Hey Robyn, I don't want to dump you. I think you are funny, kind, interesting, and seemingly having a terrible time right now.
I was pretty bummed to see your ex's real name in here the other day. I don't know, I felt uncomfortably put in the middle. Enough that I thought about removing you from my friend's list. But I don't want to do that because I like hearing from you and I'm worried about you to. I do wonder if you'd consider not including that kind of detail, but of course its up to you. I see that you've actually deleted or locked that post now - so maybe you had second thoughts about it already.
thank you felix. i actually took them down b/c my ex threatened to call the police.
it is interesting and helpful to me to hear that you were bothered by this. i assumed that only people who knew her would react, but i guess it's just not an ok thing to do. but what do you mean about being put in the middle? do you mean that generally, or that you actually know this person?
I don't know her - never met her - never heard of her. I googled her name after you posted that because I wasn't sure if she was your ex or someone else. And then a subsequent post made clear that she was in fact your ex..
A lot of folks process their relationships here on LJ, me included, sometimes. This doesn't bother me. But seeing her name on there felt like a violation of someone's privacy and I didn't want to participate in that violation. The only context I can imagine feeling OK about reading that would be if she had physically abused you and you were warning others for their safety. Even in that case I think it raises complicated issues.
Honestly I've hesitated to post much about my relationships here, especially after a break up. I just went through one myself with another LJ person, and I don't want to make her feel bad or put our mutual friends in the middle. I'm sharing this with you because you seemed to want to know more about where I'm coming from.
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I was pretty bummed to see your ex's real name in here the other day. I don't know, I felt uncomfortably put in the middle. Enough that I thought about removing you from my friend's list. But I don't want to do that because I like hearing from you and I'm worried about you to. I do wonder if you'd consider not including that kind of detail, but of course its up to you. I see that you've actually deleted or locked that post now - so maybe you had second thoughts about it already.
Thinking about you,
Felix
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it is interesting and helpful to me to hear that you were bothered by this. i assumed that only people who knew her would react, but i guess it's just not an ok thing to do. but what do you mean about being put in the middle? do you mean that generally, or that you actually know this person?
Reply
A lot of folks process their relationships here on LJ, me included, sometimes. This doesn't bother me. But seeing her name on there felt like a violation of someone's privacy and I didn't want to participate in that violation. The only context I can imagine feeling OK about reading that would be if she had physically abused you and you were warning others for their safety. Even in that case I think it raises complicated issues.
Honestly I've hesitated to post much about my relationships here, especially after a break up. I just went through one myself with another LJ person, and I don't want to make her feel bad or put our mutual friends in the middle. I'm sharing this with you because you seemed to want to know more about where I'm coming from.
Take good care,
F
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