(no subject)
How does one go about finding happiness again? Granted, I was never looking for it in the first place and I had been content with my life prior to coming to Budehuc so when I was suddenly blessed with a wonderful husband and two ... beautiful children, I couldn't help but feel more happy than I have been in a very long time.
So when they ... were taken away from me, how else am I to feel but completely empty? My happiness is gone and it seems that nothing can fill that void. Not my friends and not even ... Nash, no matter how hard they try. I am eternally grateful for everything they have done for me but I ...
Damn it all! I shouldn't feel this way, after all they have done for me. They do mean the world to me but I ... I lack ... I've lost a part of myself when Graham vanished and another part of myself when my babies .... when my precious children died. And where the hell am I to get those pieces back? They're forever gone and I can never retrieve them. Am I never going to be whole again?
Gods forbid. I want to live. I want to be there for those who are always there for me.
I know I just need more time. I have already dealt with the loss of my birth family, my homeland, and my identity long ago. I have healed from the pain that each loss brought and I will heal from this as well. All I need is time.
... Gods, give me strength. I need it.