NEVER LASTING
Title: Never Lasting
Author: qrn
Character: Yoseob
Rating: PG
Summary: He's still struggling with his memories. Why must life be cruel?
Author's Notes: A spin-off to Renewal, seen from Yoseob's POV. This is dedicated for those who refused to accept how I ended the former story. The scenes are set on different days from Renewal, and I decided not to use much flashbacks. I can't promise you this won't be as depressing, but I hope you enjoy this one ^^
He opened his eyes.
His room was not big, but he liked the idea that it was compact and made him feel like home. He sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes, and found a person sleeping beside him on the bed.
He stroked the person's face softly.
"Junhyung," he called out in a small voice.
The other did not react.
"Junhyung-hyung, wake up," he tried again, this time louder.
It worked. Junhyung's body started to wriggle, and he was awake. He blinked his eyes slowly, looking around. "What time is it?"
He looked at the clock on the wall. "Close to 10."
Junhyung sat up, face-to-face with him. "How are you feeling?"
He smiled. "Where was I yesterday?"
Junhyung's face had an expression one could not quiet put a finger on. "You came back from New York. I picked you up and we had a little celebration." He jerked his head towards the door. "We still haven't cleaned up the remnants in the living room."
"New York, huh." He tilted his head, a bright smile on his face. "You've always been a great roommate, hyung, what with picking me up and everything." He scratched his head, suddenly looking confused. "I must've been so wasted that I can't even remember the party now."
Junhyung did not respond; instead, he proceeded to walk out of the room. He stopped by the door to turn around. "Come on, let's go clean this place up."
He ran after him, ever so energetic.
Junhyung was right. The living room was quite colorful and had a party atmosphere to it. Balloons and banners were hung on the wall and ceiling, displaying different writing and messages. There was even confetti and ribbons. Bottles of juice and soft drinks, including a substantial amount of Coke, were laid on the table; he was too amazed at the decorations to notice the drinks were still untouched, as well as two empty bedrooms near the kitchen.
"Whoa, we must've had quite a party," he murmured to himself, but loud enough for the other to hear.
"We did," Junhyung nodded. For some reason, his voice sounded solemn. He started taking down things from the wall and curtains.
---
It was only 3 in the afternoon when he decided he should go home. Normally he would be out in the park or somewhere in the city, but he thought it would be fun to hang out with Junhyung for a while. He was walking towards his house when he noticed a guy standing under the tree, looking at him.
Who is he?
The black-haired stranger did not look well--in fact, he was pale and had dark circles under his eyes. It seemed as if he had lost weight as well as sleep time.
This person is creepy.
He tried to ignore the stare, but he could feel the piercing gaze on his back. He walked faster.
"I'm home."
There was nobody to welcome him back. He took off his shoes and tiptoed slowly to the living room. He could make out Junhyung's voice, and it seemed like he was talking to someone. He chose to stand outside and eavesdrop. Although he knew it was wrong, he could not help it.
"Hyung, I can't take it anymore."
He pressed his body to the door, carefully hiding his figure from Junhyung's sight.
"All he remembers is that he did go to New York, but that's not enough." Junhyung was sitting on the couch with an older-looking guy. "He didn't remember that he went with Dongwoon. In fact, I don't think he even remembers about Dongwoon, or Kikwang, for that matter."
Dong...woon?
"I'm not even sure what's left of his past. He believes that I'm his only friend. It seems as if he completely forgot about the existence of the others. It doesn't make sense."
Kikwang?
Junhyung did not seem to notice his presence. "It's been over a year and there's no change. I can't keep pretending that nothing happened," he continued, his voice trembling. "I've done everything and his condition hasn't improved."
His heart was beating fast as he continued to listen.
"Junhyung-ah, why do you put up the decorations every morning?" The other guy asked, pointing to the balloons and party items stuffed away in a box in the corner of the room.
Junhyung sighed. "I guess... I wanted him to feel like he really had a welcome back party, which we never had the chance to have. And maybe, just maybe..." He bit his lip. "...by mentioning about New York and other things, he would somehow regain his memories back."
Memories? What is he talking about?
"Even the doctors had given up." He looked at the other guy straight in the eyes. "Seungho-hyung, what am I supposed to do?"
The other guy, whose name turned out to be Seungho, placed his hands on Junhyung's shoulders. "What about Doojoon?"
Doojoon...
Junhyung did not look too happy at the mention of the name. "I don't care. He left us a long time ago." He buried his face in one hand. "He made a choice, and that was to abandon us along with the past. To him, we're no more than old trash he already got rid of."
Seungho gave him an sympathetic look. "How's Hyunseung?"
Hyunseung.
Junhyung's replied in a somber tone. "He hasn't awakened yet."
"Oh." Seungho looked down on his lap, as if feeling guilty for asking the question. "I--I'm sorry, I didn't know."
Junhyung let out another sigh. "It's okay, hyung. You did spend a long time in Japan. It's not your fault... I didn't tell you much anyways."
They continued to talk, but he was too distracted to keep listening. That was the first time he had heard of those names Junhyung mentioned, but something in the back of his mind started to slowly build vague, blurry images--images of people he could not yet recognize. His head started spinning, and once again the stranger's face appeared.
There's something about those eyes.
While trying to get the person's face off his mind, he walked ever so quietly to the bedroom so Junhyung would not hear.
Junhyung mentioned about memories... the party... and New York. He closed his eyes, clutching his head as he tried to put all the pieces together. He opened his mouth slightly--no sound came out--and began to feel light-headed and disoriented. Was he referring to me? His eyes widened at the thought, just in time to reach the bedroom. Those unfamiliar names... who are they? Suddenly something hit him.
"It's not possible," he stammered, finally finding his voice. He kept his eyes shut. If what he was thinking right now was true, then everything Junhyung had just said made sense. "No way..." The more he thought about it, the more his head hurt. Unable to bear the pain, he laid himself down on the bed.
I'm suffering from amnesia.
---
He wondered why they went to the hospital ICU unit for the first time.
He watched the color drain from Junhyung's face while reading visitors' names in the guestbook.
"Hyung? Are you OK?"
Without a word, Junhyung continued to stare wide-eyed at a certain name in the book before a nurse brought him back to reality.
"Excuse me, sir, could you please sign under today's date?" she asked politely. "Your name and your friend's too, please."
Junhyung blinked, and replied weakly. "Yes, of course." After he finished writing, he returned the book to the nurse. "I'm sorry, does this person--" he pointed at the name he was focused on before. "--visit often?"
He followed the direction where Junhyung's finger was on and saw the name: YOON DOOJOON.
The nurse saw the name and nodded. "He does, actually. But I noticed that sometimes he just stands outside this room without going in, so he doesn't always need to fill in the guestbook on some days." With that, she left the two boys in the ward.
He stayed silent as he watched Junhyung hold the patient's hand to his chest.
"Hyunseung... hyung." Junhyung tightened his grip. He planted a soft kiss on the patient's forehead. "It's me again."
He felt his heart sting.
Junhyung continued talking to the patient despite knowing he would not get an answer. "This is my 370th visit, so..." the older male said, his knuckles whitened. "...please wake up, I'm begging you." He kneeled next to the bed. The patient only responded with steady machine beeps and sounds of tube drips.
He knew it was not the right time, but he could not help asking. "What happened to him?"
Junhyung's voice was buried in muffled sobs.
---
The sun refused to come out. Dark clouds gathered as little droplets of rain began to fall.
He stood next to Junhyung, holding an umbrella big enough for two.
"Were these people precious to you?" he asked, pointing to three gravestones he saw for the first time.
Junhyung turned to look at him, and smiled sadly. "Yes, they were." He laid flowers on all three burials. "They still are."
He looked at Junhyung sympathetically, as if understanding how he was feeling at the moment. "I hope they're happy now, wherever they are."
Junhyung held up his head, but one could see tears began to form in the corners of his eyes.
"Anyway, wait 'till you guys get home."
Yoseob sat up straight as he looked at Doojoon with interest. "Huh? What is it?"
"Let's just say we planned a little something." Hyunseung, who sat in front, exchanged smiles with Doojoon.
"A party?" Yoseob grinned and did a high-five with Dongwoon who sat next to him.
Behind them, Junhyung hid a smirk. "You'll see." Kikwang looked out of the window and smiled.
"Did you guys get anything for us?" Doojoon asked Yoseob as the light turned green. Yoseob and maknae smiled at each other.
"You'll see."
Yoseob looked at the oldest fondly. He could imagine Doojoon's face once he saw his birthday present from New York. Thinking this, he was too excited that he began to hum and smile to himself, earning a weird look from Dongwoon. Junhyung was busy playing on his phone in the backseat, while Kikwang seemed to be asleep. Hyunseung was listening to his iPod and started making small dance gestures with his hands. It was a normal, everyday moment for them. How they wished the time could stop.
The next thing Yoseob knew, there were screams and a loud crash.
He could hear Doojoon's voice shouting his name over and over again as the car was rammed against the pedestrian fence. He saw a hand reaching out to his.
They had shared a special bond.
That was when Yoseob realized he loved Doojoon.
Then everything went black.
Author: qrn
Character: Yoseob
Rating: PG
Summary: He's still struggling with his memories. Why must life be cruel?
Author's Notes: A spin-off to Renewal, seen from Yoseob's POV. This is dedicated for those who refused to accept how I ended the former story. The scenes are set on different days from Renewal, and I decided not to use much flashbacks. I can't promise you this won't be as depressing, but I hope you enjoy this one ^^
He opened his eyes.
His room was not big, but he liked the idea that it was compact and made him feel like home. He sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes, and found a person sleeping beside him on the bed.
He stroked the person's face softly.
"Junhyung," he called out in a small voice.
The other did not react.
"Junhyung-hyung, wake up," he tried again, this time louder.
It worked. Junhyung's body started to wriggle, and he was awake. He blinked his eyes slowly, looking around. "What time is it?"
He looked at the clock on the wall. "Close to 10."
Junhyung sat up, face-to-face with him. "How are you feeling?"
He smiled. "Where was I yesterday?"
Junhyung's face had an expression one could not quiet put a finger on. "You came back from New York. I picked you up and we had a little celebration." He jerked his head towards the door. "We still haven't cleaned up the remnants in the living room."
"New York, huh." He tilted his head, a bright smile on his face. "You've always been a great roommate, hyung, what with picking me up and everything." He scratched his head, suddenly looking confused. "I must've been so wasted that I can't even remember the party now."
Junhyung did not respond; instead, he proceeded to walk out of the room. He stopped by the door to turn around. "Come on, let's go clean this place up."
He ran after him, ever so energetic.
Junhyung was right. The living room was quite colorful and had a party atmosphere to it. Balloons and banners were hung on the wall and ceiling, displaying different writing and messages. There was even confetti and ribbons. Bottles of juice and soft drinks, including a substantial amount of Coke, were laid on the table; he was too amazed at the decorations to notice the drinks were still untouched, as well as two empty bedrooms near the kitchen.
"Whoa, we must've had quite a party," he murmured to himself, but loud enough for the other to hear.
"We did," Junhyung nodded. For some reason, his voice sounded solemn. He started taking down things from the wall and curtains.
---
It was only 3 in the afternoon when he decided he should go home. Normally he would be out in the park or somewhere in the city, but he thought it would be fun to hang out with Junhyung for a while. He was walking towards his house when he noticed a guy standing under the tree, looking at him.
Who is he?
The black-haired stranger did not look well--in fact, he was pale and had dark circles under his eyes. It seemed as if he had lost weight as well as sleep time.
This person is creepy.
He tried to ignore the stare, but he could feel the piercing gaze on his back. He walked faster.
"I'm home."
There was nobody to welcome him back. He took off his shoes and tiptoed slowly to the living room. He could make out Junhyung's voice, and it seemed like he was talking to someone. He chose to stand outside and eavesdrop. Although he knew it was wrong, he could not help it.
"Hyung, I can't take it anymore."
He pressed his body to the door, carefully hiding his figure from Junhyung's sight.
"All he remembers is that he did go to New York, but that's not enough." Junhyung was sitting on the couch with an older-looking guy. "He didn't remember that he went with Dongwoon. In fact, I don't think he even remembers about Dongwoon, or Kikwang, for that matter."
Dong...woon?
"I'm not even sure what's left of his past. He believes that I'm his only friend. It seems as if he completely forgot about the existence of the others. It doesn't make sense."
Kikwang?
Junhyung did not seem to notice his presence. "It's been over a year and there's no change. I can't keep pretending that nothing happened," he continued, his voice trembling. "I've done everything and his condition hasn't improved."
His heart was beating fast as he continued to listen.
"Junhyung-ah, why do you put up the decorations every morning?" The other guy asked, pointing to the balloons and party items stuffed away in a box in the corner of the room.
Junhyung sighed. "I guess... I wanted him to feel like he really had a welcome back party, which we never had the chance to have. And maybe, just maybe..." He bit his lip. "...by mentioning about New York and other things, he would somehow regain his memories back."
Memories? What is he talking about?
"Even the doctors had given up." He looked at the other guy straight in the eyes. "Seungho-hyung, what am I supposed to do?"
The other guy, whose name turned out to be Seungho, placed his hands on Junhyung's shoulders. "What about Doojoon?"
Doojoon...
Junhyung did not look too happy at the mention of the name. "I don't care. He left us a long time ago." He buried his face in one hand. "He made a choice, and that was to abandon us along with the past. To him, we're no more than old trash he already got rid of."
Seungho gave him an sympathetic look. "How's Hyunseung?"
Hyunseung.
Junhyung's replied in a somber tone. "He hasn't awakened yet."
"Oh." Seungho looked down on his lap, as if feeling guilty for asking the question. "I--I'm sorry, I didn't know."
Junhyung let out another sigh. "It's okay, hyung. You did spend a long time in Japan. It's not your fault... I didn't tell you much anyways."
They continued to talk, but he was too distracted to keep listening. That was the first time he had heard of those names Junhyung mentioned, but something in the back of his mind started to slowly build vague, blurry images--images of people he could not yet recognize. His head started spinning, and once again the stranger's face appeared.
There's something about those eyes.
While trying to get the person's face off his mind, he walked ever so quietly to the bedroom so Junhyung would not hear.
Junhyung mentioned about memories... the party... and New York. He closed his eyes, clutching his head as he tried to put all the pieces together. He opened his mouth slightly--no sound came out--and began to feel light-headed and disoriented. Was he referring to me? His eyes widened at the thought, just in time to reach the bedroom. Those unfamiliar names... who are they? Suddenly something hit him.
"It's not possible," he stammered, finally finding his voice. He kept his eyes shut. If what he was thinking right now was true, then everything Junhyung had just said made sense. "No way..." The more he thought about it, the more his head hurt. Unable to bear the pain, he laid himself down on the bed.
I'm suffering from amnesia.
---
He wondered why they went to the hospital ICU unit for the first time.
He watched the color drain from Junhyung's face while reading visitors' names in the guestbook.
"Hyung? Are you OK?"
Without a word, Junhyung continued to stare wide-eyed at a certain name in the book before a nurse brought him back to reality.
"Excuse me, sir, could you please sign under today's date?" she asked politely. "Your name and your friend's too, please."
Junhyung blinked, and replied weakly. "Yes, of course." After he finished writing, he returned the book to the nurse. "I'm sorry, does this person--" he pointed at the name he was focused on before. "--visit often?"
He followed the direction where Junhyung's finger was on and saw the name: YOON DOOJOON.
The nurse saw the name and nodded. "He does, actually. But I noticed that sometimes he just stands outside this room without going in, so he doesn't always need to fill in the guestbook on some days." With that, she left the two boys in the ward.
He stayed silent as he watched Junhyung hold the patient's hand to his chest.
"Hyunseung... hyung." Junhyung tightened his grip. He planted a soft kiss on the patient's forehead. "It's me again."
He felt his heart sting.
Junhyung continued talking to the patient despite knowing he would not get an answer. "This is my 370th visit, so..." the older male said, his knuckles whitened. "...please wake up, I'm begging you." He kneeled next to the bed. The patient only responded with steady machine beeps and sounds of tube drips.
He knew it was not the right time, but he could not help asking. "What happened to him?"
Junhyung's voice was buried in muffled sobs.
---
The sun refused to come out. Dark clouds gathered as little droplets of rain began to fall.
He stood next to Junhyung, holding an umbrella big enough for two.
"Were these people precious to you?" he asked, pointing to three gravestones he saw for the first time.
Junhyung turned to look at him, and smiled sadly. "Yes, they were." He laid flowers on all three burials. "They still are."
He looked at Junhyung sympathetically, as if understanding how he was feeling at the moment. "I hope they're happy now, wherever they are."
Junhyung held up his head, but one could see tears began to form in the corners of his eyes.
"Anyway, wait 'till you guys get home."
Yoseob sat up straight as he looked at Doojoon with interest. "Huh? What is it?"
"Let's just say we planned a little something." Hyunseung, who sat in front, exchanged smiles with Doojoon.
"A party?" Yoseob grinned and did a high-five with Dongwoon who sat next to him.
Behind them, Junhyung hid a smirk. "You'll see." Kikwang looked out of the window and smiled.
"Did you guys get anything for us?" Doojoon asked Yoseob as the light turned green. Yoseob and maknae smiled at each other.
"You'll see."
Yoseob looked at the oldest fondly. He could imagine Doojoon's face once he saw his birthday present from New York. Thinking this, he was too excited that he began to hum and smile to himself, earning a weird look from Dongwoon. Junhyung was busy playing on his phone in the backseat, while Kikwang seemed to be asleep. Hyunseung was listening to his iPod and started making small dance gestures with his hands. It was a normal, everyday moment for them. How they wished the time could stop.
The next thing Yoseob knew, there were screams and a loud crash.
He could hear Doojoon's voice shouting his name over and over again as the car was rammed against the pedestrian fence. He saw a hand reaching out to his.
They had shared a special bond.
That was when Yoseob realized he loved Doojoon.
Then everything went black.