the time keeps piling up
and so do the things...
so one night
i am walking home
eating
my very favorite middleofthenightshwarma
and i am about a block away from my house
when a voice nearly sends me 10 feet into the air--
b'tayavon! (bon appetite)
see the thing is
when it's about 3 or 4 am
especially in my neighborhood
you expect to be alone.
and i usually am.
so okay
i continue down the block
when this dude comes back around the corner
and i SWEAR
says, "you want to mek de sex?"
clearly
i burst out laughing
and responded, "nir'ah lichah?" (ya think?)
he was all, "why note?"
so i kept laughing
and he went away
and order and aloneness was restored
to the silent rehavia neighborhood...
we are hated
by our building neighbors
and
according to them
the whoooole street knows about our whoring, cheap ways.
whybecause?
oh yes.
they talk about us
and tell us about it with pride.
why, deb, you say,
whoring ways?
i thought you were pretty broke over there
is there something you've been leaving out!?!??
but no.
we are not whoring.
nor
ought we to live somewhere else
nor
do we make noise like cheap people
or people in a cheap hotel
nor
do we do anything else we are accused of
to our faces or otherwise.
what is our sin, you may ask?
being young.
our building
consists of no one under 70...except us.
and admittedly
we certainly shake it up.
but a. if i cannot have a shabbat or yom tov meal
in my home
in JERUSALEM
then where the hell can i have it?
b. how much verbal abuse can anyone take
before they end up being rude to an old person?
the woman directly below us
is 93 years old
and calls constantly at 3 am
on shabbat
complaining about noise...
when we are asleep.
(and here's the comedy-- she actually does call the police to come,
which i have invited her to do many a time--
and because they all lock the bottom door at 10 pm
she is always "too old and frail" to open the door for them.)
so one of the roommates and her boyfriend
after a particularly vitriolic tirade from witchy mc'old that actually made me cry
convinced me to go to the police
to launch a counter complaint.
this goes completely against everything i know and love.
1- old people.
you respect them and charm them and they love you and give you cake and tea.
2- old people.
you do not talk back or sass them cause they are, you know, old.
3- neighbors.
you don't go to the police about your neighbors
unless they're doing domestic fighting and stabbing
like over at the willow tower
in the cambridge days of yore.
but she really made me so angry that day
that i left her apartment
so as not to do her any physical harm
(there is only so much insulting i can take
and if you freaking start to defame
what i consider to be my good jewish character
you best be watching out)
...and so they convinced me to go to the police.
so we did.
where i felt like a fool
because obviously
what could they say?
turns out
what they said was to poison her with laxatives.
oh yes, people.
"treat her like any lady.
give her flowers.
chocolates.
and lace 'em with laxatives.
no, really."
uhhhh
thanks policeguy steinjew.
so very helpful.
heh.
but at least i started to laugh.
so one night
i am walking home
eating
my very favorite middleofthenightshwarma
and i am about a block away from my house
when a voice nearly sends me 10 feet into the air--
b'tayavon! (bon appetite)
see the thing is
when it's about 3 or 4 am
especially in my neighborhood
you expect to be alone.
and i usually am.
so okay
i continue down the block
when this dude comes back around the corner
and i SWEAR
says, "you want to mek de sex?"
clearly
i burst out laughing
and responded, "nir'ah lichah?" (ya think?)
he was all, "why note?"
so i kept laughing
and he went away
and order and aloneness was restored
to the silent rehavia neighborhood...
we are hated
by our building neighbors
and
according to them
the whoooole street knows about our whoring, cheap ways.
whybecause?
oh yes.
they talk about us
and tell us about it with pride.
why, deb, you say,
whoring ways?
i thought you were pretty broke over there
is there something you've been leaving out!?!??
but no.
we are not whoring.
nor
ought we to live somewhere else
nor
do we make noise like cheap people
or people in a cheap hotel
nor
do we do anything else we are accused of
to our faces or otherwise.
what is our sin, you may ask?
being young.
our building
consists of no one under 70...except us.
and admittedly
we certainly shake it up.
but a. if i cannot have a shabbat or yom tov meal
in my home
in JERUSALEM
then where the hell can i have it?
b. how much verbal abuse can anyone take
before they end up being rude to an old person?
the woman directly below us
is 93 years old
and calls constantly at 3 am
on shabbat
complaining about noise...
when we are asleep.
(and here's the comedy-- she actually does call the police to come,
which i have invited her to do many a time--
and because they all lock the bottom door at 10 pm
she is always "too old and frail" to open the door for them.)
so one of the roommates and her boyfriend
after a particularly vitriolic tirade from witchy mc'old that actually made me cry
convinced me to go to the police
to launch a counter complaint.
this goes completely against everything i know and love.
1- old people.
you respect them and charm them and they love you and give you cake and tea.
2- old people.
you do not talk back or sass them cause they are, you know, old.
3- neighbors.
you don't go to the police about your neighbors
unless they're doing domestic fighting and stabbing
like over at the willow tower
in the cambridge days of yore.
but she really made me so angry that day
that i left her apartment
so as not to do her any physical harm
(there is only so much insulting i can take
and if you freaking start to defame
what i consider to be my good jewish character
you best be watching out)
...and so they convinced me to go to the police.
so we did.
where i felt like a fool
because obviously
what could they say?
turns out
what they said was to poison her with laxatives.
oh yes, people.
"treat her like any lady.
give her flowers.
chocolates.
and lace 'em with laxatives.
no, really."
uhhhh
thanks policeguy steinjew.
so very helpful.
heh.
but at least i started to laugh.