Reality

[queenjade]

I don't post in here anymore because I feel like a giant pile of crap. There's nothing to say. I work, I go home, I sleep. I work, I go home, I sleep. And I have no idea why I even bother to do that. And there is nothing I look forward to or hate more than having a day off

Comments

[piper_nixon]

Well... I promise I wont let anyone put you in a landfill and while I have family (which I know is very valuable)I have all the problems you do(which we've discussed) PLUS...

I have HORRIBLE credit, a horrible paying job, and TONS of personal drama. My bank account barely stays open, I keep getting fatter despite diet and working out, my car is a total piece of shite... AND if I dont find a roommate soon I will be homeless! Life couldn't be WORSE right now. I've really DONT HAVE going on' and on top of it all - I am also completely disconnected. Empty. Lost.

My advice.... take your vacation in march - get the F outta here and go somewhere fun. Just do it... do it for you, you deserve it

[queenjade]

Exactly, and love does not = a solitary 'fun' vacation.

I would rather stay here in Cleveland with someone special than climb the eiffel tower, go surfing in Hawaii, or take a slow boat in China. That's the point.

No, I don't dwell on it. I don't think about it until it is my day off and I'm running around looking for something to scrub or burn my retina's out on monitors and television.

I simply have no gumption to do anything because I am disconnected. You can make a million suggestions on what I should do but it is human nature to want to share doing things with others. After years of ignoring this and making the most of what you have (which I have done) it starts to wear one down.

I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow. I'll probably feel better until my next day off.

[zoethe]

I hope you're feeling better than you were the day you wrote this. Honestly, I admire women like you who are strong enough not to settle for crappy relationships, just so they don't have to be alone. I feel fortunate to have hammered out a really good relationship with Ferrett at this point, but there was a time when I was staying in this - and in my former marriage - more out of fear of loneliness. It took getting past that and being ready to strike out for the balance of power to shift to where we could really make things work.

So someone who is making it solo gets tremendous props from me. Rock on with your strong self. Even in relationships there are lonely, isolated, frustrating times.