(no subject)
Before I came to college I wish I had known:
----
That it didn't matter how late I scheduled my first class, I'd
sleep through it anyway.
That I could change so much and barely realize it.
That you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways.
That college kids throw airplanes too.
That if you wear polyester everyone will ask why you are so dressed
up.
That every clock on campus shows a different time.
That if you were smart in high school, so what?
That I would go to a party the night before a final.
That I could sleep until 12:55 and still make my 1:00 class.
That my best friend is the worst roommate.
That you can know everything and fail a test.
That you can know nothing and ace a test.
That I would never watch the news, and I would be totally out of
touch with the world happenings.
That home is a great place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live
there.
That the more money your parents give you, the less you have every
time you check your account.
That parties get old, and sometimes you just want to kick back and
watch a movie.
That most of my education would be obtained outside of class.
That friendship is more than getting drunk together, but I met most
of my friends through drinking.
That I would be one of those people that my parents warned me
about.
The free food served until 10 is gone at 9:50.
That you could be totally broke, but still have enough to go to a
party.
That I would go home every weekend my Freshman year.
That I would laugh at all the Freshman going home every weekend my
Senior year.
That Sunday is a figment of the world's imagination.
That Psychology is really Biology. That Biology is really
Chemistry, that Chemistry is really Physics and that Physics is
really Math.
That my parents would become so much smarter in the last few years.
That it's possible to be alone even when you are surrounded by
friends.
That friends are what makes this place worthwhile.
----
Top Ten Reasons that College is like Preschool
10. You cry for your mother.
9. You cross the street without looking for cars.
8. Snack time is a necessity.
7. You bundle up for the outdoors without caring what you look like
(because everyone else looks as stupid as you do).
6. You stay at home and play games with your friends.
5. You wear your backpack on both shoulders.
4. You wear big mittens.
3. Playing in the snow is a legitimate activity.
2. You take naps.
1. You look forward to grilled cheese sandwiches.
----
YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN IN COLLEGE TOO LONG WHEN...
* You actually like doing laundry at home
* 4:00 AM is still early on the weekends
* It starts getting late on the weeknights
* Two miles is not too far to walk for a party
* You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it
* You'd rather clean than study
* "Oh no! How did it get so late!" comes out of your mouth at least
once a night
* Half the time you don't wake up in your own bed and it seems
normal
* Minesweeper is more than a game it's a way of life
* You schedule your classes around sleephabits and soaps
* You know the pizza boy by name
* You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark
* You live for getting mail
* Looking out the window is a form of entertainment
* Prank phone calls become funny again
* It feels weird to take a shower without shoes on
* You start thinking and sounding like your roommate (you know you do)
* Blacklights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth
* Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime
* You find out milk crates had so many uses
* Wal-mart is the coolest store
* The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday,(or Wednesday morning
to Tuesday night)
----
20 WAYS TO CONFUSE YOUR ROOMMATE:
1. Sit up. Say, "time to make the donuts." Leave. Do this often.
2. Every five minutes, get up, open the door, peek out, close the
door and look relieved.
3. Every night before you go to bed, beg your roommate for a glass
of water. When he or she brings it to you, dump it on the floor and
immediately go to sleep. If the roommate ever refuses to bring you
a glass of water, lie on the bed and pretend to be dying of
dehydration, making annoying gagging noises until your roommate
obeys.
4. Express an extreme fear of sunlight. Move away from and flinch
at areas of the room that are sunny.
5. Pick up the phone every five minutes and say,"hello." Look
confused and hang up.
6. Unwrap a candy bar. Eat the wrapper and throw the chocolate
away.
7. When listening to the radio, sing a long with different lyrics
and a different tune.
8. Address your roommate by a different name every time you talk to
him or her
9. Constantly drink from an empty glass.
10. Every time you handle something of your roommate's, use a
tissue or gloves.
11. While unlocking your door with the key, complain that the
engine won't start.
12. Name your animal crackers. Mourn for them after you eat them.
13. Insist that your roommate recite the pledge of allegiance with
you every morning.
14. Get a pet rabbit. At a designated time every day, take the
rabbit into the bathroom and engage in loud shouting matches. If
your roommate inquires, refuse to discuss the situation.
15. Keep a hamster as a pet. Buy a blender, and make a milkshake
every day. Then, one day, get rid of the hamster. Make a shake
using a lot of ketchup. When your roommate comes in, look at the
shake, look at the empty hamster cage, and say, "I was curious."
16. Try to make meals using your roommate's electric blanket.
17. Aerate your underwear drawer. Claim that "they" are not getting
enough oxygen.
18. Put black tape over the eyes of the people in your roommate's
pictures. Complain that they were staring at you.
19. Get a surfboard and put it on your bed. Stand on it, and
pretend to surf for about fifteen minutes. Then pretend to "wipe
out" and fall off the bed onto the floor. Pretend you are drowning
until your roommate comes over to "rescue you." Refer to them as
"my hero" from then on.
20. Everytime your roommate falls asleep, wait ten minutes, wake
him or her up and say, "it's time to go to bed now."
----
How to write a college paper -
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lighted place
with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
2. Check your e-mail.
3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you
understand
4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help
you concentrate.
5. Check your e-mail.
6. Stop off at another floor, on the way back and visit with your
friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet
either, you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help
you concentrate. If your friend shows you her paper, typed,
double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-thru
plastic folders, drop her.
7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable
chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly
sharpened pencils.
8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you
understand it.
9. Check your e-mail.
10. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since
fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of
the way so you can concentrate.
11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
12. Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that's it, I mean
it, as soon as it's over you are going to start that paper.
13. Listen to the other side.
14. Check your e-mail.
15. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.
16. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started
writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the
course, the college, the world at large.
17. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted
place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
18. Make yourself a power snack
19. Check your e-mail.
20. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing
something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper due
in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to
Sgt. Preston of the Yukon is truly worthwhile, with these
exceptions: a) Pro Bowlers Tour b) any news report involving the
President
21. Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on Channel 26.
22. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching.
Discuss the finer points of the plot.
23. Check your e-mail.
24. Look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
25. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask
who everyone is.
26. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the
future.
27. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious,
trench coated strangers lurking in the hall.
28. Check your e-mail.
29. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted
place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
30. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of
it.
31. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the
sunrise.
32. Lie face down on the floor and moan.
33. Check your e-mail.
34. Leap up and write the paper.
35. Type the paper, and while you're at it, check your e-mail.
36. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you
had to write that damn paper.
----
TOP 13 DIFFERENCES BETWEEN HIGH SCHOOL AND COLLEGE
1. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.
2. No food is allowed anywhere in high school except during lunch.
In college, food MUST be provided at an event before students will
come.
3. In high school, you carry your book bag on one shoulder. In
college, you carry your book bag on both shoulders.
4. In college, professors can tell you the answer without looking
at the teacher's manual.
5. In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college,
you get to choose them, that is as long as the classes don't
conflict with each other, that you have the prerequisites, that the
classes aren't closed, or already full or not offered this
semester, and you've already paid your tuition.
6. In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration.
In college, the fire drills are planned by drunk fraternity guys
coming home when the bars have finally stopped serving them.(Which
is at 2 am.)
7. In high school, when the teacher said "Good Morning" you mumbled
something back. In college, when the teacher says "Good Morning",
you write that shit down.
8. In college, the weekends start on Wednesday.
9. In college, it's much more difficult to figure out the course
schedule of that man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure
out where he/she will be on campus at a certain time so you can
'accidentally' bump into him/her. Once you've obtained that info,
it's much more time-consuming to run between classes to that place
where you know he/she will be to 'accidentally' bump into them.
10. In high school, you drink Coca Cola. In college you use it to
dilute Crown.
11. In college, when you miss a class, you don't need a slip from
your parents saying you were skipp-... uh, sick that day.
12. In high school, you can't go off campus for lunch, because it
is not allowed, for some of us. In college you can't go off campus
for lunch because you can't afford it, and you don't want to move
your car.
13. In high school, people that drank, were zoned-out, had untidy
clothes or hair and were called losers. In college they're us.
Haha...so true! :)
----
That it didn't matter how late I scheduled my first class, I'd
sleep through it anyway.
That I could change so much and barely realize it.
That you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways.
That college kids throw airplanes too.
That if you wear polyester everyone will ask why you are so dressed
up.
That every clock on campus shows a different time.
That if you were smart in high school, so what?
That I would go to a party the night before a final.
That I could sleep until 12:55 and still make my 1:00 class.
That my best friend is the worst roommate.
That you can know everything and fail a test.
That you can know nothing and ace a test.
That I would never watch the news, and I would be totally out of
touch with the world happenings.
That home is a great place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live
there.
That the more money your parents give you, the less you have every
time you check your account.
That parties get old, and sometimes you just want to kick back and
watch a movie.
That most of my education would be obtained outside of class.
That friendship is more than getting drunk together, but I met most
of my friends through drinking.
That I would be one of those people that my parents warned me
about.
The free food served until 10 is gone at 9:50.
That you could be totally broke, but still have enough to go to a
party.
That I would go home every weekend my Freshman year.
That I would laugh at all the Freshman going home every weekend my
Senior year.
That Sunday is a figment of the world's imagination.
That Psychology is really Biology. That Biology is really
Chemistry, that Chemistry is really Physics and that Physics is
really Math.
That my parents would become so much smarter in the last few years.
That it's possible to be alone even when you are surrounded by
friends.
That friends are what makes this place worthwhile.
----
Top Ten Reasons that College is like Preschool
10. You cry for your mother.
9. You cross the street without looking for cars.
8. Snack time is a necessity.
7. You bundle up for the outdoors without caring what you look like
(because everyone else looks as stupid as you do).
6. You stay at home and play games with your friends.
5. You wear your backpack on both shoulders.
4. You wear big mittens.
3. Playing in the snow is a legitimate activity.
2. You take naps.
1. You look forward to grilled cheese sandwiches.
----
YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN IN COLLEGE TOO LONG WHEN...
* You actually like doing laundry at home
* 4:00 AM is still early on the weekends
* It starts getting late on the weeknights
* Two miles is not too far to walk for a party
* You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it
* You'd rather clean than study
* "Oh no! How did it get so late!" comes out of your mouth at least
once a night
* Half the time you don't wake up in your own bed and it seems
normal
* Minesweeper is more than a game it's a way of life
* You schedule your classes around sleephabits and soaps
* You know the pizza boy by name
* You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark
* You live for getting mail
* Looking out the window is a form of entertainment
* Prank phone calls become funny again
* It feels weird to take a shower without shoes on
* You start thinking and sounding like your roommate (you know you do)
* Blacklights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth
* Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime
* You find out milk crates had so many uses
* Wal-mart is the coolest store
* The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday,(or Wednesday morning
to Tuesday night)
----
20 WAYS TO CONFUSE YOUR ROOMMATE:
1. Sit up. Say, "time to make the donuts." Leave. Do this often.
2. Every five minutes, get up, open the door, peek out, close the
door and look relieved.
3. Every night before you go to bed, beg your roommate for a glass
of water. When he or she brings it to you, dump it on the floor and
immediately go to sleep. If the roommate ever refuses to bring you
a glass of water, lie on the bed and pretend to be dying of
dehydration, making annoying gagging noises until your roommate
obeys.
4. Express an extreme fear of sunlight. Move away from and flinch
at areas of the room that are sunny.
5. Pick up the phone every five minutes and say,"hello." Look
confused and hang up.
6. Unwrap a candy bar. Eat the wrapper and throw the chocolate
away.
7. When listening to the radio, sing a long with different lyrics
and a different tune.
8. Address your roommate by a different name every time you talk to
him or her
9. Constantly drink from an empty glass.
10. Every time you handle something of your roommate's, use a
tissue or gloves.
11. While unlocking your door with the key, complain that the
engine won't start.
12. Name your animal crackers. Mourn for them after you eat them.
13. Insist that your roommate recite the pledge of allegiance with
you every morning.
14. Get a pet rabbit. At a designated time every day, take the
rabbit into the bathroom and engage in loud shouting matches. If
your roommate inquires, refuse to discuss the situation.
15. Keep a hamster as a pet. Buy a blender, and make a milkshake
every day. Then, one day, get rid of the hamster. Make a shake
using a lot of ketchup. When your roommate comes in, look at the
shake, look at the empty hamster cage, and say, "I was curious."
16. Try to make meals using your roommate's electric blanket.
17. Aerate your underwear drawer. Claim that "they" are not getting
enough oxygen.
18. Put black tape over the eyes of the people in your roommate's
pictures. Complain that they were staring at you.
19. Get a surfboard and put it on your bed. Stand on it, and
pretend to surf for about fifteen minutes. Then pretend to "wipe
out" and fall off the bed onto the floor. Pretend you are drowning
until your roommate comes over to "rescue you." Refer to them as
"my hero" from then on.
20. Everytime your roommate falls asleep, wait ten minutes, wake
him or her up and say, "it's time to go to bed now."
----
How to write a college paper -
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lighted place
with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
2. Check your e-mail.
3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you
understand
4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help
you concentrate.
5. Check your e-mail.
6. Stop off at another floor, on the way back and visit with your
friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet
either, you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help
you concentrate. If your friend shows you her paper, typed,
double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-thru
plastic folders, drop her.
7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable
chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly
sharpened pencils.
8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you
understand it.
9. Check your e-mail.
10. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since
fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of
the way so you can concentrate.
11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
12. Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that's it, I mean
it, as soon as it's over you are going to start that paper.
13. Listen to the other side.
14. Check your e-mail.
15. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.
16. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started
writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the
course, the college, the world at large.
17. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted
place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
18. Make yourself a power snack
19. Check your e-mail.
20. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing
something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper due
in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to
Sgt. Preston of the Yukon is truly worthwhile, with these
exceptions: a) Pro Bowlers Tour b) any news report involving the
President
21. Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on Channel 26.
22. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching.
Discuss the finer points of the plot.
23. Check your e-mail.
24. Look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
25. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask
who everyone is.
26. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the
future.
27. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious,
trench coated strangers lurking in the hall.
28. Check your e-mail.
29. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted
place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
30. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of
it.
31. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the
sunrise.
32. Lie face down on the floor and moan.
33. Check your e-mail.
34. Leap up and write the paper.
35. Type the paper, and while you're at it, check your e-mail.
36. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you
had to write that damn paper.
----
TOP 13 DIFFERENCES BETWEEN HIGH SCHOOL AND COLLEGE
1. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.
2. No food is allowed anywhere in high school except during lunch.
In college, food MUST be provided at an event before students will
come.
3. In high school, you carry your book bag on one shoulder. In
college, you carry your book bag on both shoulders.
4. In college, professors can tell you the answer without looking
at the teacher's manual.
5. In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college,
you get to choose them, that is as long as the classes don't
conflict with each other, that you have the prerequisites, that the
classes aren't closed, or already full or not offered this
semester, and you've already paid your tuition.
6. In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration.
In college, the fire drills are planned by drunk fraternity guys
coming home when the bars have finally stopped serving them.(Which
is at 2 am.)
7. In high school, when the teacher said "Good Morning" you mumbled
something back. In college, when the teacher says "Good Morning",
you write that shit down.
8. In college, the weekends start on Wednesday.
9. In college, it's much more difficult to figure out the course
schedule of that man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure
out where he/she will be on campus at a certain time so you can
'accidentally' bump into him/her. Once you've obtained that info,
it's much more time-consuming to run between classes to that place
where you know he/she will be to 'accidentally' bump into them.
10. In high school, you drink Coca Cola. In college you use it to
dilute Crown.
11. In college, when you miss a class, you don't need a slip from
your parents saying you were skipp-... uh, sick that day.
12. In high school, you can't go off campus for lunch, because it
is not allowed, for some of us. In college you can't go off campus
for lunch because you can't afford it, and you don't want to move
your car.
13. In high school, people that drank, were zoned-out, had untidy
clothes or hair and were called losers. In college they're us.
Haha...so true! :)