One Day At A Time
“What the hell was that!” Kevin shouted at Joe who was now pacing back and forth on the hotel floor. “Well?”
“I don't know.” Joe muttered.
“No you do know Joe!” Kevin said back. “You've been acting weird ever since...”
“Ever since we found out our baby brother was gay!” Joe shouted back.
“So that's what this is?” Kevin sighed.
“No.”
“What is it then Joe?” Kevin asked softly. “You can tell me.”
“I don't know what there is to tell.” Joe groaned and threw himself onto one of the beds.
“Well lets start with how you feel.”
“Kev what are you a fucking shrink?” Kevin wondered when his brother started swearing so casually, he didn't like it and he knew his brother would get into a lot of trouble if their parents caught him.
“No, I'm your big brother and I'm worried.” Kevin replied honestly and Joe couldn't escape from the bluntness of those words.
“I feel betrayed.” Joe sighed.
“What why?”
“Nick shouldn't be with him.” Joe spat the word him like a bad disease.
“Joe...I'm confused.” Kevin said chewing his lip.
“Gareth just isn't right for our baby brother,” Joe said.
“Even if he isn't, it's not our decision. Nick has to make up his mind on who to be with Joe, and Gareth he's a good kid.”
“How can you say that?” Joe shouted.
“He makes Nick happy.”
“They had...”
“We don't know that, Joe. Nick says they didn't.”
“Whatever.”
-x-
Nick wasn't too sure how long he had cried for, his body was still shaking from crying but his tears had dried up. He was angry. Hurt, upset, angry again, all these emotions were aimed at Joe, the one person in his world who had never made him feel any of those things. It was refreshing, but it hurt more. How could Joe make him cry like that? Joe was the one who made his stomach ache, he was the one who always made him smile no matter the situation.
There was a light knock on the door and Nick wondered if it was Joe; deep down he hoped it was Joe. So they could scream and shout, but just so Nick could see him. That hair, those eyes, them lips... Nick answered the door a little hopefully only to be let down when he saw Kevin standing there.
“Don't cry Nicky,” Kevin said gently. It was easy to be mad at him. He didn't have to question it, to Nick Kevin was just his brother. A brother who could tease him, taunt him, laugh at him, joke with him, a brother he could be angry at unlike Joe.
“What do you want?” Nick snapped. If Kevin didn't want to feel the force then he shouldn't have stepped into the lions den.
“To make sure you're okay.” Kevin answered simply.
“Like you fucking care.” Nick groaned. Kevin sighed; once this drama was over he was going to have to talk to Joe and Nick about cursing. It wouldn't be good if Frankie was to hear.
“Of course I care, Nick.” Kevin said softly in that Kevin way that Nick often awed but now he hated it. Why couldn't Kevin be angry at him for having a boyfriend? He needed someone other than Joe to be angry at him.
“Why do you?” Nick felt his body break down before it happened. Not knowing how but he had ended up on the floor being cradled in Kevin's arms. His big brother rocking him slightly back and forth.
“I care because you're my little brother and you wouldn't hurt anyone.” Nick seemed to calm down, he guessed the rocking helped. He leant on Kevin's shoulder.
“Do you and Joe hate me for being gay, Kev?” Nick asked in such a tiny voice that Kevin felt his heart bleed.
“No of course not!” Kevin stated. “I could never hate you.”
“And Joe?”
“Joe doesn't mind that you're gay,” Kevin edged.
“Then why is he so angry at me, Kev?” Because that, Nick realised is why he hurt so much. Joe was angry at him.
“He's just worried.”
“I didn't do anything.” Nick whispered. “With Gareth. We didn't... I'm still a...”
“I know, Nicky, I know.”
“You do?” Nick asked.
“Yeah, Nicky. I know.”
-x-
Joe was fuming. He couldn't explain anything he was feeling. He knew betrayed summed up most of his emotions but he wasn't sure who had betrayed who. Had he betrayed Nick by not trusting him? Had Nick betrayed Joe by being gay? No. Nick being gay didn't bother Joe, he knew that but that only added to his confusion. Had Nick betrayed Joe by dating someone else? Yes, Joe knew that was why he felt betrayed but what did that mean? He had no idea.
He walked down the stairs ignoring the people he bumped into by walking on the wrong side, he wasn't sure where his feet were taking him until he was in the food court of the hotel and at Gareth and Dougie's table.
“Is everything okay?” Dougie asked.
“Yeah, Doug. Erm... would you mind if I spoke to Gareth for a minute?”
“Erm, yeah sure. I'll be upstairs.”
“Thanks,” Joe smiled and sat in Dougie's chair opposite Gareth. “We need to talk.”
“Okay...”
“You're not good enough for my brother.” Joe said bluntly.
“Isn't that up to Nick to decide?” Gareth asked.
“Yes. But he wont.” Joe ran a finger through his hair. Where the fuck was this going? “Look, you're a nice enough lad. But is this what you want? To be tied down to some one famous? Some one you'll never see? Are you going to put Nick through that?”
“First of all, Nick came on to me.” That surprised Joe. In his head it had always been Gareth to corrupt his brother, that could only mean that Nick had feelings for other boys before he met Gareth right? Why would he want to kiss a stranger he met on the street? None of this made sense and he was getting a bad headache.
“Nick... he's in love with Dougie.” Joe had no idea where it came from, but it was out there now.
“He's what?” Joe hated to listen to the pain in the boys voice. He really didn't deserve this.
“I'm sorry.” Joe sighed. “Just... I don't think you should go through any of this. It's going to be hard, and you're young. Do you really want to be in a one sided relationship with a boy who wont be able to come out?”
“I guess not.” Gareth mumbled.
“I'm sorry. But look... you can have the upper hand... you could suggest to break it off with him?”
“I...yeah...”
“I'm so sorry.” Joe patted the boy on the shoulder. “Please don't say I said anything?”
“I wont.” Gareth smiled slightly. “Thanks for telling me. I really thought he liked me.”
“I'm sorry.” Joe said. “So... you going to be okay?”
“Yeah... we're leaving soon any way. So I'll do it before I go.” Joe nodded and then walked off. Now he felt as though he had betrayed everyone. Nick, Gareth, Kevin, Dougie...but mainly Nick and he knew if his brother ever found out he would never forgive him for this.