(no subject)
So I said good-bye to my parents again, today. It's hard for me to believe this place was once some great estate. But it was, once upon a time. Before Harmonia came along. Sometimes I wonder what Sanadia would have been like if Harmonia never invaded. It seems like it was once a simple but beautiful country. I would have grown up at home with my family and would have probably been pampered and spoiled by the household, leading a pretty cushioned life. Would I have grown up to be yet another spoiled, noble brat? Who knows. I guess I'm thankful I never did.
If Harmonia never invaded, I would never have been a part of the 12th. Nor would I have ever visited Budehuc. Or met Graham. Or had Ivan and Elyssa. Or became close with Nash. Am I thankful that those bastards took my homeland from me then? Gods, no. I am thankful, however, for getting to know the people in my life. I could not trade those years of experience and getting to know everyone for the world.
I suppose I've put my history behind me. I could never be a Sanadian aristocrat, even if Sanadia were to be restored to independence. And being raised as a third class Harmonian citizen? I've pretty much put that behind me. They couldn't indoctrinate me anyways so I don't really care anymore.
What I do miss is the camaraderie that I had with the 12th. Sure, Ace got on my nerves, but he was like that annoying little brother, aside from the fact that he's actually older than me. Geddoe ... I would have followed him to the ends of the earth. He's quiet and aloof most of the time but that gives him that mysterious yet macho aura about him. He doesn't take bullshit from anyone. Gods, especially Duke and those bozos on the 14th. Joker was great to talk to and share a drink with, except those times when he was bickering with Ace. Then I couldn't stand either of them. And Jacques was even quieter than Geddoe and had a bizarre tendency to disappear but I suppose that was because he isn't a sociable person to begin with.
And then the war. Aila began tagging along and while she was way too eager initially, she grew on me. And it was the six of us for awhile before we all went our separate ways.
I do miss them all. They were the family I had and needed when I lacked for my blood relatives. I suppose we'll never be together as we were again and the thought makes me sad.
I suppose that I will be able to eventually put them behind me as well. But for now, I continue to mourn their loss while I still grieve the loss of my husband and children. One day I'll be able to put them all behind me. But that day is still far away.
If Harmonia never invaded, I would never have been a part of the 12th. Nor would I have ever visited Budehuc. Or met Graham. Or had Ivan and Elyssa. Or became close with Nash. Am I thankful that those bastards took my homeland from me then? Gods, no. I am thankful, however, for getting to know the people in my life. I could not trade those years of experience and getting to know everyone for the world.
I suppose I've put my history behind me. I could never be a Sanadian aristocrat, even if Sanadia were to be restored to independence. And being raised as a third class Harmonian citizen? I've pretty much put that behind me. They couldn't indoctrinate me anyways so I don't really care anymore.
What I do miss is the camaraderie that I had with the 12th. Sure, Ace got on my nerves, but he was like that annoying little brother, aside from the fact that he's actually older than me. Geddoe ... I would have followed him to the ends of the earth. He's quiet and aloof most of the time but that gives him that mysterious yet macho aura about him. He doesn't take bullshit from anyone. Gods, especially Duke and those bozos on the 14th. Joker was great to talk to and share a drink with, except those times when he was bickering with Ace. Then I couldn't stand either of them. And Jacques was even quieter than Geddoe and had a bizarre tendency to disappear but I suppose that was because he isn't a sociable person to begin with.
And then the war. Aila began tagging along and while she was way too eager initially, she grew on me. And it was the six of us for awhile before we all went our separate ways.
I do miss them all. They were the family I had and needed when I lacked for my blood relatives. I suppose we'll never be together as we were again and the thought makes me sad.
I suppose that I will be able to eventually put them behind me as well. But for now, I continue to mourn their loss while I still grieve the loss of my husband and children. One day I'll be able to put them all behind me. But that day is still far away.