here they were. "If Kyungil hadn't-"
"But he did," Dokyun cuts in, laying a hand on Jaeho's arm and warning in his eyes. "And Kyungil is the alpha, and it's our job to listen to the alpha." He relaxes his grip on Jaeho's arm.
Jaeho returns the stern look with a petulant one of his own. 'So when the alpha says he likes a high school kid, we're supposed to go with it?"
"Yes, but obviously we can judge him for it."
"And when he freaks out and bites the kid, we're supposed to cover his ass?"
A tiny smile pulls up the corners of Dokyun's mouth. "Absolutely."
Jaeho grunts and pushes away his coffee. "Sounds like bullshit to me."
Dokyun pats Jaeho's shoulder gently and sighs. "He may be an idiot when it comes to love, but Kyungil's a good alpha. You know that." He drums his fingers along the side of his empty mug. "There's a way out of this, but one of us has to go back to Korea."
It takes all of half a second for Jaeho to realize who Dokyun plans to send back. "You can't-"
"It's not a big deal." Dokyun shrugs and smiles again. "All I have to do is go to court and state our case. They have nothing on us but our disappearance."
The words are too logical and do nothing to ease Jaeho's panic. No one leaves the pack. Not ever. That's the entire idea behind the pack. Safety is in numbers because lone wolves never survive long in this day and age. A hard lump forms in Jaeho's throat and he struggles to speak over it. "Won't they think it's weird only you came back?"
Dokyun shrugs. "I have a story ready."
"Of course you do," Jaeho sighs and gives Dokyun's shoulder a shove. The thought of Dokyun leaving fills Jaeho with dread, but he knows better than to argue. The pack obeys Kyungil based on tradition alone, but even Kyungil follows Dokyun's carefully worded advice. Kyungil would be dead by now if it weren't for Dokyun's help.
The coffee in his mug is long cold now. "How are we going to survive without you?"
"You'll find a way."
-
December 24th, 11:50PM
By the time Jaeho gets back to his flat, he can barely keep his eyes open. So much for having another monotonous day. Watching cartoons with Yijung feels like a distant memory now, overshadowed by a numbing sense of loss. Dokyun is gone. Sihyung is gone. Kyungil is sleeping off another binge, as unreachable as the others.
The front door is unlocked when Jaeho turns the knob. The lights are all off inside but his ears pick up the sound of ragging breathing and the stench of fresh blood assaults his nose, sending him into a panic. The whole room smells of blood, blood and Yijung, and despite his usually good night vision Jaeho can't find the kid at first. He stumbles over furniture and things crash to the ground. He finds Yijung curled up on the floor in front of the couch. He's stripped down to his underwear, his jeans and t-shirt and jacket strewn across the room. The only blood is a little clotted on Yijung's lip and dripping from his nose, and Jaeho breathes a sigh of relief.
He settles down on the floor beside Yijung and runs a hand along his spine. Yijung flinches, then relaxes with a tiny groan. "What the hell happened to you?"
Yijung shifts, rolls onto his side. "Shitty night."
"I'll say." Jaeho notes the bruises on Yijung's side. Nothing broken, and Yijung will heal faster than a human, but it's got to hurt. "I'll get you some ice."
A hand grabs his wrist to prevent him from standing. "No! Just, stay a bit." Yijung buries his face against the rug. Jaeho rubs the kid's back until his breathing becomes steady. He knows he should feel angry, seeing Yijung like this, but his relief outweighs his anger. This could have been so much worse. Jaeho knows that from experience.
Yijung finally sits up and leans against the couch beside Jaeho. Jaeho swings an arm around Yijung's bare shoulders. "Feel like telling me what happened?"
"Kyungil kicked me out of his flat. Said he didn't like having me around. He was drunk, really drunk, but I-" He chokes on the last word, then tries again. "It pissed me off. I didn't ask for any of this. It isn't my fault." His lower lip trembles and Jaeho squeezes him gently.
"Give him some time," he says soothingly. "Kyungil pushes people away when he knows he's hurt them, but he comes around." He raises an eyebrow and gives Yijung a meaningful nod at his bruises. "That doesn't explain this mess, though."
Yijung shrugs. "Ran into some guys on the way home. It was dumb, but I'm supposed to be stronger now, right?" He laughs bitterly. "Apparently not."
"Extra strength doesn't do shit if you can't fight to begin with."
"Point taken."
Their eyes meet and their burst out laughing. Yijung has to stop after a minute because it hurts too much, but neither of them can stop smiling. "Let's get you to bed," Jaeho offers, and Yijung agrees with a nod. He's so much lighter than Kyungil, Jaeho notices, but the unsteady way they move is similar. Yijung collapses into the bed and Jaeho sits on the edge. He runs his fingers through Yijung's hair until the boy is sleeping soundly, clutching Jaeho's pillow to his chest.
For half a second Jaeho hesitates, then he leans down and presses his lips against Yijung's temple. "Merry Christmas, Yijung."
Someone is on guard for me before the dawn
The last lit light in the city
Pairing: Jaeho/Yijung
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 4,865
Summary: Jaeho is torn between supporting his alpha and the boy he can't get away from.
Warnings: Language, mentions of drug use
Notes: Werewolf AU inspired by History's, "난 너한테 뭐야 (What am I to you)" MV. Title/lyrics from here.
Crossposted to AO3
Someone is waiting for me, someone is thinking of me
Someone is in front of the television, not watching it, waiting for me
Someone is waiting for me, someone is thinking of me
December 25th, 2:05AM
When there's nothing left, Jaeho runs. He stands hidden in the trees and lets the change tingle along his skin, bones popping and snapping into their new alignment, hair sprouting on his arms, legs, back, the tiniest moan of pang as his spine cracks and forces him into a hunched position.
The pain vanishes as quickly as it came. Jaeho pricks his ears and sniffs the air. There are a few homeless men lounging beneath the trees on the edge of the park, but not a soul this far into the trees. In the cool breeze Jaeho smells the rain that fell that afternoon and the snow to come tonight, the grime of the city not too far away, wafting aromas from the neighborhood behind the park. The night is almost perfectly quiet but the smells are anything but.
Now certain that he's alone, Jaeho shakes out his fur and stretches his haunches. His long tense muscles sigh with relief in this form and his back legs dance in the chilly night from anticipation. He takes one last look back at the glowing lights of a city that never sleeps. Somewhere deep in that maze of buildings Yijung is sleeping, waiting for someone who will never come.
Jaeho tips his muzzle into the moonlight and runs.
-
December 24th, 8:42AM
Jaeho wakes to the sound of animated buzzers and cackling canned laughter. When he focuses his hearing, he makes out the quieter sounds of Yijung's laugh muffled by crunching. A sugary sweet scent drifts into the room mingled with the clean, soft smell Jaeho's come to know so well. It takes months for werewolves to start smelling like werewolves. Yijung still smells like fresh sheets.
As soon as Jaeho steps into the room Yijung grabs the remote and turns up the volume. The cartoon's exaggerated voices hurt Jaeho's ears. "How can you watch this shit every day?"
Yijung doesn't look away from the screen. "You think it's funny, too."
"Doubt it." Jaeho shakes his head and crosses the room to their tiny kitchen. It's a little too cold for walking around in his boxers but Jaeho kind of likes feeling chilly. The weather is one of the few things that isn't so different in Berlin. Jaeho yawns and stares sleepily at the contents of their fridge. They have milk, eggs, bread, and a random selection of a half dozen brands of bottled beer. All of the possibilities seem like too much work so Jaeho grabs Yijung's cereal and pours himself a bowl, too.
Jaeho sinks into the couch and Yijung leans back against his legs. Sitting on the floor with his empty bowl of cereal and his over-sized sweater pulled over his pajama pants, Yijung looks like any other teenager. He sneaks a peek at Jaeho over his shoulder and raises an eyebrow. "No meat? I'm shocked."
"This will hold me over for maybe five seconds," he admits.
"I had no idea being a werewolf turned you into a fat a-" A slap to the back of the head cuts him off and Yijung flops onto his side. "Hyung," he groans dramatically but the grin spreading across his face ruins the effect.
A low growl rumbles in Jaeho's throat. "Brat." He grabs both bowls and gives Yijung a halfhearted kick to the thigh on the way to the kitchen.
"I'm trying to learn about werewolf life and you're abusing me."
The whine falls on deaf ears. "If you want to learn, ask Dokyun hyung. I'm just your keeper."
Crawling up onto the couch, Yijung pouts. "Why the hell did Kyungil hyung make us live together anyway?" he grumbles. Jaeho knows better than to rise to the kid's taunts, but the words sting. The living arrangements aen't his fault, after all. None of them had planned or wanted to uproot and resettle so quickly.
"Because you're too young to live with Dokyun at the bar, Sihyung is the only one of us with a job and Kyungil doesn't want to deal with you."
Jaeho snaps his mouth shut as soon as the words slip out. Out of the corner of his eye Yijung's face falls and he slips deeper into the couch. Damn it, he should know better by now. Jaeho makes a racket out of cleaning the bowls and spoon and returns to the living room with an expression he hopes is oblivious.
"I'm going to grab real breakfast and see Dokyun. Want to go?"
Yijung doesn't look up, eyes glued blankly on the TV.
-
December 24th, 9:25PM
With Dokyun gone and his bar closed, Jaeho isn't even sure where he can go to get drunk. He ends up wandering into a part of town he's never been to before, following a group of drunks to a bar that looks anything but clean. The bartender gives him alcohol when asked, so it will do. After a few beers he starts to like the place better. The air reeks of humans and sweat and vomit and the customers' voices fill his sensitive ears. He feels like his world is centered on this place, these people, and he doesn't have to think about everything going on beyond these sticky walls.
Jaeho is well on his way to drunk when the door swings open and a familiar scent fills Jaeho's nostrils. He looks over his shoulder to watch Kyungil stumble into the bar. He falls onto a stained couch beside a few girls who don't mind the intrusion. They giggle and push him away playfully, but he's so out of it he doesn't notice. Kyungil ignores them and soon he's alone on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. The bartender doesn't even bother to try and get his order. Judging by the resigned look of disgust in the man's eyes, Kyungil isn't a stranger around here. Surprise, surprise.
After paying his tab, Jaeho walks unsteadily to the couch. Kyungil doesn't look over, and when Jaeho forces Kyungil's legs over to make room, the alpha looks surprised to find Jaeho there. Not a good sign. If Kyungil's senses are dull enough not to recognize Jaeho's scent, it means he's done something worse than alcohol.
"What are you on, hyung?"
Kyungil groans. "Hell if I know." Jaeho grunts and forces Kyungil's sleeves up to his elbows. "Fuck, Jaeho!" He slaps away the hands. "Pills, damn it. Pills."
Jaeho leans back and sighs in relief. Kyungil's system can flush out pretty much anything; it's when he puts things directly into his bloodstream that things get risky. Something about how the drugs interact with the werewolf virus, or so Dokyun says. All that matters to Jaeho is that there's no risk of Kyungil spontaneously changing in the middle of the bar. Kyungil grumbles quietly to himself and settles back down on the couch.
As he watches Kyungil on the couch, Jaeho remembers a flash of Yijung's smile, and he checks his watch. "Hyung, where's Yijung?" When Kyungil doesn't reply, Jaeho slaps his leg. "You were supposed to meet up with Yijung, damn it! Where is he?"
"Hm?" Kyungil rolls onto his back and hisses at the effort. "I saw him... I think. He came over, but I couldn't, Jaeho. I couldn't do it."
Jaeho growls and shakes Kyungil to keep him from zoning out again. "Couldn't what?"
Kyungil whines and flings an arm over his face to shield his eyes from the lights of the bar. "He wants things to be like before, but it's not the same." He sits up and holds Jaeho's arms, his eyes unfocused. "He shouldn't have come with us."
"You bit him. He didn't have a choice."
"Right," Kyungil sighs and stretches back out. "So many mistakes."
Jaeho is already dialing Yijung, but the kid's phone is turned off. "What happened with Yijung?" he demands.
"Who knows? He got mad and left. Everyone gets mad and leaves."
The bartender comes over to ask if they'll need a cab, a very polite way to tell them to scram. Jaeho refuses the cab and looks at Kyungil with a resigned sigh. Maneuvering Kyungil to his feet is no easy task, but Jaeho manages to get his alpha standing. They leave the bar with Kyungil's massive form draped over Jaeho's side. The other customers watch in astonishment. At least they're all drunk enough to not question how someone Jaeho's size can manage to practically carry Kyungil.
They make their way slowly through the streets. "What the hell happened to you, hyung?"
Kyungil laughs, and he almost sounds sober. "Yijung happened." He casts a sidelong glance at Jaeho and Jaeho pretends not to notice. "You're the one living with him now; I'm sure you understand."
"The kid doesn't even like me," he replies with a light shrug. "All we do is fight."
"Then he must like you." Kyungil leans his head back in the moonlight and sighs. "Yijung doesn't get mad at me, not like he used to. I know I fucked up, but he doesn't want to admit it. He cries when he thinks I'm not looking."
"That doesn't mean it can't be fixed. We can't keep going like this, hyung."
Kyungil chuckles, "Got too used to Dokyun fixing everything, I guess."
Jaeho almost wants to tell Kyungil that Dokyun won't be around to fix things, not for a while. Now isn't the time, though, and Kyungil likely wouldn't remember it come morning.
"Maybe I can try fixing things this time," Jaeho jokes, his laugh tired.
Kyungil laughs, too.
-
December 24th, 3:37PM
The terminal seems no warmer than the weather outside as Jaeho stomps his feet to keep his legs from going numb. He tries to distract himself by focusing and unfocusing his eyes on the digitized flight numbers on the board, but all he's earned is a headache. The next flight to Korea isn't for an hour or more depending on the weather.
Dokyun eyes him with an amused half-smile. "You don't have to wait, you know."
Jaeho shakes his head stubbornly and shoves his hands into his wool coat pockets. "There's nothing more depressing than going to the airport alone."
A group of tourists scramble past them, their words an unintelligible jumble. "You've got a point." Dokyun shifts his bag to his other shoulder. "I had no idea you were so considerate."
"I'm quite the gentleman," Jaeho huffs.
Dokyun chuckles, "Of course, silly me."
"Keep me updated, okay? While you're there." This isn't how it's supposed to be. Jaeho isn't the one anyone goes to with anything serious. He doesn't know how to handle the responsibility. "Did you, you know, tell Sihyung?" He steals a peek up at Dokyun out of the corner of his eye. In Korea Dokyun and Sihyung had never spent time together, and yet the two had immediately agreed to live together when the pack moved to Berlin- live together in a tiny one bedroom apartment above a bar. Kyungil's questionable relationships were old news; Jaeho found this new development much more interesting.
Dokyun returns the peek with a suspicious glance of his own. "I left a note. Why?"
Jaeho looks away and feigns disinterest. "No reason. He might hit me if I'm the one who has to tell him is all. You know, with how you two are." The insinuation is a risk and Jaeho flinches away when Dokyun shifts his bag over again.
"With how we are?" His eyes are more amused than anything, amused because he knows that Jaeho knows nothing. The look sets Jaeho's teeth on edge. He's a little tired of everyone leaving him so entirely out of the loop.
Jaeho growls quietly in his throat and hunches his shoulders. "Whatever, like I care."
An arm wraps around Dokyun's shoulders in an awkward half-hug. "I appreciate it." The words are low and quiet but enough to smooth Jaeho's ruffled feathers. Dokyun smiles down at his friend. "If I were you I'd focus on my own fucked up relationships, though."
"Whatever, man."
-
December 24th, 7PM
The apartment is warm and quiet when Jaeho returns, and at first he thinks Yijung must be out. As he steps into the kitchen Yijung emerges from the bedroom, cell phone in hand. His face is a bright smile which makes Jaeho falter a little when it turns on him. "You've been gone a while."
"Dokyun needed help with something," he replies with a big yawn. Their bare fridge makes Jaeho's stomach growl even worse. "You eat already? I skipped lunch and might be dying." He groans and leaves the kitchen to flop onto the couch. He looks up and Yijung's eyes are still trained on the phone, his fingers tapping away. "Yah, listen when I talk, damn it."
Yijung grunts and glances up for a split second. "Can't eat. Meeting Kyungil hyung in a little while."
"Seriously?"
The surprise in Jaeho's voice makes Yijung frown. "It's not that big a deal."
Jaeho grunts, Sure. Kyungil has been avoiding Yijung for the past month and Yijung hasn't looked this excited about anything since arriving in Germany, but sure, no big deal. There's no point in bringing any of that up, not with how happy Yijung looks. Jaeho doesn't know why the whole thing makes his stomach hurt even worse. He must be really, really hungry.
Lurching to his feet, Jaeho moves around Yijung to the bedroom, tousling the kid's hair on the way. "Just be careful, okay?" When he starts looking through the dresser for a warmer sweater, the last thing he expects is Yijung standing beside him. The cell phone is gone now, as is Yijung's smile.
"What's the supposed to mean?" he demands.
Jaeho blinks. "Nothing in particular," he mutters and tries to go back to looking for a sweater, but he can feel Yijung's angry eyes boring into his back. "But Kyungil hyung isn't the most reliable when it comes to..."
You. He gives Yijung an apologetic look and hurriedly pulls on his sweater.
"If he says he's going to be there, he'll be there," Yijung insists. Jaeho walks back into the living room and Yijung follows after like an agitated puppy, hackles raised. "He told me he's sorry. That's what's important."
"You don't need to convince me," Jaeho laughs awkwardly. Yijung has him cornered in the kitchen and Jaeho's fairly certain Yijung isn't even listening. It isn't Jaeho he's trying to convince, not really. Yijung's hands are balled into fists and his eyes look right past Jaeho.
It's kind of pissing him off. Dokyun's off to solve all of Yijung and Kyungil's problems on his own. Jaeho's spent all morning trying to figure out how the hell he's going to keep the rest of them together. And here Yijung is defending the very thing which has caused them all so much trouble.
This is the problem with being friends with people like Kyungil and Yijung. They're black holes, drawing in and destroying everything around them. Now it's Jaeho's turn; he can feel Yijung drawing him in, as he had been since they started to live together. Jaeho doesn't want to see the kid hurt, to the extent that he's started resenting his own alpha.
He moves back around Yijung in one last attempt to shake off the upset boy's pursuit. "Do whatever you want, Yijung, but don't make more trouble for the pack."
Yijung's mouth falls open to argue, but no words come out. The anger in his eyes fades to a darkness Jaeho doesn't understand. He almost wants to hug the kid, apologize for being too blunt. Jaeho doesn't give a damn about the pack; that's Dokyun's job. Jaeho can't take on Dokyun's job no matter how hard he tries. There's just something about the way Yijung looks when he's talking about Kyungil that makes Jaeho say stupid things.
"Yijung, I-"
"It's none of your business."
-
December 24th, 11:22PM
Kyungil is snoring softly when Jaeho leaves his flat. It's late and he knows he should go home, find out what happened to Yijung, but Jaeho wanders along the streets and refuses to look at his watch. Somewhere along the line Jaeho's life had become unbearably complicated. When he'd joined the pack, he'd been seeking an easier life. Life as a lone wolf was harsh and often short, and Kyungil had been so impressive back then. He still is, no matter how often Jaeho finds himself frustrated with his alpha nowadays. Kyungil is stronger than Jaeho is. He'd kept the pack safe despite the chaos back in Korea. He'd kept them together in Berlin despite the trouble brewing among them here, too.
Yijung is Kyungil's only weakness, and Jaeho can't blame him for it, not when he finds himself equally incapable when it comes to their little wolf.
A single light glows in the class windows of Dokyun's bar. It makes Jaeho pause, because by now Dokyun is well on his way back to Korea and the bar's sign is flipped to Closed. Jaeho raps on the glass three times and a few seconds later the door swings open with a friendly tinkle.
"Should've known it was you," Jaeho chuckles as he brushes past Sihyung in the doorway. Sihyung latches the door and returns to the bar, where a glass of water rests on top of a piece of paper. Sihyung leans against the bar and sips his water. He's still wearing his heavy winter coat and there's eyeliner smeared under one eye. "Just get off of work?"
Sihyung nods. "Three new billboards going up downtown." His deep voice rumbles in the silent bar. All of the money that went into keeping the bar came from Sihyung's blossoming modeling career. Three days after arriving in Berlin he'd been scouted on the street. In truth, Sihyung found the work boring and would have preferred staying and working in the bar, but the pack needed money, and living around Dokyun could make anyone feel the need to be more responsible. He looks up at Jaeho from the paper he's reading. "You took Dokyun to the airport?"
Jaeho can feel the subtle blame and flushes. "He told you, huh?"
Sihyung waves the paper. "Left a note."
"So old-fashioned," Jaeho laughs. "Just like him." If Sihyung hears him, he doesn't see a need to respond. He fishes his cell phone out of his pocket and starts texting. Jaeho flushes again, never sure exactly how to act around Sihyung. Dokyun and Sihyung both have a knack for creating a terribly awkward atmosphere. They seem happy to close themselves off, live in their own private worlds. Maybe it isn't so strange they decided to join their worlds under one roof. "I can help keep the bar running, if you want. I know the foreign brands and can mix drinks."
Sihyung shakes his head. "That won't be necessary. I'll keep the bar closed after I leave."
Jaeho balks, "You're leaving?"
Sihyung nods, finally returning his phone to his pocket. A wide smile forms on his face. "My agent's getting me a ticket for the next flight to Korea. A car's coming for me now." He reaches behind the bar to stow his glass and heads for the front door. Jaeho follows and watches, stunned, as Sihyung locks the door behind them.
"What about your job?"
"They'll wait for me," Sihyung replies with a shrug. "If not, I never liked it anyway."
The cold air makes Jaeho's head spin. "He isn't going to like this." Everything seems terribly backwards. Dokyun's the one who drops everything for his friends. Somehow it has never occurred to Jaeho that someone could want to do the same for Dokyun.
Sihyung grins. "That's half the fun." He rubs his gloved hands together and stomps his feet in the bitter cold. "Besides, he shouldn't have to go alone."
"I guess, but-"
A car pulls up in front of the bar and slows to a stop. Sihyung leans in the front window and greets the driver. Straightening up, he gives Jaeho a smug half-smile. "This is what you do when you care about someone, right?"
"What the hell is going on between you two?" Jaeho blurts out. The glare Sihyung shoots Jaeho's way is enough to make him flinch.
"None of your damn business, Jaeho," he sighs as he crawls into the back of the car. He rolls down the window and winks. "Good luck with Yijung and Kyungil hyung."
Jaeho actually laughs as the car pulls away again.
-
December 24th, 11:03AM
Belly full of three meals' worth of food, Jaeho knocks on the glass of the bar's front door and waits. A few seconds later a face appears in the glass and grins. "No Yijung today?" Dokyun asks as he leads Jaeho through the dark room to the back. In Korea Jaeho never could have imagined Dokyun owning a bar, let alone living in one, but Dokyun has adapted better than the rest of them. The bar is small but well-stocked and clean, and in a little over a month Dokyun has a fairly loyal customer following. The bar doesn't make much in terms of money, but Dokyun can pay his bills and occasionally get the group dinner, and that's enough.
At Jaeho's brisk shrug Dokyun frowns. "You screwed up again?"
Jaeho perches on one of the old bar stools Dokyun uses as chairs. The apartment behind the bar is filled with a strange assortment of beat up bar furniture and things Dokyun either pulled from someone's trash or purchased second-hand. The kitchen and living area on the first floor are cramped but homey. Jaeho often wonders what the second floor looks like, but he isn't sure he wants to know too much about Dokyun and Sihyung's living arrangements.
"I'm no good at this, hyung."
Dokyun moves into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. "At what?"
"Yijung."
"Ah, that," Dokyun chuckles. "You're doing your best. Don't beat yourself up."
"I upset him."
"The kid is going to be upset. Kyungil screwed up his life." Two steaming mugs in his hands, Dokyun joins Jaeho at the table. "You can't fix what Kyungil broke in the first place."
Jaeho frowns. "I make it worse."
"You spoil him," Dokyun counters. "But he doesn't want to be spoiled by you."
"Do you have to be so blunt all the damn time?" he groans and buries his face in his arms. Jaeho wonders how in the world Sihyung can stand being around someone so stupidly logical all the time.
As usual, Jaeho's frustration just makes Dokyun smile more. "Someone has to be around here. Our situation is... precarious."
Jaeho looks up in time to see Dokyun's expression fade a little. Dokyun licks his lips and stares into his coffee. Very few things make Dokyun pensive and lately it is only one thing in particular. "You heard from the lawyer?"
"Yijung's parents have declared him dead, but they haven't given up on indicting Kyungil. And the rest of us, for that matter. The fact that we fled the country doesn't look good."
"Coming here was stupid," Jaeho growls. Which is exactly what everyone had told Kyungil, and yet here they were. "If Kyungil hadn't-"
"But he did," Dokyun cuts in, laying a hand on Jaeho's arm and warning in his eyes. "And Kyungil is the alpha, and it's our job to listen to the alpha." He relaxes his grip on Jaeho's arm.
Jaeho returns the stern look with a petulant one of his own. 'So when the alpha says he likes a high school kid, we're supposed to go with it?"
"Yes, but obviously we can judge him for it."
"And when he freaks out and bites the kid, we're supposed to cover his ass?"
A tiny smile pulls up the corners of Dokyun's mouth. "Absolutely."
Jaeho grunts and pushes away his coffee. "Sounds like bullshit to me."
Dokyun pats Jaeho's shoulder gently and sighs. "He may be an idiot when it comes to love, but Kyungil's a good alpha. You know that." He drums his fingers along the side of his empty mug. "There's a way out of this, but one of us has to go back to Korea."
It takes all of half a second for Jaeho to realize who Dokyun plans to send back. "You can't-"
"It's not a big deal." Dokyun shrugs and smiles again. "All I have to do is go to court and state our case. They have nothing on us but our disappearance."
The words are too logical and do nothing to ease Jaeho's panic. No one leaves the pack. Not ever. That's the entire idea behind the pack. Safety is in numbers because lone wolves never survive long in this day and age. A hard lump forms in Jaeho's throat and he struggles to speak over it. "Won't they think it's weird only you came back?"
Dokyun shrugs. "I have a story ready."
"Of course you do," Jaeho sighs and gives Dokyun's shoulder a shove. The thought of Dokyun leaving fills Jaeho with dread, but he knows better than to argue. The pack obeys Kyungil based on tradition alone, but even Kyungil follows Dokyun's carefully worded advice. Kyungil would be dead by now if it weren't for Dokyun's help.
The coffee in his mug is long cold now. "How are we going to survive without you?"
"You'll find a way."
-
December 24th, 11:50PM
By the time Jaeho gets back to his flat, he can barely keep his eyes open. So much for having another monotonous day. Watching cartoons with Yijung feels like a distant memory now, overshadowed by a numbing sense of loss. Dokyun is gone. Sihyung is gone. Kyungil is sleeping off another binge, as unreachable as the others.
The front door is unlocked when Jaeho turns the knob. The lights are all off inside but his ears pick up the sound of ragging breathing and the stench of fresh blood assaults his nose, sending him into a panic. The whole room smells of blood, blood and Yijung, and despite his usually good night vision Jaeho can't find the kid at first. He stumbles over furniture and things crash to the ground. He finds Yijung curled up on the floor in front of the couch. He's stripped down to his underwear, his jeans and t-shirt and jacket strewn across the room. The only blood is a little clotted on Yijung's lip and dripping from his nose, and Jaeho breathes a sigh of relief.
He settles down on the floor beside Yijung and runs a hand along his spine. Yijung flinches, then relaxes with a tiny groan. "What the hell happened to you?"
Yijung shifts, rolls onto his side. "Shitty night."
"I'll say." Jaeho notes the bruises on Yijung's side. Nothing broken, and Yijung will heal faster than a human, but it's got to hurt. "I'll get you some ice."
A hand grabs his wrist to prevent him from standing. "No! Just, stay a bit." Yijung buries his face against the rug. Jaeho rubs the kid's back until his breathing becomes steady. He knows he should feel angry, seeing Yijung like this, but his relief outweighs his anger. This could have been so much worse. Jaeho knows that from experience.
Yijung finally sits up and leans against the couch beside Jaeho. Jaeho swings an arm around Yijung's bare shoulders. "Feel like telling me what happened?"
"Kyungil kicked me out of his flat. Said he didn't like having me around. He was drunk, really drunk, but I-" He chokes on the last word, then tries again. "It pissed me off. I didn't ask for any of this. It isn't my fault." His lower lip trembles and Jaeho squeezes him gently.
"Give him some time," he says soothingly. "Kyungil pushes people away when he knows he's hurt them, but he comes around." He raises an eyebrow and gives Yijung a meaningful nod at his bruises. "That doesn't explain this mess, though."
Yijung shrugs. "Ran into some guys on the way home. It was dumb, but I'm supposed to be stronger now, right?" He laughs bitterly. "Apparently not."
"Extra strength doesn't do shit if you can't fight to begin with."
"Point taken."
Their eyes meet and their burst out laughing. Yijung has to stop after a minute because it hurts too much, but neither of them can stop smiling. "Let's get you to bed," Jaeho offers, and Yijung agrees with a nod. He's so much lighter than Kyungil, Jaeho notices, but the unsteady way they move is similar. Yijung collapses into the bed and Jaeho sits on the edge. He runs his fingers through Yijung's hair until the boy is sleeping soundly, clutching Jaeho's pillow to his chest.
For half a second Jaeho hesitates, then he leans down and presses his lips against Yijung's temple. "Merry Christmas, Yijung."
Someone is on guard for me before the dawn
The last lit light in the city