[Fic] Of Stolen Memories and Broken Hearts
Title: Of Stolen Memories and Broken Hearts
Author: queen_kat-tun
Pairing: Akame
Genre: Angst-ish
Rating: R-ish
Disclaimer: If those JE boys answer to me, I would have made an adult video of my favorite OTPs.
Summary: Akanishi and Kamenashi. They were only characters in a fairytale, in the mind of a delusional fangirl, in a written fanfiction. And that's all they will ever be, the once existing love between them meant to be forgotten.
A/N: I’ve decided to give writing angst a little practice since I’ve put my angst bunnies in a state of coma for quite a long while now…although I must admit, this is not the usual angst I’m used to but hey, I’m satisfied with it. :) Lisa, jordensmom , I miss you. How are you these days?
* * *
His eyes were glassy and empty, devoid of any emotions, as he watched the show featuring Akanishi Jin and his songs.
Kazuya was happy for him. He actually was, even if he refused to utter his word of support in public. Kazuya didn't have to say it out loud since he knew that Akanishi knew that he supports him.
It was awkward and unnerving how they just understood each other with few little words. But it worked. It did the trick. It saved them from unnecessary talks.
The smile Akanishi showed off during the interview was genuine. Kazuya knew he was happy and satisfied and fulfilled. It has always been Akanishi's dream to sing his own songs and share them to the world.
Akanishi Jin the dreamer. That was what Kazuya used to tease the other.
The initial anger had already died and Kazuya understood. He was never the clingy type anyway.
But that doesn't mean he doesn't feel bitter about what had happened. In a way, he still was. Still is.
Kazuya refused to comment about the issues since he doesn't want to do more damage to his seemingly never healing wounds and mark a certain someone with emotional scars. That certain someone being Akanishi Jin.
Life just doesn't work with the formula of bitterness and hatred equal revenge multiplied by the number of times a person was hurt by another. No, life just doesn't work that way. Never will.
Although he must admit, Kazuya never really read the reviews about Akanishi's concerts. It was not because of feelings of hatred and whatnots, it was because he knew that the man would deliver great shows and would do everything to satisfy the fans. It was in Akanishi's nature. Also, he was confident that Akanishi would succeed.
Kazuya brought a hand to his neck and traced the piece of jewelry that served as the chain's pendant. It was circular in shape and was made of precious metal.
It was a remembrance of stolen memories he had held precious in his heart. Stolen memories that already belonged in the past.
* * *
Jin loved how fans in a foreign land welcomed him warmly. It was an exhilarating experience to have danced and sang in front of those thousandths of screaming fans.
It was something Jin would like to keep in mind.
A sigh escaped his lips then as he pushed open the door to his bedroom. He walked straight towards his bedside table and pulled open the drawer that held the things that were important to him. He sat on the edge of his bed and a smile crossed his face as he flipped through a photobook that bore each and every face of the group he was once a part of.
Jin adored them. The guys were awesome even if Taguchi pulled jokes that aren't funny at all. He missed Koki and Nakamaru's skits and Tat-chan's deadly glares.
Jin remembered the years when they were all just curious, happy-go-lucky teenagers. Those years were fun and filled with memories of tears and laughter, of games and skits, of love and friendship.
No, Jin wouldn't say bad things about them because they kept him sane when the entire world was against him.
Jin flipped the page and was met by Kamenashi's smiling face. His heart clenched at the mere sight of the younger male's face. He missed Kazu-chan's smiles, his pouts and adorable squeaks and frowns.
Jin misses that embarrassed teen who had recited his haiku during a Hadaka no Shounen show.
And that night, Jin slept in peace with the photobook lying on his chest. When he woke up the following day, Kazu-chan's smiling face greeted him a good morning.
* * *
"Is it true?" the question was barely audible.
The other man turned his gaze outside the window. "Yeah."
"You're leaving just like that?"
"It's my dream." the other answered. "It was my dream to make it worldwide."
"Worldwide? Without KAT-TUN?"
"You don't really think that, do you?" the man asked, calm. "Even if I wanted to, you know that they wouldn't allow all of us."
He understood. Their agency isn't exactly fond of taking big risks and spending loads of money. He took a deep breath and asked, "Then what about us?"
The other took in a deep breath, allowed the nicotine from his cigarette to enter his system. The man exhaled afterwards and answered, "I'll be far away."
He knew what it meant but of course. Maybe it was better that way. Both of them weren't in good terms with long distance relationships anyway. It just doesn't work. Long-distance, homosexual relationships were bound to fail. It just won't work no matter how hard they try.
"I won't wait for you." he whispered and gazed at the vast expanse of the night sky outside his window.
"That's what I told you." The other answered. "I may not come back."
Kazuya knew what Jin actually meant. They will never be the same again.
The smell of burning cigarettes was heavy inside the room. When they both crushed their nicotine sticks on the flat surface of an ashtray, they kissed.
It was bittersweet. Just like the cigarette.
And that was the last time their lips met.
A few weeks have passed before Akanishi finally left his country to try his luck in some foreign land. Leaving the group and his friends.
Even his heart.
Kazuya looked up to the sky the day Akanishi left and with each passing aircraft, tears welled up on his eyes.
It was over. They were over. Everything was over.
Even his life.
* * *
"How are you?"
"I'm fine." he answered. "Anything new?"
"None."
"Oh."
"You want to know about how he's doing?"
"No." his voice was firm. "You know, the girls here are pretty." he tried to change the subject.
"Prettier than him?"
"Why do you insist we talk about him? Do you have a thing for him?" and Jin knew he came off irritated.
"No." the answer sounded genuine. "But there's nothing wrong if I'll try my luck on mending a broken heart."
"Fuck you." Jin hissed, silently seething.
"Well, you should have known better than to leave, asshole."
The beeping sound that rang in his ear made Jin realize that his best friend had ended the phone call.
Fuck. Overseas phone calls don't come cheap.
* * *
Kazuya smiled slightly as he watched the on-going show on his television. Again, there was Akanishi talking about his songs.
Last night, Kazuya had managed to check on some reports about Akanishi's shows. They were all positive.
Oh, he was very happy for him that he even shed tears. Only, he was too late to realize that he had been crying for an entirely different reason.
I miss you.
With every word Akanishi uttered, Kazuya felt his heart shattering into multiple pieces.
Pieces that are too little that one would have a difficult time gluing the broken fragments back together.
I need you.
* * *
Jin smiled slightly as he watched the making of KAT-TUN's new PV.
Like always, the guys smiled and fooled around as the camera rolled. Taguchi was being the eternal KY, Koki and Nakamaru pulled off a skit and Tat-chan just talked about how cool their costumes were.
Jin found himself getting antsy as he waited for few more minutes to see a certain someone.
And there he was. The certain someone still looked the same; eyes made smoky with heavy, black liners, crooked nose and pink, pouty lips.
Jin's eyes remained glued on the screen of his laptop as he clicked on the pause button.
Half-heartedly, he traced the lines of the younger man's face. On the screen, Kazu-chan was smiling but his eyes screamed of loneliness and heart ache. Jin clicked on the play button and he heard the man talk before he laughed.
It was hollow and empty. Fake.
"I love you." the words came out in the form of a whisper.
* * *
"I hope you are able to bear the cold weather." he chuckled slightly.
Jin smiled a little. "It's still tolerable." he answered. "Besides, I don't stay out too much. The shows are tiring enough and I don't have much time to go clubbing. Rehearsals."
Kazuya sat up on his bed, his mobile next to his left ear, held by his left hand. "So...are you having fun?"
"Very much." Jin replied, sincere with his words. "I have a sense of fulfillment and I feel like I'm living the life I'm supposed to live. Don't you want to try going solo? For a change?"
Kazuya smiled a bit. "No."
"Why is that?" Jin wanted to know.
There was a pregnant pause before Kazuya found his voice.
"Because I promised the guys that I will protect all of them."
Jin couldn't find anything to say. He knew it wasn't directed at him since that was a normal thing for the younger male to say. Kamenashi had always been the sensitive member of their group, always looking out for their welfare.
"Ne, Kamenashi,"
"Hmm?"
"I have made my decision."
"You're not coming back, are you, Akanishi?"
"Don't wait for me." were the words that escaped Jin's lips.
Kazuya did his best to stop a sob from slipping past his lips when he heard those words. The words were nothing new but it still sent painful stabs to his heart. He wanted to stop feeling so weak and vulnerable but what could a man, head over heels in love, do?
A muffled sob came from the other line and Jin wanted to rush back to the younger male's side and hold Kazu-chan in his arms.
Instead, he asked, "Hey, are you...crying?" and Jin felt his heart break.
"Sometimes, I am the one who needs protection." Kazuya answered but was determined not to hold Jin back. Jin deserved to live the life he wanted. T-TUN deserved to move on and he, Kazuya, deserved to live, move on and love again. They all worked hard for it, even to the point of breaking a few of heartfelt promises.
The sound of a clock ticking was loud to Jin's ears as it accompanied the beeping sound which indicated that the phone call was cut off.
"I'm sorry..." Jin whispered softly as he wiped the moisture that had formed in his eyes.
Men don't cry but having broken the heart of the person you love, along with yours, is one exception to allow the tears to fall.
* * *
"Baka! Why didn't you say you're coming back?"
Jin just tugged on his friend's sleeve and led both of them to the airport's parking lot. "Don't you realize that I already told you and that's why you're here?"
"Trying to be a smart ass, aren't you?"
"Ugh! Get inside and drive us off!" Jin snarled at his friend.
"Okay, Okay!" the shorter of the two answered. "You don't have to be Mr. Grinch, you know."
Jin planted himself on the passenger seat and wished for everything to be alright again.
He realized he was wrong. So fucking wrong and he wanted, rather needed, Kazuya to wait for him instead.
* * *
Kazuya was busy counting the steps of the jimusho's staircase while T-TUN were busy chatting and laughing as they go down.
10, 11, 12...24, 25, 26...
"Akanishi!"
"JIN!!!"
"Bakanishi!"
"Baka Jin!"
Kazuya immediately looked up, searched the place and saw the man who had kept his mind occupied during days and nights for months now.
When their eyes met, Kazuya opted to give the man a small smile and he proceeded to count the steps again, passed by the group of men, careful not to brush any part of his body on Akanishi's.
It was a wonder to him how Akanishi could break his heart with just the man's mere presence alone.
Jin could only stare at the disappearing figure that was Kamenashi.
He knew he had hurt the younger male. Too much. So fucking much that he himself ached and he felt as if he was made of some crystal glass and falling. He was unfortunate because no one dared to catch him to prevent the fall and finally, he shattered into little shards.
* * *
The gentle taps on his door made Kazuya get up from his seat.
"Kamenashi,"
"Akanishi."
Kazuya opened his door wide and allowed his guest to come in. Jin opened two cans of beer when he and Kazuya were finally settled on their seats.
"Everything okay?"
"You don't hear me complaining and whining, do you?" Kazuya answered and drank another mouthful of the bitter malt.
"If you say so..."
After six cans of beer and a bottle of vodka they found stored inside Kazuya's freezer, both men closed their distance, stared at each other for a short while before Jin's lips closed in on Kazuya's.
It had been so long since he'd tasted something so sweet, forbidden and addictive.
Their tongues danced against one another's, lips never wanting to separate. Their hands, once limp, have managed to feel each other's heated skin. Their touches burned and yet they couldn't stop.
It didn't take long for them to shed their clothes and once naked, Jin hovered above Kazuya and lost themselves in another heated kiss.
They spent several minutes to allow Kazuya some time to be ready and when the younger male finally was, Jin kissed Kazuya to drown the sounds the younger male made as Jin slid inside his lover, buried himself to the hilt and groaned in satisfaction as the tight heat engulfed his whole being. The warmth even reached his heart and breathing was easy once again.
And as sweat trickled down their bodies, they waited in silence and when Kazuya moved his hips, Jin led the younger in a rhythmic dance, their music being their erratic heartbeats, of skin against skin and moans of pleasure and satisfaction.
With their needs constantly increasing, both moved in perfect sync until a curtain of white blinded them both and their names slipped past each other's lips as their sweet release finally came.
It was then that Jin realized that absence really makes the heart grow fonder and that he and Kazuya were perfect for each other. Perfect as they could ever be.
Maybe, letting go was unnecessary.
* * *
When Jin woke up the following day, it was with a smile.
Maybe, he and Kazuya could work things out. Maybe, long distance relationships aren't that bad after all and maybe, just maybe, everything would be the same again.
All of his presumptions were proven wrong because when Kazuya came back from work that day, the younger male was with his best friend.
They were laughing and unusually happy and something glimmered on each of their hands.
Jin felt himself breaking when he realized what it meant. What happened last night was nothing. It was just the alcohol talking. And he silently wondered how a broken person can still get more broken that he already was.
"Akanishi..."
"I have to go." Jin knew his voice shook. He couldn't bear the thought of Kazuya no longer his.
But who was to blame? There was actually no one except himself. He left without really weighing the consequences of his actions. Besides, it was him who told Kazuya to not wait for him. It was his fault.
Before he left, Jin was sure that Kazuya saw the tears that had rolled down his cheeks.
It was hard to prevent himself from breaking down. He actually didn't want to. He was sure, Kazuya experienced the same.
When his front door finally closed, Kazuya sighed and sat on his couch where he found Akanishi. He reached for the pillow that bore their scent and had witnessed them making love last night.
"Thank you." he uttered, feeling weak in all of a sudden as he breathed in the pillow's scent, curled his fingers on its edges.
Yamashita just nodded, removed the ring that adorned his pinky a while earlier and handed it back to the younger male who looked so lost. The ring belonged to the man who had just left. That man being his baka of a friend.
"Anything for you, Kame-chan." he said. "Is this the end of our show?"
"Yes..." and Kazuya finally cried, no longer cared if there was someone to witness him feeling so fucking low and depressed. "I just gave him what he wanted..."
Akanishi and Kamenashi. They were only characters in a fairytale, in the mind of a delusional fangirl, in a written fanfiction.
And that's all they will ever be, the once existing love between them meant to be forgotten.
* * *
A/N: Estoy muy cansada. Personalmente, no lo creo. Off topic though, ¿Recuerdas aquellos dias? I want those peaceful chibi days back…mou~
Akanishi: Ven conmigo.
Kamenashi: Vendré contigo.
I miss Akame so freaking much~ Oh, and ignore my blahs ^.~ sorry, haha! XD