5 - 1 = 0
today i have received one of the toughest news of my entire life. arashi--my beloved arashi--will be taking an indefinite hiatus by dec 31, 2020. it's honestly tough to comprehend because it's almost two years away but the impending hiatus make me super nervous. their talk about their hiatus started in june 2017, when ohno first talked to the members and expressed his intent to take the time for himself. the members talked it over and they decided that if one person wants to take a break then they all take a break. this was later presented to JE and then finalized mid 2018. and now, the announcement.
to say that i am heartbroken is a huge understatement. being a fan since 2007, it's hard to think of a day without them. i have been in and out of the fandom for the past twelve years. i have listened to arashi music during the lowest and highest moments of my life. i have watched various arashi shows that made me feel a myriad of emotions. i have watched them change from one hairstyle to the next, silently judging their choices but loving them all the same. i have watched every concert that i could, smiled when they smiled and cried when they cried. i have poured over the internet to follow their day-to-day activities, tested my below-elementary-level japanese just keep up and make sure they're happy and okay. i start my day on instagram watching them being silly, profound, childish, mature and anything and everything in between. i end my day watching/downloading their stuff that i need to rewatch (which is practically 90% of the things they're on). my life has been so much richer and brighter because of arashi. i have made such amazing friends because of them, have had such unique experiences because of them. arashi is such an integral part of me that is why this news hit me harder than i can ever expect.
on the one hand, i completely understand where ohno is coming from. it must be tough to be part of such an industry, made even tougher because of the high demand for arashi and everything related to them. i, for one, cannot imagine a life where my every action is scrutinized, my schedule is so full i can barely have time to think, i have to live in a box and sneak around in hats/glasses/facemasks just to get around. ohno needs time for himself, to express himself, to do something with his time that isn't dictated by someone else. i completely understand you ohno. but just because i understand doesn't make me feel less sad over this. it broke my heart just to see ohno having such a hard time to express his feelings and explain why they're deciding to this. it makes me so sad because there is nothing wrong with being a little more selfish and wanting to take care of himself. wanting those things are NOT wrong. ohno-kun, please do not beat yourself up over this. it makes me sad to see how supportive the rest of arashi is. i am touched to see that their bond is so deep that they are fiercely protective of ohno in away that they do not want anyone to cast any part of the blame on him. it was a group decision. if one of them wants to take a break, they'd rather they all take a break than to continue as a 4-member group. because arashi will not be arashi if they are not five. that makes me cry even more because look how far they've come! from the five teenagers shipped off to a yacht in hawaii, to all those moments which further proved that they have a meaningful bond as a group, and now, their solidarity in supporting each other. that was just beautiful and really special. i am so happy these five dorks somehow found their way to each other. they truly bring out the best in each other.
i have to admit it's still hard to take in, even now. but even if it is indefinite, i'm sure that arashi will be arashi, hiatus or no hiatus. whatever direction they're going, i trust in them and forever support them. they've brought me from a really bad and dark place into the bright world of rainbows (and everything dorky and gay) and honestly, i do not doubt that from hereon, it will only get better. i hope that they take the time to really figure out what makes them happy, that they enjoy everyday and that finally experience the freedom they deserve.
5 - 1 = 0
that is the one thing to take from this. arashi will always be five, and that five will always be arashi.
please be happy. i will miss you, but i wish all of you happiness. i am forever hopeful that i will get to see you once again as arashi. once a fan, always a fan.
thank you from the bottom of my heart